by Dixon, Ruby
The female giggles. “Ashtar? But he’s mated!”
“Girl, that doesn’t mean I can’t look!” the other female says, and they both laugh. “Besides, he’s constantly walking around naked and showing what he’s got. You know Veronica was smart to jump on that fast and lock it down.”
“Amen,” says the other.
I glance over and see them watching me, and their voices drop to whispers. Scowling, I pull in my net, gathering it carefully and then arranging it so the cords do not tangle. I like everything in its proper place. I like order. I like things that follow the rules.
This is why C’lie is so maddening.
She ignores all rules.
As I gather my net, I think of what the females said. I did not catch all of what they said, but what I did learn was…interesting. How they admired A’tar’s naked form and how V’ronca—the healer—was impressed with his nudity because it showed her his physical appeal.
I wonder if such a thing will work on C’lie.
I take my neatly arranged net and hang it on the proper hooked pole back in camp. As time passes, I work with R’jaal and S’bren to make the Tall Horn encampment as orderly as possible, because we all wish to impress the females. I enter my tent and carefully remove my clothing, rolling it into a neat bundle and putting it away. Then, I step back out and head toward the far side of the encampment, where C’lie sits near the cave and scrapes a hide.
At first, she ignores me as I walk past. So I do it a few more times to ensure that she sees me and my naked strength. When she says nothing, I pick up a rounded stone from the beach and pretend to consider it for one of my nets.
After a long moment, I hear a heavy sigh. “Pendejo, what are you doing?”
I frown and straighten, looking over at her. “My name is M’tok, not p’ndejo.” After all these days she has still not learned it? “And I am hunting for weights for my net.”
“Naked?” She flings a cloak off her shoulders and hurls it in my direction. “Put that on. No one wants to see that shit.”
Her words are angry, but she is talking to me. I consider throwing the fur back at her, telling her I am enjoying a naked walk…but her scent is on the fur and I cannot resist it. I wrap it around my hips just as my cock stiffens to aching erectness and my khui begins its angry song in my chest. The longer I go without claiming C’lie, the more insistent resonance is. I do not think I can take much more without breaking. I will go mad if she does not touch me and declare that she is mine.
As I wrap it around my hips, I study her. I am not the only one struggling, it seems. I can see that her khui is fierce and angry, too, her skin shivering as if she has chills from the strength of the khui’s song. There are circles under her eyes, showing she is not sleeping well, and she runs an irritated hand over her smooth brow.
“What do you want?” she asks, giving me an exasperated look. She gestures at the stretched skin. “I’m busy here.”
“I want to resonate with you.”
C’lie rolls her eyes and gets to her feet. “Not this shit again. You’re going to be waiting a long damn time, buddy.”
“B’ddy is not my name either,” I snap, annoyed. “For the last time, it is M’tok! And why will you not take me as your mate? Your khui is as loud and insistent as my own, yet you ignore it—and me! Why?” When she continues to ignore me, I follow at her heels, clutching the skin to my waist. “Is it my form that is a problem? Do you have something against fine, tall horns?”
“I don’t give a shit about your horns.”
“Did you see my cock? It is a good size and your body is small so I know it will pleasure you. It is not as long as some but it is very thick and I am sure you will like it. Shall I show it to you again?”
C’lie refuses to look up at me as she walks. “If you show me your cock, that is sexual assault.”
Assault? She always misunderstands me. “I would not hit you with it, just show it to you.”
She gives another mirthless laugh and shakes her head. “Just go away, okay?”
Frustrated, I reach out and grab her arm and then pull her alongside me. I am tired of this. Tired of her avoiding my gaze, tired of her ignoring my fine form, tired of her acting as if resonance is a choice she will not make.
Resonance is. There is no getting around it. There is no pretending it does not exist. She is only making herself miserable.
“Let go of me,” she hisses as I tug her along at my side. I keep my grip loose, remembering how she rubbed her wrist the last time I touched her. Instead, I cage her with my tail locked around one leg and my arm linked with hers.
