She took his little hand and pulled him away.
At least I was able to hold my tears until she turned the corner at the end of the corridor.
Brian…
Why…
Why did you do this to me?
Why did you lie?
My heart shattered into so many pieces, and the grip of pain that took me constricted my breathing.
What was I going to do? What the hell was I going to do?
His wife mentioned her unborn baby.
What about mine?
Chapter 16
Jada
* * *
Present day…
“You look like you’re about to choke the seat belt.” Ivan smirked.
He glanced over at me and gave me that easy smile of his that warmed my insides.
“What makes you say that?” I was still lost in my thoughts from the memory and couldn’t think of what to say.
He motioned to my hand and the tight grip I had on the seat belt strap. I was holding on to it so tightly my nails were digging into my palms. I hadn’t realized.
I released my hold on it and gave him one of my sassy smiles.
“I hope my driving’s not bad. I can’t resist going fast in this car.”
“No, I think the car makes up for any shortcomings with your driving. If I were driving, you’d know what smooth and fast feel like.”
He laughed. “Okay, Jada. I need to try your driving first before I even respond. I know you aren’t better than me.”
“I am, and this car would be a dream to handle.”
I’d already bitched at him about the car and asked him how many he had. I’d seen a Lamborghini, and today he came for me in a Ferrari that looked like it had been pulled from the set of Fast and Furious.
He also said he owned a motorcycle. That didn’t surprise me because I could imagine him on one.
I glanced over at him, and he looked at me with that flicker of interest that made me want to continue staring at him. I knew, though, it was wise to keep everything to a minimum.
He’d picked me up half an hour, ago and Olivia had left about twenty minutes prior to that.
However, I couldn’t get that memory of the past out of my head.
I wanted to banish it because it was the start of a depressing ride for me, but the memory of finding out Brian was not only married but married with children kept on playing in my head like some kind of warning.
It was eleven years ago, but to me it always felt like just yesterday. I was waiting for the day when time would heal me in a way that I could look back on the memory and something from it would fade from my mind.
What happened after that was perhaps what sealed the memory in my mind.
Sealed it right in there and brought it to life at certain times.
I hated that it had popped into my head when I opened my door earlier and saw Ivan standing in front of me looking as sexy as hell. The memory popped in and stole the flutter of excitement I felt.
“Your thoughts are deafening,” he said in an exaggerated loud voice.
I looked over to him and shook my head. “I just want to know where you’re taking me.”
“No.” He bit the inside of his lip.
“No, what?”
“You aren’t thinking that. You’re thinking something else. Sure, I know you want to know where I’m taking you, but that’s not what you’re worried about.”
I hated that he was right.
“Ivan, stop trying to figure me out. You’re lucky I came today.”
“Let me guess. You’re worried you’re starting to like me, and you don’t know what to do with yourself.” The corners of his lips turned up into a smile that showed off his dimples.
“I don’t like you,” I lied.
“If you can still say that, I didn’t kiss you properly yesterday.” He stopped at the traffic lights and leaned over, coming in for a kiss.
“No kissing.” I smacked him in his shoulder and started laughing when he took my hand and started kissing his way up my arm. “You are crazy.”
“Come here, just for a little one.”
“In public?”
“Jada, people can’t see inside the car.” He gave me a cocky smile.
The lights changed to green, and the car behind us honked. Ivan didn’t move.
“Ivan, the lights changed. We need to drive.” More cars started honking.
“Not before I get my kiss. I allowed you the whole bitching at my car and walking past me when I picked you up. Now, come here.”
“Oh my God. You are unbelievable.” I decided to lean in and kiss him.
I must have joined the crazy train he was on too because as soon as our lips touched, the spark ignited inside me and I melted into his kiss. His tongue swept across mine, then over my bottom lip.
It was the extremely loud chorus of car horns going on in the background that snapped us apart.
He gunned the engine and took off down the road faster than fast.
I had to catch my breath, not for the speed of the car but for the way he stole my breath away with that kiss.
“Why can’t you just accept that we clearly like each other?” he asked, gazing out to the road ahead. We were just about to turn onto the freeway. There were signs for San Diego.
I returned my gaze to him.
“Does it matter if we do or not?”
He chuckled, but not in the good-natured way I’d grown accustomed to. This held more of a sarcastic edge.
“Of course, it matters. Did you see my article this morning?”
“No.” That was a lie too. I’d checked the online papers first thing to make sure he hadn’t posted anything from the night before last about me.
Yesterday’s article was called Taking the Next Step. It was about him and his decision to write a book. I’d never admit it to him, but it was a rather inspiring article.
Today’s was Chemistry and Attraction.
I saw the title but didn’t read it. Didn’t want to because I didn’t want him influencing my emotions any more than he was. Didn’t need to read it either because he already told me his thoughts on chemistry and attraction.
