‘No, you don’t know him . . .’ Anna wrung her hands in despair, tears of frustration pouring down her cheeks.
‘Now, now, try to keep calm. You are becoming hysterical. Please, let us sit down together and talk.’
Anna’s energy drained from her and she allowed him to lead her back to a chair.
‘My dear,’ Herr Bayer began gently, ‘you must be aware of the previous relationships Herr Halvorsen has conducted with other women.’
‘Yes, I am.’
‘Jorid Skrovset in the chorus was so heartbroken that she has refused to return to the theatre. And the great Madame Hansson herself was thrown into such a state of distress after Herr Halvorsen had his way with her that she has gone abroad to recover. Which is why you are currently playing her role in the Christiania Theatre.’
‘Sir, I know for a fact from Jens that—’
‘Forgive me, but you know nothing of this man, Anna,’ he interrupted. ‘I accept I am not your father nor, sadly at present, your intended, and therefore have little sway over your decisions. But I will tell you now, because I care for you so deeply, that Jens Halvorsen is nothing but trouble. He will crush you, Anna, as he has crushed every woman who has had the misfortune to be lured into his trap. He is a weak man, and his weakness is women and carousing. I fear for you, I really do, and have done so ever since I first heard of this . . . liaison.’
‘When did you hear?’ Anna whispered, not able to look at him.
‘Weeks ago. And I should warn you that all at the theatre are aware of it. And yes, it was this discovery that prompted my proposal, simply because I want to save you and your talent from yourself. Know that if you go to him, he will desert you for another soon enough. And I simply cannot bear the thought of you throwing everything away for a selfish Casanova, after all we have worked for together.’
Anna remained silent as Herr Bayer poured himself another brandy.
‘As you do not answer me, I will tell you what I think we should do. If you are intent on being with this man, then simply because I could not bear to watch the inevitable dramatic denouement, I agree that you should leave the apartment immediately. And then go with him to Leipzig after the run of Peer Gynt has come to an end.’ He saw the astounded expression on Anna’s face and continued. ‘If you decide this is really what you wish to do, then I will give you the wages you have earned at the theatre and send you on your way. If, however, what I have said to you has some resonance in its honesty, and you are prepared to give Herr Halvorsen up and marry me after I have finished a suitable period of mourning for my mother, then please, stay here. There is no need to rush – all I need is an intention. Please, Anna, I beg you, think very carefully about your decision. For it is one that will change your life, for better or for worse.’
‘If you knew all this, then why did you not say before?’ she asked in a small voice. ‘Surely you knew that I would refuse you?’
‘Simply because I blame myself for what has happened. I was not here in Christiania to protect you from him. Now that I’m back, I can tell you that I will protect you. But only on the condition that you banish Jens Halvorsen from your life immediately. If you were rejecting me for a different suitor, perhaps I could accept it with grace. But in this case, I cannot, because I know he will destroy you.’
‘I love him,’ she said again, pointlessly.
‘I know you think you do, and I understand how hard it will be for you to accept what I’ve demanded. But one day I hope you will come to see that I am acting in your best interests. Now, I think it is time that we both retired. I have had a gruelling few weeks and find myself very weary.’ Taking her hand in his, he kissed it. ‘Goodnight, Anna, sleep well.’
29
The next evening, Anna was glad to arrive at the theatre, where everything was comfortingly the same as it had always been. She had not slept a wink last night, torn between her head and her heart. A lot of what Herr Bayer had said was true, especially to the outsider. She herself had had similar thoughts about Jens, so she couldn’t blame anyone else for doing the same. And of course everyone would tell her to marry Herr Bayer, not a penniless musician. It was the sensible decision.
However, none of this rational thinking solved the dilemma, because no matter which way she turned, the thought of giving up Jens Halvorsen forever was simply untenable.
And at least, she thought, as she left her dressing room to walk to the stage, she would see Jens in a few minutes, looking up at her with love and support from the orchestra pit. She’d already written him a note saying they must meet tonight after the performance and she’d summon Rude to deliver it in the first interval. When the play began, Anna tried to still her racing heart and calm herself. As she walked onstage and spoke her first lines, she surreptitiously cast her eyes down to find his.
