“Put her here.”
I feel the solid gurney beneath my back and hear the doctor’s voice fading in and out as the enormity of the situation hits me. I’m bleeding, a lot, from the smell and feel of things, and I’m losing focus.
The only constant is the feel of his big, strong hands wrapped around one of mine, and the blue of his eyes as he runs beside the nurses to keep up, his breath sawing over my lips.
And then it hits me. I haven’t told him yet. I could die and I haven’t told him.
“Lucian.”
“Don’t talk, love. Just stay with me. You’ll be fine. You will be.”
I smile and feel tears cloud my eyes.
“I love you.”
“No! Don’t you fucking say it now. Say it when you’re holding our babies and counting their toes,” he snarls, glaring down at me.
My eyes are blurry and unfocused, but I see the tears nevertheless and find the strength to lift a hand to his stubble-covered jaw.
“I love you.”
I hear him yelling, feel him shaking me when I lose the fight with consciousness and slip into the void, praying that I’ll be okay, that I’ll see my terribles and give each of them the names I’ve picked out.
Chapter Eleven
Luc
As one hour bleeds into another and I pace the hall outside the OR, I feel everything within me freeze. I’m almost numb now and welcome the void with a desperation I’ve not felt in the months since claiming my family.
I can’t cry, can’t rage, can’t do anything but pace and worry as they work on my love, fighting not only to save her but my children as well. I can’t say I feel any less pain at the thought of losing even one of them, but I know if she doesn’t come through this, nothing will save me from the brink, from tumbling down the precipice of pure madness I now stand on.
“Luc. Hey, man, have you heard anything?”
I hear the question a second before a ball of sobbing fire launches herself into my arms and clings, crying so loudly it’s all I have in me to embrace her back instead of flinging her away.
I don’t need this shit now. Not when all I can think about is the way love had said my name and smiled at me while she told me she loves me.
Should have bloody said it back, you stupid arse.
But I couldn’t. It had been almost impossible to speak through the fear choking me, and I absolutely refuse to tell my girl I love her for the first time because of my fear that she won’t be coming out of this in one piece.
I want to do it in a moment where I can look into her blissfully happy eyes and say it with enough feeling that she’ll believe me and never doubt my love.
“Not yet, but they’ve been in there a while, so we should hear something soon. Shh, it’s okay, Cammy bear. She’s going to be just fine,” I murmur soothingly, willing myself to believe it before I lose my shit and start tearing this place apart.
Another ten minutes pass before a nurse comes out, her expression tired but happy as she stops and puts a hand on my shoulder.
“Your sons and daughter were born an hour ago and are being transferred to NICU as we speak. I’ll take you in in just a moment to meet them.”
The words make me smile a bit before I realize she hasn’t said—
“And Mrs Jasper is just fine. The doc got in there and stopped the bleeding. We’re just waiting for her BP to stabilize before transferring her from post op. Congratulations, sir.”
My knees give out and dump me on my arse before she’s even done, and I’m laughing and squeezing Cammy so hard she lets out a squeak before hugging me back and high fiving the universe.
“Oh God, Luc, did you hear that? They’re all fine!” she trills, standing to throw herself at Brody. “I’m an aunt, bro, did you hear? They’re all just fine!” she squeals, laughing and crying at the same time, obviously as overwhelmed by the good news as I am.
“Congrats, dude,” I hear through the fog as Brody claps me on the back and hauls me to my feet, his arms wrapping around me to hold me up.
I feel as if I’ve run a bloody marathon through hell and come out the other side, exhausted but victorious.
“Go on, man. Go see the little tykes,” Brody urges, shoving me toward the still beaming nurse. “And take pictures, dude. I want to see my namesakes!”
I feel like I’m walking in a dream the whole way to the small, isolated NICU, where the triplets are. After getting on the full robes, mask, cap, and gloves, she leads me into a section where three incubators stand, each one holding the tiniest being I’ve ever seen.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry when I see them, their heads turned to face each other, though they can’t see with their little eyes closed and all the tubes and wires coming out of them.
Anyone else would say they look like tiny little aliens, but I think they’re the most beautiful babies I’ve ever seen.
The little girl moves slightly and stretches out a hand toward me, almost as if she senses me there and wants her dad, and I feel my heart kick so fiercely with love it hurts.
She looks like a little gem, my very own tiny thing, no bigger than my hand.
“Hello, my little jewel. Daddy’s here.”
I spend the next few minutes alternately looking at all three and getting them acquainted with my voice, telling them that I will protect them at all costs and that they’d better move on and get better so Mummy and I can take them to meet their brother and sister.
By the time I’m done, the nurses are starry-eyed, and there’s not a dry eye in the house.
“I’d like to see my wife now.”
****************************
Ash
Everything hurts. That’s the first thing I notice when I come out of it and feel my body roar back to screaming life. And then I realize that dead people don’t feel pain, and that makes my eyes pop open and my hands go for my belly.
It’s still slightly swollen and tender to the touch, but the heavy feeling is gone and I know that—
“Where are my babies!”
“Settle down, love.”
I look up to see Lucian standing above me, his face wreathed in a smile so wide I let out a shaky breath and smile, ignoring the pain and lingering drowsiness.
