Another note: This comic builds, and it’s not an action comic, and therefore could be designated as “talking heads” a lot, but I try to give it scenes and background that keep it interesting. I think the comic panels should reflect the alteration in Jesse’s state of mind, along with events and dialogue. This keeps a kind of slow burn more interesting, and then in the end it becomes more dynamic. Much of the strength of the piece is the build, and the tension the artist puts into panels.
First page or so sets up town and era and mood, some symbolic ideas to go with the captions.
All CAPTIONS are Hap’s internal dialogue.
Lastly, the artist may decide to change the size and number of panels, which is fine as long as the script is being properly conveyed. I like the artist to have freedom to create.
THE BOY WHO BECAME INVISIBLE
PAGE ONE
Four Panels
Panel One:
FIRST THIRD OF A PAGE
One end of the street looking down at—
View of a typical small East Texas town, one long main brick-street drag with buildings on either side, circa 1940s, though the story takes place in the 1960s. So keep that in mind. A couple of 1960s automobiles coast down the street, one toward us, one away from us.
CAPTION
I grew up in a little East Texas town called Marvel Creek.
Panel Two:
CAPTION
Not much happened there that will remembered outside the town and the surrounding countryside—
SECOND THIRD OF PAGE, AERIAL VIEW
View of the Sabine River, which is long, and muddy-colored and winding, but it’s rarely a wide river, so we will use a medium-size run of water as it hurtles under a high metal trellis bridge, and all along the water is bordered by tall trees, oaks and pines and hickories, and close to the shore, willows and a few shrubs.
Panel Three:
AVERAGE-SIZE LEFT-HAND PANEL.
CAPTION
—but more went on there than outsiders might suspect. Some of it as evil as a water moccasin bite on a blistering hot day . . .
Close-up on a water moccasin swimming in the river water.
Panel Four:
A DARK SKY and a long, nasty, brightly flaring lightning bolt.
CAPTION
. . . as unexpected and deadly as being struck by a blast of lightning.
PAGE TWO
Four Panels
Panel One:
MEDIUM PANEL
A schoolyard with young kids running and playing, the school behind them, a structure of red brick and shiny windows, circa 1950s style.
CAPTION
Our little school wasn’t much. And frankly, I preferred to stay home and read books.
Panel Two:
MEDIUM PANEL
CAPTION (1)
I pretended to be sick a lot.
CAPTION (2)
When I wasn’t reading books, I liked to run along the creeks and through the woods with my best friend, Jesse.
The woods with a little creek winding along through it, and running beside the banks of the creek are two boys about nine or ten. One is Hap, the narrator of our story; the other is Jesse. Hap is a nice-looking kid with an air of contentment. Jesse is a raw-boned, long-legged, ragged-clothed kid with greasy hair that falls in his face.
What we see in their faces is the youthful excitement of being alive.
Panel Three:
CAPTION
Jesse was a kid’s kid. He could juggle.
Jesse juggling rubber balls as Hap watches with surprise and delight.
Panel Four:
CAPTION
I couldn’t.
Hap dropping balls as he tries to juggle, a look of disappointment on his face.
PAGE THREE
Three Panels
Panel One:
CAPTION
He could walk on his hands.
Jesse doing just that, in perfect upright position, legs straight and high to the sky.
Panel Two:
Hap is attempting to walk on his hands. We see him with his head down and his legs bent and him toppling.
CAPTION
I couldn’t.
Panel Three:
HALF-PAGE PANEL
CAPTION
I knew Jesse’s family lived differently than we did. They were very poor. So were we. But compared to them, we were the Rockefellers.
Very important to give some of Jesse’s background, or at least how Hap sees it.
Hap and Jesse in tire swings side by side, swinging on ropes fastened to the tires and the limb of a huge oak.
Behind them we see a rundown shack with a porch to one side, and a leaning outhouse out to the left and some distance away from the house. There are old cars in the yard, tireless, wheel-less, up on blocks. Along with that, strewn about the yard, are overturned washing machines, hubcaps, and heaps of drying grass.
PAGE FOUR
Four Panels
Panel One:
DAY
CAPTION
And although my father couldn’t read or write, he was a raging intellectual compared to Jesse’s old man, Cletus.
SIDE VIEW AND MEDIUM-SIZED PANEL
Jesse’s old man, a classic peckerwood-cracker-son-of-a-bitch. He’s big, tall, and raw-boned like Jesse, but broad-shouldered with muscled arms. He’s wearing overalls and his hair is greasy and combed back Elvis-style with what was called a duck’s ass in the back—long, oily, flipped-up hair at the base of the neck. He is shirtless under the overalls.
Cletus has Jesse by the back of the neck, has his belt off and looped, and he’s beating Jesse like a drum.
Hap is standing off to the side, shocked.
SFX
Sound effect of Jesse caterwauling.
Panel Two:
CAPTION (1)
Cletus had the brain of a flea, the ambition of a frog, and the temper and savagery of a wounded bear.
CAPTION (2)
He could go off on Jesse for the slightest reason. Real or imagined.