In panic, she saw Jens wasn’t there. Instead, an elderly elfin-sized man was sitting in his chair.
At the end of Act One, dizzy from fear, she came offstage and immediately summoned Rude to her dressing room.
‘Hello, Frøken Anna. How are you?’
‘I am well,’ Anna lied. ‘Do you know where Herr Halvorsen is? I saw tonight that he isn’t playing.’
‘Really? Well, for the first time, you’ve told me something I didn’t already know. Shall I go and find out?’
‘If you would.’
‘Right, it might take me a while, so I’ll see you in the next interval.’
Anna went through the second act in an agony of despair, and when Rude appeared in her dressing room as promised, she thought she might faint with tension at what he might tell her.
‘The answer is that no one knows. Perhaps he’s sick, Frøken Anna. But the fact is that he isn’t here.’
She went through the rest of the performance in a daze. As soon as the cast had taken their last bows, Anna dressed hurriedly, then left the theatre and climbed into the carriage, directing the driver to take her to Jens’ apartment. When they arrived outside his building, she stepped out, calling over her shoulder to the driver to wait for her, before running inside and up the stairs. Breathing heavily, she knocked loudly on the door until she heard the sound of footsteps approaching.
The door opened and she saw Jens. She collapsed into his arms with relief. ‘Thank God, thank God. I—’
‘Anna.’ He drew her inside and put an arm around her shivering shoulder as he led her into the drawing room.
‘Where were you? I thought that you’d gone . . . I . . .’
‘Anna, please, try to calm yourself. Let me explain.’ Jens guided her to the settle and sat down next to her. ‘I arrived as usual at the theatre, to be told by Johan Hennum that my services in the orchestra were no longer required. They had found another flautist and violinist to replace me with immediate effect. I asked him if this arrangement was temporary and he told me that it wasn’t. He paid my wages in full and sent me on my way. Anna, I swear to you, I have absolutely no idea why I was dismissed.’
‘I do. Oh good Lord . . .’ Anna put her head in her hands. ‘For a change, Jens, this has little to do with your behaviour, and everything to do with mine. Last night, I told Herr Bayer I could not marry him. Then he told me he knew all about us! He said that I was only welcome to continue to stay with him if I’d denounce you immediately. And if I wasn’t prepared to do that, then I must leave the apartment.’
‘Oh Lord,’ Jens sighed, understanding. ‘So the next thing we know, I am asked to leave the Christiania orchestra. He probably told Hennum and Josephson I was a bad influence and distracting their new little star.’
‘Forgive me, Jens. I didn’t believe Herr Bayer was capable of such a thing.’
‘I did, and told you so,’ Jens muttered. ‘Well, at least I now know the reason for my swift exit.’
‘What will you do?’
‘As a matter of fact, I’ve just been packing.’
‘To go where?’ Anna was horrified.
‘To Leipzig, of course. One way or another, it’s obvious there i
s no future for me here. I decided I should leave as soon as possible.’
‘I see.’ Anna cast her eyes down, concentrating on not allowing herself to cry at this news.
‘I was going to write to you tonight and leave the letter at the stage door.’
‘You swear you were? Or are you just saying that and were simply going to disappear without saying a word?’
‘Anna, min kjære, come here.’ Jens took her in his arms and stroked her back tenderly. ‘I know this has been a very difficult time for you, but I myself have only had a few hours since Hennum ended my employment. Of course I was going to tell you where I was. Why on earth wouldn’t I? It was I who asked you to come with me, remember?’
‘Yes, yes . . . You’re right.’ Anna wiped her tears away. ‘I am overwrought. And so angry that you’ve been punished for what I’ve done.’
‘Well, don’t be. You know I had planned to go anyway, it’s just happened a little sooner than I expected. Was Herr Bayer very angry with you, my love?’
‘No, he wasn’t angry at all. He said he didn’t want me to ruin my life by being with you, and that he wished me not to see you again for my own good.’
‘Which is why I was booted unceremoniously out of the pit so that you couldn’t. What will you do?’
‘Herr Bayer has given me a day to think about it. How dare he interfere in my life and yours like this!’
