by D. Kelly
“I’m not sure I can do that. I’ve only ever made love to my girlfriend. Are you ready to take back that role in my life again and everything that goes with it? I need you all in, Holls, or we need to wait.”
“What is everything?”
The tenderness in her voice pushes me further. As I comb my fingers through her hair, I think about what I want from her. “I’m tired of sleeping alone, and if you don’t want to move in, I get it, but sleep in my bed at night. Or I’ll sleep in yours.”
“I think we can manage that.”
“No more dancing around our feelings. We have to stop being afraid of hurting each other. I’m an open book to you, Holly, but you have to open up to me soon.”
“Soon, Declan, but not now. One crisis at a time.”
“Fine, if you agree to start being my date. I know you don’t want to be in the public eye, I get that. But unfortunately, it’s my job to be in the limelight. You belong by my side, love. Parties, premieres, award shows, my date should be you. Do you want other women throwing themselves at me?”
She cringes, and I’m glad. “That’s exactly what happens when I go alone, or with Baxter. If you had a work function, I’d go with you. One of Natalie’s book signings? I’m there. Want me to be eye candy to get more readers to her table? Done.”
I feel like I’m pushing her away, but I’ve got nothing else to lose. We’ve lost two years already; we can’t afford to lose any more time.
“How long do I fill this exclusive girlfriend role?”
“As long as it takes for me to convince you to turn it into a permanent position as my wife.”
Her smile is wide as she brushes her thumbs over my cheeks. “There you are, Declan James, I knew you were in there somewhere. You’re not your father and you never will be, and you know what else?”
“What?”
“I love you, and I’d be happy to fill whatever role you want me in as long as I’m with you.”
Finally! Today has been shit, but hearing her say she loves me makes everything better. “I love you, too. Come on, out of bed. I owe you a date tonight.”
She seems disappointed, but as much as I’d like to have sex with her, my head isn’t in the right place. I want to give her all my attention, but this brother thing is really fucking with me at the moment.
When we stand, I pull her close and hug her with everything I have. “When we do make love, I want you to be my sole focus. I don’t want this family stuff swimming around in my head.”
“I understand. You sure you’re in the mood for a date?”
“I am. This one is kind of different, but I think you’ll enjoy it.”
She tilts her head up and I lower my lips to hers. My cock begins to stir. “Someone didn’t get the memo,” Holly says, giggling.
“He got it, he’s just reminding me how much he wants to get back in his home.”
When our lips meet, our kiss is slow and gentle. This time, there’s no rush. We’re not afraid it will be the last time, or that we’ll somehow screw this up. No matter what happens, I’ll never make that kind of mistake again.
“Come on, I have a surprise for you.” I grab a pair of scissors from the counter and lead Holly to the box on the table before passing them to her. “Open it.”
Inside the box is another smaller box. She gives me a side-eye glance, but I’m not having it. “Just open it, love.”
“A date box?” She excitedly starts removing the contents.
“Yes, it’s a subscription box service. I’m supposed to try it out and give them a shout out on my channel to let them know how it went.”
“Ten easy questions to get to know your date better … and everything you need to make homemade cookies, minus fresh ingredients.”
“I have the butter, eggs, and milk.”
“Declan! This is amazing! Cookies are so totally us, too. Look, there’s frosting and sprinkles and everything.”
Seeing that smile on her face again is worth the two years I spent in my personal hell working my way back to her.
“Cookies first and questions while they bake?” My voice is drowned out by her opening and closing cabinets, looking for everything we need. Right in this moment, I know she meant what she said about being back together. Holly is too well-mannered to dig through someone’s cabinets—even mine. Not that I thought she wasn’t serious, but having it cemented in my mind is a huge wave of relief.
“Sounds good. Did you get to pick the kind of cookie? Or was chocolate chip a fluke?”
“I didn’t get to pick anything. They just sent Bax an email telling him what to have on hand to make the date go off without a hitch. Maybe he told them? I’m not sure.”
“That would make sense because the card in the box says sugar and chocolate chip cookies. Sugar explains the need for frosting and sprinkles. My guess is, if Bax didn’t tell them, someone over there did their Declan James research and doubled you up.”
“That could be. Or maybe they ran out of sugar. Chocolate chip cookies are a classic just the way they are. Only a pregnant person would put frosting and sprinkles on them.”
With sparkling eyes, she replies, “Actually, I think it could be good, and I’m definitely not pregnant. Not to change the subject, but are you hungry? You were in the bedroom a long time. You have the makings for spaghetti, and I have some garlic bread in my freezer.”
My stomach growls at the mention of spaghetti. “I’d love some. Want me to help?”
“Sure, I’d love that.”
Holly and I work side by side. She browns the meat and gets the bread going, while I work on the noodles and sauce. When the water boils, I drop the noodles in and stir them. After putting the spoon down, I move behind her and wrap my arms around her before lowering my mouth to her neck. “I’ve missed this.”
“Me, too,” she says as I push her hair aside, kissing my way up to her ear.
“Are you sure you don’t want to move in? I’ll go pack your stuff right now. Hell, I’ll move everything over one piece at a time if you say yes.”
