by Kallysten
Shutting all of these sensations out seemed like the best thing to do, and Claire tried to do just that by deliberately not inhaling, narrowing her eyes and looking down at her feet as she walked. She struggled not to shove her fingers into her ears.
Matthew stopped walking and looked at her, an eyebrow raised. He seemed to understand what was happening because his face softened and he spoke very quietly.
"Don't try to stop it, and don't try to identify it all either. Let it all roll over you until you get used to it. It'll take weeks before you stop noticing everything, but the sooner you accept the extra input, the easier it'll be to deal with."
Claire tried, but found herself growing dizzy as she struggled to assimilate too much information. “I can't..."
"Yes, you can. Choose one thing and focus on it and nothing else. Don't block the rest, just let it pass through you. One thing, sweetie."
His thumb was stroking against the back of her hand. It was a light touch, barely there, the echo of a caress, but its regular rhythm soothed Claire and grounded her enough that she let out a quiet sigh.
"OK. Better."
They started walking again. Claire tried not to think of anything save for the repetitive motion of his thumb on her skin. It took her a few moments to realize that the woman striding past her car, her ankle-length dress billowing around her legs and her heels clicking on the pavement was Diane.
"My car..."
"We have a car in a garage just past the corner,” Matthew said when she didn't finish. “With enough light proofing in case we're still on the road by morning."
'We’ again. Every time Claire heard that word in Matthew's mouth, she couldn't help wondering who he meant. He and Diane, he and Claire, or all three of them? From what she had witnessed so far, Matthew followed where Diane led, whether it meant leaving town or turning Claire. He had called her his Sire, but Claire suspected she was more than that. She wasn't sure what role that left for her.
"Where are we going?” she asked, both because she had just realized he had never answered her and because she wanted to hear his voice again.
What she heard, however, was spite and reprobation, coming from a side alley just as they were passing it.
"Yeah, I'd like to know that too, so I know where to find you when you cry out for help."
Claire's hand tightened over Matthew as a flash of fear coursed through her. Had she been human, her heart would have been racing. But then, if she had been human she wouldn't have been afraid of Jonas—at least, not for herself.
"I thought I made myself clear about you leaving Claire alone,” Matthew lashed out, his words cold as the dead of winter.
"Funny, I thought I had made myself clear about it."
A gust of wind brought Jonas’ scent to Claire. She had never known before that instant that jealousy was a smell as well as a feeling, but she recognized it instantly. It was acrid, like the smell of burning tires, and it irritated her nose. She rubbed at it with the back of her hand. In a blink, the acridness disappeared. The shock in Jonas’ widening eyes as he looked from her neck to her face was plain enough that Claire knew immediately what he had just figured out. He had often claimed he could identify vampires on sight, but she had never realized until now it was more than boasting on his part.
"Fuck, Claire, no..."
His right hand shot to the stake at his belt and he gripped it so hard his knuckles turned white. He didn't pull it out, though, not yet.
"Don't even think about it,” Matthew practically growled. He angled his body so that he fully shielded Claire. “If you even try to touch a hair of her head—"
"Touch her?” Jonas spat. “You're the one who did this. I should have dusted you that first night before you could hurt her!"
Claire couldn't see him anymore, but she could hear his heels on the sidewalk, coming closer. Matthew let go of the suitcase handle and it made a dull sound as it fell. Claire reacted instantly. She stepped to the side, evading Matthew's arm when it shot up to push her back. Raising her hand up toward Jonas, fingers spread out, she wished she could find the words to stop him now before it became ugly.
"Please don't."
Jonas shook his head. After the way he had talked to her when performing the disinvite on her house, she would have expected a resounding, “I told you so” and the same disgust he always showed when talking about a newly turned vampire. What she saw instead, anger and even, maybe, just a bit of sadness, surprised her a little.
"You've accused me of killing vamps without cause. You think I'll let go of the one who killed the woman I was going to marry?"
After all these months, she was taken aback to hear him refer to her as such, but she didn't have time to figure out what it meant.
"He didn't kill me."
Jonas laugh was almost a bark. “And I'm supposed to believe that?"
"You're supposed to believe me."
"You're not the woman I knew. Not anymore."
He took a step closer, straightening so that he was standing of all his height. Claire could feel Matthew tense at her side, and she was sure he would get between her and Jonas again. She didn't give him time, and placed herself in front of him instead.
"What do you think you're doing?” he hissed into her ear.
She didn't answer him, and stood her ground when his hand closed on her shoulder and tried to pull her back. Keeping her chin high and her eyes on Jonas, she put all her conviction in her words.
"I'm leaving town, Jonas. My...” She caught herself just before calling Matthew her Sire. She doubted Jonas would have been impressed. “...friend is coming with me. And if you ever loved me, you'll let us go."
He was laughing again before she even finished.
"It's because I loved Claire that I'll avenge her, don't you get that?"