‘We are in a state, the two of us,’ he sighed. ‘Well, I am leaving tomorrow – the term at the Conservatory only began two weeks ago, so I won’t have missed much. And if you want to, you can join me in Leipzig when the run of Peer Gynt is finished.’
‘Jens, after what they have done to you, I could never bring myself to return to the theatre!’ Anna shuddered. ‘I will come with you immediately.’
Jens looked at her in surprise. ‘Are you sure that’s sensible, Anna? If you walk out before the play is over, you will never again be able to work at the Christiania Theatre. Your name will be as black as mine.’
‘And nor would I want to work there again,’ she retorted, her eyes glittering with indignation. ‘I refuse to let people, whoever they are and however important and rich, behave as if they own me.’
Jens chuckled at her fierce expression. ‘Beneath that sweet exterior of yours you really are quite the firebrand, aren’t you?’
‘I have been brought up to know right from wrong, and I know that what they have done to you is very, very wrong.’
‘Yes, it is, my love, but sadly, there’s little we can do about it. Really, Anna, I caution you: however angry you are, please think carefully about coming with me tomorrow. I would hate to be the reason for the ruination of your career. And know’ – he hushed her as she opened her mouth to speak – ‘I do not say this because I don’t wish you to come. I am simply concerned that we will board the ferry to Hamburg tomorrow, and then take the overnight train to Leipzig without even knowing where we will lay our heads once we arrive. Or whether they will even accept me at the Conservatory.’
‘Of course they will accept you, Jens. You have your letter from Herr Grieg.’
‘I do and yes, they probably will, but whereas I am a man and able to suffer physical deprivation, you are a young lady with certain . . . needs.’
‘Who was born on a farm and had never seen an inside privy before she arrived in Christiania,’ Anna countered. ‘Really, Jens, I do feel you are doing your best to convince me not to accompany you.’
‘Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you when we get there. So’ – he smiled at her suddenly – ‘I have done my best to dissuade you, and you have refused to accept my concerns. My conscience is clear. We shall leave together at dawn tomorrow. Come here, Anna. Let us hold each other and take strength for the adventure we are about to embark on.’
He kissed her then, and any worries she’d had about his reticence or her decision melted away. Eventually, their lips parted, and as Anna laid her head against his chest, he stroked her hair. ‘Of course, there is one more thing we should discuss. We must present ourselves as married to all we meet on our travels, and at Leipzig of course. Overnight, you must become Fru Halvorsen in the eyes of the world, for no landlord would rent us a room if they knew we were not yet wed. How do you feel about that?’
‘I feel that we must marry as soon as we arrive in Leipzig. I could not countenance any . . .’ Anna’s voice trailed off.
‘Of course we shall. And don’t worry, Anna, even if we must share the same bed, please believe I would always act like a gentleman. So for now’ – Jens left the room then and returned a minute later with a small velvet box – ‘you must wear this. It was my grandmother’s wedding band. My mother gave it to me when I left, and told me to sell it if I needed the money. Shall I put it on for you?’
Anna stared at the slim gold band. This was hardly the ‘wedding’ she’d imagined, but she understood it would have to do for now.
‘I love you, Fru Halvorsen,’ he said as he put the ring gently on her finger. ‘And I promise we will do it for real in Leipzig. Now, you must leave and ready yourself for tomorrow. Can you be here by six o’clock?’
‘Yes, I will be here,’ she replied as she walked towards the front door. ‘As it’s doubtful I shall sleep much tonight anyway.’
‘Anna, do you have any money?’
‘No.’ She bit her lip. ‘And I can hardly ask Herr Bayer for my wages now. It wouldn’t be right. I have let him and others down so dreadfully.’
‘Then we shall be as poor as beggars until we find our feet,’ he said with a shrug.
‘Yes. Goodnight, Jens,’ she said quietly.
‘Goodnight, my love.’
The apartment was silent when Anna arrived home. As she crept along the corridor, she saw Frøken Olsdatter’s anxious face peep out of her room.
‘I was worried, Anna,’ she whispered, coming towards her. ‘Thank the Lord, Herr Bayer retired early tonight, complaining of a fever. Where have you been?’
