by Sade Rena
“So, I was your last resort?” I say with a little sass.
“You were my first, last resort.”
We laugh.
“You ain’t shit,” I add, shaking my head.
“Seriously, thanks for coming. But don’t for one second think I forgot about my question. Something is bothering you. You don’t seem to want to talk about it, but when you do, I’m here.”
I give her a soft smile, grateful she’s letting things lie for now. The thing is, I don’t mind telling her. She’s my best friend and no matter what will have my back. I guess I just have to come to terms with things on my own. It’s hard opening up after a nasty break up, but it’s even harder to deal with more emotional pain after said break up.
We finish with the food just in time. Partygoers arrive in drones, and the once still air is filled with loud voices and the sudden blare of music. I’m putting the finishing touches on the last tray when someone calls Leah’s name.
“These are good. If you ever want a career in catering, you’ve got the knack for it.” She grins and takes off her apron.
“Oh, be quiet and go see what those people want,” I snap, and she laughs at my rebuttal.
Glancing over everything, I double-check that it all looks good. I joke with Leah all the time about food, but she’s right. I’m not too bad a cook and can be a bit of a perfectionist. Satisfied with our hard work, I pick up a tray in each hand to take into the dining area for everyone to enjoy.
As I gather the two flavors of chicken wings, Leah’s voice pours out.
“She’s in the kitchen,” she says in the distance.
I barely hear her over the music, but I do all the same. It’s a brief moment before anyone comes into view. But it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know who it might be. My fingers grow numb, and I almost lose my grip on the pan. I sit them down and shake out my fingers before securing my hold again.
When I peer up, I make eye contact with him. There’s an apologetic smile hanging on his lips as he stares into my soul. At least that’s the way it feels—as if he’s trying to see my soul. We stay this way, neither saying a word, yet neither breaking the moment. My chest tightens with every passing second, and soon I’m fighting for air. I need to get out of here, or at the very minimum, get away from him.
He takes a step forward, holding out his hands, I assume to help me with the food. I can’t say because I don’t stick around to find out. The moment his feet move, so does mine—out the other side of the kitchen.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Parker
She ran. I can’t believe she ran from me.
I know we’re in a tight spot, and the last we spoke, I’m sure I broke her heart. But are we really at this point? The point where she can’t be in the same room as me because it hurts too damn much?
My mouth slackens as I stare in the direction she went and try to wrap my mind around it all. My chest tingles with regret. She’s hurt, and I’m the one who did it to her. But so am I, dammit. I didn’t ask for this.
But she was right.
I need to figure out what I want.
Fuck, this is all messed up.
We were going so well, and now she can barely look at me. I bite my teeth together, clenching my jawline. How did it get like this? One moment we were on top of the world, and the next, it all came crashing to a halt. Inching closer to the foyer, I prepare to go after her. To hopefully get her to be near me for longer than a few seconds. And to not be repulsed when she does.
“Where the hell you gon’?” Chance’s voice barks at me.
“I’ll be back,” I pass him a curt nod.
“No. You’re going to drink a beer with your boys and lighten the hell up. It’s your brother’s birthday. Quit looking like someone stole your lunch money.” He slams a Bud Light into my chest while gripping me by the shoulder at the same time.
He doesn’t know what’s been going on with Renee and me. None of them do. I wouldn’t even know where to start sharing the details with them. If I wanted to, I’m sure I could come up with something, but frankly, I’m not in the mood for jokes. And anytime I mention her, Chance or someone else has some slick remark, calling me sprung or something.
Or maybe I’m afraid to give them a little more credit? Fearful that one of them will have some deep, insightful thoughts on how to handle things. So, I’ve kept it to myself, turning it over in my head a million times, hoping the answer would present itself.
I lift the bottle to my lips, dragging the liquid into my mouth. I don’t swallow right away; instead, I hold the contents while staring into space. The room blurs as my mind continues to race in every direction, but here.
“You good, bro?” Wes asks, craning his neck to meet my eyes.
I clear my throat and let the drink make its way down. “Yeah.”
“I’ont know. You’ve been weird for a little while. What’s going on?”
I glance between my friends and take a deep breath. “Nothing. Just exhausted. Glad that fair is over,” I lie and shake my head before taking another sip.
“You ain’t alone,” Chance adds.
Zack smirks. “Why ya think you’ll never catch me participating?”
“Oh, don’t worry. I’ma tell your dad he should enter the goats next year,” Chance threatens.
“The hell you will. Do it, and watch me ruin whatever shot you think you have with Charlie,” Zack retorts.
“Low blow, bro.” Chance surrenders.
“Yeah, I thought so.”
“Wait. You’re into Charlie?” Wes asks.
“He wants to be into Charlie,” Zack announces.
Their chatter annoys me more than usual. I can’t stand here, shootin’ the breeze with them, when all I want is to talk to Renee. See her smile, touch her skin, kiss her lips. But right now—I’ll settle with just being near her. I glance at them and walk off without a word.
“Aye,” one yells. “Where’s he going?”
I don’t bother answering or turn to see who’s talking.
“Probably to find his new girlfriend,” Chance teases.
