by Dixon, Ruby
“You and I both know what is causing this.” I keep my expression grave. “We cannot continue for much longer, Calida. I do not like risking your health.”
I expect her to angrily protest, to shove away from me. Instead, she just sighs and continues to lean against my chest, tapping her fingers lightly on my skin. “I’m kind of amazed we got this far,” she admits after a long moment.
That brings a smile to my lips. “You are the most stubborn of women.”
Her fingers trace down my chest, and I am glad I did not wear a tunic this morning. I wear only my loincloth, and I am reminded of how close she is right now, and how bare her skin is. Only the blankets separate us, and they can easily be moved aside. My cock aches, and my body hums with awareness of how close she is.
“I feel pretty awful,” she admits after a moment. “I’ve been fighting it for a while but I’m just exhausted.”
I nod. What else is there to say? I know what she means. For days now, we have both struggled with energy outside of the furs. The listless feeling comes and goes in waves, and my own dizziness has been creeping in. We have been fighting our khuis for far too long and our bodies are paying the price.
“Can I admit something?” She keeps tracing her fingers over my chest, as if communicating directly with my khui. “I was visiting the healer regularly back in camp to take the worst of the edge off of things. That’s how I was able to hold on for so long. I didn’t say anything because I wanted you to suffer. Does that make me an asshole?”
I chuckle, stroking her hair back from her face. “You think I did not do the same?”
She sits up, glaring at me. “Are you serious?”
Her anger is amusing. She is mad at me for doing as she did? “Of course. I said nothing to you because I wanted you to give in.”
Calida scowls in my direction. “You are the sneakiest motherfucker.”
I touch her chin before she can move away from me. Her gaze meets mine and there is defiance there, but fear, too. I speak softly, determined to win her over. “Listen to me, Calida. We have fought long and hard, but there is no point in putting things off. You like my touch. You do not hate me now that we know each other. We need to accept that resonance has chosen us and embrace it.”
I chose her long ago, but I do not want her to feel targeted, so I make sure to say “us” over and over. If I had my way, Calida would have been in my furs that very first night, and none of this chase would have happened.
Then again, I am also glad for this time with her. It has been hard on the body but I like that we have gotten to know one another.
She studies me for a long moment, then leans against my chest once more. “I’m scared, M’tok.”
Of all the things I expect my fierce mate to say, that is not one of them. I am stunned at her revelation. “Scared? Why? You think you will not like my touch? I know you will.”
“Slow it down there, Mr. Arrogant.” She taps my chest as if to chide me, then sighs. “No. I’m scared because…it’s final. Once I say ‘Yeah, okay, I’m going to have a mate and babies on this planet’ that means I’m here forever.” She is silent for a long moment, and then looks up at me, her eyes wet with emotion. “I’ve been avoiding that.”
“Because you do not want to be here?”
Calida thinks for a long moment. “Because I’m giving up so much. I loved my family back home. I loved my life. It’s hard to think about the fact that I’ll never see any of them again, that I’ll never feel summer, or have running water, or any of those things. It’s not that this place is awful. Sometimes it’s nice.” Her fingers skate over my abdomen, sending sensations through my aching body. “But it means I have to say goodbye to everything else and that’s so hard.”
“I understand.” I stroke her mane.
I do understand. How long did I rage against the catastrophe that destroyed my tribe? How many seasons was I surly and angry to all? How long before I could see a sunrise and not resent it for starting yet another day? I would be angry all over again at losing my home…except Calida is here. She has changed everything.
She sucks in a deep breath. “And resonance means a baby, M’tok.”
“Is that such a bad thing?” I stroke her cheek gently, tracing its softness. “I can be a good mate to you, Calida.”
The look she gives me is skeptical. “I still get to drug you at some point.”
