by Tony Abbott
The Brain That Wouldn’t Obey!
The Weird Zone, Book 5
Tony Abbott
For Linnea and Jane
Contents
1. If I Only Had a …
2. Sound Can Change the World
3. The Power to Control the Mind!
4. Going Shopping?
5. School Daze
6. Potatoes Can Rock and Roll!
7. The Horrible, Horrible Plan
8. Liz Duffey, the Potato!
9. A Cast of Thousands!
10. Humans—as in Cannonballs!
11. The Last (Vegetable) Stand!
12. Weird (Zone) Science
Preview: Gigantopus from Planet X!
About the Author
1
If I Only Had a …
By the time Mike Mazur saw the greasy french fry bag, it was already too late.
Wump! Bump! Dump! Splat!
“Owww!” Mike cried out as he tumbled down the school bus steps. He rolled onto the sidewalk in front of W. Reid Elementary School.
Mike peeled the Jolly Meal french fry bag from the bottom of his sneaker and looked up. The bus driver was tossing another empty fry bag to the floor under his seat. With his mouth full, he gave Mike a shrug, closed the door, and roared off.
“Thanks for the ride … I think!” Mike groaned. He limped up the school steps and through the main doors.
At once, he felt a tingle of excitement. A giant banner rippled above the entrance to the gym.
W. REID SCIENCE FAIR TODAY!
WIN FIRST PRIZE!
“I can see it all now!” Mike mumbled as he burst into the gym. “I win first prize, do lots of TV interviews, and become the most famous scientist in the world. Cool!”
Mike grinned and whispered into the lunch bag he was carrying, “And it’ll all be because of you.”
Dozens of tables were set up on the gym floor. There were already lots of science projects lined up. Mike smiled as he walked past the other kids’ projects. Three-Sided Triangles. The Amazing Bottle of Air. Dirt + Water = Mud. None of the other projects seemed quite as brilliant as his.
“Zoners,” he thought to himself. Zoners was the word his friends used to describe nearly everyone in Grover’s Mill. Mike was pretty new to town, but he had to agree that Grover’s Mill was definitely the Zone.
The Weird Zone.
The absolute center of intergalactic weirdness. A place where, if two things could happen, a weird thing and a regular thing, the weird thing would always happen.
Mike set the bag on his table and whispered to himself, “And the first prize goes to …”
“… Liz Duffey!” said a voice behind him.
Mike turned on his heel just in time to see his friend Liz Duffey glide past him. Her long blonde hair floated in the air behind her.
Mike glanced at her feet. Liz was riding on a skateboard. A tiny motor on the back was powering the wheels. Liz rode down one aisle and back up the next. She stopped in front of Mike’s table and hopped to the floor.
“I’m going places on my project,” she said with a smile. “I call it—Motorboard!”
“Nice work, Liz,” Mike said. “I’m glad you’re here. Because today will go down in history.”
Mike opened his bag and stuck his hand in.
“The history of weirdness,” said Liz. “I mean, did you look at these science projects? How Water Drips! See-Through Glass?” She shook her head. “Pretty zoney, Mike.”
“At least you and I have good stuff,” Mike said. He grinned as he pulled out a red plastic box and set it on the table.
“Wait,” said Liz. “Is that a radio? Mike, I hate to tell you. Radio has already been invented.”
Mike snickered with delight. “Not just a radio.” He pulled out a dusty brown base-ball-sized potato from the bottom of his bag. “A potato-powered radio. I call it—Potadio!”
Liz watched as Mike slowly pushed wires from the radio right into the potato. “The acid from the potato is changed into electricity,” he said. “It’s like nature’s battery. Cool, huh?”
“Not bad,” said Liz, pulling a tissue from her pocket and blowing her nose. “Can you get hockey scores?”
Mike shrugged. “So far it just picks up WYRD, the Grover’s Mill station. It’s kind of faint.”
“Well, I probably won’t hear it,” mumbled Liz. “My cold has stuffed my ears.”
The gym was starting to fill up. Mike saw Mrs. Carbonese taking surprise snap-shots for the yearbook. She wore a pink sweater and glasses on a string. Around her neck was a silver police whistle. She used it to get silence in her class.
