by Nora Roberts
On unsteady legs, she crossed to her dresser, picked up a bottle of water to slake her burning throat. “I started to signal you, then I didn’t. Couldn’t. I hid it in my pouch, and brought it in here. I needed to think.”
“To figure out how much VanDyke would pay you for it?”
The fresh barb dug deep. Tate set the bottle down again, turned back. Her eyes were eloquent with sorrow. “However much I’ve disappointed you, Matthew, you have to know better than that.”
“I know you have ambitions. Ambitions VanDyke could turn into fact.”
“Yes, I’m sure that’s true. And I admit, for a few minutes sitting in here alone with that, I indulged in speculating just what having that amulet could do for me.” She wheeled away to stand at the small window. “Do I have to be flawless to be acceptable to you, Matthew? I’m not allowed to have any selfish needs.”
“You’re sure as hell not allowed to double-cross your family, and your partners.”
“You really are a fool if you think I could. But you’re right about one thing, I was trying desperately to contact VanDyke, to tell him I’d found it. I’d hoped I could arrange to meet him somewhere and give it to him.”
“Do you sleep with him?”
The question was so absurd, so unexpected, she nearly laughed. “I haven’t laid eyes on Silas VanDyke in eight years. I haven’t spoken with him much less slept with him.”
Where was the sense in this? he wondered. Where was the logic that was so intricate a part of her makeup? “But the first thing you did when you found this was to try to contact him?”
“No, the first thing I did was worry over what you would do to him if you had it.” She closed her eyes and let the light breeze that danced through the window play over her face. “Or worse, what he might do to you. And I panicked. I even thought about throwing it back into the water, pretending I’d never found it, but that wouldn’t really solve the problem. Giving it to VanDyke, I thought, asking him only to give his word that he’d leave you alone in exchange for it, would solve everything.
“I didn’t know I still loved you,” she said, staring hard at the shifting water. “I didn’t know, and when I did, I guess I panicked there, too. I don’t want to feel this way about you, and I know I’ll never feel this way about anyone else.”
Grateful her eyes were dry again, she made herself turn. “I guess you could say I thought I was saving your life, doing what was best for you. That should sound familiar. And it was as stupid for me to take the choice out of your hands as it was for you to take it out of mine.”
She lifted her hands, let them fall. “Now you have it, and you can do what you need to do. But I don’t have to watch.” Sliding open the door on the closet, she took out her suitcase.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m going to pack.”
He picked up the case, tossed it across the room. “Do you think you can hit me with all of this then just walk away?”
“Yes, I do.” How odd it was, she realized, to be so utterly calm again. As if she’d punched her way through a hurricane to the thick, quiet air of the eye. “Just as I think we both need to take time to sort through the mess we’ve made out of things.” She started to walk past him to retrieve her case, then lifted her chin when he blocked her path. “You’re not going to push me around again.”
“If I have to.” To settle the matter he turned and flicked the lock on her cabin door. “The first thing we have to settle is this.” He held up the amulet so that it caught the light and exploded with color. “We’ve all got a stake in it, but mine’s the oldest. When I’ve done what I need to do, you can have it.”
“If you’re still alive.”
“That’s my problem.” He slipped the necklace into his pocket. “You’ve got an apology coming for the things I said to you on the bridge.”
“I don’t want your apology.”
“You’ve got it anyway. I should have trusted you. Trusting people isn’t one of my strong suits, but it should have been where you’re concerned. I frightened you.”
“Yes, you did. I suppose I deserved it. Let’s just say we’re even.”
“We’re not finished,” he murmured and laid a hand, gently this time, on her arm.
“No, I guess we’re not.”
“Sit down.” When she looked up, her eyes were guarded. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m sorry I did. Sit down,” he repeated. “Please.”
“I don’t know what else there is to say, Matthew.” But she sat, folded her tensed hands in her lap. “I understand your reaction to what you heard and what you saw perfectly.”
“I heard you tell me you loved me.”