“It was about you. You should have read it.”
“What? Why would you write about me in relation to that? You know how I feel about chemistry and attraction.”
“Sure, the whole animal thing. Have you seen animals mate?” He laughed when he saw the stunned expression I gave him.
“What does animals mating have anything to do with attraction and chemistry?”
“I’m sure you’ll soon find out. I think that bed of yours can handle us. If not, mine is just fifteen minutes away from your place. Or the car will do.”
My lips parted, and I could only stare at him. If someone else had said that to me, I would have thought they were joking, but him…
No, I knew like with most things since meeting this guy that he was serious. He just spoke without thinking and said what the hell ever was on his mind.
So, to deal with him, it was best to be firm and direct.
“I’m not sleeping with you.”
“We already did the sleeping part.” He looked like he was loving this far too much.
“I’m not having sex with you,” I said in a more blatant way and shook my head.
“Why? Why wouldn’t you want to? Look at me.”
It was best I didn’t. He was telling me that because he knew he looked even better than normal today.
He’d had a trim, but his hair still had length, so it fell over his eye in that James Dean bad-boy vibe. He’d also shaved just enough to have that clean-cut sharp look, and he was wearing a long-sleeved black T-shirt that clung to his abs like it was a second skin.
“You are so crazy. I’ve known you for a little over a week, and you expect me to just jump into bed with you.”
He sucked in a sharp breath. “Don’t lie and tell me you’ve never slept with a guy you’ve known less time than that.”<
br />
I frowned and pursed my lips together again. “You are working hard for another bitch slap.”
“Goddess, in case you didn’t figure it out, I fucking love when you get mad.” He tightened his grip on the wheel. “It’s sexy as hell, and damn it, I’ll even have the Jada who thinks she can hand me my ass. That’s the stuff dreams are made of. You in that T-shirt from yesterday, mad at me, is better than any fantasy.”
“Oh my gosh. You are too much. Are you seriously always like this?”
“Don’t act like you don’t like it. It’s people like you and me who make the world interesting. Opposites, but so similar we could be the same person.” He chuckled. “Come on. I’m right. Why do you think people love us? Our votes were a tie.”
“Whatever.”
“You don’t have to worry, baby. People like you as much as I do.”
I looked over at him, and we stared at each other for a few seconds until he returned his gaze to the traffic lights. “People like me as much as you do? You trying to tell me something, Dr. Love?”
He laughed. “Yes, Dr. Love, I am. I kind of thought it was obvious. I can’t deny chemistry and attraction.”
“I can.” It would be wise because I liked him too, and not in the casual way that I’d started off liking anybody I’d been with.
It was his personality.
“My God, Jada, I can’t with you.”
“Exactly, you can’t with me. We’re supposed to be against each other. Tomorrow is the showdown, and we’ll be competing against each other. People already think we hate each other, so…” Somehow, I couldn’t finish the sentence. I was going to say, ‘We should roll with that,’ but something held me back.
“So, what?”
“You know.”
“I don’t know what the hell you’re saying, but business is business. Work doesn’t dictate my life. It won’t tell me I can’t have the woman I want.”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat, surprised by his words. “What if she tells you?”
He shrugged. “She can, but she won’t. Will she?” He kept his gaze trained on me, and I couldn’t answer.
It was him who broke the stare, again looking out to the road.
I pulled in a deep breath and looked ahead too.
This was worrying me. Me here with him, going somewhere with him with the damn chemistry bouncing off us like shards of electricity. I could feel it.
I could feel it, and it scared me.
Warm hands covered over mine and gave my hand a gentle squeeze.
I looked down at his hand on mine, and it felt like the most natural thing in the world.
“Jada, remember yesterday when we talked about having an open mind?”
“Yes.”
“It’s actually the one thing we agree on. Hallelujah.” He ran his thumb over the top of my hand, scattering my nerves up my elbows and over my whole body. “Goddess, I need you to remember that now, and for the whole day. Can you do that?”
It sounded important, not just for the moment but for where we were going.
“Yeah, I can.”
“Good girl.” He gave my hand a pat and moved his back to the wheel.
“Can you tell me yet where we’re going? Looks like we’re heading to San Diego. What’s there?”
“My in-laws.”
Oh my God! Only God knew how I didn’t jump out of the car.
“Jesus, you’re married. You said you weren’t.” Not again. I couldn’t do this again. “Stop the car now,” I snapped.
He started laughing. “Wow, well, I guess you must like me if you reacted that way. Message received, by the way, and fuck, I love you mad, but damn if we’re stopping the car on the freeway.”
“You said in-laws.”
“I did say that, because I was married.”
Was…
So, that was a was as in he wasn’t anymore.
He looked away from me and focused ahead.
I wanted to verge on to the prospect of him being divorced or separated because the other reason in my head wasn’t one I wanted to contemplate.
