As I looked around at the other Legacy kids, the ones who had grown up without their dads or mom, I realized that the casualties of that day were far more reaching than the firefighters laid to rest in Aspen Cemetery.
The entire town had lost. Homes, businesses, and memories were ash by the time the fire had finished with us, but it always felt like we had lost a little more. We took our seats, and the bells rang—one for each loss, each sacrifice, each choice that had been made the day they headed up Legacy Mountain with the odds and the weather against them.
Avery took my hand, steadying me like always. I concentrated on the feeling of her fingers with mine and tried to keep the memories at bay. But the harshest ones fought through—the order for evacuation, the way he’d held us, kissed our mother. The way he’d told Bishop to keep me out of trouble while he was gone.
My resolve sharpened with each bell. The council could be afraid of the liability of having another Hotshot crew. They could deny us the Legacy name, and they could claim it was to salvage the tender hearts of this town.
But the Legacy crew had been family, and damn it, we were getting it back.
As the ceremony cleared out, the sixteen of us stood in a line facing the monument, from the youngest kid, Violet, who had never met her father, to the oldest, Shane Winston, who’d been away at college when it happened.
Those who wouldn’t be joining us on the crew—the ones who were too young or who had no interest in firefighting—left, until it was just those of us who were.
“Are you sure about this?” Bash asked, Emerson by his side. Time had turned the dark-haired, reckless guy into a hell of a stubborn man.
I looked around as we all nodded.
“They’re going to fight us tooth and nail,” he warned. “They don’t want this. They’re terrified of what could happen.” He looked pointedly at our youngest members who couldn’t be older than twenty.
“We’re with you, Bash,” Bishop answered from next to me. “They’re not taking this from us.”
“We’re with you,” we all agreed.
Avery’s soft smile was forced as I looked down at her, and I sent up a fervent prayer that she would stay, because I knew in that moment there was no way I could leave.
10
Avery
“So which one is that?” I asked Harper as we looked over the packed clubhouse.
The Legacy crew had gotten their needed numbers, and the council had begrudgingly approved the team after Spencer—the only surviving member of the original team—showed up and agreed to lead them.
“That’s Ryker,” Harper answered. “He’s my brother.”
“Right,” I said, trying to remember names with faces. “And the one standing next to River is Bash.”
“Yup. Sebastian Vargas, but everyone’s called him Bash since he was little. And Emerson is the brunette standing next to him. She’s my best friend.”
“Too many names,” I muttered.
She laughed and took a sip of her beer. “You’ll figure it out. Don’t worry. The crew is a giant family. We’re together a lot, so you’ll learn.”
If I’m here.
The longer we were here, the more I wanted to—hell, needed to. I loved everything about the little town, the people, the crew…and River. All I had to do was convince Dad to come, that maybe the change would be good for him, too. River was pretty much a saint to offer for Dad to live with us, but maybe he’d get to where he could live on his own…and I could have my own life.
The texts Addy had sent me said everything was under control, so maybe it was possible.
Yes. I could do it. Maybe.
“What’s up, Avery?” Bishop asked as he walked over.
“Can we take a walk?” I asked him, needing a sounding board that wasn’t River.
His forehead puckered. “Of course.”
He helped me up and we walked out the side door of the clubhouse. I sucked in a deep lungful of air, grateful for the quiet we had outside. My lungs burned, but I was adjusting to the altitude. Kind of.
“What are you going to do?” he asked, never one to beat around the bush.
“I don’t know,” I answered.
“What do you want?” he asked. “Not what River wants, what your dad wants…what do you want?”
I thought about the last two days. The peace, the freedom, the pure happiness I felt at the possibility of a fresh start with River. “I want to be here.”
“Then that’s your answer.”
I scoffed. “What I want and what’s possible are almost never the same thing.”
“Avery, if you’re willing to tear up everything, move from Alaska, and build something fresh, then you’ve already jumped the biggest barrier. Well, that and chancing your life on River’s cooking.”
My lips turned up at the corners. “Okay, there’s that. Do you really think I can convince my dad to come? Adeline is all for it, but it’s not just me in this decision. I can’t leave them any more than you’d leave River.”
His face scrunched. “Eh, you know, River is a grown-ass man. If he didn’t want to come here, I would have left him in Alaska. He makes his own choices. Of course, I’m glad he’s here with me. If he’s going to be firefighting, then I want him on my crew, but don’t think for a second that I wouldn’t have come without him. He deserves his own life, and you do, too.”
“And what if I come here, and it doesn’t work out with River?” I asked, giving voice to my biggest fear. “What if I leave everything I know behind, and come here, and we have a horrid breakup and then I lose him anyway?”
He grasped both of my shoulders and ducked to look in my eyes. “That’s a risk you’re going to have to take. Nothing is guaranteed, not in life and sure as hell not in love. But I can tell you that he has loved you for as long as he’s known you. There is nothing he won’t give you—nothing he won’t do to make this work. That kind of love, the one that’s rooted in a friendship as deep as you two have…that’s not easy to come by. It’s worth the fight. I’ll tell you the same thing I told him. You guys are worth the gamble.”