“Poor timing. Again. I don’t want to,” she said with undertones of tired anger. “I can’t seem to help it.”
He sat beside her, but didn’t touch her. “Eight years ago, I did what I had to do. I did the right thing. I’ve screwed up enough to know when I manage to do the right thing. I wasn’t going to drag you down with me. When I look at you now, what you are, what you’ve done with your life, I know it was right.”
“There’s no point—”
“Let me finish. There’re some things I didn’t tell you last night. Maybe I didn’t want to admit them to you. When I first started salvaging for Fricke, I thought about you all the time. I didn’t do much but work, pay bills and think about you. I’d wake up in the middle of the night and miss you so much it hurt. After a while, things were so fucking bad, I didn’t have the energy to hurt anymore.”
Remembering, he stared down at his hands. “I told myself it wasn’t such a big deal, a couple of months out of my life with a pretty girl. I didn’t much think about you anymore. Now and again it would grab me by the throat, tear right down into the gut. But I’d shake it off. I had to. Things with Buck were as bad as they could get, and I hated every minute of what I was doing to make a lousy dollar.”
“Matthew.”
He shook his head to hold her off. “Let me get it out. It’s not easy stripping down this way. When I saw you again, it ripped my heart open. I wanted all those years back, and knew I couldn’t have them. Even when I got you into bed there was this hole. Because all I really wanted was for you to love me back.
“I want a chance with you again. I want you to give it to me.” Now, at last, he looked at her, laid a hand on her cheek. “I might even be able to convince you that you like being in love with me.”
She managed a shaky smile. “You probably could. I’m already beginning to lean in that direction.”
“I’d start out by telling you that what I felt for you eight years ago was the biggest thing in my life. And it’s not even close to what I feel for you now.”
She was near tears again, and more desperately in love than she’d thought possible. “What took you so long to tell me all of this?”
“I was pretty sure you’d laugh in my face. Christ, Tate, I wasn’t good enough for you then. I’m no better for you now.”
“Not good enough,” she said quietly. “In what possible way?”
“In every possible way. You’ve got brains, an education, family.” Frustrated at trying to explain intangibles, he dragged his hand through his hair. “You’ve got—it’s . . . class.”
She remained silent a moment while it all simmered. “You know, Matthew, I’m just too worn out to be angry with you, even for something that ignorant. I really had no idea you, of all people, had a problem with self-esteem.”
“It’s not self-esteem.” The idea made him feel ridiculous. “It’s just fact. I’m a treasure hunter, broke most of the time. I’ve got nothing but a boat, and even that’s part LaRue’s. I’ll make a fortune on this hunt and probably blow it in a year.”
She might have sighed if she hadn’t begun to understand. “And I’m a scientist with a carefully balanced portfolio. I don’t have a boat, but I have an apartment that I rarely use. This hunt’s going to make me famous, and I intend to use both that and my share of the fortune to
make my mark a little deeper. Given those rundowns it appears we have very little in common and no logical reason to cultivate a long-term relationship. Want to give it a shot anyway?”
“I figure this,” he said after a moment. “You’re old enough and smart enough to live with your mistakes. So yeah, I want to give it a shot.”
“Me, too. I loved you once blindly. I see you much clearer now, and I love you more.” She framed his face with her hands. “We must be crazy, Lassiter. But it feels good.”
He turned his head, pressing his lips to the center of her palm. “It feels right.” Joy, he couldn’t remember when he’d last felt the simple lift of it. Gathering her close, he nuzzled his face in her hair. “I’d gotten over you, Red. Mostly.”
“Mostly?”
“I could never quite forget the way you smell.”
With a chuckle, she leaned back so that she could see his face. “The way I smell?”
“Fresh. Cool. Like a mermaid.” He touched his lips to hers, lingered. “I named her for you.”
His boat, she realized. The boat he’d built with his own hands. “Matthew, you make my head spin.” Content, she laid her head on his shoulder. This time, she thought, they would sail off into the sunset. “We’d better go out on deck before someone comes looking for us. We’ve got something to tell the rest of the team.”