MEDIUM-SIZED PANEL
Another angle on this scene. Jesse facing us, his old man behind him. His eyes are lit with anger or glee, a little of both, if that’s possible to present, and his arm is raised high, the belt coiled and ready to strike. Although we are showing the same thing as the panel before, I think seeing what’s going on twice and from a different angle affects the viewer more, and lets us really know how nasty Jesse’s home life is. But, if the artist wants to use these two panels to make several small panels to show what’s going on, that’s cool too. I’m for the artist using common sense.
Panel Three:
MOMENTS LATER, ANOTHER ANGLE
Jesse and Cletus, and in this scene Cletus is giving Jesse a good kick in the ass, sending him flying.
CAPTION
Cletus was a brutal old bastard.
Panel Four:
Hap is running by the front porch, away from Cletus’s home, and on the porch we see Cletus’s wife, a rundown middle-aged woman with black eyes.
CAPTION
He didn’t treat his wife or dogs any better. And as far as Jesse’s mother was concerned, he was on his own.
PAGE FIVE
Six Panels
Panel One:
INTERIOR CLASSROOM, DAY
Big panel for establishing classroom and kids.
No teacher is present yet. Blackboard. Desks. A globe of the world setting on it. Usual stuff. Pencils, notepads. Teacher supplies.
The kids are all sitting in their desks. Jesse is in the front row wearing ragged clothes, and behind him is Hap, simply dressed. Nothing fancy, but not ragged.
In a desk on Jesse’s right is a solid-looking fifth grader, already looking as if some day he’ll own a car dealership, have a gym membership, and have a mistress on the side and a fat pile of money. He’s got a flattop and he’s well-dressed for a fifth grader. This is JAMES.
Behind James is a near carbon copy, a little smaller, red h
air. This is Ronnie. He’s yukking it up over James’s remarks.
Across from James there is a cute, blonde girl. This is MARILYN. She’s laughing as James delivers his line. If ever there was a wicked harpy in the making, she is it.
JAMES
Jesse, you steal those clothes off a drunk?
SFX
Giggles from Ronnie and Marilyn, or any sound effect for laughter you like.
Panel Two:
FRONT VIEW SHOT OF JESSE
He’s the main focus, but to his right side (our left) we can see James, his mouth open.
Jesse is sitting with his head hung, and we can see James thundering along with his abuse.
JAMES
I bet you sleep under the porch with the dog.
Panel Three:
INSERT CLOSE ON JESSE’S FEET.
He has monogrammed socks. Cheap-looking with a big “S” on them.
CAPTION
Jesse’s secondhand socks especially drew James’s ire.
Panel Four:
James pointing at Jesse’s socks, his head thrown back in a laugh.
JAMES
What’s that “S” for, Jesse? Sardines? No, I know. Skunk?
Panel Five:
ON HAP
He doesn’t look happy about what’s going on, yet he sits, closed mouth.
CAPTION
I didn’t like what they were doing to Jesse, but to my shame, I said nothing in his defense.
Panel Six:
ON JAMES as he touches Jesse’s shoulder with his ruler, as if knighting him.
JAMES
I dub you “Skunk.”
PAGE SIX
Five Panels Panel One:
The teacher coming into the room. He’s a big jock-looking guy, but with a kind face. This is Mr. Waters.
MR. WATERS
James. Be quiet.
CAPTION
Our second-period teacher always took up for Jesse. He knew what was going on.
Panel Two:
WE SEE:
Mr. Waters seated at his desk with a book cracked open, and his mouth is open as well, and he seems to be giving a lecture or commenting on something to do with the studies.
And we see James passing a note back to Marilyn.
Panel Three:
INSERT NOTE AND MARILYN’S SMALL HANDS:
We see what it says.
I can smell Jesse from here.
Panel Four:
Marilyn leaning forward, holding her nose. This is at a cross-hatch angle, and we can see the red-headed kid in this scene as well, and he’s grinning.
Panel Five:
On Hap, looking disappointed in himself.
CAPTION
I should have said something. But they were the most popular kids in school, and I feared I might redirect their wrath from Jesse to me.
PAGE SEVEN
Six Panels
Panel One:
As they are leaving the classroom, filing out, Jesse is in front of Mr. Waters’s desk, walking with his head down.
MR. WATERS
I like your socks, Jesse. Monograms are a sign of sophistication. I need to get me some.
Panel Two:
Jesse in the hallway, Hap behind him.
CAPTION
Nice try on Mr. Waters’s part, bless him, but I think recognition of socks with a monogram that didn’t fit Jesse’s name only made him feel worse.
Panel Three:
ON THE PLAYGROUND
James and Ronnie have Jesse on the ground, and James is kicking him while Ronnie is bending over him, punching him in the back of the head. Marilyn is watching, laughing, her pretty blonde head thrown back, giving some impression of the beautiful but mean-spirited human being she will grow up to be.
CAPTION
It was bad enough he got beatings at home for nothing, but now he was getting the same thing at school.
