by D. Kelly
“Declan, you don’t have to—”
“Stop. It’s still my turn. Never in a million years would I have thought you’d look at me and think based on who I’ve been fucking that I’m no longer attracted to you. Or never was. As you might have just witnessed, I almost came in my pants from merely a kiss. What you don’t seem to understand is my ‘type’ the past two years has been the exact opposite of you for a reason.”
“What reason is that?” The hesitancy in her voice is almost heartbreaking.
“I couldn’t stand being reminded of you. If they didn’t have long, auburn hair, I couldn’t ache to touch yours. If they didn’t have full, pouty lips, I wouldn’t let myself dwell on how much I missed yours. If I didn’t give them a second date, I’d never compare them to you. All I was doing was trying to avoid additional heartache until I could finally get you back in my arms. I’m never letting you go again, love, so please don’t make me.”
“Declan …” A single tear streaks down her cheek. “I didn’t have a clue. I thought … I thought you regretted our time together and were happy to be moving on to something more up your alley.”
“Silly girl, you’re beautiful, but your looks aren’t all I love about you. If you remember, I was an awkward fourteen-year-old boy, who had a massive crush on the girl next door with acne and braces. Your mind and your heart drew me in, but your looks didn’t hurt, either.”
“Asshole,” she mutters against my chest.
“Maybe, but I’m your asshole. Even still, I want to date you the right way. The two of us could easily fall into old patterns and maybe a few new ones based on our chemical explosion tonight.”
“Mmhmm,” she hums.
“It wouldn’t be fair to either of us to do that. I want to know you, who you are now, what’s been happening in your life. Date me, Holls, exclusively. Not out of anger or because of a game, but because you miss me as much as I miss you.”
“Yes, I’d really like that.”
“Me, too.”
We stay in the chair talking for what seems like hours until Holly falls asleep in my arms. I should move her and take her back to her apartment, but I’m a selfish bastard. Instead of what I should do, I lean my head against hers and close my eyes. If she’s angry in the morning, I’ll deal with it.
ten
Declan
“Can you hand me the other stocking holder?” I ask Holly after she puts the plate of Christmas cookies down onto the table.
“What do I get in exchange?”
Grabbing the mistletoe from the top of the fireplace, I hold it over my head. Her answering smile is worth keeping it close by. She brings me the stocking holder and leans in for a kiss.
“Look, Sage! They just got back and Dec and Holls are already DecNHolls,” Baxter cries out gleefully.
Holly pulls back from our kiss, and I turn my attention to him. “Haha, isn’t that joke old yet? Shame on you for making fun. I was even thinking this might be the year you finally get a kiss from me under the mistletoe.”
“Someday, Dec, we’re going to get drunk and you’re going to kiss these irresistible lips of mine.”
“That would be kind of hot, you have to admit. Right, Holly?” Sage says, mock-fanning herself.
Holly steps back, looks between us, and shrugs. “I’m not sure if it would be insanely hot or like watching two brothers make out.”
“Brothers,” I answer at the same time Baxter says, “Hot.”
“Did you two enjoy your stolen night away before coming home?” Sage pries in the way only she can.
When Holly blushes, Bax whistles. “Mmhm, at least Dec is giving it up to someone.”
“Leave us alone. Not living next door to each other and being in separate dorms sucks.”
“Yeah, because we don’t see you and Baxter every day, anyway,” Sage adds sarcastically.
We’re all on the same campus and even share some classes. I wanted us to share an apartment, but Holly’s dad said he wouldn’t help her with school if she did that. He said he’d give us his blessing after sophomore year, but until then she’s to stay on campus in the dorms. I think it was kind of a dick move, but Holly swears he’s just trying to give her the full college experience while hoping she doesn’t get knocked up.
“Holly, Dawn, and Ken are going to be here soon to drop off Heather. If you have any presents out, you should hide them,” Sean calls from the kitchen.
