He opened the door. Penelope stood there.
“I beg your pardon,” Penny said. “Angeline, will you come with me to the drawing room?”
“Yes, of course,” Angeline said. “I just needed to tell Colin something I remembered about Sommerall.”
Penny regarded him with a slight frown. “Come, Sister. Mama will worry if you are gone too long.”
“Angeline,” Penny said as they walked through the great hall. “Mama sent me to find you when you did not immediately return to the drawing room.”
“Mama is overly finicky.” She wished her mother would not hover.
“You were expected to attend. Everyone noticed you were gone.”
“I had every intention of returning to the drawing room.” Where else could she go when the grounds were soaked and muddy?
“You will be cautious, will you not?”
Penny’s question made her heart race. “About what, dearest?”
“You should not have gone to the billiard room.”
Relief filled her. “Oh, you worry for nothing.”
“You are spending a great deal of time with him.”
“I have been helping him at Sommerall,” Angeline said. “There’s nothing to be concerned about. It is only Colin.”
Penny halted. “Why did you close the door?”
The question caught her unaware. “I only meant to tell him something, and I was on the verge of leaving when you came.” It was all true, but not nearly as innocent as she’d made it sound.
“Please be careful,” Penny said.
“Yes, I do not wish to inadvertently give the wrong impression,” she said. Her stomach felt a little queasy. She’d had to tell him there were no consequences. It would have been cruel to make him wait.
“I do not want you to ever have to leave again,” Penny said.
Her sweet sister’s words stung her heart. “I didn’t want to leave you, but Mama insisted I must be presented in Paris.”
“I know something bad happened,” Penny whispered. “Papa shut himself in his study. Mama’s friends no longer called. Lord Brentmoor went away.”
Chill bumps erupted on Angeline’s arms. Penny knew. “It is all over.”
“You must be careful,” Penny said. “Ladies must always guard their reputations.”
Angeline inhaled on a shaky breath. “That is wise advice, Penny, but Colin is a friend of our family. You need not be concerned.” She had only wanted to reassure him. It never would have been necessary if she had not abandoned herself to him. Tonight, however, they would announce their engagement. It was beyond anything she had ever imagined.
Of course, she’d wanted a kiss from Colin and words of reassurance. He’d been obviously relieved. She ought to be as well, but at the moment, she was tired and out of sorts.
“Penny, my head is aching. Will you please make my excuses to Mama and Margaret?”
“I hope you are not ill,” Penny said.
“No, it is only a headache. All I need is to lie down for a bit.”
She slept for two hours. When she awoke, she realized that she was fatigued from the anxiety. She’d managed to catch him alone, but Penny had come along, and Angeline realized how close Penny had come to hearing their conversation.
She’d sworn she would never regret that night with Colin, and she did not. She would never have made love to him if she did not love him dearly. They had been trapped by the violent weather at Sommerall, and she had wanted to share her body with him. She loved that he wanted to champion her, and she loved that he thought her smart. She loved his teasing, and she even loved him when he pointed out that she worried over the past and the future rather than focusing on the present. She had not even realized it until he’d told her.
But now it occurred to her that she’d done the very thing she’d been accused of doing with Brentmoor. She’d had an assignation with Colin.
She told herself that it was different because she loved him, and he wanted to make their engagement official tonight. But it was eerily similar to Brentmoor, who had entreated her to agree to their engagement.
The situations were not comparable. Colin had never lied to her. He had never tried to press her into intimacies. She had given herself freely to him, and he had not betrayed her. He had never expressed tender feelings for her in so many words, but he’d showed how much he cared about her.
It was true he would gain Sommerall, probably immediately. For a moment doubts plagued her. The Faradays had made the third visit, and soon after, Colin had persuaded her to announce their engagement. There was nothing nefarious about it, but she could not quite push away her misgivings.
Once before, she had ignored the silent warnings and paid a high price for it.
“No,” she said. Colin was not a cruel, heartless man. Furthermore, he wasn’t the only one who would benefit from their engagement and marriage. Once she married him, she would be respectable again, and she would be able to attend Penny’s come-out in the spring. There might be a few high sticklers who cut her acquaintance, but she had weathered far worse things.
From the very beginning, she and Colin had both been honest with each other that they were seeking a marriage of convenience, one that benefitted both of them. With all of her heart, she hoped that he would fall in love with her. If that day never came, she knew it would make her sad, but she would make the best of things. She would have children, and she would not have to live in seclusion as a spinster with a companion.
It surprised her how quickly her feelings had grown for Colin, but it should not. He’d changed. She suspected that the possibility of losing Sommerall had made him realize what he stood to lose. It was not just about the property, however. It was also very much about his family. He meant to spend more time with them. Colin would embrace his family. They were as imperfect as her family, but Angeline thought that only made families more interesting. Really, wasn’t love the only thing any family needed?