It’s funny how I always know when it’s him. He’s the only one who irks my nerves to the core. I step down into the sunken dining room filled with people. Bodies fill almost every inch, and I swim through everyone to reach the other side. Someone taps my shoulder, greeting me, but I continue.
All of our friends and family are here to celebrate my brother. It’s a happy occasion, and all the food Leah prepared put smiles on everyone’s faces. I should join them, but I won’t be satisfied until I speak to her. When I don’t find her in this room, I move on to the next.
When my parents designed this house, they wanted it all to flow. From the entrance, it’s split—the great room to the left with large double-glass doors. Straight ahead and several feet back is the stairs that lead to the east side wing. And just beyond that is the master suite. On the right is our family den. No doors to separate this space from the hall or any other room, but each area connects like a maze.
From the den, where we spend most of our leisure time, hang a left, and you’re in the dining room. On either side is the kitchen, opposite that, is the pathway to the mudroom and stairs to the west wing.
Growing up, Denton and I loved running through here, losing each other around every curve. But now, not so much. This set up makes it possible for Renee to escape me, and I don’t like it. I peek into the family area and find she’s not there. I follow the path but don’t see her still.
When I backtrack, there she is, entering the kitchen. I slide past Denton, who I hadn’t realized arrived. He grabs my hand, stealing my attention. I face him, wanting more than anything to ignore him, but it is his birthday. So instead, I answer with my eyes.
“Can you bring me a beer on your way back out?”
I nod and keep on, desperate to reach her. But just like that, she’s gone again. I growl under my breath and stomp my way past Chance and the gang. The cooler sits on the
counter. I open it and grab a drink for my brother and another one for myself.
Denton thanks me when I hand it to him, but I don’t stick around to offer him a welcome. I turn to face the crowd, watching as everyone mingles with one another. The vibe is pleasant, and even though I’m frustrated, it radiates through me. I smile at a family member and release a breath.
A hand settles on my shoulder, pulling my attention. Wes is beside me, taking a swallow from his beer while holding two chicken wings between his fingers. He takes a bite, chewing like a caveman, and I shake my head before taking a sip. The music changes to a Jordan Davis song, Dancing in the Parking Lot.
Leah brushes past me, dragging Denton out on the dance floor. Wes and I both laugh because the man has no dance skills. At all. I’m not the greatest either, but I do a lot better than the stiff moves he’s showcasing tonight. Leah doesn’t care, though. She loves him despite his two left feet. They smile at each other, grinning from ear to ear as if there’s not another person in the room.
I want that.
I thought I had it with Madison, I was sure of it. But then she outgrew me, I guess. She didn’t love me as I loved her, and man did the realization hurt. I swallow away the memories and focus on the room. I stare across it, and there Renee is, sipping from a red solo cup and swaying to the music. She smiles at the couple of the hour, but I see past it.
She doesn’t want to be here, but she is anyway. My heart aches, knowing her uncertainty has everything to do with me. Her gaze finds mine, and I lose my breath. It lodges in my throat, choking me. I watch her chest rise and fall. We stare at each other for a moment, and I swear she softens.
A smile teases at the edges of her mouth but fades just as fast. I copy her movement, unsure of what else to do. Another track plays, and it’s one I’ve witnessed her dancing to while we worked on her house. The memory flashes before me, just like it was yesterday. I grin at the recollection of the way her hip sways sumptuously to the music.
I love the way she moves, even when she doesn’t realize she’s doing it, just like now. We continue to stare, but her body is doing its own thing. It’s one thing I’ve always admired about her. No matter what she has going on, if there is a beat somewhere in the distance, she enjoys it. A nervous tick, I guess. Or maybe she was just born to dance?
I down my beer, building the courage to approach her. She hasn’t looked away or ran again, so maybe now’s my chance. Pushing my bottle into Wes’s grasp, I step down into the sunken room. There’re several feet between the two of us, and people in my path by I’m determined. I need to be near her. I want to smell her perfume and rub my body against her.
Someone cuts me off, and I stop to let them pass. I tear my eyes away for a second, but that’s a moment too long. My palms sweat, and my legs grow a little weak.
Please don’t run away again, I think.
I take a step forward, but my path is blocked again. This time the person doesn’t go around me. The feel of something soft against my finger drags my attention down. I focus my gaze on Madison, stroking my hand with hers.
She smiles at me. “Hey, Parker.”
I halt, confusion ripping through me when she rubs my arm. What is she doing here? Who am I kidding? She’s known Denton forever; of course, she would be here. Damn near the entire town is in attendance. Instead of returning her greeting, I redirect my focus to Renee, but she’s not in the same place.
Fuck.
I search the room, scanning every face until I find her again. Madison stands in my way, holding something out towards me.
“Where’s your brother? I have a gift for him,” she says.
“Uh.” I crane my neck to the left. “He’s somewhere with Leah,” I add while switching to check the right.
“Well, walk with me silly. I can give this to him, and you can get me a beer.”
Madison doesn’t wait for me to answer. Before I know it, she’s taking me by the hand and pulling me with her. I look over my shoulder, hoping to catch a glimpse of Renee. We reach the kitchen where Denton stands over the island, devouring a plate of food. Leah’s digging around in the fridge and Renee’s beside her.