“If you ignore my words, I shall ignore yours, too.”
She spits out a few angry-sounding words in her strange hyoo-man language and jerks violently against me. “Where are you taking me?”
“To my tent. You and I are going to sit there and we will stay there until you accept me as your mate,” I declare, tired of these games. Have I not gone out of my way to prove to her that I can be patient and understanding? Yet it is C’lie that is impossible. She is not reasonable. She does not pay attention to how resonance works. How resonance has always worked. And I am…done. I will take her into my tent and sit and we will talk this out. “I have been patient long enough.”
“Wait,” C’lie says, dragging her feet.
I stop, because her voice is different. Her tone is soft. Shy. I look down at her, and she bites her lip, then looks up at me with such a lovely expression that my cock twitches in response. My khui sings louder than ever in my chest. Yet I am wary. Is this one of her tricks to get away? “What is it?”
“Maybe you’re right.” She sighs. “Maybe I haven’t given you a good look. Can you show me your cock again so I can make the right decision?” And she peeks up at me from under her lashes.
She is so beautiful I want to drop to my knees and bury my face between her robust thighs. I want to taste all of her as I have been yearning to do so for days and days. If she wishes to see my cock again, this is a good sign. I am rock hard and ready for mating, so it will look impressive to her. My hands shake with the need to touch her, but I force myself to nod and slowly unwrap her cloak from my hips, revealing my aching shaft.
“That….is definitely a dick,” she murmurs.
“You can touch it.” My voice is thick, and pre-cum beads on the head of my cock at the thought. I strain toward her, desperate for her touch. And I’m fascinated as her small hand extends toward me…
…and then she slaps my cock. “Fuck you and your dick.”
White-hot pain flashes through me. I drop to the ground, clutching my injured cock as she storms away.
So angry…but she touched me.
It is a start.
5
ONE MONTH LATER
CALLIE
"We're really leaning into the whole “fiery Latina” thing, aren't we?" Marisol says as I walk into what I privately call “the Ravenclaw cave.” She arches a brow in my direction.
I laugh. I can't help it. "Shut up."
She just grins and then pats the stool next to her. "Come sit when you get a chance."
"Be right there." I'm smiling as I head over to Mardok's work table. It's lit up by a few bright, obnoxious lights and components are scattered everywhere around him. He's flipping through a screen on a device that looks like a tiny tablet and frowning to himself as Farli leans over his shoulder and pretends to read it, too. I lean over the other side of the table and when he doesn't notice me, I cough politely.
Mardok looks up, blinking. "Oh. Callie. Hello."
"Kinda a shitty day outside," I say, gesturing at the cave entrance. "Thought I'd see if you need help with the usual instead of working on my furs today."
He blinks again, rubbing his eyes. "That'd be keffing fantastic, thanks." He pulls out a small basket full of tiny parts and then hands me a teeny tiny brush with soft bristles. "Remember, don't throw anything away."
He tells me that every time I show up t
o help out. Like I'm going to forget. But I nod at him and Farli grins at me. As I watch, she leans in and licks Mardok's ear, and it's fascinating to watch him flush that dark, dark blue at the base of his horns. Poor Mardok gets a little focused on his work and I'm guessing Farli's the only distraction he likes. He turns in his seat and grins at his mate as I take the basket and walk away, because I have no desire to watch them make out like newlyweds. I mean, they are newlyweds, I just have no desire to watch them be all happy together.
I prefer sitting with Mari, because we both seem to be having issues.
I take the basket and move over to her side, where she pushes the stool out. She's got several candles lit, since the electronic lighting from the ship has to be carefully rationed, and I notice she's got a bit of fur as she goes over a basket of components, too. For the last while, pieces of the old ship have been washing up on shore, and Mardok's determined to use what we can to augment our technology here, but he needs small hands to clean sand and salt and grit off of things, which is where we come in. Mari works with Mardok and Harlow a lot, I think. Me, I try to do a little bit of everything. I don't think I could sit in this cave day in and day out but Mari likes it.