Principal Bell was walking from table to table with his hands on his hips. Miss Lieberman, the assistant principal, was right behind him. She was making notes about everything he said.
“There’s Jeff,” Mike said to Liz, pointing to their friend Jeff Ryan as he set up his project.
“Let’s see what he’s got,” said Liz. “By the way, I talked to Holly last night. She and Sean built some kind of secret project. I can’t wait to see it.”
The two kids stepped over to Jeff’s table just as Principal Bell strolled by.
“Ahem!” boomed the principal, reading the sign on Jeff’s table. “The Gizmo. Very good. Now, show us the magic of science! The wonder of invention! The terrific W. Reid spirit!”
“Yes, sir!” Jeff smiled big and slipped a pair of goggles over his face. He tapped a button on the base of the Gizmo and cried out, “Stand back!”
It was a good thing.
Zzzzz! Krrrr! Nnnn-chunka-chunka!
A sudden flash of prongs and nozzles and flippers screamed into action!
Nnnnnnn! The ceiling lights hissed and sparked and flashed as the Gizmo jumped and jumbled across the table, growling and grinding.
All the lights in the school dimmed and flickered. The machine was a blur of horrible noise!
“What does it do?” Liz yelled over the sound.
Jeff gave her a blank look. “Do?”
Mike nodded. “Do. What does it do? To advance science?”
Jeff shut off his machine and the lights came back up. He gave another blank look. “Do?”
“Ahem!” said Mr. Bell, clearing his throat. “Very interesting. Next!” He and Miss Lieberman stepped over to another table.
“I guess I don’t win anything,” Jeff sighed, pulling his goggles off and staring at the Gizmo.
Mike patted him on the shoulder. “Only one person can win, Jeff. And I’ve got—Potadio.”
“Actually, son,” Mr. Bell said, walking back over. “Your little radio doesn’t seem to work at all.”
Mike raced over to the table. He flipped the on switch over and over. Nothing. Not a sound.
Principal Bell put his hands on his hips and frowned at the radio. “I can see you and your vegetable need a moment. We’ll be back.”
Liz leaned over to Mike. “Why don’t you just give that potato a good scrub? It’s filthy.”
“Great idea,” said Mike. “Can’t have dirt on the invention of the century!” He unplugged Potadio and dashed down the hall and into the bathroom. He ran the potato under warm water.
Lots of dirt washed off.
Mike wondered whether the potato felt the warm water like he did. Did potatoes have feelings like people? It was alive, after all. Potatoes do grow.
What are you washing me for?
Mike chuckled to himself. Wouldn’t it be weird if the potato actually said that?
“Hey, kid, I asked you a question. You planning to cook me, or what? Don’t eat me, pal.”
Mike looked all around the room. It was empty. “Wait, who said that?”
But at that moment—Ahhhhh!—a horrible,
bloodcurdling scream pierced the bathroom!
It was coming from the science fair!
It was coming from Liz!
2
Sound Can Change the World
Mike raced back to the science fair, clutching his damp potato. When he burst into the gym, he saw a huge metal machine smashing through the tables after Liz!
On the front of the machine was a big hand attached to a long metal arm. A powerful spring was coiled under the arm.
“Help!” Liz cried, as she fell against the bleachers. She kicked at the giant hand coming down at her. It moved closer and closer.
Mike dived. With one quick move he pushed Liz out of the way just as the metal hand lunged.
Errrrk! The machine stopped.
Flonk! A small slit opened on the top of the machine and two faces appeared.
Mike looked up at the faces. “Sean? Holly?”
The faces smiled. “Cool project, huh?” shouted Holly Vickers. “It’s a catapult!”
“Thanks a lot, friends!” Liz snarled. She got up and dusted herself off.
Mr. Bell strode through the tables as Holly and her brother Sean popped out the top of the catapult and jumped down to the floor. “Ah, the glories of invention!” the principal boomed.
“And all from spare parts,” said Holly.
“It can hurl objects hundreds of feet in the air,” added Sean. He looked at Mike, who was still on the floor. “Let’s try it with the potato that Mike’s got.” Sean reached for Potadio.