Doubts crept in again, but she pushed them away and did her best to focus on the present. Tonight, she would be happy. He was a good man, a changed man. They would find happiness together. It would not be the love match she’d always dreamed of, but she would find contentment in their marriage. Starting tonight, she would focus on him rather than herself. She would do everything in her power to see to his happiness and comfort.
He felt like a wretch.
Colin sat at his desk with his forehead in his hand. In so many ways, that last night had been one of the most wonderful nights of his life, but there was no denying that he’d purposely set out to bed her. She’d been a virgin for God’s sake, and he of all people knew how vulnerable she was because of what had happened to her. But he had not known what else to do. So he’d pressed her into agreeing to announce the engagement tonight, because he feared that if he waited, she might change her mind. The sooner they were engaged, the better. This was pure hell, knowing that he’d betrayed her trust. While she would never know, he swore he would spend the rest of his days making it up to her. She deserved a better man, but he’d made her his that last night, and now he must take responsibility.
They were more than suited to each other in bed, but marriage was forever. It could not be undone. He knew too many men who abandoned their wives for their clubs and mistresses. That would make Angeline miserable, and what would be the point of marrying if he only returned to his bachelor life.
The devil. Soon he would be married. He could hardly countenance it.
Not long ago, he’d awakened with his boots on to find three bottles, two glasses, and an actress in his rooms at the Albany. His freewheeling bachelor days were numbered in hours now.
He hoped he could make her happy. She deserved it. Lord, they would likely have a brat by this time next year if not sooner. The realization shook him. He questioned whether he could be a good husband and father to the children that would inevitably come along.
He did something he couldn’t remember doing in a very long time. He
bowed his head and asked for forgiveness. He’d been selfish most of his life, but he remembered what his father had said. When a man has a wife and children, he leaves behind his selfishness because his family means more to him than dissipation.
He knew it to be true. She would soon be his wife and his responsibility. He rose and felt like a different man already. God willing they would find happiness together. He would do his best to think of her needs first and keep her safe. Tonight, he would take that first step.
That afternoon, he was attempting to compose a few lines for his proposal to Angeline. Unfortunately, he was having trouble concentrating. Damnation. She would expect something romantic, but his stomach was performing somersaults. This was beyond ridiculous. He probably would have to settle for the age-old “make me the happiest man.” He sighed and set his pen aside. Lord only knew how her father would respond when he approached Wycoff. If the man asked if he’d touched his daughter, Colin would admit to kissing her. Anything else was none of Wycoff’s business.
Someone tapped on the door. “Come in,” Colin said.
A footman entered. “My lord, you have a caller.” He handed over the silver dish with the card. At first, he frowned at the card. Harry Norcliffe, Duke of Granfield.
Colin’s skin prickled. Good God, Harry’s uncle must have died. “Where is he?”
“The main drawing room, my lord.”
Colin shrugged into his coat and ran down the stairs. Margaret sat next to Harry. The duchess and Angeline were there as well. “Harry, old boy.” He clapped his friend’s shoulder.
Harry looked as if he’d not slept in a week. “I decided to make a brief call on my way back to London. My uncle passed quietly and unexpectedly.”
“I am sorry.”
“Would you like another cup of tea?” Margaret asked.
“I’ll get you a brandy,” Colin said.
“Perhaps we should give you both some privacy,” Angeline said. “I am sorry for your loss.”
Colin looked at her gratefully.
“If you need anything, please ring the bell,” Margaret said.
After the ladies left, Colin poured a brandy for Harry and himself. “What can I do?”
“Nothing, really. I’ve got meetings with solicitors, bankers, and estate managers in London. I just wanted to see a familiar face.”
“You’re welcome to stay as long as you wish.”
“My mother and female cousins are taking his death very hard. They’re depending on me. All of them. I find myself wishing I’d paid more attention to my uncle’s lectures about the estate. Instead, I just laughed about the pigs.”
“You’ll manage,” Colin said. “Your uncle had good people working for him. If you need recommendations, Bell will know the right people.”
“I thought you would have returned to London by now, but I checked before leaving the city, and the landlord said you weren’t there.”
It seemed like a lifetime ago since he’d left the Albany. “You look done up, friend. Stay the night and rest.”
He sipped his brandy. “I must return soon. There is a mountain of paperwork and much to learn. My carefree days are over.”
Harry looked bad. “I insist you stay,” Colin said. “The paperwork will keep, but you need to rest.”
Angeline returned to the drawing room and directed Agnes to set the tea tray out. “There are cold meats, cheese, fruit, and a bottle of claret.”
“I’ve persuaded Harry to stay the night,” Colin said, looking at her meaningfully.
“Of course, he must stay,” she said.
The marquess entered the drawing room. “I just heard the news. What can I do?”
Harry shrugged. “Nothing at this time. I’ll manage.”
“I’ve persuaded him to say the night at least,” Colin said.
“Yes, you need a good night’s rest,” the marquess said. “I am sorry to hear the news. Granfield was a good man.”
“I’ll leave you all now,” Angeline said.
