by A'zayler
“Man, answer the phone for my wife before she goes crazy.”
Logan laughed. “I was actually going to call her back today. I just needed a minute. I’m good now.”
“You good for real or you just telling me that, so I’ll leave you alone.”
“I’m good for real. I’ll probably even come back today. I have to stop by my daddy’s house to pick up all my stuff and give my brother his car back first.” Logan paused while backing out of the parking lot. “How’s your friend?”
“He’s losing his shit without you,” Killian whispered that part.
“Is he with you?”
Logan hadn’t missed the lowering of his tone.
“Yeah.”
“Has he been drinking again?”
“You want to ask him yourself? He’s about to come get in the car. We at the gas station.”
Logan tried to think quickly. She did miss him, and it wouldn’t hurt to hear his voice. It wasn’t like he could get to her. His touch was what killed her every time.
“I don’t know what to say.”
Killian said something in his background. “Something is better than nothing.”
Logan held her breath as she heard Yeshi’s voice in the background. Her soul settled. It was crazy how just hearing him made her feel. The seconds passed as he and Killian conversed. Kill obviously trying to pick the right time to put him on the phone. She was at the light looking around when his voice finally came over the line.
“Logan.” He sighed. “You know I’m dying, right?”
Logan was so happy that she was close to a gas station because his words were making her cry already, and he hadn’t even said anything yet.
“Every day I wake up just to die again. I miss you so fucking much.”
Logan cleared her throat and wiped her face.
“On my life, I ain’t never felt no shit like this… it hurts bad as hell, and then you ignoring me. Won’t even let me hear your voice.”
“I couldn’t,” she managed to push through her tears.
“I know, baby. I know.” He was quiet while her sniffles took the place of their conversation. “You think you’ll ever come back to me?”
“Have you been drinking?”
He was quiet too long for her to not know the truth. It was in his silence.
“Yeshi,” she grabbed her heart and sighed.
“I’m only okay when I’m under you, Logan… without you, I don’t even know what I’m doing.” His voice was filled with so much anguish that it brought about a fresh set of tears.
The way he spoke and the hopelessness behind it made her feel good. It was as if he needed her just to live. She wasn’t sure if it was their time apart or if he really did feel that way, but the desperation did her heart some good.
“My nightmares are worse.”
“My days are just as bad as your nightmares,” Logan admitted.
“Come back home and let me fix it. I need you, Logan. I promise on my heart, I won’t ever do this again.”
If Yeshi had been anywhere near her, she would have run straight to him after that statement. She missed him more than she hated him and was really upset with her own self for putting so much distance between them at that moment. That’s all she could think as she wiped her face and continued to her father’s house.
“Baby…”
“Hmm?”
“Come back.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Don’t say that. Yes, you can.”
“I have to go, Yeshi.” Logan felt herself about to cry too bad to stay on the phone with him.
“No! Let’s… just… umm, don’t hang up. You don’t have to talk. I can just listen to you breathe. I just want to know you still here.”
No more words were exchanged between them as she drove still holding the phone. Her mind was a million different places, the main one being Yeshi. She was definitely going back home that night. She wanted to get back to him so bad that she’d even entertained the thought of buying a ticket home right then and not even telling her father or brother, but that was foolish. Or was it? She wanted Yeshi that bad, so bad she’d do it. The more she thought about it, the better it sounded. By the time she pulled into her father’s driveway, she was sold.
With Egypt’s car parked, she placed her phone on speaker and proceeded to check flights. She could still hear Yeshi and Killian’s background, saying things occasionally as she scrolled on her phone. The earliest flight she could find didn’t leave until the next afternoon, so of course, she was bummed out. She was closing her internet browser when she heard tapping on her window.
Logan looked up and allowed her head to fall forward onto her steering wheel. She dropped her phone and everything. There he was! Yeshi was at her window still holding Killian’s phone to his ear. His presence had caught her completely by surprise. So much so that she had yet to open the door for him. His tapping had gotten harder, and he was pulling on the door handle. Since she locked the doors anytime she was in the car, he couldn’t get in.
“Sweetheart, open the door for me.” Yeshi’s urgent voice filled the car.
With no idea where her phone was, Logan sat up and wiped her face with both of her hands as she stared at him in disbelief. Where had he come from? How had he gotten there?
“Come on, ma. I’m too close to still be this far.”
Logan hit the locks, and as soon as she did, everything moved at the speed of lightning. Yeshi had snatched her and the door. It was wide open, and she was in his arms. A death grip encompassed her as he held her in the air. Yeshi hoisted her up just enough for her wrap her legs around his waist. Logan had never felt better in her life.
“You’re all I need.” He kissed her head. “I been needing you.”
She sniffed and nodded while squeezing his neck tighter.
“Next time you leave, take me with you.”
“I’m not leaving anymore.”
He squeezed her tighter after releasing what felt like a ton of air that he’d obviously been holding in. His chest had loosened, and his arms had tightened as he hugged her to him.
“I’m sorry, okay? I swear I’m sorry.”
“I know you are.”
