I was amazed that she’d noticed something so small.
“I’m sorry. I guess I’ve been going through some personal stuff that I really didn’t want to bring into my work with you guys.” Now I felt embarrassed.
“No, don’t apologize. I know it’s personal, and I have no right to interfere. I just felt I should say something because no matter which way this goes, and it’s looking pretty bad… I thank you in a lot of ways for the work you did with Bob and me. I’m the last person to give any form of relationship advice, but maybe I’m qualified on giving advice on mistakes.” She stopped for a moment and pulled in a ragged breath. I had the opportunity to walk away in those few seconds or put a stop to the conversation by telling her I didn’t want to talk, but she held my attention. “I know you and Dr. St. James were dating, and I thought you made a great couple because what you say is real. I always thought it must be nice to have that and be so open and honest with each other. It’s also clear that something happened to you two. I just wanted to say that sometimes things happen, but if what you have is real, then it’s worth saving. I’m only here because what Bob and I had was real. His cousin might have sent us here, but we didn’t have to get on that plane and come here. We did it, and we tried. “
I appreciated her words. “Thank you. I understand, and I’m glad you tried.”
She nodded. “Dr. Dane, it’s you I thank, and I hope that my words can inspire you in some way. If it’s real, then it doesn’t matter what happens. It will always be real. No one can ever change that. Not good, not bad. Not anything. Some things are just fact. That’s how love works. Love is a fact that can’t be refuted. It’s what you do with it that matters. Bob and I may be over, but we still love each other. Not once did we say we didn’t. I’m so disgusted with myself and truly ashamed of myself that I lost my chance with a wonderful man like my husband. But that’s what happens when you take advantage of what you have and don’t appreciate it. Please consider what I said. Sometimes people looking on from the outside can see things you can’t.”
I was completely numb. Stunned to silence.
She smiled and backed away, turning to go back the way she’d come.
I must have stood there for close to ten minutes just thinking about what she’d said. It was Olivia who returned from the deli, saw me out there in the corridor, and ushered me back to the dressing room.
I sat back in my chair with Cynthia’s words running through my mind.
If it’s real, it will always be real.
No one and nothing could change that…
I knew what I had with Ivan was real and my fears didn’t affect what existed on its own. It was like thinking the sun was pink, or that Monday was Tuesday. You could think that until it killed you, but it wouldn’t change the fact that the sun was not pink, and Monday and Tuesday were two separate days of the week.
I could believe we wouldn’t work out, but it didn’t change the fact that I loved him and I knew he loved me.
I couldn’t think like this with Brian because it was never real. Even when he told me he loved me, the significant difference was I never felt it. I loved hearing it. But I never felt it.
Different. It was all different.
I may hate taking risks to no end, but there was one thing I never let pass me by.
Opportunities.
Suddenly, I knew exactly what to do.
I just hoped and prayed and wished with everything inside me that I wasn’t too late.
Chapter 31
Ivan
* * *
This was absolute torture.
Sitting here on stage next to Jada knowing she wasn’t mine anymore was torture.
It was a repeat of that very first night of the show. We all sat around Andy in a semi-circle, just like that first night.
Jada next to me, and the couples next to Andy.
The crowd before us looked bigger though. It probably was.
It was amazing. I was surrounded by all these people, but I felt like I could have been by myself.
In my head I was.
Andy had reintroduced us all and gone over all that had happened. Then he turned our attention to the large screen to the side of him, where they were showing highlights from over the course of the show.
I was watching but not really concentrating, pretty much the shell of myself I’d been for the last few days.
I glanced at Jada sitting next to me. Beauty was the definition of her, and she’d replicated that outfit she’d worn that first night. Instead of the dress, though, it was a gold jumpsuit with that deep neck that showed off her deeper cleavage and that halter top tie at the back of her neck. Her hair was in a bun with the tendrils caressing the curves of her elegant neck the way I wanted to.
And… shit, I was no longer glancing. I was officially staring and hadn’t realized it.
She looked at me and stared too.
That spark of attraction that had hit me that first day I met her hit me again.
We stared like that until Andy cleared his throat in an exaggerated way, catching our attention.
I wasn’t sure what the public knew yet of our relationship status. I didn’t say anything, and I purposely avoided reading anything where I thought Jada may have mentioned our end. I didn’t want to see it written down like that.
“Well, what a season we’ve had,” Andy boomed. The crowd clapped. Jada and I joined them. “Let’s just take it back now to the beginning, to our first interviews with our couples, and see what happened when they met with their doctors.”
The screen switched to exactly that, and once again, I got lost in my mind as I watched the Bells come on the screen first.
I was happy I’d been able to help them find each other again. They were ecstatic, and I felt a sense of accomplishment in my work with them even though I knew my what next was exactly what I’d been doing before I signed up for the show.
Writing for L.A. Times and seeing my private clients.
Simple and me. I didn’t regret being on the show. It was a thing I’d never planned for but thought I’d give a shot and see what happened. It was me taking a walk on an unknown road.
