You can’t help them all. They need to want to change. And I don’t know if Zach really does or not.
Ugh. Just thinking about how helpless I feel in the moment, makes me depressed. I need to try to write, get my mind off this.
After making a mental note to check my email for his response later, I go back to my Word document. For the next five minutes I sit there looking at the blinking cursor trying to think of what to write. Nothing comes to me. It’s frustrating. I have so much material from the previous day, yet I can’t write a single word. Seriously, my fingers should be flying across the keys like a roadrunner, filling the screen with steamy paragraphs that would have even the most chaste woman wanting to go on a date with Mr. Rabbit.
I let out a frustrated sigh.
I guess I’m just not in the mood to write anymore.
Sighing again, I get up from my desk and go over to my bookshelves and begin rummaging through my erotic romance sections. There’s nothing like a good book to pull me out of a slump. I grab one with a shirtless hot guy with six pack abs on the cover, entitled Deep Inside. I already know what I’m getting with such a title, and I’m hoping it’s just what I need to forget about my depressing work. Some days are hard. But it makes the good days that much better.
I settle down in my favorite recliner and begin reading. After a couple of paragraphs, I decide that I need something hotter. I skip straight to the first sex scene, but after several paragraphs of that, I find my mind wandering. The words are filled with passion, but I don’t feel any of it. They seem dry. Empty. It doesn’t even begin to compare to...
My mind wanders back to my masked Sir that I submitted to the day before, and the sadness I feel falls away. Images of how he handled my body and how he got me off flash before my eyes. A soft moan escapes my lips.
God, it was so hot, so incredibly intense. Just thinking about it now, leaves me breathless. The intensity of my orgasm and how he controlled me made me call out the safe word without even realizing it.
Lollipop.
I huff out a little giggle at the word. I don’t know what I was thinking when I told him that I wanted it to be that. Maybe I thought it was cute. He didn’t look like he thought it was, but in the end, he didn’t care. He was more concerned with my body and pushing me to my limits.
I think I pissed him off by saying it. But I couldn’t help myself. I was overwhelmed.
One thing that keeps bothering me though, is that he didn’t show any commitment to me. He didn’t ask for my number, or show any interest in following me from the club. He let me leave without mentioning anything, other than not wearing underwear next time. It’s not like that’s a normal occurrence. I’m sure there are rules against men following a woman from the club, but it still would have made me feel special if he’d asked me for more. I sure as fuck want more.
I’m curious to see where this goes. I’ve read all about BDSM, and I’ve researched Master and Slave relationships. I figure that I can at least try this if he pursues me, knowing the only way I’ll really understand a M/s relationship is if I experience it for myself. My knowledge from reading about it makes me feel confident that I can handle it. It’s a win-win relationship for me. I get to explore this dark sexual world, and further my research for my book at the same time.
Still, the forbidden and dark aspects keep me from committing fully. Thank fuck for Club X. A knock on the door pulls me out of my reverie. Clearing my throat, I get up to see what it is. The postal truck is driving off when I open the door, and down at my feet there’s a large parcel sitting on my front steps, a beautiful white box with a white bow tied around it. Furrowing my brow with curiosity, I pick it up. It’s rather light for its size, and I take it inside, setting it down on the kitchen table.
As I unwrap the item from the tissue paper, I can’t stop the gasp that escapes from my lips, my heart skipping a beat. It’s a rather revealing white lace dress that is see-through in seductive places. My cheeks flame with a blush at the thought of wearing it. As I hold it up to the light, my heart races.
It’s so beautiful. Luxurious and obviously expensive. And exactly my size. As I press it up against my chest, the significance isn’t lost on me. Tonight, Club X’s theme is all white. I can hardly wait. I set the dress on the table, but something brushes against my arm. I look down.
There’s a note attached to the dress. I pick it up, and my heart only speeds up even faster as I read the simple words.
I’ll see you tonight, my flower.