My heart skips several beats when she darts her gaze to mine and Madison’s grasp. All the air in my lungs rushes out at the instant devastation that adorns her face. She blinks with her lips, pinched together.
“Babe,” Denton yells over the loud music.
“What?” Leah answers, matching his tone.
“How come you’ve never made this dip before?” Denton takes a mouthful, crunching down on a chip.
“I didn’t make it this time. It’s not my recipe.” Leah slides across the short distance between the fridge and island.
She opens her mouth, and he feeds her. They kiss even though her mouth is full.
“Well, who did?” Zack blurts into the conversation.
Everyone laughs.
“See, I’m not the only one who thinks it’s good.” Denton eats another serving.
“You can thank Renee.” Leah sits two bottles of Triple Sec next to the Rum resting on the counter.
We all look at an awkwardly ridden Renee. Chance cuddles up next to her, playfully brushing his bicep up against hers. She offers him a subtle grin, her lips barely lifting. Madison joins in as curiosity takes over her too. She walks over to the dish and makes a small plate for herself. Leah continues to mix her liquored concoction, encouraging everyone to try the dip for themselves.
I look to Renee, recognizing the uneasy feeling exuding from her when she gangly leans against the counter behind her. She’s nervous. The hues of her complexion blooming, letting me know she’s flushed. The sentiment pulls a grin from my gut.
God, she’s so beautiful.
Our sights align, and every hair follicle rises. An electrifying wave surges through me, and I shiver.
She drops her eyes to the floor while fiddling with her cup. I push away from the surface but redirect my attention. Madison’s back at my side and leans into me. She’s smiling from ear to ear as she gives Renee her props through raised brows.
“Did you try it?” Madison asks me, but I barely hear the words.
“All right, everyone, time to sing happy birthday,” Leah yells, and simultaneously the volume of the music lowers.
I glance at Renee again, my chest crumbling when she rolls her eyes and tosses the contents of her cup back, emptying it. She crushes the plastic in her palm and walks over to the trash. Renee snags her purse from the counter and exits through the other side of the kitchen, so no one notices.
But I notice, I notice everything.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Renee
I almost don’t want to walk in there. But after leaving last night without saying a word to my best friend, I need to. So, I texted Leah, who told me to meet her back at the ranch house. Pushing my shoulders back, I suck in a breath and enter.
As I pass the threshold, I notice no one is around. I close the door behind me and saunter forward until I reach the kitchen—Leah’s elbow deep in dishes and swaying to the lyrics of a Reggae jam. I drop my purse on the counter with a thud.
She glances at me and back to the task at hand. “Hey, girl.”
I lean in for a half hug. “What’s up?” I say, looking around, even though I know Denton and Parker should be at work by now.
“So, what’s going on?” Leah asks while scrubbing a pot.
“I wanted to apologize for yesterday. It wasn’t cool to leave in the middle of wishing Denton a happy birthday.”
“I was wondering where you went? You had a call or something?”
I drop my gaze and fiddle with my fingers. The water shuts off, and when I glance up again, she’s drying her hands.
“Renee? Talk to me.” Leah rests her knuckles on her hip. “You’ve been distant.”
How does she know me so well?
Twenty years of friendship will do that, I guess. I pull in a breath, bracing myself to tell her about the last few week
s. I’m not sure why I haven’t before now? Probably because deep down I’d wished it wasn’t real. But seeing Parker and Madison together last night assured me. He’s made his choice, and now’s the time for me to accept that.
I snatch up several cups, stacking them together to discard. Heavy conversations can be nerve-wracking, so busying myself while I clue her in will make it easier to get it out.
I sigh before picking up more trash. “Well, Parker and I are over.”
Leah’s posture stiffens, and her eyes bore into me. “What? Why?”
“During the fair last month, he asked me to keep him company that first day. A lot was going on, so I didn’t get there until later in the evening. But when I arrived, he was kissing Madison.”
Her expression changes from one of curiosity to pure shock; she inhales sharply with her brows raised. “Wow. I don’t know what to say. I would’ve never guessed he’d do that.”
“I didn’t either, so I turned around and left. I could have confronted him, but for what? It all brought back dreadful memories from Phil, and I can’t take any more excuses. I didn’t want to put myself through it, so I ran home. Time and distance are what I needed; otherwise, I might’ve acted a plum fool. Plus, we never established what we were to each other. We were hanging out, it was fun, and the love of his life returned. It happens.” I shrug.
“I don’t believe that,” she blurts. “Trust me, I get what you’re saying, but I don’t believe it was just fun for him. Or you.”
I fill my lungs with my shoulder up around my ears. “Yeah, well, to make matters worse, on my way home, Phil calls. He was going on about how I shouldn’t have moved, and he still wants to get married, and that I can’t erase all the years we’ve been together and never speak to him again. And you know what? He was right.”
“He was right?” she yells.
“Yes. He was.” I toss a stack of plates in the trash bin.
She frowns. “You’re not going back to him, and I’ll be damned if you think you are.”