I wasn’t sad that I didn’t win, and I wasn’t sad that I fell so hard and fast for Dr. Jada Dane. The Love Doctor.
She was the winner. Not officially yet, but it was hard to beat her twenty thousand votes ahead of me.
I did good, but she blew it out of the water. I’d watched how she handled Bob and Cynthia, and I liked her tact. She did her best with them, and I wasn’t about to start comparing or anything. There was no need for that.
Especially when I’d decided in my mind that my triumph during this period of my life was the experience I’d had.
It was going to be really hard not seeing her. This week had been tough, but at least I’d known she was in the same building as me, and I saw her on TV. TV was possibly the only place I would be seeing her after next week.
When the images on the screen ended with Bob and Cynthia’s bust-up, everyone was quiet.
Cynthia had received a lot of hate in the press for all that she revealed. I gave her credit, though, because it took bravery and courage of the deepest kind to confess something that big. Admitting a mistake like that and confessing something that could make you lose everything was admirable. A lot harder than lying. Lies were easy.
“Okay, this is it. Our final moments, people,” Andy announced. “We’re going to hear from our couples and their doctors to wrap this show up for this season. I think the Bells should go first.”
Peter had the biggest smile on his face. He looked over at me and gave me a curt nod. I smiled at him and looked to Jane too, who mirrored Peter’s excitement.
“I just wanted to say that I’m glad we took the chance and applied to be on the show,” Peter began. “Jane and I are so excited for our future. Dr. St. James helped us remember why we fell in love with each other in the first place. He helped us see what was most important, and we’re pleased
to announce that not only are we moving to Australia to focus on Jane’s business, but we are also going to be renewing our vows. We want a fresh start. We want to start a fresh chapter of our lives, us as a couple and the children we hope to have. We’re very happy about that.”
More applause came the minute Peter finished.
“That is fantastic news, Peter,” Andy answered. “We wish you and Jane the best. Did you want to add anything, Dr. St. James?”
I sat forward and put on my best smile. “Yes, I’m proud of Peter and Jane. They put in a lot of work over the last two months, and I see nothing but success and happiness for them in the future because I know they’ll make it happen.”
The audience cheered at my answer, and I savored the sound because I knew it was going to be one of the last times I heard it like that.
“Wonderful. It’s been a pleasure to have you on the show.” Andy nodded with respect. His expression, however, grew noticeable cautious as he turned his attention to Bob and Cynthia. “Bob and Cynthia, I left you for last because I know you went through a lot on the show. Please, can you confirm your situation now?”
Bob and Cynthia looked at each other. Cynthia nodded at Bob, and he returned his gaze to Andy.
“Well.” Bob pulled in a breath. “It is with a heavy heart that we announce we’ll be filing for a divorce when we get home.”
Considering there were well over a thousand people in this studio, the silence that entered was very noticeable.
I thought people would agree with me in saying that it was a silence of sadness. Respectful but sad.
“I am truly sorry to hear that, Bob.” Andy nodded. “I’m sorry that we as a show couldn’t help you find the love you lost. Dr. Dane, I know you worked hard with this couple. Do you have anything to add to that?” He looked to Jada, and she straightened like she was ready to give some speech.
“I do, Andy,” Jada replied. “Actually, I have a lot to say in regard to our work together, and the show in general, if I may.”
I watched her and wondered what she was up to. There was a tone of something… in the works. That was the best way I could describe it.
“Of course, you may.” Andy gave her a warm smile and held out his hands, opening the floor to her, which she literally took by standing up.
“I feel better standing. We’ve been sitting down for a while. First of all, I want to congratulate the Bells on their wonderful, beautiful news. It’s always amazing when people find love, even better when they rekindle what they thought they’d lost.” She smiled at the Bells and continued. “Credit has to be given where it’s due, and I think it takes a certain kind of person to relight the flames of a fire that goes out. It takes a certain kind of person to see that there’s still something burning there and nourish those flames until it burns brightly and becomes something bigger than what it originally was. It’s bigger because it’s stronger. That’s what I see when I look at you guys. You had a good teacher.”
I straightened as I realized she really was talking about me, and she confirmed it too, by glancing at me.
She then looked at Bob and Cynthia and continued her speech. The smile, however, fell from her face.
“Bob and Cynthia, you came on this show in an attempt to save your love. Not just your marriage, your love, which you continuously declared to all of us. It was like it was screaming for help, no matter what problems you were facing. I never once heard either of you go a session without declaring it. I let you down because what I should have told you are these three things: Never give up on what you want, keep an open mind, and take a risk.”
My heart…
It stopped, then skipped a beat. I never saw that coming. I never thought I’d live to see the day when Jada Dane would be repeating words I’d spoken to her. My methods, which she’d been completely against at the start.
I continued to watch her, loving her more if that was possible.