“Thank you,” I said softly.
“Don’t thank me. You have a hell of a road ahead of you. I just wish that I could be there to help you with it.”
“You’re not coming back with us?” My stomach dropped.
“Nah. I boxed up my shit before I left. River is going to sell my truck and send my stuff with his. Bash needs my help here. We have a ton of relocating to do, and there’s not much up there for me anyway.”
“I guess I thought when they told us you could have until spring…” My voice drifted off because we both knew where it was going. When Bash had gotten approval for the team to be together by spring, I figured we’d been given a reprieve. Another few months to work everything out. Time to convince my dad. Time to coordinate.
“River might take it,” Bishop said. “Like I said, we make our own decisions. If he chooses to stay the winter in Alaska, then I’ll support that. He doesn’t have to be back until April.”
“I just need time.”
“I know that, and he does, too. It’s just that time might not be something we have a lot of to spare right now.”
The door opened behind us and River stepped out. “Hey, are you stealing my girl, or what?”
Bishop gave my shoulders one last squeeze. “Nope, she’s all yours.” He went for the door but turned before going in. “Remember what I said, Avery. His cooking really will kill you.” He tossed a grin at River and went inside, leaving us alone.
“Asshole,” River muttered.
“Are you going to take the time?” I asked. “Are you going to stay in Alaska until spring, or are you moving right now?”
His eyebrows shot high. “Well, I guess that’s what you two were talking about.”
“Answer, please? Because I’m kind of freaking out.”
He took two steps and enveloped me in his arms, pulling me close. I rested my head on his chest, letting his famili
ar scent and heartbeat surround me.
“I’ll do whatever you need,” he said, his chin resting on the top of my head. “If you want to move now, we’ll get Addy, your dad, and move. If you want to wait until spring, I’ll have to come back a few times, but we can make that happen, too.”
“You’d wait for me to get everything together?”
His arms tightened around me. “If I know that you’re coming here, making your life with me, I’ll wait forever.”
I took a stuttering breath, knowing that what I was going to say would change everything. Then I looked up at him, meeting his dark eyes in the bright moonlight. “I want to come. I want to live here with you. Well, not here, here, but at our house here. I want to make this work. I’ll do it.”
Saying the words set my heart free in a way I’d never known. Every possibility for my future was so clear, so vibrant that I could taste it, and then River was all I could taste as he kissed me.
This was what I wanted for my life. River’s kisses, his arms around me, his love. I wanted it all.
His kiss was passionate, claiming, and I found my back against the building as he pinned me between him and the wall. It didn’t matter that I’d already kissed him dozens of times in the last week. Each kiss felt new, and at the same time like coming home.
“This is yours,” he said, his lips brushing my ear as something cold and metal pressed into my palm.
“A key?” I asked, examining it in the pale light.
His smile could have lit the world. “I just signed for the house. This one is yours. No pressure. It’s just a key.”
It wasn’t just a key. “I love it,” I said, my hand closing so tight the ridges bit into my skin.
“I love you,” he said.
My heart soared, erupted, as if by saying what I wanted, I’d finally cut loose the chains I’d tightly bound myself with. “River,” I whispered, pulling him back so I could look into his eyes when I said it. “I—”
My phone sounded with Addy’s ringtone. Calling wasn’t in her nature, she was more of a text girl, so it had to be urgent.
“Ugh.” I sighed, pulling my phone from my pocket. “One second.” I swiped the phone and answered. “What’s up?”
“Avery?” she sobbed.
My stomach soured and my world narrowed to the small voice on the other end. “What’s wrong?” I asked her.
“It’s Dad. He…” Another sob came through, and I forced oxygen through my lungs. “Aunt Dawn didn’t move the meds, and he found them.”
“Oh, God.” I would have fallen if River’s arms hadn’t caught me, holding me upright. “Addy, is he…?”
“He overdosed. They have him on a ventilator and they don’t know…” Her voice faded into hiccupping sobs. “Can you come home?”
I looked up into River’s eyes and realized he’d heard her through the phone when he nodded. The earth shifted beneath my feet; the reality I’d been so certain of a few minutes ago disappearing as a new one took its place.
“I’m on my way.”
11
River
I took another sip of hospital coffee and tried to stay awake. We’d been traveling sixteen hours, having driven to Denver the night before to get the first flight out. Avery couldn’t wait to fly out of Gunnison in the morning.
We’d come straight to the hospital where her dad was in the ICU, and I’d been sitting out here for at least another two hours, just hoping that she was okay in there with him.
“They say if he makes it through the night, he should be okay,” Adeline said, curled into my side.
“He’s a tough guy, your dad,” I told her. It didn’t matter what an ass he’d been; no kid deserved to lose her father this way.
“I hate him,” she whispered. “Why can’t he just be like other dads?”
I put my coffee down and wrapped my other arm around her. “I know, and you know what? It’s not fair. But I do know that you and your sister are some of the strongest, smartest women I know, and I think that has a lot to do with what you’ve been through. Don’t hate him, Addy. He struggles with something we can’t understand.”