“Let’s see how this goes. We only have a few months left on our leases. Maybe after that we can find a new place and make new, untainted memories there together.”
Pulling us away from the stove, I turn her in my arms. “We could buy a house.”
“I don’t have that kind of money, Declan.”
The hesitancy in her voice worries me, but I persist. “If we’re going to be together, we should share everything. What do you think I’ve been working so hard and saving for? It’s all been for our future, Holls.”
“Still, that’s … It’s a lot.”
“If we wouldn’t have broken up, would you have an issue with it? If we’d gotten married?”
“We did break up and we didn’t get married. As much as I’d like to, we can’t erase the last two years of our lives. We’re moving fast, and I don’t regret getting back together, but there are some things we should still take slow.”
As I brush her hair away from her face, we lock eyes. “We’re doing both, going slow where it’s important and moving fast to catch up where we can. Life is an adventure, Holly, let’s make the most of it.”
With a small kiss on my cheek, she shakes her head slightly and turns her attention to the rapidly boiling noodles. “What am I going to do with you?”
“For starters, take a trip with me. Before Baxter got that email, I was trying to decide between a beach vacation or a cabin in the mountains.”
“Really? I’m in, and I vote for a secluded cabin in the mountains. Maybe by the lake? It’s starting to get cooler, so we could swim in the daytime and relax by the fireside at night.”
My cock begins to stir thinking about Holly wet in the lake and naked by the fire. “Sold. When can we go?”
She drains the noodles as I turn off the sauce and take out the bread. Once we’re seated at the table with food and wine, we resume the conversation. “I’m going away for work this weekend and next weekend, but any time after that would
be good,” she says, breaking off a piece of garlic bread.
“You’re going away two weekends in a row?” I’m pouting, but I don’t care. I just got her back.
“Yeah, I thought I told you.”
“I’m pretty sure I’d remember if you had.”
Ignoring my sarcastic tone, she continues, “Sorry, you know how it goes. I have to travel with Natalie a few weekends a year. A PA’s work is never done.”
“I know. If I schedule a trip for three weeks from now, can you go?”
“I’d love to, but what about your brother, Declan? Have you given any thought to him?”
Other than how to break this to my mom, he’s all I’ve been thinking about since the email came in. I want to know him—what he’s like, how we’re alike, how we’re different.
“I want to meet him. I’m not sure about his family yet.”
Her compassionate gaze reminds me of all the times she’s been there for me. We’ve known each other for almost twelve years; there’s nothing she doesn’t know about me.
“I’m glad, and I’ll help you any way I can.”
“Will you go with me to meet him?”
“Of course, as long as it’s not when I’m supposed to be out of town. I can’t leave Natalie stranded on such short notice. Besides, I could use the money.”
“Holly, do you need a loan?”
The look of abject horror on her face as she drops her fork is enough for me to rethink my question. Shit.
“I’m not a charity case, and I’m not poor, Declan! I’m a college-educated, self-employed woman. Some months are more lucrative than others, and I’ve learned to save for a rainy day. My retirement plan isn’t going to fund itself, and I’m not willing to give up my flexible schedule so I can go work a boring nine-to-five job. Excuse me if I’m not rich like you, but I’m not someone you need to be pouring pity on, either. Would seeing my bank statement make you feel more comfortable?”
Damn, she’s pissed. How in the world do I unfuck myself out of this? She continues glaring at me with her arms crossed over her chest.
Lifting my hands in surrender, I decide to try for a humorous exit from this. “Hey, if you want to be my sugar mama, I’m cool with that, too.” A slight smile looks like it might be creeping up from the corner of her mouth. “Love, I wasn’t trying to upset you. I don’t need to see your bank statement unless you want to show it to me. I’m also happy to show you mine. I was concerned because you’ve mentioned money a few times now, and if there’s something you need, I hope you’d let me help you.”
Her hands fall back down to the table as she forgoes her defensive position. “Honestly, I don’t know why I’ve even mentioned money. You and your bank account make me nervous. I can’t help feeling somewhat inadequate next to you.”
I’m stunned at her candid confession. “Come on, Holls. If anything, you’re the reason I have what I do. You encouraged me to do this, to fuck what anyone thought and put my opinions into the world. If you hadn’t pushed me, I’d have nothing.”
“Declan—”
“No, it’s my turn. Everything I’ve worked for has been for us. It’s why you’re my emergency contact, it’s also why you’re my designated beneficiary should something happen to me. Be pissed if you want to, but don’t compare me to my financial bottom line, because they’re two completely different things.”
“I’m sorry,” she says contritely.
“Me, too. Can we make cookies now and relax?”
“I’d like that. Get the questions and we’ll talk as we bake.”
After clearing the table and putting away the spaghetti, I pull out the little question book as she gets the baking stuff set up.
“If you had to spend a million dollars in a day and couldn’t keep any of it for yourself, what would you do with it?”
“Wow, they don’t go easy on you, do they?” Her brow furrows slightly as she considers her answer. “I’d send our parents on a trip around the world and pay off their mortgages.”