‘Out,’ Anna replied, turning the handle to enter her room, no longer wishing to explain herself to anyone.
‘Shall we go to the kitchen? I’ll make you some hot milk.’
‘I . . .’ Anna checked herself. This woman had been kind to her and it would be wrong to leave without telling her. ‘Thank you.’ She let herself be led down the corridor and into the kitchen.
Over the hot milk, Anna told Frøken Olsdatter the whole story. And by the end of it, she was glad she had.
‘Well, well,’ Frøken Olsdatter murmured, ‘what a heartbreaker you are, kjære. Gentlemen seem to be falling over themselves to woo you. So, you have decided to leave immediately and follow your violinist to Leipzig?’
‘I have no choice. Herr Bayer said I must if I was not prepared to give up Jens right away. After what he asked Herr Hennum to do to Jens, I don’t wish to be in Christiania a minute longer.’
‘Anna, do you not think that Herr Bayer is only trying to protect you? That he has your best interests at heart?’
‘But he doesn’t! It’s what he wants, not what I want!’
‘And what about your career? Please, Anna, you are so very talented. It is a lot to sacrifice, even for love.’
‘But it is necessary – I cannot stay here in Christiania without Jens,’ insisted Anna. ‘And I can sing anywhere in the world. Herr Grieg said himself that he would help me if I ever asked.’
‘And he is an influential benefactor,’ Frøken Olsdatter agreed. ‘So, what will you do for money?’
‘Herr Bayer said he would give me the wages I’d earned from the theatre. But I have decided I will ask him for nothing.’
‘That’s very honourable of you. But even those in love must eat and have a roof over their heads.’ Frøken Olsdatter stood up, went to a drawer in the dresser and pulled out a tin box. Taking a key from the chain around her waist, she opened it. Inside was a bag of coins, which she handed to Anna. ‘There. It is my savings. I have no current use for them and your need is greater than
mine. I cannot see you leave this house to walk into an uncertain future with nothing.’
‘Oh, but I can’t . . .’ Anna entreated.
‘You can and you will,’ Frøken Olsdatter said firmly. ‘And one day when I hear you are singing at the Leipzig Opera House, you can invite me to come and watch you as payment.’
‘Thank you, you are so very kind.’ Anna was moved beyond measure at the gesture. She reached out and took Frøken Olsdatter’s hand. ‘You must think what I am doing is wrong.’
‘Who am I to judge? Whether your decision is for the best or not, you are a brave young woman with strong principles. And I admire you for that. Perhaps when you are calmer, you can write to Herr Bayer.’
‘I am frightened he may be very angry.’
‘No, Anna, he won’t be angry, just extremely sad. You may see him as an old man, but remember, as we get older, our hearts still function in the same way as they always have. Don’t blame him for falling in love with you and yearning to keep you with him for always. Now, as you must be up with the lark tomorrow, I suggest that you go to bed and take what sleep you can.’
‘I will.’
‘Please, Anna, write to me from Leipzig and let me know you are safe. Herr Bayer is not the only one in this household who will miss your presence. Just try to remember that you have youth, talent and beauty. Don’t waste it, will you?’
‘I will do all I can not to. Thank you for everything.’
‘What will you tell your parents?’ Frøken Olsdatter asked suddenly.
‘I don’t know,’ she sighed, ‘I really don’t. Goodbye.’
As the ferry chugged out of the fjord, bound for Hamburg and noisily belching smoke and steam from its funnels, Anna stood alone on the deck, watching her homeland disappear in the autumnal mist. And wondered if she would ever see it again.
30
Twenty-four hours later, Anna and Jens finally stepped off the train at Leipzig railway station. The sun had only just risen and as Anna was so tired she could hardly stand, Jens carried both his case and her valise. Their train from Hamburg to Leipzig had been a sleeper, but neither of them had felt they should spend their money on the comfort of a bunk. They had sat upright on the hard wooden seats all night, Jens drifting off almost immediately, his head lolling on her shoulder. As the hours had gone by, Anna had become increasingly incredulous at what she had just done.
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