“There’s that practical streak.” He brushed a hand over her hair. “And I was just thinking about getting you in bed.”
“I know.” A quick, satisfying shiver coursed through her at the pleasure of being desired. “And that’s definitely something I’m looking forward to. But for now . . .” She took his hand and pulled him to the door. “I like the way you locked this,” she said, flipping the latch. “Very macho.”
“You like macho, huh?”
“In small, tasteful doses.” Outside, she hooked her arm through his and walked to the rail. She could hear the radio jingling from the deck of the Mermaid, and her mother’s brisk, tireless hammering. The compressor kicked on, grinding. The air was filled with the sulfuric perfume of undersea excavation.
“They’re all going to be shocked and excited when you show them the amulet.”
“We show them,” Matthew corrected.
“No, it’s yours. I can’t explain rationally how I feel about this, Matthew,” she continued over his protest. “It seems I’m starting to accept that this whole business isn’t meant to be rational. I felt the pull of that necklace, a kind of lust of ownership. When I was holding it earlier, I could actually see, vividly see,” she added, turning to look at him, “just what it could bring me. The money, the outrageous fortune, the fame and respect. The power. It shakes me to realize that under all the fine lofty motives of education and knowledge, I want those things.”
“So, you’re human.”
“No, it was very strong, that desire to keep it, to use it to gain my own ends.”
“What stopped you? What made you decide to turn it over to VanDyke?”
“I love you,” she said simply. “I’d have done anything to protect you.” She smiled a little. “Sound familiar?”
“Sounds to me like it’s time we started trusting each other. The fact remains you found the amulet.”
“Maybe I was meant to, so that I could give it to you.”
“Meant to?” He took her chin in his hand. “This from a scientist.”
“A scientist who knows her Shakespeare. ‘There are more things in heaven and earth.’ ” Keeping her eyes on his, she suppressed a shudder. “It’s in your hands now, Matthew. And for you to decide.”
“None of this—if you loved me you’d . . . ?”
“I know you love me. A woman can go her whole life and never hear the kind of things you’ve just said to me. That’s why you’re going to marry me.”
His hand dropped away from her face. A knee-jerk reaction that made her lips curve wryly. “I am?”
“Damn right you are. It shouldn’t be too difficult to arrange the necessary paperwork on Nevis. I’m sure we’d both prefer to keep it simple. We can have a small ceremony right here on the boat.”
His stomach jittered, then settled smooth. “You’ve got it all worked out.”
“Working things out is my life, Lassiter.” Smug, she linked her arms around his neck. “I’ve got you, from where I’m standing, exactly where I want you. You’re not getting away again.”
“I’d probably be wasting my time arguing.”
“Totally,” she agreed, almost purring when he slipped his arms around her. “Might as well give up now.”
“Sweetheart, I hoisted the white flag the minute you knocked me out of that hammock onto my butt.” The smile faded from his eyes. “You’re my luck, Tate,” he murmured. “There’s nothing I can’t do if you’re with me.”
She settled into his arms, closed her eyes. And tried not to think about the weight of the curse in his pocket.
The teams gathered on the deck of the Mermaid in the thinning light of dusk. The weeks of treasure-hunting had been prosperous. On the generous foredeck, bits and pieces of the latest haul were separated from debris. There were sextants, octants, tableware, a simple gold locket containing a lock of hair.
Tate did her best to keep her mind off the amulet Matthew still held and answered questions on the two porcelain statues her father was examining.
“They’re Ching dynasty,” she said. “They’re called Immortals, depicting saintly human figures from Chinese theology. In all there are eight, and these two are wonderfully undamaged. We may find the other six, if indeed there was a complete set. They’re not listed in the manifest.”
“Valuable?” LaRue tossed out.