I hop up on the counter so I can see her face while she’s mixing up the ingredients. “I’d pay for Heather’s college, and I guess my brother, too. Definitely pay off our parents’ houses and send Bax and Sage on the trip of a lifetime. After everything we’ve put them through, they deserve it. If there were any money left, I’d put it away for our kids.”
“That’s really sweet. What’s the next question?”
“What is the last thing you binge watched? That’s easy. I spent more time than I want to admit watching Lost.”
She pours in the chocolate chips and laughs. “I did that not too long ago, but my last one was One Tree Hill.”
“Again?”
She blushes. “What can I say? Lucas and Brooke do it for me.”
“Hmm, what else does it for you? What makes you Brooke yourself?”
“Hush, we’re supposed to be having fun.”
“Oh, this is fun for me, Holls.”
“You know what I mean. What’s the next question?”
“Gin, vodka, or tequila?”
“Tequila,” we answer in unison.
“Would you rather hit snooze a bunch of times and wake up slow, or get that extra thirty minutes sleep and not hit snooze at all?”
“Extra thirty minutes,” she says.
“Bullshit. You’re queen of the extra snooze tap.”
“Not anymore.”
“Since when?”
“Do you want the truth?”
“I never want the lie. I’ve always been the non-snoozer. What changed for you?”
“Not being able to cuddle up next to you in the morning. It was my favorite part of lingering in bed. It’s not so fun when your bed is empty.”
After she puts the cookies in the oven, I toss the questions aside and pull her between my legs. “We’re not going to have any more mornings like that. You can go back to being the queen of snooze again.”
“That sounds like a good plan.”
“Do you want to stay here tonight, or do you want me to come to your house?”
“I’ll stay here, it smells like us.”
“Like us?”
“The scent of freshly baked cookies always reminds me of us.”
“That’s good. That means you’ll keep making me cookies forever.”
“You’re such a dork,” she says before kissing me sweetly.
“I’ve been called worse. Go get your stuff and I’ll watch the cookies.”
“There’d better be some left when I get back.”
“Then you’d better hurry up.”
When she gets to the door, she turns back around. “Declan … I’m really glad we decided to do this. Thank you for being a stubborn ass.”
She ducks into the hall before I can reply, which is probably a good thing because the only way I want to thank her is with my cock buried between her thighs.
fourteen
Declan
“Are things any better with you and Holly?” Baxter asks as he cracks open a beer.
“It’s not like things are bad with us just …”
“Boring, unexciting, elderly,” he fills in.
“Never elderly, at least not yet. I don’t know, Bax, ever since Dawn has started showing up more, and with my internet stuff taking off, she’s been distant. She even turned down my offer to go to Hawaii for our anniversary.” Holly has never had me more confused than these past few weeks.
“Do you think she’s cheating or trying to get you to break up with her?”
“No! Do you? Shit, Bax, the thought never even crossed my mind.”
Shrugging, he sips his beer. “Dude, I don’t know, I have a hard enough time understanding men. Women are like a foreign language to me, but if my boyfriend were acting like that … yeah, I might wonder why he was pushing me away. I mean, come on, Dec, a trip to Hawaii is kind of awesome.”
I slump even further into my chair and take a long swig of my beer. “I know, and Hawaii has always been a dream of hers. Plu
s, she disappeared for a week. I mean, okay … she didn’t disappear, but to go from dropping Heather off from the weekend to suddenly skipping classes and taking care of her for a week, that’s odd.”
“Especially since she couldn’t let you come over. What was that all about? I know Dawn is sketchy when she’s tweaking, but you’d think Ken would have stuck up for you.”
“You’d think Holly would have. Something isn’t adding up, but as much as I want to talk to her about it, she just got back this morning and it’s our anniversary. I don’t want to blow it.”
Baxter grabs a couple more beers and tosses me one. “How was she this morning?”
“She was fine, a little quiet.”
“Holly is always quiet. If she doesn’t have her head stuck in a book, she’s thinking. So she was more quiet than normal?”
“Hell, I’m not sure. Maybe it’s just because she’s been gone. I tried to get her to go back to bed with me, but she brushed me off.”
“Ding, ding, ding, you’re sexually frustrated. It’s been a week or two since you’ve had sex and you’re just being hypersensitive. Relax, Dec, I’m sure by tonight all will be well.”
Smiling for the first time in a few days, I convince myself he’s right.
“See, there’s that smile. I know proposing here doesn’t have the same romantic spark Hawaii would have, but Holly loves you. There’s no way she’ll say no, and you can do Hawaii for the honeymoon instead.”
“That’s true.”
“She’ll love the ring, too. You still haven’t told her how much you made in advertising royalties the past few months?”
“Hell no. I didn’t want her to freak out on how much I spent on the ring or how much money I would have spent on the trip. I’ll tell her when things settle down, which will hopefully be by tomorrow.”
A few hours later, Baxter looks up at me with hazy eyes. We just finished an epic Xbox battle and, of course, I had to rub his loss in his face.
“Whatever, Dec. You’re slurring a bit, though. Let’s go on the patio and get some air, and then you can go next door and kick Sage out. Munch on some crackers, shower, and take your girl out for the night of her life. By the time you get home, I’ll have everything set up for your proposal.”