Holly and Sean’s relationship took a significant hit after she found out about her mom and Heather. Sean didn’t have much justification for keeping Holly from her sister, other than wanting her to have a normal life without Dawn’s influence.
They’ve gotten to the point where they’re all cordial, and Holly sees her mom occasionally for lunch or dinner. Ken and Dawn let Heather stay here sometimes so she and Holly can build a sisterly bond. It’s been an interesting year and a half.
“They’re all wrapped, but thanks, Dad,” Holly calls back to him. “We did good today, you guys. This house finally looks like Christmas.”
There’s a knock on the door, and Holly rushes to answer it. We haven’t seen Heather since Thanksgiving weekend, so I know she’s excited to spend time with her; it’s all she’s been talking about.
“Holly!” Heather cries as she runs into her arms for a hug. After she releases her, she runs straight for me. “Declan! Dad, look, Declan is here!”
Ken laughs from the entryway. “He sure is, sweetie.” As Heather hugs me, Ken talks to Holly. “Someone else in this family has a crush on Declan, too.”
Holly turns to us with a teasing glimmer in her gaze. “Uh-oh, am I in trouble? I’m not sure I could fight her, she’s awfully cute.”
As they’re chatting, I realize Dawn isn’t here. Maybe she didn’t want to run into Sean. I’d imagine that could be awkward, especially with the new husband.
“Declan, I got Holly a really good Christmas present, and you, too,” Heather says, bringing my attention back to her.
“You did? That’s awesome. I love presents, but Holly hates them, so you can just give hers to me.”
“You’re such a liar,” Holly says, and Heather giggles like crazy.
“Heather, come give me a hug and I’ll see you tomorrow night, okay? We’re going to spend Christmas Eve at Grandma and Grandpa’s house.”
Reluctantly, she releases me and says her goodbyes to Ken. Sage comes up beside me and whispers in my ear, “That little girl is adorable. Don’t break her heart, Dec.”
“Have I ever been a heartbreaker?”
“Yes!” Baxter answers emphatically.
“Never, and he could never be, either,” Holly states with such unwavering faith and love, it stuns me for a minute. I would cut off my own leg before I hurt her, but it’s a head rush knowing she gets it. She gets me. I’ll never understand how my dad left us. Surely, he felt this way about my mom once.
“You okay, man?” They’re all looking at me, but Bax seems worried.
“Of course, I just spaced out wondering what Santa is bringing me for Christmas.”
“Bye, Daddy!” Heather waves to Ken before turning to me with an excited twinkle in her eye. “Declan, I asked Santa to bring me a puppy and a kitty so they can play with each other. And a little brother since I already have the best big sister ever. Oh, and for some puzzles and movies, and for Mommy to be happy because she’s been really grumpy lately.”
We all exchange concerned looks, and out of the corner of my eye I see Sean shaking his head before going back into the kitchen. Under the guise of getting us all drinks, I make my way in there to talk to him.
“What do you really think about Dawn?”
We’ve been around each other long enough to not bullshit one another. It was especially uncomfortable when he asked me point blank if Holly and I were having sex. After that conversation, pretty much nothing has been off limits. I’ve never asked about Holly’s mom before, but I need to know what we could be dealing with.
“Not sur
e, Declan. When I knew Dawn, she suffered horrible mood swings. They were typically an indicator she was going to start using. In the twelve years we were together, she fell off the wagon at least five times.”
“I’m sorry.” I can’t imagine dealing with an addict. I don’t even know how my mom was able to deal with my cheating bastard father.
“It’s water under the bridge, and she’s Ken’s problem now, but my concern is for Holly and Heather. If this is her getting ready to go on a bender, there’s not much I can do. Holly is an adult, and Ken will hopefully protect Heather, just like I did Holly.”
“Would she do anything to them? Something I should be looking out for?”
“Dawn isn’t abusive, if that’s what you mean … at least not with her fists. The woman has a wicked tongue and can give a verbal lashing quicker and dirtier than I’ve ever seen. Let’s hope I’m wrong and she’s just dealing with some holiday stress.”