She was about to start arguing with him when she realized something. His scent, his voice, the way he stood and finally eased the stake out of the loop of leather, all gave the same distinct feeling to her. She knew him well enough to know when he lied, and this wasn't it. He truly believed the Claire he had known was gone, and that killing her killer was the right thing to do. She wouldn't make him change his mind, not like this, and if he didn't change his mind, someone here was going to get hurt, or worse.
"Unless..."
She blinked in surprise. In her experience, Jonas didn't yield, not when he thought he was right, not like this.
"Unless what?” Matthew asked. His voice was steel.
Jonas’ eyes narrowed. “You mentioned a video."
Claire shook her head in disbelief. Seconds ago, Jonas had been promising vengeance for her death, and now he seemed only interested in protecting himself.
A car came to a stop in the street behind Matthew and Claire, and Diane's voice rose, calling for them. Jonas gave the car and its driver a cursory glance before looking at Matthew, now ignoring Claire even as she stood between the two men.
"Give it to me,” he continued, “and I'll let you leave. No hunting you down, no alert sent to the S.E. network. Free pass."
Claire snorted. “Free pass for who? If you believe for one second—"
"Get in the car, sweetie."
Startled, she looked at Matthew. His eyes were still on Jonas.
"What? You can't mean—"
"Go ahead. Now."
There was an edge in his voice that made Claire's shoulders tense.
"He kills vampires who have done nothing to deserve it,” she insisted.
"And right now he's menacing to kill you. In the car, Claire."
As much as she wanted to protest still, she realized that she couldn't; the part of her that had known as soon as she had awakened that Matthew was her Sire refused to let her. She gave him a look that, she hoped, said how much she disagreed, and walked to the car where Diane opened the back door for her. She slipped in and closed the door again, watching what was going on through the tinted windows.
Matthew had picked up the suitcase and
opened it, just enough to slip his hand inside. The camera came out, the silver gleaming in the night. It changed hands. There was some talking, which Claire didn't pay attention to. She had hoped for so long for evidence to strip Jonas of his Special Enforcer license, and now it was slipping out of her hands.
Never turning his back on Jonas, Matthew walked to the car. He threw the suitcase in the trunk before opening Claire's door. She scooted back to make room for him, and through the door heard Jonas’ parting words.
"If you ever bring her back ... you're both dust."
Diane started the car. Within minutes, they had passed the city limits. Claire kept her tongue as long as she could, but she just had to let out her disappointment.
"I wish you hadn't given the video to him."
Next to her, Matthew reached to take her hand and squeezed it. “We got out of there without a scuffle. That was worth the video."
She was about to protest, but Matthew didn't give her time. “It was worth it. You're safe, and that's worth anything. Besides, we can get more evidence."
She doubted it would be that easy, but Matthew's tone made it clear that it was useless arguing. She fell silent for a little while, and then the words slipped out before she could stop herself.
"I can never go back, can I?"
She knew the answer already; she had known since realizing that for Jonas, she was dead and gone. If he ever saw her again, he wouldn't be seeing Claire, only a vampire he would have no qualms about killing with or without reason. But even though she knew she had just left her life behind her, both figuratively speaking and very concretely, she needed to hear someone confirm it to make it more real. She had directed the question toward Matthew, but his only answer was to pull their linked hands to his lips for a kiss. The same sadness Claire had noticed before but still couldn't understand filled his gesture and face. From behind the wheel, Diane spoke without looking back at them.
"You'll learn that never is not a word vampires use too often. You will go back, if you want to, just not anytime soon."
The car reached the highway; Diane inserted herself easily into the traffic and sped up. Behind the tinted glass, other cars were little more than trails of light, as ephemeral as the fireflies in Claire's backyard. She wondered if she'd ever sit on the porch again to enjoy a quiet night.
"I know it's hard,” Matthew murmured, drawing her attention back to him, “but in time you'll get used to it."
Claire considered his words for a few moments. He meant well, she could see that, but he didn't seem to understand what she felt.
"No, it's not that hard.” She leaned toward him, resting her head against his shoulder and her hand on his thigh, and closed her eyes. “Not anywhere near as hard as it could have been."
She didn't finish the thought, unwilling to voice it where Diane could hear, but hoped that Matthew understood. He might not believe she loved him yet, but she did. Starting a new existence by his side, even with so many unknowns, wasn't such a hardship at all.
* * * *
Diane drove for half the night, then Matthew took over, continuing to go north. He kept glancing back in the rear-mirror, half expecting to see Claire in it. Every time he didn't, a jolt of guilt ran through him. She had said it wasn't hard for her, but it definitely was for him.
"I can take a turn at driving if you want."
"I'm fine, sweetie. We're almost there."
A couple hours at the most, and they would be on their new hunting grounds. Diane had called their landlady there when they had stopped for gas and asked for the apartment to be cleaned and supplied in blood by the time they arrived. Matthew had heard her ask for clothes in Claire's size as well. He regretted not having thought of it himself.
Next to him, Diane cleared her throat. When he glanced at her, she had shifted in the passenger seat so that her back was to the door and she was facing him.
"That's all you're going to tell your Childe?"