“I have not forgotten.” I touch her lips, thinking of how good it feels to kiss her mouth in the human fashion, to have her tongue touch mine. It is better than the finest of fermented drinks, and makes me lose my head much faster. “You are not alone in this. I will be at your side every step of the way. I am a good hunter. I am an excellent fisherman. I built an excellent hut for our family. And I am good with kits. I will make you happy.”
“So modest,” she murmurs, but a hint of a smile curves her mouth. “Fine. Let’s do it, then.”
“Do it?” I am not certain I am hearing her correctly.
“Resonance.” She sits up and points an accusing finger at me. “But you have to make me come at least once. And I’m going to have to demand more oral.”
“Oral?”
Her face flushes. “Like last night.”
“You mean when I licked you—”
“Yes, just like that,” she snaps. “Jesus. What, do you want me to write it across my forehead? I like your mouth. There. Are you happy?”
“I am,” I tell her, feeling smug. “You will not regret this.”
“Tonight,” she emphasizes. “I need today to settle my brain and wrap around this. And like, to get ready.”
That makes me curious. “Get ready?”
“You know, bathing and stuff?” She shakes her head at me, her brows furrowed. “Fix my hair. Things like that.”
She acts as if she is not naked and pressed against my chest right now, or that I have not touched her every night for the last two hands of days. But if this is what she needs to prepare herself, I nod. “Very well. Tonight. But I want you to stay in the cave this day. I do not trust your strength.”
Calida nods, then tilts her head, studying me. “You haven’t asked me if I love you.”
“Love does not matter. We are resonance mates.” My words make the sad expression return to her eyes, so I touch her chin and shake my head. “Do not look like that, Calida. You humans use the word ‘love’ for a thing the Tall Horn clan knows instinctively. If we do not have love yet, we will. Give it time.”
She hesitates, then nods again. “Just make me happy, all right?”
“I will.”
I vow she will be the happiest of females, because I will give everything I have and everything I am to ensure it is so.
22
CALLIE
I'm stupidly nervous all day.
M'tok is a little unsettled, too, or I could just be projecting on him. Either way, we're both a little quiet as the day passes. There's a new stormy round of snow rolling in, so M'tok double-checks our supplies and organizes our food stores like the anal-retentive organizer he is. I don't mind it, though. After well over a week of living with the guy, I'm starting to find it endearing. I'm glad he's neat, because I sure am not. He doesn't seem bothered by my messiness either, just quietly straightens up after me. He even makes the furs after I get up.
Which makes me think about what we'll be doing in those furs later tonight.
Which makes me get flustered all over again.
It's not like I'm a virgin. Heck, it's not like we're even new to fooling around with each other. M'tok and I have been doing all kinds of dirty things the moment we crawl into the furs, and last night when he went down on me? Demanded to let him taste me? I thought I was going to come utterly unglued. Man's got a good tongue. Of all the boyfriends and lovers I've had in the past, he's already skyrocketed to the top and we haven't even done the deed.
It's just that…in these people's eyes, the moment you say yes to resonance, it's like you're married. And I guess tha
t freaks me out a little. Back home, there'd be tons of ceremony about a marriage. There'd be churches and priests and a veil and a beautiful dress. There'd be relatives from all around coming in to see little Calida getting married. It'd be a family event. Doing this—resonance—without anyone in the village around is great for privacy but at the same time, it feels odd to me.
Hell, all of this feels odd.
I work on my sewing near the fire while M'tok cuts up the dried, smoked fish and neatly packs it away. Normally we're both rather chatty as we work—he'll do something in the cave and I'll work on sewing, and we somehow manage to talk all day long. I never get tired of his stories or run out of things to say to him, but today my tongue is tied. Because tonight, we're gonna resonate. All the foot dragging and all this other shit? It'll be done. After all this, I'll be jumping into bed with M'tok after all, and we're going to make a baby.
I cross myself just thinking about that. A baby. Madre de dios. A mother. Me. And he'll be a father.