“Sure thing.” For Holly’s sake, I hope he’s overreacting.
When I start gathering drinks, Sean joins me at the counter and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Declan, I want you to understand something. When I said Holly couldn’t move in with you, I wasn’t only doing that for her, I was doing it for you as well.”
“How so?” While I take a swig of my water, a smile flickers over his face.
“College can be fun, but it can also change people. The stress of classes, the freedom of being away from home, and experiencing the ups and downs of adulthood is life-altering. I didn’t want either of you to feel like you had to make things work because you rushed into living together.”
“Is that the only reason?”
“No, but it’s the main one. You two should enjoy being young a little while longer before putting that kind of pressure on yourselves.” He throws his hands up in surrender at the seething look I give him. “I know … it doesn’t seem like a hardship right now, and maybe it never will, but if there is one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s that age makes a difference.”
“How so?” I ask, intrigued.
“It’s hard to explain, but you’ll understand when you’re older. You grow so much between eighteen and twenty, twenty and twenty-two, twenty-two and twenty-five … hell, even between twenty-five and thirty. I look back at things now with a clarity I never had back then. You will, too, eventually. I want you both to have minimal regrets. As parents, we can’t stop you from making mistakes … they’re how you learn in life. What we can do is try to keep you from repeating our mistakes. You’re part of this family, Declan, and I figured it was time I gave you the explanation you deserved.”
With a slight nod, I let his words sink in as I pass out everyone’s drinks before returning to the kitchen to grab my own. If we’re telling secrets tonight, I think I owe him one.
“Sean?”
He looks up at me from his newspaper. “Yes, Declan?”
“I think it’s time you and my mom tell Holly you’re dating.”
The shock on his face is comical, and his face is beet-red. “I’m not sure what—”
“Cut the crap, I’m not mad. You two have danced around this for years. There’s no reason for my mom to avoid coming over so your secret doesn’t come out.”
“Did she tell you?”
“Nope, she thinks she’s as sly as you are. I came home a few weeks ago to get a book I left here over Thanksgiving. Mom’s car was out front, but she wasn’t inside. When I went into the backyard to find her, I saw the two of you making out on your deck.”
His embarrassed groan makes me laugh. “You didn’t tell Holly? Why?”
“Because you asked me to wait until the holidays so you could tell her yourself. At least I’m pretty sure you did. Otherwise, I can go tell her now …”
Sean catches on quickly that I’m giving him an out, and a relieved expression replaces his apprehensive one. “Oh, you’re right. I did mention something along those lines.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Holly will probably be pissed and a little creeped out at the idea of what this could mean for us. “If you want to repay the favor, it would be cool of you two to hold off on any wedding plans. Holly and I would appreciate being husband and wife someday before our parents beat us to the altar.”
“Declan … I’m not…”
With crossed arms, I stalk toward him. “You’re not what, Sean? Not going to make an honest woman out of my mother someday?”
“No, that’s not … I mean … maybe I could …”
His awkwardness is hilarious. “I’m totally messing with you. That was funny as hell.” Sean sags into his chair with a sigh of relief. “Seriously, though, you have to tell Holls. She’d break up with me if she knew I lied to her.”
“Withholding the truth is hardly the same as lying.”
“Tell that to your daughter.”
This is the only secret I’ve ever kept from her and I feel shitty about it. It’s been the longest month of my life. After Sean kept Dawn and Heather from Holly, it took a long time for her to begin trusting him again. If I’d have told her what I saw, it would have done irreparable damage to their relationship. Instead, I kept it inside, not even telling Bax or letting on to my mom that I knew she had someone special in her life. Sean won’t hurt her like my dad did; he’ll treat her with the love and respect she deserves. That’s all I care about.
“Thank you. Oh, and before you go … Just so we’re clear, it would make me a very proud father to see you and Holly get married one day.”
