‘You too,’ I managed to say, as I tried to focus on staying upright as all of the feelings I had repressed for him suddenly rushed back and sucker punched me right in the chest. He frowned as he looked at me, biting his full lower lip. I wondered how he was feeling, seeing me standing here with so little on. Did I affect him at all anymore? The way he affected me? I was hoping no one had noticed that I was finding it hard to breathe, that my nipples had suddenly swollen and that my cheeks had coloured up. His eyes suddenly shot down, scanning me, and I saw his nostrils flare and his pupils expand. What was that?
‘Jean-Claude, a word,’ he bit, quickly spinning and marching over to the relative privacy of the fake walk-in dressing room. Jean-Claude raised his eyebrows at me and I shrugged, I had no idea what I’d done wrong. I watched as he headed over to where Alec was pacing, running his hands through his hair. They started talking, too quietly for me to hear, but there were lots of emphatic gestures going on and glances being tossed my way. Their voices suddenly raised, and I caught snippets of words. “Unacceptable,” from Jean-Claude, “impossible,” from Alec. What was going on? Like I needed to feel any more nervous. Jean-Claude came out and clapped his hands sharply, and loudly.
‘I need everyone’s attention right now, maintenant,’ he yelled. The set went quiet and everyone turned to face him. Breathe, Paige, breathe, you’ve done nothing wrong, I told myself. ‘This is highly irregular, but today we will be shooting a closed set, just myself, the photographer, and model. I need everyone out immediately.’
‘What?’ I exclaimed. I’d never experienced that before.
‘Well I’m not leaving,’ announced Vivian. ‘Where Paige goes, I go. What if she needs a touch up or her hair adjusted?’
‘Then I will look after her. Leave your belt with me.’
‘With all due respect, Jean-Claude,’ she started, but he silenced her with his authoritative palm in the air.
‘I have been in this industry since before you were born, darling. I can apply blusher or lip-gloss and tease hair with the best of them. Out, now.’
‘Paige?’ She looked at me for confirmation, as did Shauna. I held my hands in the air and shook my head.
‘He’s in charge, do as he says,’ I sighed. They both nodded, Vivian slipping off her belt and setting it on the dressing table before they scurried off with the rest of the crew. ‘What’s going on? What about lighting? What about the client? He’s due at any moment.’
‘Alec will deal with the lighting himself. As for the client, I will go and tell him. When you hire someone of Alec’s calibre, you are handing over your trust that they know what to do to enhance your brand and make it shine. He will be pissed off, but this is how it will be.’
‘Why?’ I asked, still none the clearer.
‘For gay men, seeing a scantily clad woman does nothing, but for red blooded men, like the maintenance man, it has a certain effect. Are you understanding me?’
‘You’re closing down the set because the maintenance guy was aroused by me?’ That made no sense at all.
‘Paige, Paige, Paige,’ Jean-Claude sighed. ‘It has never happened to him before, but he is worried about how it will look if this news spreads. He has settled in New York now, clients come to him instead of the other way around, and he is living with his latest girlfriend, Tiffany.’
‘Alec’s living with someone?’ I gasped. For six years, I’d consoled myself with the fact that he wasn’t the settling-down type, that this was why he hadn’t come back for me, but he’d moved in with someone? I swallowed down the pain, still not sure why that would mean the set would have to be restricted like this. ‘What does me being in lingerie have to do with this?’
‘Word travels fast and I know that Tiffany is already unhappy about this situation, of the two of you working together.’
‘Why would she be unhappy?’ I frowned. None of this made sense.
‘It’s Tiffany Beauchamp.’ He raised his eyebrows as he looked at me, as if he was waiting for the penny to drop. But nothing was dropping, except for my heart. Tiffany was gorgeous, a tall, slender, blue-eyed, brunette stunner. ‘Do I really have to spell it out, Paige? The resemblance to you is uncanny, albeit she doesn’t have your sexy curves. But she does have jealousy issues as she knows that you and Alec have history. She asked him not to work with you, so news of an erection on set would be the nail in the coffin.’
‘Alec has an erection from looking at me?’ I whispered, my eyes widening as I glanced over at Alec still pacing, then back to Jean-Claude.