Or so she says.
"How's my angry Cubana today?" Mari asks in Spanish as I sit down. "Still raging?"
"Always," I joke, switching to Spanish, too. Mari's the only one that can give me shit about that sort of thing since she's Mexican. "And you'd be angry too if M'tok was in your face all the time."
"Not again. What's he up to now?"
"Oh, the usual." I make a face as I pull out the first component and begin to gently clean it. It's busy work, but talking with Mari makes the time pass faster. I deepen my voice and mimic the accent of the islanders. "I don't understand you, C'lie. We resonated. Why are you not glad that I'm so hot? Look at my muscles. Are they not perfect?" And I mock-flex.
Mari giggles again. "You're so bad. Does he really say that shit?"
"He might as well," I grumble. "Have you tried having a conversation with him? He's very single minded. If it doesn't relate to his dick, he's not interested."
"I'm sure that's not the case," Mari says, a sweet look on her face. "You have to give him a chance. He's trying."
"The only thing he's trying is my patience. If he tried to have a conversation with me about anything other than resonance, I might feel bad, but he literally thinks I should spring onto his jock the moment he appears, and he doesn't understand why I don't want to."
Mari giggles again and pats my knee, sympathetic. "How are you holding up otherwise?"
I stare down at the small, grit-covered component in front of me. I have to be careful to brush away the worst with gentle motions or else something might get scratched, which requires concentration. And today, mine seems to be…lacking. I didn't sleep much last night, and I'm achy. And everything sucks. I rub my eyes absently. "I'm just really tired. I haven't slept well in over a month."
"That's resonance for you," she murmurs. "I wish I could tell you it'll get better, but I'm surprised you've held up this long."
"What other choice do I have?"
Our eyes meet and she just gives me an understanding look. Mari knows how shitty resonance can be, too. Everyone else around here acts like it's fucking Christmas, but Mari resonated to T'chai and he got injured before it could be completed. She told me that the journey back from the island was pure hell because not only was she worried T’chai would die, but resonance was raging through her system for days and days until the healer put an end to it.
That’s an option I’ve been thinking about more lately. I gently brush a few grains of sand off the surface of an unknown component and think about my five things to be grateful for today. Ever since I had the talk with Steph, the whole “five things” has really saved me, mentally. I’ve fallen out of the depressive funk and while I’m probably a little angrier than I should be, I blame that on M’tok.
If anyone had to deal with that jackass trying to get laid daily, they’d be angry, too.
Just thinking about him fires up my temper, so I close my eyes and remind myself of five things that I’m grateful for today. I’m grateful that Devi and N’dek figured out shrimp tea to replace coffee. I’m grateful that I can hide in this cave and get a few hours of quiet while the Tall Horn clan wades out into the icy water and fishes for a while—because if they’re out there, they won’t be bugging me. I’m grateful to have a friend in Mari, who speaks Spanish and reminds me of my cousins. I’m grateful for a full belly and a task that lets me sit with a buddy and chat. That’s five. Later on if I get all pissy again, and I’m sure I will once M’tok comes around once more, I’ll come up with another five. But I take a deep sigh and look over at Mari again, smiling.
Actually, there’s another thing I can be grateful for, I realize.
An option.
Because seeing Mari gives me ideas. “I was thinking,” I say quietly, and glance back at Farli and Mardok across the cave to make sure they’re not listening in. They’re not; it’s clear Farli’s distracting him. “I might get the healer to turn my cootie off like she did yours. Just bail out of the whole resonance thing entirely.”
Mari stiffens.
“It’s just a thought,” I say defensively. “But it’d free me from M’tok and his constant demands for sex.”
Marisol remains silent, and then she slowly shakes her head. “Don’t, Calida,” she whispers, and for a moment, she looks so sad and defeated that I forget all about my own drama. “It’s a mistake.”
“What do you mean?”
Mari glances around the cave, back at Mardok and Farli, and then scoots her stool closer to mine. Our shoulders touch as she talks, and her voice is so low I have to strain to hear it.