“That’s what I should have told you. Those three things, because as someone pointed out to me, if your love is real, it will always be real, and nothing will change that. It’s what you do with that information that matters.” She looked to Cynthia, who started crying. “Bob and Cynthia, two people who can tell each other they love the other so effortlessly, even in the argument of their life, aren’t people who should separate. It tells me something’s there and this can’t be the end because it’s what you want. Cynthia, I know you want Bob to forgive you, so my final message to Bob is this: If you love Cynthia, please don’t give up on her if she’s what you want. I know she hurt you deeply, and it’s the type of hurt that you can’t imagine forgetting, but maybe you could take a risk and have an open mind, and open your heart to what could be.”
Bob and Cynthia looked at each other. Andy looked thrown by her speech. Jada, however, wasn’t finished yet. She faced the audience.
“Ladies and gentlemen, you’ve been great. Great to me, but I think it’s pretty clear from what we’ve witnessed on this show over the last eight weeks who your love doctor should be. I am in awe at your votes. I never imagined this happening to me, but I believe in fairness and truth and inspiration. You will get all of that with Dr. St. James. Not me.” She turned to face me and held my gaze with those beautiful brown eyes. “He’s everything, everything this show stands for, everything you would hope for because he’s the purest person I know. I’ve been very foolish in thinking otherwise, that lying to him was the best for… I just thought it was the best.” She stopped for a few seconds, and her gaze on me intensified.
She lied to me?
Which part? I knew what I wanted the lie to be, but dare I hope?
I couldn’t believe this was me, the man who was usually full of hope. But dare I hope or wish that the lie she was referring to was her telling me she couldn’t see herself with me? I swore as I’d looked at her that day, the words felt off, like she didn’t mean them, but I would never push my luck and try to argue with something like that.
She looked away, breaking the private moment between us, and turned back to face the audience. “Anyway, he has my vote,” she said, nodding. “I strongly believe that Dr. Ivan St. James should be the next Love Doctor, and for that reason, I’ll be taking myself out of the competition. Thank you all so much for supporting me.”
A chorus of gasps raced through the audience and only grew louder as she made her exit off the stage.
I didn’t stop watching her until she disappeared down the steps.
I stood too, blocking out everyone and everything, and followed her.
I didn’t hear anything else besides my racing heart and the drumming of the beat in my ears.
I couldn’t feel anything else besides the love that propelled me to her. Even though I wasn’t sure about what lie she meant, all she’d said gave me hope. It showed me she loved me and told me there was a chance.
I was that guy who would still fight even if my chances were one percent. It was still a chance.
I called out to her when she neared the corner of the dressing room, and she stopped. I ran up to her, stopping just in front of her. Her beautiful gaze took me in. There was so much I wanted to say to her, but I feared that if I spoke, it would all come out like a babble of a mess.
“What did you just do? You worked damn hard for this competition.” I felt I’d start with that because I was both stunned and in awe at what she’d just done. It was a truly selfless act of sacrifice for her, considering how hard she really did work to be voted to come on the show in the first place.
She smiled at me. “You know what I did, and don’t tell me it was the wrong thing to do. You did good, Ivan. You did really good. Look at your couple. You got down to basics and assessed the problem, and you did what they needed. I didn’t do that.”
“You just did.”
She chuckled. “Yes, with your methods, not my bizarre ones. You know, I think they had the first two principles nailed down. It was that part about taking the risk that I never mentioned. It was the last
piece of the puzzle, but I wouldn’t have told them to take a risk because I hate risks.”
“Why’d you do it?”
“Because if you don’t take risks, you’ll never know what could have been.”
We stared at each other, and that silence drifted between us, but it wasn’t the awkward kind.
“Where are you going?” I asked while I thought up a way to ask what lie she’d been referring to.
“Your house to beg for forgiveness when you get home later.” She brought her hands together. “I was hoping you’d stay where you were and do whatever came next after my speech.”
“Jada, what comes next after a speech like that is me chasing after you, not basking in the fact that you handed over your winnings to me on a silver plate.” I thought that would be the obvious thing to do since I never put business first. “You know I would have put the thing most important to me first. The person who was most important to me. That’s you.”
Tears glistened in her eyes. “Maybe I still need to get used to that because I treated the person who’s the most important to me very badly. That person is you.”
“Me?” I pointed to myself, and she smiled and nodded. “So, I’m here. Means you don’t have to go to my place and wait to beg for forgiveness. What was the lie Goddess?”
She pressed her lips together and looked anxious. “Ivan, I lied when you asked me if I saw myself with you. I lied. I lied because I knew it would be the only way you’d give up on me. I’m truly sorry for that. I couldn’t tell you that I don’t want to be with anyone else but you because I was scared. I shouldn’t have messed with your mind like that and allow you to think that I didn’t want to spend forever with you.”
I released the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I couldn’t express to anyone what it meant to hear her say all of that to me.
“Is that what you want, Jada Dane, to spend forever with me? Because damn, I want to spend forever with you.”
The Love Doctors Page 23