And we'll be in the village forever, living on this wintry shore with no hope of ever returning to Earth. Not that there was ever a hope of that—all of the others have been pretty clear about that. But I always hoped…
Time to put that away and face reality. This is my world. That's my man. I look up at M'tok and see he's neatly slicing the fish into four equal sections, his long hair sliding over his shoulder as he works. His tail flicks every now and then in that way I've come to recognize, and he's so focused on his task that I'm able to watch him for a good, long minute before he looks up and realizes I'm staring. Then he sits up on his haunches and grins at me. "Eager?"
That makes me blush. That, and the enormous erection that's pressing against his loincloth. "Arrogant?"
"I meant for fish. Are you eager for fish?"
I know him well enough now that I recognize that sly tone of voice and I snort. "You and I both know you didn't mean fish."
He just chuckles, and I find myself smiling as I push my needle through the leather.
All that stuff I said about needing to get ready was just me buying time for myself. I bathe every day already. I'm not going to do anything special with my hair. I'm just going to be Callie. But I needed time to mentally accept that yes, I'm doing this. It's my decision.
Well, mostly. Some of it can be blamed on the cootie. It's wearing us both down. I'm so tired all the time and my sleep is awful unless I'm in M'tok's arms. Even then, I feel achy and feverish, and I know he struggles, too. Sometimes I see him stumble in the cave, and he looks just as surprised as I am when it happens. We're both falling apart.
Best to just take this bull by the horns and fuck my man.
I suck in a breath and stab my needle through the material again. It's been a while since I've had sex. My last serious relationship was…last year? Maybe longer if the rumors about how long we were sleeping are true. Maybe it's been five years. Maybe ten. I'm not nervous about the sex…well, a little nervous. I've seen—and had my hands on—M'tok's cock. It's bigger than any human dick I've ever touched, and there's the whole spur thing that will either be amazing or terrible. I'm sure things will fit, and even so…I squeeze my thighs tightly together. Even so, it's going to be a learning experience for both of us.
And I'm pretty sure M'tok's a virgin. He hasn't said so, but from what I've deciphered from the stories he told me about his life on the island, he was just reaching adulthood. The proving games were supposed to mark them as men, which meant they'd be free to pursue females in the tribe. Since everyone died, I'm pretty sure he's never touched a boob before mine, much less had sex. For some reason I like the thought that I'm going to be the experienced one. It feels like I'm going to be the one in control.
Which is nice. There's so many things out of my control lately that I'll take whatever wins I can get.
23
M’TOK
I am acutely aware of my mate's presence in the cave.
I can say that now. After tonight, she will be my mate. Calida will no longer push me away. The thought makes my heart quicken, and my khui's song increases with urgency. I pretend to be busy all day, working on menial tasks when all I want to do is stare at her. Touch her. Run my fingers through her mane. Listen to her musical laugh. Enjoy the feel of her soft skin that might be the color of leather but feels incredible.
My body jumps with alertness when she gets up from the furs and heads toward the back of the cave. There is the sound of water splashing, and I know she is bathing.
Which means she readies herself for tonight. For our resonance.
I get to my feet, pacing, and stare at the entrance to the cave. It is dreary outside, the skies hidden by more gray clouds heavy with snow. Has the entire day passed or is it simply getting dark early because more storms are coming in? Either way, it does not matter. Tonight, I am Calida's mate.
I add more fuel to the fire, wanting her to stay warm. I also want to go and watch her bathe, because that has become one of my favorite pastimes. I love watching as she runs the wet cloth over her large teats, rolling the dark nipples with the bit of leather, letting droplets splash from the tips to the floor. She is all softness, my Calida. I think of her belly, rounded as her hips, and the dimples on her bottom that invite my mouth to explore them. I have never seen dimples there on a Tall Horn female and…I decide I like dimples.
No. I do not just like them. I love dimples.