“They’re okay? All of them?”
Those blue eyes are radiant as he leans down and rests his forehead on mine and closes his eyes, taking deep breaths before opening them again and spearing me with a glare.
“Don’t you ever fucking do that to me again. You said goodbye. Promise me.”
I feel a lump form in my throat at the hoarseness in his voice and nod silently, trying to hold back tears. Of course that’s the first thing he’d do when I wake up from almost dying in childbirth. That’s Luc for ya, chastising and laying down the law.
“Say it, Ashley.”
“I promise. I won’t ever say it again.”
That brings a smile to his face, because, though he knows what I mean, the statement is somewhat ambiguous and sounds a lot like something else.
“I mean, I’ll still say I love you, but I won’t give up again,” I say, smiling into the soft kiss he plants on my dry lips. “I want my babies.”
********************************
“How can they… Oh, God, they’re too small,” I whisper tearfully twenty minutes later when he wheels me into the room and stops between the three incubators, his hold steady as I stand painfully and peer into the little glass enclosures where my babies lie wrapped in tubes and wires.
“It’s okay, love. They’re small but healthy. We just need to give them time to get there, and then we can take them home with us,” he soothes, kissing my neck reassuringly.
How the hell those little mites are even alive is a miracle, and I say a silent prayer of thanks and beg for their health as the nurse opens the tiny side hatches and smiles kindly.
“Mom and dad can touch them if you want. They’ll probably feel better knowing you’re here to watch over them. Has the n
urse talked to you about expressing your milk so we can get them fed through their feeding tubes?”
“Ah, no, but I can—”
“Relax, mama, we’ll get it done. For now say hello to your little ones. I’ll be back in a few to help you with the milk.”
I nod and advance, trembling badly when I push my hand into the opening and stroke one finger over the little boy inside, grinding my teeth when his butter soft skin meets mine and shows the stark outline of his little veins.
“He’s the eldest. He’s small but bigger than the other two,” Lucian murmurs, smiling down softly at his firstborn.
“Lucian.”
“Yes, love?”
“No. His name is Lucian,” I whisper, kissing the tip of my index finger to lay it over his chest, where his heart is beating like a hummingbird’s.
After the nurse comes back and closes the flap, I turn to the next boy, smiling when I see the frown on his face that so resembles my own and Ben’s. This little guy will look like his dad but have my temperament, God help us all.
“Cameron.”
I touch him with more fear than I had his big brother because he looks so small and fragile I’m terrified he’ll disintegrate beneath my touch, but the little champ curls his tiny finger around my pinky, and I could swear he squeezes it reassuringly before going back to sleep.
“Cammy would like that, love.”
“Yeah. It’s the best I could do, since she was planning on naming one of them River or Rain or some such crap.”
He snorts and pushes me forward, his face brilliant and eager to get me moving.
“Come and see, love. You won’t believe.”
He’s so excited it’s all I can do to stumble over and peer inside.
“A girl?”
“Yeah, she’s a tough one, this little thing. Just as strong as her mum, and look! I think she has your weird toes,” he murmurs, running a delicate finger over the barely there appendages.
She’s so delicate I can’t even see toenails.
“Aw, look at her tiny little mouth. And look, Luc, she’s pursing her lips just like you! Crap, she’s probably gonna be a daddy’s girl.”
That makes his chest puff out so much he looks like a rooster before he becomes serious again and looks back at me, his eyes shining brightly.
“Name, Mum?”
Well, crapsickles. I never looked at girl names, since I was convinced his super Hulk sperm had filled me with boys.
“Uh, I don’t have one. Unless you wanna name her Carter?”
“I was hoping we could name her Jewel, if you don’t mind too much.”
No, I say, I don’t mind at all. It’s perfect and sweet and makes me smile just to know that the guy is gaga over three babies that look like little alien dolls.
“You can tell me now,” I say, looking up and into his shining blue eyes. “I mean, I’ve given you five kids and an endless supply of baked goods, so I think I’ve earned it. Don’t you?”
“Yes, love, you really have,” he murmurs, taking me in his arms right there in the middle of the room with our slumbering infants and the giggling nurses watching. “I love you, Ashley Jasper, with everything that I am. I always have, love, and I bloody always will.”
Chapter Twelve
Three months later
“Look at Aunty Cammy, Cameron. That’s a good lad. Who’s your favorite aunty in the whole wide world? Of course it’s me. Who loves her little Cammy most in the world? Yes, right again! I do!”
I roll my eyes at the infuriatingly adorable woman and hoist Lucky, AKA Luc Junior, up and onto my hip and continue to ice the cupcakes for Mad’s birthday party with the other.
“You’re so adorable I just want to eat your face!” she keeps saying in a voice that makes me smile, till I realize what she keeps saying to my kid.
“Stop saying that to my son, thank you very much. You’re going to scare him half to death, you nut,” Luc growls, carrying his tutu-ed little princess in and cozying up behind me for a long kiss to my neck.
“Hello, Mummy. I think my Jewel needs a diaper change.”
“You’re gonna have to get over this and change her sometime, you know.”