Problem was, I hated him. I hated that the moment Avery found out he’d overdosed, she’d clammed up. She went distant. Gone were the soft looks, the warm touches. Gone were the kisses, the talks about our future. She stared out the fucking window on every airplane and responded to questions in one-word answers.
My Avery was gone in the span of a heartbeat as we’d packed, driven, flown, and arrived. It wasn’t even that she’d pulled away romantically that pissed me off. It was that she’d blocked me as her best friend. She’d closed herself down and built a wall so high I’d need a damn ladder.
“Do you want me to take you home?” I asked Addy.
“No. I’m scared that if I leave…”
He won’t be alive when I come back. I heard it loud and clear without her uttering a word.
“I understand.”
Another hour passed before Avery walked out.
I moved to sit up straight, but she shook her head. “He’s still… He’s alive,” she whispered as she motioned to Addy. “How long has she been asleep?”
“About a half hour,” I said softly.
She nodded, taking the seat on the other side of me. Her skin was pale in gross contrast to the dark circles under her eyes. The worst part was that they were flat, giving away no hint of whatever emotion she was feeling.
“How is he?” I asked.
“Stable.” She shrugged. “Aunt Dawn is a mess. I never told her how bad it really was. Figured if I could handle it on my own, why air the laundry, you know?”
I threaded our fingers and squeezed lightly. “You’ve done a damn fine job. Better than anyone else could have. What happened here is not your fault. It’s his.”
She nodded slowly, repetitively, which moved to slight rocking motions. “I should have been here.”
Boom. I heard my heart hit the floor with every word. “This isn’t your fault,” I repeated. “You have to know that or it will eat you up.”
She kept rocking, but the head nod changed to her shaking it. “I should have been here. I know to move the meds. I know what he’s capable of.”
“Avery,” I begged.
She stood up, dropped my hand, and walked back into the ICU.
Two days later he was still alive.
I wasn’t so sure about Avery. She was gaunt, quiet, and barely left his room unless the nurses told her she had to. She slept on the waiting room couches and only went home to shower.
I’d given up on trying to get her to talk to me yesterday. Avery would open up when she wanted to, and until then it was like chipping away at Fort Knox with a fucking toothpick.
So instead of sitting there for hours, waiting for her to realize I was right next to her, I started on the list Bishop had texted me.
“Friday is great,” I told the moving company. “I’m just impressed you can get it done by then. Thank you.”
I hung up and crossed coordinate movers off my to-do list as I chugged down a glass of water.
I’d already put his truck on Craigslist and had an appointment to show it to a potential buyer. Not bad for a Tuesday morning.
On the flipside, he was having the satellite installed at our new place in Colorado.
Is it ours? Is she even coming?
A knock at the door startled Zeus, but he was wagging like a puppy when I opened the door to find Avery standing there. Her hair was up in a messy knot, but it was clean, and her jeans and baseball tee were different than the outfit I’d seen her in this morning.
“Hey. You didn’t have to knock.”
She shrugged, preoccupied with petting Zeus. “I didn’t want to barge in. Do you have a couple of minutes?” Finally, she looked up at me, but the cool, detached look in her eyes had my stomach somersaulting.
“Of course. Come on in.”
She passed me in the doorway, careful not to brush against me, and my s
enses went on high alert, warning bells screaming in my ears. “Dad’s awake,” she said, crossing her arms in front of her chest. The move didn’t look defensive, more like what she would do to hold herself together.
“That’s great!” He was going to be okay. My relief was short-lived because when I reached for her, she stepped away. “Avery?”
She shook her head, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip momentarily. “Just stay over there. I can’t think when you touch me.”
“Okay,” I said slowly, tucking my thumbs into the pockets of my shorts to keep my hands off her. She looked so small, defenseless, and it was ripping me apart that she didn’t want me to touch her.
“He’s awake and talking since this morning, right after you left, actually.”
“That’s good. What’s wrong? This is good—no, great news. He’s going to be okay. Maybe this will be a turning point for him.”
She laughed, the sound bitter and empty. “He won’t change. He’s never going to change. And he won’t go to Colorado. He refuses. Says that this whole thing was my fault for being gone, and that the minute I leave he’ll do it again.”
“Avery…” God, I wanted to strangle him with my bare hands. None of this was her fault, but he’d gotten it into her so young—the guilt, the obligation—until it became part of her very being.
“It wasn’t even intentional, that’s the kicker. He didn’t take the whole bottle or anything, just upped his pain meds. But the dosage he was already on gave him an accidental overdose.”
“This wasn’t your fault. I will say it every minute of every day until you realize that. He’s an adult. He made a choice.”
“But it is my fault,” she cried. “I left. I believed that someone else could care for him, and this is what happened. None of this would have happened if I’d been here—where I’m supposed to be, taking care of my family.” She rubbed her hands over her bloodshot eyes, the blue even brighter than usual. “What was I thinking?”
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