“Was?” I asked in a much less tension-filled tone.
“She died.” The humor left his voice as he spoke. All the humor and jovial play seemed to leave him, and I couldn’t have felt worse.
“I’m so sorry. I… didn’t know. I just thought you…” Nowhere in my research had I seen that he’d been married. But then… there wasn’t much written about his past after he stopped playing football.
“You thought I was a jock. Probably a playboy. At one time in my life, you would have been right. Life changes you. It changed me.”
“I’m sorry. I feel terrible.”
“Don’t. We met by miracle. Her people became my people, and they never stopped being my people, even after I had to say goodbye to her.”
That was beautiful and evident that he must have loved her very much.
I just wasn’t sure why he was taking me to his in-laws.
“Ivan.” I wanted to ask the question while showing respect that he’d want to share something so private.
“Yeah.”
“Why are you taking me to see your in-laws? Not that I don’t appreciate whatever it is you’re trying to do, which you still haven’t really told me.”
He smiled. “They opened my eyes to something big when I met them. I want you to see that too. It may take that guard down. You’ll get to see that all men aren’t dogs or animals that need to be tamed.”
I continued to stare at him. This side of him made me like him just a little bit more.
“How long… How long has it been?”
“Eight years since she died, and I’ve known them for eleven years.”
“And you’ve kept in touch?”
“Yeah. When people become family, you don’t forget them. They have a special place in my heart. I met them after my accident.”
When he mentioned the accident yesterday, I’d wanted to ask more then but felt it wasn’t appropriate. I’d actually tried to read up on it but couldn’t find much details. I figured that it must have been something he’d wanted to keep out of the media.
“What kind of accident was it?” I decided to ak now.
“Head-on collision that could have left me paralyzed for life.”
“What? You’re kidding. That wasn’t in the papers.” Being the notable public figure he’d been I was surprised shocking news like that wasn’t listed anywhere.
“It was kept out of the papers because I was always a private person. I was in a coma for four months, and the team’s media company issued a statement stating I was in an accident and it was left to be seen if I’d return to the sport or not.”
“Ivan, how are you walking?” I glanced down at his legs.
He chuckled. “Like I said, miracles. I guess I was supposed to walk into your life, right?”
He had that look in his eyes again. The one where the lighthearted way in which he spoke didn’t match the spark of pain. It was more pronounced this time.
I wanted to ask more questions, but I thought better of it.
It kind of left an air of suspense and drew a line I knew I shouldn’t cross when he didn’t elaborate or say anything further.
How did his wife die?
He never mentioned that. Nor how they met.
Once again, I realized that the more I saw this man, the more I wanted to know.
Something in me was changing.
I truly wondered what it was he had up his sleeve for me today.
Chapter 17
Ivan
Ten years ago…
There she was.
Sitting out in the garden writing in her journal.
That little journal was never far from her. She always had it in her bag.
I was… rude to her today.
I was rude to her this morning while she was doing her assessment of me and got excited that I could wiggle my big toe.
One whole year here at the Thorn
Rehabilitation Center, and that was all I could do. Wiggle my big toe.
She thought it was a triumph of sorts, but I couldn’t see the big deal.
I wheeled myself over to her. The wheels on my chair made a clicking noise that alerted her to my presence.
Like always, she smiled at me.
I wished she wouldn’t. It was a smile I dreamed about. One I wish I could be myself with.
She was exactly the kind of woman I would have loved to ask out. It was like a fantasy to me now because it would never be.
“Hey, hot stuff.” She smiled wide as she closed her journal.
“You still calling me that?” I gave her a rueful look. “After this morning?”
“All couples fight. This morning was a tiff.” She chuckled.
There was that too. Her talking like that, like we were actually a couple. Sometimes it was funny; at other times I felt pitied. I knew it wasn’t her intention. I couldn’t help it though.
“I was an ass.”
“Yes, you were. I don’t usually appreciate being told to fuck off.” She said it like she was talking about something trivial like the weather.
I hung my head low. “I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. You don’t get paid enough to put up with shit like that.”
“I probably don’t.” She shrugged.
I looked at her and tried for the billionth time to figure her out.
Except for that night last year, she hadn’t mentioned anything else about what she’d been through. She’d practically told me she was dying and still here. Her words gave me hope. She filled me with hope that someday, I could walk again.
Today I accepted that I might not.
“Catherine, I don’t think it’s going to happen. Thank you for believing in me and believing I can, but I just don’t see it.”
She reached out and touched my hand. Her smile reached her eyes, making her even more beautiful than she already was.
“I see it, but I get it. I understand why you feel that way because who feels it, knows it. I see it though, Ivan. You wiggled your big toe. That means there’s hope. As soon as you get back feeling in the rest of your toes, that’s even more to work with.”
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