“No!” Mike cried. “That’s my project!”
Sean raised his eyebrows. “Oh, sorry, Mike.” Then he grinned. “Enormous metal catapult versus dusty little potato. Hmm. I wonder who’ll win.”
Mike glanced down at the small lump resting in his hand. Now that it was all clean, he noticed lots of scratches and scars all over it.
The potato looked kind of sad.
“Sorry, little spud,” Mike whispered. “I guess you don’t stand a chance against that big thing.”
“Dad thinks our project is so good,” said Sean, “he’s going to make a movie with it. He’s going to call it Scary Evil Robot Ghost Gremlins from Another Scary Dimension!”
“Because plain old regular gremlins just aren’t scary enough,” said Holly, with a smile.
Sean and Holly’s father was Todd Vickers, the not-so-famous movie director and owner of Humongous Horror Movie Studios. His movies were scary, but usually not very good.
Suddenly, the doors of the gym flew open and in stepped a tall man. He had fluffy blond hair, a slim suit, and shiny black shoes.
The crowd of kids and teachers grew hushed.
“Who’s that?” whispered one kid.
“Yeah, who?” whispered another.
The blond man stepped slowly to the center of the gym, holding up a microphone.
He squinted out across the crowd. He began to curl his lips into a wide grin. He raised an eyebrow slowly. Very slowly.
“Storm,” he announced. “Rock Storm. That’s my name and hosting is my game! I’ve come all the way from WYRD Radio to host your science awards show!” Then he looked around. “Hey, everybody—how’s my hair?”
“Ahem!” Principal Bell said, walking over from the other side of the gym and bending over the microphone. “We’re pleased to invite you to our display of junior scientific genius and—”
“Sure, sure, school-head-guy,” Rock Storm broke in. “But let me do the announcing, okay?”
Rock Storm began by stepping over to Mike’s table. Sean, Holly, and Jeff came over and stood next to Mike and Liz.
“Hey, look at this,” said Rock, smirking down at the potato. “Is it lunchtime already? Ha-ha!”
“Actually, sir,” Mike began, “these green sprouts here are called the eyes. And these wires convert the acid in the potato to electricity. I cleaned everything, so it should work now.”
Mike inserted the final wire and flipped the switch on the transistor radio. The tiny round speaker sputtered. Little blue lines of electricity seemed to flash from the wires. The brown lump with green sprouty eyes wobbled on the table.
“It’s gonna do it,” Mike cried out. “Everyone, prepare to hear radio!” The speaker hummed. It squealed.
Eeeee! Everyone smacked their hands over their ears and winced at the high-pitched squeaking!
Mike twisted the radio dials. “It’s coming!”
Just then, Mrs. Carbonese shuffled over. She held a little camera in front of her face. “Everybody—smile!”
FLASH!
The burst of light from the flash seemed to shoot right at the potato, and for an instant the wires glowed white, then red, then blue!
Mike blinked at the bright flash.
“My eyes! My eyes! Hey, watch that camera, lady! You trying to blind me?”
Everyone went quiet.
Mrs. Carbonese’s face dropped.
Her camera dropped.
She pointed a sharp quivering finger at Mike, nearly sticking it up his nose. “This boy said rude words to me!” Then she fumbled for her police whistle and blew hard.
Woooooooo!
Everyone turned to Mike and frowned.
Mike turned to his potato and frowned.
3
The Power to Control the Mind!
“It wasn’t me,” cried Mike, pointing to his table. “It was him. The potato, the radio, Potadio!”
“Don’t yodel at me, rude boy,” cried Mrs. Carbonese. Then she picked up her camera and clacked off down the aisle in her high-heeled shoes.
Mr. Bell frowned deeply at Mike and moved on to another table with Rock Storm.
Mike turned to his friends. “Really, guys, it was him. The potato said that.”
Liz shook her head and sighed. “Sure, Mike.”
“He talked to me before, too,” Mike went on. “When I was washing him in the bathroom.”
“Right,” said Sean with a laugh. “And what did he say? ‘Don’t eat me.’?”