Yeshi stood her to her feet in front of him and grabbed her face. His eyes on hers, trading breaths, feeling each other, loving each other.
“I love you.”
Logan smiled. “I love you too, so much.”
She was in his embrace again, this time not so tight, but she felt it.
“It’s about time y’all got this shit together.” Killian’s voice came from behind them.
Logan looked at him and smiled big. She attempted to walk to him, but Yeshi caught her arm while shaking his head.
“Nah, I ain’t letting you go again. That nigga gon’ have to come to you.”
Killian and Logan both laughed as Killian walked over to her. Instead of trying to hug her in the awkward stance Yeshi had her in, Killian kissed the top of her head.
“Don’t leave this fool no more. He ain’t lying when he says he can’t handle it. This the best he’s looked since you left. Nigga just fell straight apart without you.”
Logan snickered as Yeshi pulled her back into his chest. His arms circled her whole body as he leaned over slightly so that he could rest his chin on the top of her head.
“Good, maybe now he’ll know how to treat me.”
“Trust me, you ain’t got to worry about that, ever again.”
Logan wrapped both of her arms around his forearm and held onto him. She was so glad he’d gone against her efforts to distance them. He was exactly what she needed. They needed each other on levels way deeper than either of them probably knew, but it was okay because God had known.
15. I Can Take You to a Place That You’ve Never Seen
The fresh smell of cooked food permeated the air as Logan sat at East’s dining room table waiting for her to finish cooking. She’d just gotten there and had been starving a
ll morning. The moment East had called her and told her she was cooking, she took off. Yeshi was at work, and she was off, so she’d been sitting at home doing absolutely nothing to prevent her from traveling for lunch.
“Your stomach getting so big so fast.” Logan admired the small, round belly that resembled a kickball.
It was sticking out of East’s shirt along with an enlarged belly button leading the way. Comfortable in a pair of tights and an oversized T-shirt, with her hair in a ponytail, East poured the asparagus into the glass dish on the counter.
“That’s the same thing Killian keeps saying.”
“He’s so excited. You, that baby, and Cali are all he talks about at the gym.”
East’s head fell back as she dramatically rolled her eyes. “Girl, that’s all he talks about here too. It’s exhausting. I be so close to telling him to shut the fuck up, it ain’t even funny.”
Logan laughed at East. “Let my friend be happy about his family.”
“He can be happy. I’m actually glad he’s happy, but that doesn’t mean I want to hear about that shit all day. Sometimes I be wanting to just get my pussy ate, or my back rubbed, and he’ll make it seem like it’s the baby making me want that shit.” Her eyes rolled again. “He acts like he doesn’t remember that he used to live and breathe with his head in the goods before I got pregnant too.”
“I really can’t stand you. You’re so blunt.”
“I’m just real.” East paused for a minute before spinning around to face Logan. “And bitch don’t act like you’re shy and shit now. After the way you carried on at the club, I’ll never accept that li’l innocent act you put on again.”
“It’s not an act. I am innocent.”
“The hell you say. Bitch, you got straight gangsta on our ass. I ain’t know if I wanted to fight you or clap for you. You know I love that fighting shit.” East chuckled. “You almost caught these hands, though, mushing my face like you was crazy. You know I don’t play that shit.”
“Man, I was so mad I was ready to fight the whole club. They had me all types of messed up. I’ma still beat your sister up when I see her.” Logan twisted her mouth to the side. “Unless God tells me otherwise. If he doesn’t, it’s on sight for little miss hot pants.”
“That’s on you, but my sister can fight, so don’t run up on her and get your ass beat.” East fell over into a fit of giggles.
“East, you must have forgotten where I’m from. I got saved to keep me out of jail. I was horrible.” Her head shook. “So horrible, I’m embarrassed to even talk about it, but just know Jerian had better be glad we were in that club. Her and Yeshi.”
“Okay now, don’t say I ain’t warn you. One thing about her is she does shit because she knows she can go with anybody that wants to. We stayed beating each other’s asses.”
“I’ll be waiting. No fear here, boo.”
East looked at Logan with a smile on her face. “I love this you. Can she stay for a while?”
“I been the same person, East, but like you said, it takes a certain type of nigga to bring the crazy out of you.”
“I tried to tell you. I knew from the first time I met Yeshi that he was the kind of nigga who would have to get his ass beat to act right.”
“I could kind of tell he was, but I see for real now.” Logan stood up and walked to the counter to grab some food. “I think he knows not to play with me now.”
“Oh, believe me. He does! The level of miserable he was at while you were in Florida was embarrassing. I almost felt sorry for the fool.”
“That’s good for him.” Logan walked back to her seat with a plate filled with food.
She didn’t feel the least bit sorry for Yeshi or what he’d gone through in her absence because he’d deserved it. All she cared about was how he was going to act from then on. He’d been apologizing and acting like the closest thing to Jesus since she’d been home, but she was sure there was more work that still needed to be done before they could have a happy and healthy relationship.
“I really hate that he started back drinking, though. We’re back at square one with that.”
“Yeah, me too. That broke my heart. I was crying and everything.”