My mouth goes dry as I imagine myself turning my mate over and tasting each of those dimples on her bottom. Tonight, we will use more than just hands. Like last night, she will let me use my mouth on her to give her pleasure, and I run my hand over my lips, wishing I could still taste her. I hunger to do that again. I loved the sounds she made and how she gripped my horns so tightly as she quaked around me.
And tonight, she will take me into her body. I ache so badly that I am certain it will not last long, because—
And then I pause, horrified.
Calida wants me to pleasure her. I promised I would. But my body aches for her, resonance so strong, that I worry I will not be able to fulfill my duty to her. What if I come too quickly? What if I need her too badly?
I look at the entrance of the cave. Should I…go and touch myself? Spend my seed so I can take my time with her? It is not a bad idea.
I head to the front of the cave, pulling my loincloth down so I can touch myself. I have done this several times over the last handfuls of days, just to take the edge off. It is always unsatisfying, but without many options to slake my ever-increasing hunger, I do it anyhow. I cannot maul Calida, after all. She has to want me.
And today she does want me.
The thought makes me stroke my aching cock with quick, hard motions. I want her so badly and tonight, she will be in my arms. Tonight—
"What are you doing?"
I freeze in place. Do I turn around and show her? Pretend as if I am doing nothing? Will she be offended to find out I am touching myself even though I will be touching her shortly? Uncertain of her mood, I stuff my throbbing cock back into my loincloth and try to act casually. "I was looking for the things you call 'goats.'"
Her brows are furrowed together as she towels her long, wet mane with a bit of dry scrap leather. She wears the tunic she sleeps in, but nothing else, her short, rounded legs bare as she approaches the front chamber of the cave. "No, you're not," she tells me. "Unless you get turned on by goats."
I look down. My cock presses against the front of my loincloth, outlined like I have a spear hidden under the leather. It is very obvious.
"Were you jerking it?"
I scoff.
"You were!" She smiles, triumphant at having figured me out.
Clearly my lies are getting me nowhere. I cross my arms over my chest and give her a defensive look. "I wanted to make sure that I would pleasure you properly. If I come too fast, I might not make it good for you. I want this to be the best. So I am preparing myself, just like you prepare yourself."
Calida gives
me a slightly skeptical look, but then she turns around, tossing her damp mane over her shoulder. "Come back by the fire. I have something for that."
Is this when she drugs me? I remember how excited the visshek made her, and how eager for my touch. Is she going to drug herself to endure resonance? That sends a sour feeling to the pit of my belly. I want her to enjoy being with me. I do not want her to ENDURE me. The thought is painful. Even so, I cannot return to what I was doing, so I follow her inside.
She sits by the fire, her legs delicately crossed to one side, ankles locked together. She leans on one hand and gestures that I should sit on the furs next to her. The sight of her is inviting, and despite my wariness, I move eagerly to her side. I want to touch her so badly that I know I will move fast. "Calida, I do this for you. I know that sounds strange—"
"It's okay, M'tok. I know what you were up to." She watches me as I sit down next to her, and then sits up the moment I cross my legs and begins to unstrap my boots. "You're a virgin, aren't you?"
The human word for “inexperienced” in the furs. "I have put my mouth on you," I say. "But no one else."
"And your cock?"
"No one has touched it but me…and you." My body twitches just thinking about her touch. "Do you disapprove?"
"Not at all." She pulls one of my boots off. "Give me your other foot."
I do, watching her as she expertly unties the laces, and soon enough, I am in nothing but my loincloth. When she gestures for me to take it off, I tug at the ties and it falls to the ground before her. "What now?"
"Now I help you out." Calida gives me a sly look and reaches for my cock.
I groan, realizing finally what she means. "You will do this for me?"
"It's for me, too, I promise," she murmurs, and grips my shaft in her hand, then lightly strokes it. My cock is so close to her face that I am fascinated by its nearness. I can watch her expression as she touches me, and…
And the breath dies in my throat when she leans forward and licks the head of my cock.