Matthew's hands tightened on the steering wheel at the stress she put on that last word. She did not need to remind him what Claire was; he was highly unlikely to forget what had happened.
"What else do you want me to tell her?"
"You could start by explaining that her reflexes are much faster than they used to be, and she needs to get used to them before trying to drive.” Her voice was strange, part indifference and part ice. Matthew wasn't sure which was the true feeling. “You could also say that there's blood in the cooler if she's hungry, which she's obviously been for hours even if she hasn't said a word. You'd have noticed if you weren't so lost in your own mind. And while you're at it, you could tell her more about the way we hunt, that is, if you even started on that."
Matthew kept his eyes on the road and pushed a little harder on the gas pedal.
"I have time to tell her about all that.” He had to struggle to speak, his jaw clenching so that he wouldn't blurt out Diane hadn't been so forthcoming with information when she had turned him. “I don't want to overwhelm her."
"You don't want to overwhelm her?” Diane snorted. “So you'd rather leave her to be confused and lost—"
"I'm here, you know. So please stop talking about me like I'm not."
Claire's words were calm, but a tiny bit of annoyance colored them. Matthew threw a glance at the rear view mirror, only realizing his mistake too late. It didn't escape Diane's scrutiny however; he saw her shake her head from the corner of his eyes.
"I could ask questions if I wanted to,” Claire continued. “I can speak for myself."
The seat creaked slightly as Diane shifted on it, turning toward the back of the car. Whatever transpired between the two women, Matthew wasn't privy to it, and he tried not to wonder. When Diane turned back to face the road, there was a hidden spark of laughter in her tone.
"You might want to teach her respect for her elders, too.” She paused for a few seconds, then added more seriously. “At least she's defending you. That's a start."
Matthew could imagine himself slamming on the brakes until the car stopped and getting out of it. He had never before wanted to get away from Diane, but every second in this car with her, Claire and his guilt was turning the borrowed blood in his veins to acid. He kept driving, though, going yet a little faster so that they'd arrive that much sooner.
He kept driving, because he didn't know what would be worse: stopping and leaving both Diane and Claire behind, or taking Claire with him, and have no one left to blame but himself when he looked at her.
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Chapter Twenty
Claire had thought and hoped that she would be alone with Matthew again once they arrived wherever they were going. Alone with him, she would have felt more comfortable asking questions and giving in to her need to touch him. In the car, when he had taken the wheel, she had needed to fight herself not to reach over and simply lay her hand on his shoulder or on his arm. She didn't want to know what Diane would have said if she had. With the sharp tongue Diane had used toward Matthew, it almost seemed as though she regretted killing Claire and having her around.
When they reached their destination however, it soon became clear that Diane wasn't going anywhere, and Claire was a little dismayed to discover that the three of them would live in the two-bedroom apartment together.
"Something wrong, sweetie?"
From behind the threshold, Claire looked inside. Diane was already disappearing past a door on the left of the large living area, while Matthew waited just inside the apartment, a suitcase in hand and a slight frown on his face. Next to him, Laura Ashfield, the landlady who had just uttered an invitation for Claire to enter, gave a discreet glance at her watch. It was close to five in the morning.
"Nothing wrong,” she lied, and walked in.
Matthew gave her a small approving smile that soothed her at the same time as it made her feel silly. Something inside her still needed him to be proud of her, but entering their new home was hardly a feat to be celebrated.
; "The clothes are in the second bedroom,” Laura announced, guiding Matthew and Claire down to a room facing the one Diane had entered. “The selection was limited at this hour but I did my best. I hope you'll approve of my choices."
The cream walls of the bedroom matched the heavy drapes covering the window as well as the bed's comforter. The effect was to make the room seem bland, and even the solid wood of the headboard and dressers did not change that. It looked like a bedroom that had rarely been used until this night, the antithesis to Matthew's space in his old apartment. Claire knew, then, that she would sleep alone in that bed. Her chest seemed to compress abruptly, feeling strangely hollow.
"Claire? Did you hear me?"
Blinking away her disappointment, Claire looked at her Sire, and tried to keep the betrayal she felt out of her eyes.
"Do you like the clothes?"
Her eyes followed his gesture to the foot of the bed, and the neat piles of clothes she hadn't noticed before. Jeans, shirts, underwear, mostly in blue and green colors.
"Nice,” she replied without thinking.
"I hope they fit you.” Laura gave her an appraising look. “I think they will. The measurements seem right. As for the colors...” She gave Matthew an impish grin. “I took the liberty of going with your favorites."
Only then did it dawn on Claire that the clothes were for her. Matthew had to have asked Laura to get them for her, so she would have something to change into as soon as they arrived. Her chest loosened slightly, enough for her to smile.
"Thank you. It all looks great."
Laura nodded gracefully before leaving the room, while Matthew looked at Claire as though trying to decipher a riddle.
"Thank Diane. She's the one who thought of this and guessed your clothing size. We'll get you more tomorrow night. Why don't you put it all away in the dresser? I need to talk to Laura."