by D. Kelly
“Baxter, I’m proud of you for finally telling Declan.”
Baxter’s jaw drops.
“Mom! You knew and didn’t tell me?”
“Don’t be angry, boys. After you came out to your parents, they came over and had a talk with me. They wanted to be sure it wouldn’t be an issue for Declan and me. They were trying to protect you and wanted to be sure when you did feel comfortable talking to us about it you’d be in an environment where you’d be accepted. You’re like a son to me, Baxter. You’ll always be accepted in our family.”
“Thank you, Mrs. James.”
“You’re welcome, but your mom is outside, so it’s time for you to go. Thank you for helping us move today.”
“I was happy to. I’ll be back tomorrow to help finish. Later, Dec.”
“Later.”
After the front door closes, my mom sits next to me on the bed. “I’m proud of you. I’m sorry I eavesdropped, but I was about to tell Baxter his mom was on her way when I heard his confession.”
“He’s still Baxter, Mom, there’s nothing to be proud of.”
“Sweetie, you know that’s not true. Your best friend just confessed he has a massive crush on you and you handled it with amazing grace and acceptance. You’re growing up to be a remarkable man.”
“Unlike my sperm donor.”
She sighs and pats my thigh. “We all make mistakes. Someday you’ll make one of your own. What defines you as a person is if you learn from them. If you can right your wrong, even better. Your father falls into the other camp and never seems to learn from his mistakes. It doesn’t make him a bad person, Declan, but it does make him one I can’t be in a relationship with. Your father loves you, but he doesn’t know how to be a parent. I hope someday, when he learns, you’ll let him in with an open heart. His sins against me have nothing to do with you.”
I don’t even need him in my life anyway. Mom is the best example of humanity I could ever have.
“Thanks, Mom. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Declan. Don’t stay up all night making googly eyes at Holly.”
“Mom!”
“What?” She crosses her arms and leans against the door.
“She doesn’t even know I exist,” I mutter.
“Then figure out a way to become her friend, we can all use one. Once you’ve established a friendship with her, you can see if you still like her that way.”
“Maybe. Goodnight, Mom.”
“Goodnight, Declan.”
After my mom leaves and closes the door, I take off my shirt and start digging through boxes looking for my pajama bottoms. When I stand again, the lights are on in Holly’s room and she’s staring straight at me. Her mouth drops, but she moves to her window and opens it.
There’s no fence blocking this part of our yards, and her window is only about six feet from mine. Popping off the screen, I sit on my windowsill with my feet hanging over the ledge.
“Hey, I’m Declan.”
Surprisingly, she pushes her screen off and mimics how I’m sitting. “Yeah, I know, we go to school together. I’m Holly. So … uh … you live here now?” she squeaks out, and it makes me laugh.
“Yup, we’re your new neighbors.”
“Cool.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes, each of us swinging our feet. “Sage is coming over tomorrow and we’ve got a pool. You should come over with Baxter and swim.” She smiles and then quickly covers her mouth.
“Why are you covering your mouth?”
“I hate having braces. If I don’t want to see them, I’m sure you don’t, either.”
I shrug. “Who cares? Like, half our class has them … it’s not a big deal.”
“Ugh, it is to me. Luckily, I’m getting them off in three weeks.” She leans back inside and pulls a calendar from her desk and shows me. “I’m marking off the days. I can’t wait to have them off. You’re so lucky you don’t have them.”
“I guess I’m weird. I think they’re kind of cool, especially all the different colors and stuff. I was sort of bummed when the dentist said I didn’t need them.”
She cocks an eyebrow at me and looks me over. “I think we’re going to be good friends, Declan.”
“Holly!” her dad yells from inside.
“Oops, gotta go! Come over tomorrow, two o’ clock. Bye, Declan.” She spins around on her windowsill and hops back into her room before I can say bye. I’m left sitting by myself, smiling. I think I just became Holly Ryan’s friend.