Mari gives me a sad look. "When the healer turned off my khui…she turned off everything." She shakes her head. "No matter how hard I try, I can't feel anything."
"What do you mean? Like numbness?" I frown at her, trying to understand.
"No, I mean…when T'chai tries to touch me, I just feel…" She spreads her hands. "Nothing. Before, it was the most exciting thing in the world. It left me breathless. Now I just feel tired all the time. It's like everything is dead inside me." She sighs. "Just don't do it, okay? I wish I never had. I know Veronica was trying to help, but it's just made things worse."
She looks so defeated that I ache with sympathy. Mari's like a sister to me, for all that we're polar opposites in personality. She's calm and shy and gentle and I'm noisy and aggressive. She's never complained about anything before, so to hear this shocks me. I want to hug her, but she looks as if that's the last thing she wants. Her slumped shoulders tell me that this is something she's been dealing with for a while. "Does Veronica know? Can you talk to her about it?"
Mari nods. "We've tried a few different things, but when she turned off resonance, it's like everything inside me shut down and we don't know how to turn it back on again. We keep trying, but so far nothing has worked." She glances back at Farli and Mardok, who are now kissing off in the corner, and her face is filled with blatant envy and longing. She turns back to me and leans in, touching my knee. "Don't say anything, okay? I don't want anyone to know about our…problems. You're the first one I've told."
"I won't say anything." I had no idea Mari was carrying this around. Maybe that's why she seems so distant and detached at times. I thought she was just sad like I was, but it seems as if she's got a lot more on her plate. "And I don't know, if I have to choose between M'tok and nothing at all, I might go with nothing. I can't stand him."
"Don't say that." Mari's gaze gets hard. "You don't get it. You don't know how awful it is to know what resonance can be like and to know there's something wrong with you that's stopping it from getting better. You two can at least come to an agreement, have the baby, and go your separate ways. I don't even have that option. I don't even like to be touched anymore—" Her words choke off and she shakes her head. "Just. Don't. Okay?"
>
"Okay," I say, and then add in Spanish, "Sorry if I'm being an idiot."
"You're not. It's just a weird situation. But friend to friend, don't ask for it. You'll be robbing yourself of a future."
Robbing myself of a future. It's laughable, because isn't that what's already happened? My cootie has decided that M'tok is my future, and I might as well jump off a damn cliff. "I always thought I'd have a big family, you know? I guess the universe is laughing at me."
"Me too. And it's worse because everyone else is all googly-eyed with love." She casts another quick look at the two making out at the back of the cave.
"Chica, I know that's right. Here I am stuck with the biggest fool on the beach." I dust the component with my brush and try not to get too aggressive. It's hard not to do when I think of M'tok. I just want to smash things.
"If I was back home, my mother would make plate after plate of tamales to stuff inside me and light a few candles for the saints." Mari grins weakly. "There's nothing a quick prayer and a belly full of food can't solve."
I snort. "My bisabuela was from the island. She'd probably sacrifice a chicken to try and make him leave."
We both chuckle at that image. Then Mari picks up a new component. "Let's talk about something else, all right? Home just makes me sad."
"Okay." I think for a moment. "What should we talk about?"
She brushes the fur carefully over a component. "T'chai was saying that Shadow Cat cheated in the games the other day. That their clan has better balance than others. You think that's true?"
I squint, mentally visualizing the aliens with lightly furred forearms and legs. They didn't seem any better or worse than any of the other aliens in the beach games we had a few days ago. "I think someone's just pissy that he lost to a man with a peg leg," I point out, thinking of N'dek and how he'd totally killed it in the games, surprising everyone.
Mari giggles. "You might be right."
* * *
After a few hours, my eyes start to hurt from squinting at parts, so I say goodbye to Mari and the others and head out. The drizzling sleet has stopped, which means I can set up my skins again and get back to scraping them. If I was back home, I'd stay in on a horrible day like this. Not that we ever got weather like this in Miami.