Luc is a stellar dad and doesn’t hesitate to change poopy diapers or feed the little monsters, but when it comes to Jewel he won’t go near her nappy on pain of death. He says fathers should be here to pamper their little darlings, not have a coronary knowing that they’re actually girls.
I think he thinks that if he pretends that Jewel is a Barbie doll he’ll actually sleep nights instead of worrying about the future and boys. I still laugh my ass off every time, but seriously, it’s pissing me off that he gets to do the good diapers while I’m stuck with the nuclear pooper every time.
“What’s the big deal, old chap?” Cammy asks, blowing raspberries on Cam’s tummy. “You do everything else.”
“Yeah,” I snort. “Including turning me onto my side while I’m asleep and putting a kid on my boob without my knowledge! I almost had a freaking heart attack.”
“I don’t like the thought of them on bottles!”
“Yeah? Well, are your nipples chapped? Swear to God, I ask for one night so shit can heal, and I have Mr Milk over here pimping me out like a Red Light super cow.”
And I’d expressed enough for the night, so he’s got no excuse except his claim that boobs are better than bottles.
“Geez, I said I was sorry, love,” he grumbles, holding Jewel away from his body. “Please? She smells like she ate a corpse for breakfast and followed it with rotten cabbage.”
“Give her here, you big baby. Come to Mama, honey, and let’s go clean that explosion. Daddy’s just a big ole meanie, isn’t he?”
But Daddy turns out to be right, when I open the nuclear reactor and get a load of what my kid is capable of.
“Gross, Juju. Just gross.”
**********************************
“Okay, Ash, you can do this,” I mutter into the mirror as I smooth my hands down the short, lacy nightgown and take deep breaths.
I am so not used to seducing men—hah! What an understatement—but since my husband has decided to play dumb and pretend he doesn’t need sex, well, I suppose I can try it for a change.
The problem is that I’m not exactly back in shape since giving birth, and I’m a bit self-conscious about the few stretch-marks and the slight tummy I still have. Maybe I should wait and give myself some time to get my body back.
My vagina disagrees, though, so here I am, getting ready to tease my guy into losing control and doing me. Damn, I should’ve asked one of the girls how to be sexy.
“Love? Are you okay in there?”
The sound of his voice so close to the door makes me jump, and I squeak, biting my lip and glancing at the door with a grimace.
“Yeah! Uh, I’ll be out in a minute.”
Okay, Rocky, here goes. All you gotta do is run your fat ass up those stairs without tripping, and then you can do your victory dance.
With a last look at the mirror, I take a deep breath and head out of the bathroom, doing my best to seem confident even as nerves scream through every inch of my body.
He’s sitting up in bed, frowning at something on his phone, when I stop at the foot of it and wait. It takes him a while, and by the time he finally looks up I’ve got my hand on my hip and my foot is tapping like Thumper’s.
“Jesus, took you long enough.”
A laugh bubbles up when he freezes and gulps, his blue eyes glued to my breasts where the lacy bodice glides over them, showcasing my already hard nipples.
“You like?” I purr, twirling slowly and looking over my shoulder with a come hither look that has the desired effect.
Oh yeah, he most definitely likes, I think, laughing hysterically when he grabs my arm and hauls me onto the bed, his larger frame caging me in as he pushes up and looks down at me, his eyes so heated they look like molten blue pools of shimmering lust.
“Oh yes, love, I like.
A lot,” he growls, pinning my hands beside my head and taking a long, leisurely glance down my body, from my full breasts down to the V between my legs and back again. “Are you sure you’re ready for this? I can wait—”
“The doctor said I’m good to go, and I swear to God, if you make me wait another day, I’ll wait till you’re sleeping and just do you myself.”
“Saucy minx. Now shut up and kiss me.”
Luc
The feel of her lips and her luscious body trembling beneath me is a heaven I’ve waited months for. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to be insensitive, but you try watching breasts that are yours being commandeered by three insatiable infants—and you can’t join the party—and you’ll know just how bloody relieved I am that my love has finally given me the green light.
“Oh, Lucian, that feels so good,” she moans, thrusting her slick sex onto my thigh and rubbing her moisture all over my heated skin.
The action makes my already stiff erection swell harder, and I groan, giving her the pressure she needs while grabbing the bodice of her little nightie and ripping it down the center.
When her breasts pop free and jiggle, spilling drops of moisture over her chest, I can’t hold back and lower my head, letting off a moan of my own when the sweet taste of milk spills free and hits my tongue.
“You taste so good, love.”
I lick and suck at her, flicking at her nipples and biting gently till she’s a writhing mess beneath me, her juices flowing so copiously I smell her scenting the very air around me.
The scent intensifies my need, and I pull back with a snarl, coming to my knees between her thighs to look down and see the evidence of the love and lust I’m lucky enough to inspire in my woman.
The sight of her, all pink and glistening, is my cue to thrust all eleven inches into her waiting body. I don’t, and not because I’m not hard enough to hammer in bloody nails at this point, but because no matter how desperate my cock is for that connection, my heart and possessive instincts are screaming at me to claim her in every way, hands, mouth, and dick.
MINE 3 Page 5