We moved into our house almost three weeks ago and since then, Baxter and I have become inseparable with Holly and Sage. We’ve been swimming almost every day and Holly’s dad, Sean, has even been teaching me how to barbecue. I think he’s hot for my mom, though, and I’m not sure exactly how I feel about that.
Holly’s mom isn’t in the picture. I’m not sure why, but she doesn’t seem too sad about it. Her dad is the principal at the elementary school down the street, but he’s not stuck up and stuffy.
“Declan, are you going out for any sports?” Sean asks when we’re all sitting at the table for dinner.
“Yeah, I’m on the football team. We’ve been on dead period, but practice picks up again next week.”
“What position?”
“Long snapper mostly, and wherever else they put me.”
“Well, we’ll have to come see you play. Sally, will you go to all Declan’s games?” he asks my mom, turning the attention to her.
“I hope to, but it depends on my shifts at the hospital. I’m supposed to be on nights from now on so it shouldn’t be an issue.”
Sean’s brows bunch together and he wipes his mouth. “Who stays with Declan while you’re at work?”
“He used to stay with my parents, but he’s old enough now to stay by himself. The house has an alarm, and I’m only a phone call away.”
Sean nods politely but doesn’t say anything. I can’t tell if he thinks she’s a shitty parent for leaving me alone or not. Hopefully not; my mom is a great mom.
Dinner passes quickly, and Baxter walks Sage home afterward while Holly and I clean up. Sean went to my house to help my mom get into the attic, so it’s just the two of us for now.
“It sucks you go back to football next week. The past few weeks have been fun,” Holly says, passing me the leftover burgers to put in the fridge.
“Yeah, they have. Hopefully, we’ll at least have some classes together when school starts.”
“Are you nervous?” she asks, leaning against the counter.
“Nah, it’s just school. Are you?”
“A little bit?” she answers shyly. “The school is so much bigger, and my dad expects greatness.”
“Is he hard on you?”
“Sort of. Mostly overprotective. Ever since he and my mom split up, I think he’s worried she’s going to come steal me or that I’m going to act out like she did.”
“Why did they split?” She hesitates, and I feel like a jerk. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me, I shouldn’t have asked.”
As I turn to get the trash, she grabs my wrist. I like the way her skin feels against mine and I turn around. “It’s okay, just kind of embarrassing. My mom is a drug addict. Getting her next fix was more important than raising her kid.”
“I’m sorry.” I lace my fingers through hers and squeeze.
“It’s okay, I barely remember her. She left for good when I was five. Sometimes she tries to reach out, but my dad never lets her talk to me. I think that’s why he doesn’t like leaving me alone.”
I move closer, and she looks up at me with those pretty, green eyes. Before I lose my nerve, I kiss her—just a quick brush of my lips over hers. I want to do more, but not now. When I pull back, her cheeks are pink as she brings her fingers to her lips.
“What was that for?” she asks quietly.
“I’m going to ask you out next weekend because I like you, with your braces or without them. I just wanted you to know they don’t matter to me.”
“You can’t ask me out.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not allowed to date until I’m sixteen.”
You’ve got to be kidding me.
“Are group dates or outings allowed?”
She chews on her bottom lip. “I think so. I’ve gone to the mall and movies with friends before, as long as he knows where I am.”
“All right then, problem solved. We’ll do a lot of group outings just the four of us.”
“Sounds fun.”
The front door slams, and I release her hand quickly and grab the trash bag so I can take it out on my way home.
“Goodnight, Holly. Goodnight, Mr. Ryan,” I call out on my way out the back door.
“Goodnight, Declan,” they reply in unison.
I know I’ll see Holly in a few hours. After her dad goes to sleep and my mom leaves for work, we sit on our windowsills and talk for hours. I’ve never been able to talk to a girl like I talk to her. There’s something about Holly Ryan that makes everything easy. Some girls only want to talk about clothes or their friends, but Holly isn’t a typical girl, which is good because I think typical is boring.
four
Holly –
“What were you thinking?!” Sage screeches across the table.