Harry regarded her through red-rimmed eyes. “Thank you for your kindness, Lady Angeline.”
Four hours later, Angeline walked into the drawing room. Colin stood at the window and turned in her direction.
“Where is Harry?”
“Poor fellow. He was so exhausted. I convinced him to rest. I checked on him ten minutes ago. He’s sleeping.”
Colin pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry for the delay in our announcement.”
She shook her head. “Your friend comes first.”
“I am reminded not to take family for granted,” he said.
“So am I,” she said.
He squeezed her hands and gazed into her eyes. Something in his chest turned over. He lifted her hand and kissed it. “You are a special lady,” he said.
“Make sure he breaks his fast in the morning,” Angeline said. “He is overwrought and likely to forget.”
“I will, Angeline. He means to leave very early.”
“You will tell him Godspeed for me,” she said.
He kissed her cheek. My God, I think I’m falling in love with you.
Two days later
Colin clasped his hands behind his back and paced in the great hall. He’d awoken early, hoping he might be able to have a private word with Angeline. He’d tossed and turned last night trying to think of exactly the right things to tell her. In the end, exhaustion had claimed him. He would simply have to rely on instinct and honesty.
Running footsteps sounded on the stairs. Bianca and Bernadette hurried down the steps while Angeline followed behind, carrying Hercules. Evidently, the twins were still hiding the dog in their bedchamber.
A ray of sunshine from the high windows promised a clear day. When he caught Angeline’s gaze, something turned over inside his chest. He’d never felt anything quite like it before.
After his sisters ran down the stairs, they were a little out of breath.
“Penny is still sleeping,” Bernadette said, “but Angeline offered to help us train Hercules in the kitchen this morning.”
“Ah.” He smiled at her as she joined them. “It is very generous of you to help my sisters train Hercules.”
“I figured it was best to work with him early in the day before other activities. It’s important that his training be as consistent as possible. He’s a clever dog and will respond well if given the chance.”
Angeline attached his leash and set him down. Naturally Hercules tried to run off and his toenails slipped a bit on the marble. Angeline gently pulled back the leash and said, “Halt.”
The dog tried to run again.
Colin picked him up.
Angeline ruffled the dog’s short fur. “I think we need to focus on sitting and work on the leash later.”
Angeline handed Hercules to Bianca. “We had better head to the kitchen now so we won’t be late for breakfast.”
“May I join you?” Colin asked.
“If you wish,” Angeline said.
Her voice had sounded guarded. What was wrong?
The twins hurried ahead.
Colin turned to Angeline. “Is something the matter?”
“We will talk later,” she said.
“There are things I wish to discuss with you. I don’t know when we might have a chance. Perhaps we could meet very early in the morning tomorrow.”
“I promised to train Hercules every morning,” she said.
“Perhaps after the training tomorrow?”
“What do you wish to discuss?” she asked.
“Things I neglected before,” he said. “Things I should have said.”
She sighed. “Are you suffering from a guilty conscience?”
“It’s more than that,” he said. “I was cavalier with you, and it troubles me greatly. I had no right to touch you. You are a virtuous lady, and I took advantage of you.”
“I am not a twenty-year-old single lady, Colin,” she said under her breath. “You did not take advantage of me. I’m a grown
woman. That night, I decided to make love to you with the full knowledge of what I was doing.”
“I took your virginity, for God’s sake,” he said.
Her expression showed disappointment. “You took nothing, Colin. I freely gave myself to you. Clearly you are having delayed remorse over what happened, but it is entirely unnecessary. What happened cannot be undone. There were no consequences, and I’m quite certain you were relieved when I informed you.”
“Angeline, I was only relieved because I had been irresponsible.”
“Your guilt is misplaced. There was no seduction. I agreed to all of it. If you are seeking absolution, I don’t have any to give you, because there is no fault on either side. We both knew exactly what we were doing. Now I recommend you let it go, because there is nothing else to be done about it.”
“You know there is,” he said. “I have a responsibility to you.”
“No, you do not. Now, if you will excuse me, the girls are waiting.”
“I will come with you. They are expecting me.”
“I’ll make your excuses,” she said.
“Why are you being so cold to me?” he whispered.
“This is neither the time nor the place for this discussion. I will meet you in the library at two o’clock in the morning when servants aren’t about, and we can talk without listening ears.
“Now, I must go,” she said.
His jaw clenched as she hurried away. How the hell had his good intentions gone so wrong?
Angeline sat in her customary place at the table next to Colin. She’d cut up at him because she’d thought his words demeaning, but she knew he’d not meant them to be. He was a little late to be worrying about his careless behavior, but as she’d told him, she was a grown woman and there had been no seduction.
She didn’t want his good intentions or his guilt or his pity. She deserved nothing less than his respect. What had really troubled her was his remorse, because that night had been special to her, and he’d turned it into something that implied wrongdoing. Based on his words, she knew he didn’t understand, but late tonight, she would tell him how it had made her feel.
What a Reckless Rogue Needs Page 24