With a huge grin, I turn to go find my girl just as the opening notes of “All I Want for Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey begin playing loudly. In the living room, Sage, Baxter, Holly, and even Heather are dancing and singing at the top of their lungs.
“Dance with me, sexy,” Baxter says, sidling up to me and pulling me onto their mock dance floor.
“Only because you asked so nicely.”
“Should I be jealous?” Holly yells over the music.
“Very,” I mouth as I pull Baxter close.
“You’re such a tease, Declan!” Sage calls out.
“Yeah, put up or shut up,” Bax taunts.
Fuck it, I’ll give Bax a Christmas present he’ll never forget. Tugging him over to the fireplace, I pick up the mistletoe where I left it and swing it in front of his face.
“Yes! I’ve been waiting my whole life for this,” Sage screeches, and pulls out her phone. Wrapping one arm around his waist, I pull him close and smack a huge, juicy kiss on his lips as I hold the mistletoe over our heads. It’s quick, but it’s a good one. Keeping it PG is a necessity with a little one in the room.
When I pull back and release him, he’s smiling brighter than I’ve seen in a while. Especially since Bobby broke his heart when he cheated on him.
“Totally worth the wait.”
“Did you doubt it wouldn’t be?” I ask as Heather giggles in the background.
“Not for a second.” He’s giddy, and I’m happy to see him in a better mood.
“And … I got a picture of it so Baxter has proof he knocked it off his bucket list.” Sage shows us her phone, and Bax squeals with delight.
“Forward that to me, please, so I can post it everywhere,” Bax tells her as Holly peeks over my shoulder.
“That’s a cute picture, but it was cuter seeing it live.” She kisses my neck, and I snake my arm around her waist.
“I love you,” I whisper
“I love you more,” she murmurs lightly against my neck.
“Can we watch The Little Mermaid?” Heather asks no one in particular.
Baxter claps his hands. “I love that movie!”
“Me, too. Doesn’t Ariel look like Holly? And Eric look like Declan?”
“Aww,” Sage, Baxter, and Holly reply in unison.
I grab the cookies and plop down next to her. “You know, Heather, you look like Ariel, too.”
“I do?”
“Of course you do. You look just like your sister. You’re
both beautiful.”
She looks at Holly and nods. “True, and when I grow up, I’m going to have a boyfriend that looks just like Prince Eric, too.
“Oh no, she’s talking about boys. Hush, little one, you’re far too young to even think about boys. Enjoy your Disney movies and Barbies for a few more years, at least,” Bax pleads with her.
“Oh, I know. Daddy says I have to go to college before I can have a boyfriend. But when I do get one, he’s going to be just like Declan.”
As the movie begins to play, I kiss the top of her head. “Thanks, munchkin.” This little girl is the sweetest thing, just like her sister.
A few hours later, Holly and I are in my room, just like old times. After pizza, cookies, a movie, and games, Heather finally knocked out. She fell asleep in Holly’s room, and Holly came in through my bedroom window shortly afterward.
Both windows are cracked open so we can hear Heather if she wakes up—one of the many perks of our rooms only being about six feet apart.
“I can’t believe we haven’t lived here in almost two years,” she says, cuddling closer to me.
“Only six more months and we can get our own place.”
“I know. I’m so excited. I’ve got a good amount of money saved up already. If we get a place with Baxter and Sage, we could stress less about bills.”
Not happening.
“I’d rather stress than share an apartment. I want our lives to start, Holls. Bax and Sage can get their own place together.”
“Yeah, I guess—”
With my finger, I tip her head so our eyes meet. “Hey, if you’re not ready, we don’t have to do this.”
“It’s not that. I just feel bad, like we’re ditching our friends.”
“You’ve got the biggest heart. We’ll all look for places together. I’m sure we can find something in the same building. Or maybe even a duplex.”
With bright eyes, she agrees. “That would be perfect.”
Holly kisses me lovingly, and I wish more than anything we could pause time and live in this moment for a while.