Logan put a fork full of food in her mouth. “It’ll be alright. I’ll take care of him until he gets there. Won’t be the first time I’ve dealt with a nigga with problems.”
“Who else?”
Logan took a deep breath before telling East all about Auto. By the time she finished, East’s eyes were filled with tears.
“Look at you, crying like you know him.”
East wiped her face with the back of her hand. “It’s just so sad,” she cried some more. “Like, for real. It’s sad that you claim that God loves you, but he keeps sending you all these jacked up men.” She sniffed harder while still wiping her face. “I would be so angry with him if he kept doing me like that. It’s like you’re the president of the reject club.”
Logan laughed so hard she almost choked on her food. “I cannot stand you. I’m sitting here thinking you’re crying for real, and you over there playing.” She playfully pushed East’s arm. “I swear you get on my nerves.”
East too was laughing. “Bitch, I’m not playing. After dealing with Killian and all his insecurities, I would hate to get another man in a totally different fucked up situation and actually have to love his ass back right.” East sighed dramatically. “I’d just drop out right then, bitch. God just please kick me out of the running to get into Heaven because I just don’t have the time.”
“You make it sound so much worse than it is. All I did was love them through their wrong. It’s no different than anything God does for us.”
East looked at her blankly and shook her head. “No comparison.”
“What? Yes, it is. East, all we do every day here on earth is please ourselves and disappoint God. We do everything under the sun, break every commandment, and a host of other things that God still forgives us for and loves us through. If we could really compare our relationship with our man to the one we have with God, we’d do better.”
“How so? Because hell nah.”
“How many times have you just wanted Killian to do right? Like, for him to do just do what you tell him to do?”
“All the damn time.”
“Does him doing whatever he wants to do stop you from loving him?”
“Sometimes.”
East smirked when Logan looked at her.
“Okay, okay, I’m just playing. Hell no it doesn’t. There’s nothing that can make me stop loving Kill.”
“My point exactly, friend. God is the same way. He tells us what to do, we don’t do it, and he still loves us. The Bible says through love and kindness we can draw all people, and it’s the same with him. He loves us until we’re ourselves again. All I did with Yeshi and Auto was love them until they were back right.”
“That’s a cute point you just made and all, but bitch, you should have just kept talking to Jackson. At least he sounded like he had all of his ducks in a row.”
Logan drank some of her water while shaking her head. “Nope, he probably didn’t either. There was no telling what Jackson had going on. How can a man be that fine, that paid, and still single? Something ain’t right with him, sis.”
“Oh, don’t act like that would have stopped you, Mother Theresa.”
More giggles escaped Logan as she laughed at the way East made fun of her. “Shut up, man. You’re so stupid.”
“I’m just saying.” East held her hands up in surrender.
“You’re right because I’m a loving person. Can’t help that. That’s the greatest commandment of all, and sometimes I just take it overboard.”
“Forgiving, you’re a forgiving person too because I don’t know if I would have tolerated Yeshi’s ignorance.”
Logan had been eating but stopped mid-chew and pointed her fork at East. “No, no, no, Miss. Girl, aren’t you the same one who called me crying about Killian cheating on you
in Vegas, then took me to pull up on the heffa he cheated on you with? Let’s not forget how forgiving you are too, boo.”
East stood there looking crazy for a minute before shrugging and laughing. “Don’t try to bring up me being stupid. Me and my husband are happy, hoe. Do not stir up that old shit and get this man beat up as soon as he walks through this door. I’m not as spiritual as you. I still let the devil play with my mind sometimes. Killian will be dead if you keep talking.”
Logan walked to the trashcan to empty her plate before sticking it in the sink. “You’re not as far from Jesus as you think, East. None of us are. You’ll get there one day, friend, and when you do, I’ma be screaming and shouting for joy.”
East walked to Logan and hugged her tightly. “You better be. I’m so glad you’re still my friend. I told Jerian’s ass the other day that if you didn’t take Yeshi and me back, I wasn’t talking to her ass no more.”
Logan and East stood together laughing and hugging for a little while longer before Logan’s phone began to ring. She could tell by the tone that it was Yeshi.
“What’s up, baby?” She answered her FaceTime. “Wait a minute, where you coming from? You look like one of the gatekeepers in Heaven. You so fine.”
“Lord, this bitch said a gatekeeper. I’m done,” East mumbled from behind Logan.
She laughed at her but kept her attention on Yeshi. “For real, baby, you look so handsome.”
Yeshi’s bashful smile took over the screen of her phone. He was real life fine. His yellow skin looked bronze with a little glow to it. His large, pink lips were slick and hanging slightly open, making her want to suck on the bottom one. The way his thick eyebrows laid down all bushy and in sync with the hair on his face and chin made Logan silently thank God. He looked so… sober.
“Kill that noise, sweetheart. You got me blushing around all of these people.”
Logan blushed when he smiled. He was so much love. “I don’t care about them. You should have never called me and let me see that face.”
Yeshi was smiling hard again before he ran his hand over his face trying to suppress it. When he looked at her seriously, it didn’t make it any better. He was just as fine with a straight face as he was with a smile. If not sexier.