Mike blinked at Sean. “Actually, he did.”
Jeff nodded. “Well, if I were a vegetable and somebody was washing me, that’s probably what I would say. ‘Don’t eat me.’ You know?”
Liz made a face. “This is too weird for me. We’re talking about a potato, okay? They don’t talk. They can’t think. They’re just lumpy food.”
“Of course I’m in a grumpy mood,” Mrs. Carbonese snapped back over her shoulder. “That rude boy said bad words to me.” She stared at Mike as if she were going to blow her whistle again, then she clacked off between the tables.
Liz looked at her friends and tapped her ears. “Mrs. C. is sort of hard-of-hearing.”
“Now, let’s get going, people!” Rock Storm boomed into the microphone. “I’ve got a call-in show in half an hour. Wouldn’t want the world to miss that!”
Principal Bell, Miss Lieberman, and Mrs. Carbonese went up on the stage with the announcer.
“It’s time for the big prize to be awarded,” Rock Storm said. “And I think we all agree that one project here today is quite an achievement.”
Mike glanced at the big catapult towering over all the other projects. He saw Sean smile at his sister, breathe on his fingernails, and buff them on his shirt. They’re going to win, thought Mike.
His little Potadio didn’t look so great anymore. He ran a finger across a gash in the potato’s skin. “I wonder if it hurt when he got that.”
Liz turned. “Don’t get weird on me, Mike. It’s a vegetable, not a pal. But, listen, with my ears all stuffed up, I can’t hear the awards. Let’s get closer.” She walked over to the stage.
Mike just kept looking down at the Potadio. “We’ll never win.”
Suddenly, tiny sparks began to shoot off the wires connecting the vegetable to the radio.
Zzzz! Sput! Sput! The sparks flashed white, blue, and red and rippled along the wires.
The potato began to twitch on the table.
“Hey!” Mike leaned over. “What’s going on?”
/> The radio’s speaker began to crackle and hiss. Then it made a sound. “Pssssst!”
“Huh?” Mike put his ear to the speaker.
“Pssst!” the thing hissed again. Then the potato twitched a little. Then it spoke. “Hey, Mike!”
Mike’s eyes went wide. His mouth fell open.
“Yeah, kid, I’m talking to you!” the potato hissed. “Your name’s Mike, right?”
“Yeah … but … you’re … you’re … a …”
“Well, I’m not a grapefruit!” chuckled the potato. “Listen, thanks for zapping me with all these wires and stuff. And that camera flash gave me a jolt of juice, too. Boy, I feel like a million bucks!”
“Uh-huh,” said Mike, wondering if he was really hearing what he thought he was hearing.
“Hold on to your hat, Mikey boy,” the potato said. “And watch this!”
Mike saw the vegetable’s rough, brown skin wrinkle all over then stretch out, as if the potato were taking a deep breath!
All of a sudden—Krrippp!—the gash on the top of the potato split open! Underneath the rough skin was a ripply pink blob. It pushed itself up and began to throb. It bulged. It stretched.
“Is that a …?” gasped Mike. “What is it?”
“Well, it’s not my flavorful cheesy topping!” snorted the Potadio. “Now watch what happens when I do this!” The pink bulge began to turn purple as the potato groaned and twitched.
Suddenly, Rock Storm screamed out. “The winner is—is—is—ungh!—the Potadio!”
“Whoa!” shrieked Mike, jumping up and down. “I can’t believe it! This is so cool!”
At that moment, Principal Bell, Miss Lieberman, Rock Storm, and all the other teachers rushed down from the stage and crowded around Mike and his Potadio.
They slapped their ears and began to sing.
Oh, wondrous Potadio,
Not just a radio,
But so much more!
“What? What?” Liz stammered, squeezing through the crowd. “Everyone’s gone Zoner!”
And the Zoners sang a second verse!
Oh, don’t you nibble
This veg-a-tibble!
He’s so much more!
The potato’s pink bulge went purple again.
Suddenly, Rock Storm’s head jerked back. He raised the microphone to his lips. “Yes, master!” he murmured. “At once, master!”