Your Sir.
Chapter 6
Joseph
As I wait at the long mahogany bar at the front entrance of Club X just outside of the foyer, I take another look at the text from my brother. I don’t know why I do this to myself. I have no intention of texting him back. There’s no reason for me to be involved at all with my family anymore. They have nothing to offer me, and I have nothing to offer them, despite what my brother seems to think.
Roberto may be a few years younger, but he’ll be the one taking over the familia. I don’t need to listen to a damn thing that he says right now though. I sure as fuck don’t have to listen to my father either.
I’m not getting sucked back into that life. I have no intention of going back to them. I’m not going to be a puppet for them. I’m not going to take over like I was supposed to. I played my part and took the fall; I’m done with them.
I don’t ever expect to live a normal life. I know that’s not meant for a man like me.
I wasn’t brought up to be normal. There are things I’ve done that are unforgivable. The sins of my past will always stay with me, and they made me into the man I am. Whether I like that or not, it’s true. My own mother was a whore. My father, Angelo, and the Don of the Levi familia, wanted sons, so he knocked several women up, one after the other, until he was given two boys. I grew up surrounded by prostitutes and drug cartels. I’ve sat through dinners that were ended with gunshots or stabbings. It was normal, and there was never a moment where safety was a possibility. There was a promise of loyalty, but in actuality any and everyone was waiting to stab one another in the back.
That’s the kind of life I’d be living. It’s the shit that I lived through. Even when I left the familia, my past followed me. My name still follows me.
Not responding to my brother, half-brother really, sends a strong message. I don’t give a fuck though. I have no intention of sending one back. There’s no reason for us to meet up. We have nothing in common. I have a conscience. It may have taken me a long time to find a way out, but I have a desire to lead a different life, even if I'm already condemned to hell. My brother doesn’t share that desire. All he cares about is money, greed and selfishness. I wouldn’t be surprised if he kills our father one day. Not that I’ll shed any tears over it. They’re both despicable for what they’ve done.
I have enough money I never need to work a day in my life again, one of the unforeseen bonuses of having the Romanos’ funds sent to my account. It was meant to be evidence used against me, but never came to fruition. I need a new life; I need something to look forward to. Something to give me purpose.
I think back to Lilly, and my hand gently starts swirling the whiskey in the tumbler. She more than interests me. I click the button on the side of the phone before slipping it back into my pocket and take a swig. The burn does nothing to soothe the sickness stirring in the pit of my stomach at the thought of Lilly not coming back.
I know I need to be gentle with her. I can’t be the ruthless man that I used to be. I need to hide the darkness that’s inside me as best as I can until I have her fully and completely trusting me. I need to get the fuck out of here, too.
The couples walk around me, the Submissives completely unknowing, nor do they care who I am. Most of their eyes are focused on the ground. Some of the men walk by me without taking a second look, but most of them hold contempt for me. The newspapers crucified me, as they should have. My name is practically a slur. I look up at the one man that
dares to give me a hard look. The moment my eyes meet his, he breaks his gaze, pretending to stare past me. Fucking coward.
I look to my right, signaling the bartender for one more. There’s a two-drink limit in Club X for obvious reasons, but my tolerance is high enough now that the drinks hardly have an effect on me. As the bartender catches my eye, I notice a man to my right staring at me once again.
It’s Zander. Zander Payne. I’m well aware of who he is and what he’s capable of. Even if most of the men in here have no idea. I snort at the thought. He’s someone the men here should truly be afraid of.
There’s an odd look on Zander’s face. A look like he has something to say.
I hold his gaze as the bartender sets my glass of whiskey down on the counter in front of me. I wrap my fingers around the glass and bring it to my lips, not moving my eyes off Zander. He doesn’t drop his gaze either.
I’ve never said a single word to the man. I’ve never said a word to any of the men here except for Isaac, the head of security, but that was brief and inconsequential. I have no fucking reason to talk to them.