Panel Four:
Marilyn has turned her head to look at Hap while the beating continues in the background. She is smiling.
Hap standing there, dumbstruck.
CAPTION (1)
Marilyn. She was so pretty. And I was so smitten.
CAPTION (2)
Goddamn me.
Panel Five:
ANOTHER ANGLE ON SCENE
Now Marilyn and Hap are close together and both are laughing as Jesse continues to take a beating in the background.
CAPTION
For a moment I was no better than them. Like Jesse, I just wanted to belong.
Panel Six:
Ronnie has Jesse’s foot, and Jesse’s shoe is off, and James is peeling off the monogrammed sock. He has his head turned to show the smell is offensive.
JAMES
I’m going to put this in a jar of alcohol as a little souvenir of a skunk hunt.
PAGE EIGHT
Six Panels
Panel One:
Jesse is sitting on the ground, crying, putting his shoe on his bare foot. He’s looking over at Hap, who is standing with the others. They are all laughing, including Hap.
Panel Two:
Jesse walking home, one foot without a sock, bloody, with his books under his arm. Hap watching from a distance.
CAPTION
I began to distance myself from Jesse. I too began to see him as weird.
Panel Three:
CLASSROOM, ANOTHER DAY
All the seats, viewed from the front of the room, over Mr. Waters’s shoulder. Everything is arranged the same. Except for Hap. He’s now sitting at a desk closer to Marilyn.
CAPTION (1)
I was too young to know what it was about her that stirred me. I just knew what I felt wasn’t a need to pee.
CAPTION (2)
It wouldn’t be the first time my dick steered me wrong, but it was the worst time.
Panel Four:
The kids are filing out the door. Hap is last in line. Mr. Waters is at his desk.
MR. WATERS
Hap. Stay a minute.
Panel Five:
Hap standing in front of Mr. Waters. They are the only ones in the classroom.
MR. WATERS
You and Jesse been friends since you were both knee-high to a grasshopper. He doesn’t need you joining in with those jackals.
HAP
Yes, sir.
Panel Six:
As Hap is going out the door, Waters, visible at his desk, calls out.
MR. WATERS
You’re better than that.
CAPTION
Only I wasn’t.
PAGE NINE
Four Panels
Panel One:
Hap inside his home, the curtain cracked, looking out at the street, and we can see Jesse over Hap’s shoulder, walking down the road past the house.
CAPTION
Jesse quit coming by the house. And I avoided him when I could.
Panel Two:
HALL OF HIGH SCHOOL, FEW YEARS LATER
The kids are about seventeen in the following scenes.
Hap is walking down the hall, books under his arm, and coming toward him is Jesse with his books. Jesse looks equally uncomfortable.
CAPTION
I saw him at school now and then. But we seldom spoke. For me, he was fading into the background.
Panel Three:
CAFETERIA
Jesse sitting at a table, alone, with his sack lunch. Across the way at a table with others, including the bullies, sits Hap. He’s looking at Jesse, but Jesse doesn’t see him.
CAPTION(1)
Jesse couldn’t afford school lunches. He brought his, when he had it to bring.
CAPTION (2)
A can of sardines or sausages, some crackers. All of it he ate with his fingers.
Panel Four:
Fairly large panel so we can take in the budding sex bomb that is Marilyn.
CAPTION
Marilyn went from being a mean little kid—
MOMENTS LATER, SAME SCENE
Marilyn with her
tray of cafeteria food, a carton of milk, and she’s in mid-model stride.
Marilyn, older now, a real knockout in a mini-skirt so tight that if it had a pocket and there was a coin in it, you could read the writing on it. She has long, blonde hair, great cheekbones, and full lips. She looks like the kind of girl that would make you set fire to the pope and throw your wife into the flames after him. She’s walking toward Jesse’s table. She is smiling in a friendly way.
PAGE TEN
Five Panels
Panel One:
FULL PANEL ON JESSE’S FACE
He’s staring at Marilyn, and we can see her reflection in his wide eyes. His skin is popped with sweat. He looks as if he could shit a high chair with a baby in it.
CAPTION
—to being an entitled, mean-spirited—
Panel Two:
Jesse stands, and we’ll catch him in mid-stand, slightly bent as he comes to his feet. Marilyn is also in view, very close to his table, smiling wickedly, as if she’s about to drop her panties right then and there and bend over a chair.
CAPTION
—devil with the face and body of an angel.
Panel Three:
Jesse pulling out a chair for Marilyn. He’s hopeful she’s going to sit with him, and it looks as if that is exactly what she is about to do.
CAPTION
When she spoke, it was loud, for all to hear.
MARILYN
Are you kidding? I just wanted to see what a loser eats for lunch. I thought it might be roadkill.
Panel Four:
WIDE VIEW OF CAFETERIA
All the kids are laughing as Marilyn, still carrying her tray, is walking away from Jesse’s table, our view being her back and that marvelous ass. Her head is turned toward the table where Hap and the two bullies sit, and we can see her smiling her killer smile. Jesse is still standing, still feeling the insult.
Hap and Leonard Ride Again Page 11