We’re at a bar down the street from my building and I’m filling her in on the deal I made with Declan earlier today.
“Obviously, I wasn’t thinking. He had me so worked up both temperament-wise and hormone-wise, I just lost it.”
“Well, you’re backing out, right? Pleading temporary insanity? Something …”
“He looked really good.”
“Holly! So does that tool over by the bar, but you don’t see me making a bet to date him.”
With a heavy sigh, I take a sip of my beer. “I miss him.”
She sips her drink while shaking her head. “I do, too, but have you forgotten how badly he hurt you?”
“No, but …”
“Are you ready to tell him the part of the story he still doesn’t know? I’m not saying this to be mean, but you’re at least fifty percent responsible for your break up by not telling him the truth.”
The weight of my secret has weighed heavily on my heart for two years. I’m not sure Declan would ever forgive me for not telling him.
“At some point, yes, I have to tell him. This may not even work out. He’s a manwhore now, and what he thinks he wants and what he actually wants might be two very different things.”
Sage leans back, drinking her margarita quietly. After putting her empty glass back on the table, she locks her eyes on mine. “We both heard his drunken confession to his fans last night. Declan is honest to a fault when he’s drinking. It’s partially why you broke up in the first place. He wouldn’t have confessed his undying love to millions of people if he didn’t mean it. You’re going to have to come clean, Holly, and the sooner the better.”
“Don’t you miss them?”
“Of course I do. They were our best friends. But I would’ve missed you more. I’m not even sure why it had to be a choice anyway.”
“Me, either, not anymore.”
“Well … look who it is,” Baxter says, appearing out of the crowd as he slides into the booth next to Sage.
“Speak of the devil,” I mutter.
“What was that? Sexy piece of man meat? Why yes, I am, thank you.”
Sage laughs, and I roll my eyes.
“You don’t talk to us for two years and suddenly you’re here? What do you want, Bax?” Sage demands.
“Hey now, put the claws away. I thought we were under a cease fire. Aren’t we waving the white flags?”
Chuckling, I flash Baxter a welcoming smile. I really have missed him.
“That’s more like it. Now, tell Papa all about it.”
Sage snorts. “Is that how you lure men to your bed?”
“Unlike you, I don’t need to lure anyone. They come of their own free will, and my tight ass keeps them there.”
“Come on, Baxter, TMI,” I tell him through my laughter. “Change of topic. What did Declan tell you?”
He looks up at me and flutters his eyelids. “You mean other than what he told the world last night? Only that you agreed to a series of dates, and he gave you some batteries to help you release all that built-up sexual frustration from being trapped in the elevator together.”
“Haha! He’s even claiming the orgasm you got from your vibrator because he gave you the batteries. Holly, you’re fucked, chica.”
Sage flags down the waitress and orders another round as I bury my face in my hands. “You act like an orgasm is a bad thing,” Baxter says as he peels my hands away.
“How did you know we were here, Bax?” He and Sage exchange guilty glances. “I knew it! I knew you two still talk.”
“Not talk,” she hedges. “We check in.” He nods in agreement.
When our drinks come, Baxter holds his up in a toast. “To Holly, for finally deciding Declan has groveled enough. Thank you for putting me out of my misery.”
We clink glasses, but I correct him. “We haven’t decided anything yet. There’s a lot of pain and anger to wade through. I’m just … tired of missing my best friend.”
“Well, if it’s any consolation, he’s missed you, too.”
“Kind of hard to tell with his pussy parade.”
Baxter chokes on his drink, and Sage whacks his back. “Damn, Holly, I remember when you used to hate that word. Guess some things have changed in the past two years.”
“That’s what happens when I get to have her all to myself. I’ve inducted her into my depraved world,” Sage adds with smug satisfaction.
Baxter’s eyes widen. “Holly, you needed me around more than you even knew. You can’t let the Queen of the Damned lead you into her debaucherous lair.”