I only came as a favor to Kiersten. She was worried about me. She’s always worried about everything and everyone.
As the whiskey burns down my throat and fills my chest with the heat I’ve come to rely on for comfort, Zander finally walks toward me with purposeful steps. He has to walk around a few of the couples. One girl notices Zander walking by and obviously pushes her breasts up and out. She’s sitting on a stool leaning forward, her white lingerie wrapped around her body and tied around her neck. Her head lowers until she looks up at him through her thick lashes, attempting to be submissive, although she’s doing a poor job of it. But he ignores her.
Just as he ignores all the women here. No one else may see it, but I know the only reason Zander's here is for business. He likes to keep an eye on his assets. He likes to have an eye over everyone around him. That’s just the man he is. And I truly admire it, although it’s hard to admit that. I do the opposite, I try to stay away from anything and everything that reminds me of what I used to be. The only problem is I have no idea what that leaves me with.
“Mr. J? Is that what you go by here?” Zander asks me, standing a few feet from me as he rests his hand against the bar, in a seemingly casual stance.
“I prefer Sir.” I set the whiskey down and leave it there, squaring my shoulders and waiting for him to say whatever it is that’s on his mind.
“Ah,” he says easily. This is the way he approaches all things in his life. With a casual air that makes him seem harmless. Charming, even. But I know what he’s capable of. I’ve seen it firsthand. Everyone owes him but me. And I won’t be making any business deals with a cunning shark like him.
“Sir?” He lets out a small laugh while shoving his hands into his pockets and looking past me. “I was wondering when you were going to begin indulging.”
I don’t respond to him. I’m not sure if he's referring to Lilly, or my bid on the auction last month. Either way, I don’t give a fuck. What I do in here and outside of the club is none of his business. The less this man knows about me, the better. I look past him, toward the front entrance, waiting for Lilly. I know that she received my package. I’m only curious whether or not she’s decided to obey me, to wear the dress I’ve given her and to come without any undergarments on. The latter is what I’m truly curious about. Not only did I give her the order yesterday, but from what I know about her, it’s out of her element to be so brazen.
Zander shrugs as he says, “Not that it’s any of my concern.” He signals the bartender and orders a draft beer.
“Is there something you wanted to ask me, Zander?” I say to get to the point and end this charade.
His pretty boy face flashes a smirk, although he still staring at the back wall where the shelves of liquor bottles are lined up. “I may have heard something I thought you would be interested in knowing.”
A man walks quickly in our direction. I’ve seen him before a time or two, although his name doesn’t come to memory. He's a businessman, not someone that I would ever be involved with in the past. Although he does seem to know who I am, judging by the way he avoids my gaze at all cost. The last time I saw him was while I was in the dungeon with Lilly. I search around him for his pet, Adela, but she’s absent today. My blood simmers, thinking he’s hurt her again. Kiersten told me about him, about an incident. I glare at the man, hating that I have to share the same air he breathes. He clears his throat as he pats Zander’s right shoulder, taking his attention away from me.
“Master Z,” he says, and the man’s voice is rougher and lower than I would’ve anticipated. My eyes hone in on a bruise at his throat, like fingers still wrapped around his windpipe. I look back at Zander and put two and two together. I back away slightly, turning and giving them privacy. Before I can turn from them completely, I notice Zander's annoyance with the man. He looks at the man’s hand pointedly before responding in a low voice laced with a threat, “Yes?”
The man seems fidgety, leaning forward and whispering not so softly, “If you have a minute, I’d like to talk.”
Zander nods at the man and then turns back to me, grabbing the beer off the bar.
“If you want to talk,” Zander says to me, only looking me in the eyes for a moment as he stands. The permanent smile on his face is nowhere to be seen, “I heard something you may be interested in knowing.” Without anything else he leaves, walking from the bar of Club X down the hallway with the man following him and away from the onlookers.