“Very. In my opinion, it’s time we started thinking about transferring the more valuable and the more fragile items to a safer place.” Deliberately, she kept her eyes averted from Matthew’s. “And that we call in at least one other archeologist. I need corroboration, and more extensive facilities in order to complete a proper study. And we have to begin work on preserving the Isabella herself.”
“The minute we make any move like that, VanDyke would be on us,” Buck objected.
“Not if we take the precaution of notifying the proper institutions. The Committee for Nautical Archeology in England, its counterpart in the States. If anything, keeping this to ourselves is more dangerous than going public. Once we’re on record, it would be impossible for VanDyke or anyone like him to sabotage our operation.”
“You don’t know pirates,” Buck said grimly. “And government’s the biggest pirate of all.”
“I’m leaning with Buck on this.” Frowning, Ray studied the Chinese figures. “I won’t dispute that we have an obligation to share what we’ve found, but we haven’t finished yet. We have weeks more excavating, maybe months, before we’ve played her out. And we’ve yet to find the main thing we came for.”
“Angelique’s Curse,” Buck said under his breath. “Maybe she doesn’t want to be found.”
“If she’s there,” LaRue corrected, “we’ll find her.”
“I think you’re all missing the point.” Marla spoke quietly. It was so rare she offered an opinion on excavation policy, everyone stopped and turned to her. “I know I don’t dive, don’t work the airlift, but I understand the heart of all of this. Look what we’ve done, what we’ve found already. A small operation with only two diving teams, working frantically to keep it all so quiet and secret. Yet we’ve uncovered a kind of miracle. And we’ve made Tate responsible for caring for that miracle. Now that she’s asking for help, we’re all worried someone might come along and steal our thunder. Well, they can’t,” she added. “Because we’ve done it. And if we focus so narrowly on one piece, aren’t we losing sight of the whole? Angelique’s Curse might have drawn us here, but we don’t have to find it to know we’ve done something incredible.”
With a sigh, Ray draped an arm over her shoulders. “You’re right. Of course you’re right. It’s foolish to think we haven
’t succeeded because we haven’t found the amulet. Still, every time I go down and come up again without it, I feel as though I’ve failed. Even with all this.”
Tate’s hot gaze skimmed over Matthew before settling on her father. “You haven’t failed. None of us have.”
Saying nothing, Matthew rose. He took the gold chain from his pocket, let it dangle. For an instant, Tate thought she saw light flash from the stone.
Ray got shakily to his feet. His vision seemed to blur and fracture as he reached out to touch the center ruby. “You found it.”
“Tate found it. This morning.”
“It’s a devil’s tool,” Buck whispered, backing away. “It’ll bring you nothing but grief.”
“It may be a tool,” Matthew agreed, and his glance flicked over LaRue. “And I’ll use it. My vote goes with Tate. We make arrangements to transfer what we have. She can contact her committees.”
“So that you can lure VanDyke,” she murmured.
“VanDyke’s my problem. This is what he wants.” Matthew slipped the necklace from Ray’s hands. “He won’t find it easy going through me to get it. It might be best to suspend operations for a while. You and Marla and Tate could go on island.”
“And leave you here to face him down alone?” Tate tossed back her head. “Not a chance, Lassiter. Just because I’m stupid enough to want to marry you doesn’t mean I’ll let you bundle me off.”
“You’re getting married?” Marla pressed a hand to her lips. “Oh, honey.”
“I had intended to make the announcement a little more smoothly.” Annoyance glittered in Tate’s eyes. “You jerk.”
“I love you, too.” Matthew hooked an arm around her waist while the amulet dripped from his free hand. “She asked me this afternoon,” he explained to Marla. “I decided to give her a break and go along with it, since it means I get you in the bargain.”
“Thank goodness the two of you have come to your senses.” With a sob, Marla threw her arms around both of them. “Ray, our baby’s getting married.”
He patted his wife awkwardly on the shoulder. “I guess this is my cue to say something profound.” Emotions warred through him, regret mixed with joy. His little girl, he thought, was another man’s woman. “I can’t think of a damn thing.”