Sage snorts, and I try to hold back my laughter. These two could go at it all night if I let them.
Hoping to get some answers, I turn to Baxter. “So what’s the grand plan?”
“Pretty sure winning you back is the end game here. Getting a ring on your finger, white dress, church, couple of kids for me to corrupt.”
“Come on, Bax, you know what I mean. Declan is all about the grand gestures, and I want to know what to be ready for.”
He reaches over the table and gives my hand a squeeze. “I’m not sure he even knows. He was stunned you agreed. I know it’s asking a lot, but whatever it is … have faith in him, Holls. You might see a pussy parade, but all I see is my best friend searching for something he’ll never find.”
“What’s that?”
“You, sweet thing. We all fuck a few frogs before we find our prince.”
“Amen,” Sage pipes up.
Baxter puts his arm around Sage before turning his attention back to me. “Dec found his princess a long time ago, he’s just passing time waiting for you to come back.”
“This isn’t a fairy tale, and I don’t need saving. What I need is a man who isn’t going to assume things on my behalf. We wouldn’t even be in this mess if he’d only listened to me.”
Baxter raises a well-plucked brow at me. “Think about his career. He talks his ass off, but he also listens to his followers. He pays attention to their words. He’s learned his lesson and he’s ready to repent. I think you’re going to be pleasantly surprised at Declan’s evolution.”
A few hours later, I stumble into my apartment and glance over to my desk at the pile of work waiting for me. Shrugging it off, I kick off my shoes. I’ll have to catch up over the weekend. Now that my head is swimming in alcohol and I’ve had time to talk to Sage and Baxter, I’m more settled with my decision to date Declan. After all, we dated for seven years before things went haywire. It’s not really that unexpected to try again, is it?
“Shit!” I hop up and down on one foot. “Motherfucker!” My leg is absolutely throbbing from where I just whacked it on a stack of boxes. Yelling does nothing for the pain, but it mak
es me feel better somehow.
Within seconds, there’s a knock at my door. I hobble over and swing it open without even looking to see who it is.
“Holy shit, Holly, you’re bleeding. What happened?” Declan steps inside and grabs my hand, leading me to the closest chair. Why does he have to live within hearing distance, and why does he have to look so good?
He’s in pajama bottoms, a white t-shirt, and his hair is all messed up. His glasses are even crooked, but I swear it only adds to his appeal.
“Were you sleeping?” I ask, slurring a bit.
“Sort of. Baxter texted me and woke me up. I’m glad he did or I wouldn’t have heard you. Stay put,” he cautions, and walks into the kitchen to wet a paper towel.
“He’s still got such a nice ass,” I mutter to myself.
“I heard that, drunk girl,” he says, flashing me a seductive smile on his way back.
The last thing I want right now is him in my apartment with me when I’m drunk. “I can handle this, Declan, you can go.”
“Not on your life. And why do you have all those boxes in the middle of the floor like that? What’s in them?”
“Books.”
“Since when does Natalie send you books? Especially that many books?”
“It’s a special project I’m working on. Don’t worry about it. They were fine until I forgot they were there.”
As his hand slides up the back of my calf, I quiver involuntarily. Even after everything, Declan’s touch still lights me on fire. He places pressure on the paper towel for a minute, and when he pulls it away, it’s no longer bleeding.
“Do you have a bandage and ointment?”
“Yeah, in the bathroom, in the first aid kit under the sink.”
“I’ll be right back.” He slides his hand slowly down the back of my leg and smirks when goose bumps cover my skin. It shouldn’t surprise him. Even though we’ve had our ups and downs, it’s impossible to be immune to him. I only wish he felt the same way about me.
Within a few minutes, he’s got me bandaged up and good as new, but he continues caressing my skin.
“What are you doing?”
“Enjoying the feel of you while I can.” Declan moves his hand against my cheek, and I momentarily forget why this isn’t a good idea as I lean into his touch.