I have no idea what he could have heard, or why it would concern me. I’m not willing to make a deal with him, but I won’t deny that I’m the least bit curious. My eyes follow the two men as they disappear from view.
I down what’s left in my glass, setting it on the bar behind me as I swallow the amber liquid.
As soon as the glass tumbler hits the wooden bar, the doors open for Lilly. The bouncer gives her a small nod and she continues forward with confidence, both hands gripping her wristlet. She’s in a long trench coat that goes down to her knees, although her calves are bare. Her high heels are nude with rose gold tips and matching rose gold heels.
She walks to the desk to check her coat, just as most of the other guests do. Some walk past her and make their way past me and off to the right down the hall to the private rooms. Many guests here don’t even bother with the public. They just like the privacy and protection that the club offers. The black and white tweed trench coat slips off her shoulders down to her elbows, exposing her bare back from the white lace halter dress that I’ve given her.
She’s a vision dressed all in white. The shimmering silk only makes her tanned skin look that much more kissable. As she takes off the coat, it brushes against the hem of the dress, pulling it up slightly and unbeknownst to her, showing more of her upper thigh. Several men around her take in the sight of her gorgeous curves. She doesn’t notice them. She doesn’t realize how tempting she is. I could wait for her to come to me. She’s obedient. And the fact that she wore the dress I sent her, signifies that she wants me still.
After seeing the two of us interact in the dungeon, she’ll be getting more attention than she ever did before. So long as I don’t put a collar around her neck.
But I’m not going to give any of these men a chance to come between us.
I push off of the bar, walking straight toward her as she hands her coat to the man behind the counter.
I’m going to make sure they all stay away and that they know she’s mine.
Chapter 7
Lilly
I step into Club X, my limbs trembling with excitement, my eyes taking in the themed decorations. There’s white everywhere, the usual red sconces on the wall giving off a soft, pure glow, the tables decorated with silk ivory tablecloths, and even the walls have been draped with temporary white lace curtains, giving the ballroom an almost heavenly feel.
The air inside the club seems to crackle, only adding
to the anxiety twisting in my stomach. Keeping in with the theme, everyone is dressed in white finery. I inhale in a sharp breath as my eyes flit about the room, in awe of the other women. They all look gorgeous, angelic even. The men still wear masks, but they’re all white.
If I didn’t know any better, I would think the attendees were dressed to gain entry to the gates of heaven, or a slutty version anyway, I imagine. I huff out a small laugh at the thought. It’s comical when I think about it. I’m pretty sure with all the debauchery and fornication that goes on under this roof, everyone here is going straight to hell. Worry mingles in with my excitement as I peer down at my white lace dress that Sir gifted me. I think I look alright in comparison to the other Submissives and Slaves, but it’s hard not to feel a sense of inadequacy. I thought I looked good in it back at home, but I’m slightly nervous that I may disappoint him. My Sir.
Slowly, I remove the overcoat from around my shoulders, the cool air of the club hitting my flesh and causing goosebumps to travel over every inch of my body. I shiver at the sensation, my nipples almost pebbling against the soft white fabric as it shifts against my skin. That’s when I see him over at the bar, his intense, dark eyes boring into mine. My heart skips a beat as I gaze back into his handsome visage. He looks heavenly, dressed in an all-white suit, and I love how his white winged mask frames his chiseled features. His hard jawline and piercing eyes remind me somewhat of Thor, but I know this hero would rather wield a whip than a hammer.
My breathing quickens as I stare at him, my mind filled with the image of him wielding a whip. My skin pricks from the desire that flows up from my stomach.
His eyes seem to call to me with hypnotic power, and before I know it, I’m moving toward him without even thinking about it. My coat falls into the hands of the coat check attendee, quickly forgotten. By the time he reaches me, I feel as though I’m completely under his control. He could tell me to jump, and I wouldn’t even ask how high. I’d just do it.
Owned: Highest Bidder Page 5