‘Darling, don’t look so shocked. The two of you have always had this chemistry, but he’s with Tiffany now and doesn’t want to create waves, so he felt it would be better if no one were witness. Now, do you think you can continue to be a professional, despite this knowledge? He is rather embarrassed.’
‘No kidding,’ I uttered, flicking my eyes over to him again and gulping to see that his predicament hadn’t … deflated.
‘Good. I’ll return shortly. I have a feisty Italian to placate now, and stop worrying your lips, you’re making them swell,’ he muttered, full of frustration, as he marched off towards the exit, leaving me all alone with Alec. I hopped from one foot to the other, fidgeting with my fingers, trying to decide what would be a good icebreaker in this sort of situation.
‘So, you’ve been busy I see,’ I called. He stopped pacing and lifted his head to look over at me. He was captivating. His azure eyes shone with life and vitality and his strong jawline had a dusting of designer stubble. He was in dark navy jeans, with a pale blue shirt and navy waistcoat, which hugged his broad muscular body perfectly. I felt something stir deep in my core as I looked at him, focussing on his face, rather than what was going on below the trouser line. It had been so long since I’d had sex, I’d forgotten what it was like. But right now my body was screaming its hunger at me. This was a recipe for a disaster.
‘Yes,’ he replied. ‘It’s nice to finally put down some roots in New York. I’ve barely been home for the last six years, I was constantly on the move. I shouldn’t complain, it’s everything I ever dreamed it would be.’
‘Must be hard though,’ I nodded, then pulled a face. ‘Sorry, no pun intended. I know you’re hard, which must be … hard. Wow, I was going to try and breeze through this without bringing up erections and I’ve already said the word hard three, no four, times now in one breath. So, you’re turned on because I’m standing here in sexy lingerie, with stiff nipples in an inviting bedroom, who wouldn’t be turned on? I’m fine with it, totally fine. I mean, I’d be insulted if you didn’t have an erection, quite frankly. Penises are just programmed to spring at the hint of anything sexy, aren’t they … O God, I’m waffling, I’m waffling about erections and penises and sex. With you! I’m sorry, what was I saying? I’ve lost my train of thought.’ I wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly feeling vulnerable as he started walking towards me.
‘Yes, men are programmed to respond to sexy images, but I’m a professional, Paige. Over the years, I’ve learned to switch off my feelings, to not be distracted by what I’m photographing. But when the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, the only girl I’ve ever had regrets over, is standing in front of me in the flesh, dressed like that ... I’m only human,’ he rasped. I stepped back as he moved closer.
‘Most beautiful?’
‘Yes, no one holds a candle, still.’
‘Regrets?’ I whispered.
‘Yes, regrets,’ he said softly, stepping forward again and reaching out to tuck my hair behind my ear. I heard a gentle whimper leave my lips to feel the pads of his fingers graze my cheek, to be within touching distance of him, kissing distance, to catch a scent of that masculine aroma I’d always found so appealing. The straw-chewing boy I’d fawned over at the farm was gone. This was a confident alpha male at the top of his game, and I was making him react. The feeling was heady, but wrong. He was with her, he lived with her. Our chemistry and attraction was undeniable, but our hearts hadn’t been in
the same place since that day we split up. ‘I have so many when it comes to you, Paige.’
‘Life’s full of regrets, no one is spared them, but we’re both happy now and we’ve moved on. Why don’t we do this shoot as fast as we can, get it over with, and we can get back to our new lives instead of dwelling on the past?’ I suggested. Really I wanted to bombard him with questions. I wanted to know what he meant. Did he regret walking away from me, of not giving us a chance? Was he really ready to settle down? Did he see marriage and children in his future? Did he see that with Tiffany, or me? In fact, sod the questions, I wanted to drag him to that bed not two feet from where we stood and see if our chemistry there was as good as I’d always imagined it would be. But he was taken. Much as I wanted him, still, much as I’d always want him, I’d never interfere with another woman’s man, that was despicable. I’d seen first-hand what it had done to Poppie. If he was faltering, I had to be the strong one today.
‘Are you happy?’ he asked, cocking his head to study my reaction as he shoved his hands in his jeans. Damn it, that only made me look down to see nothing had changed. He was still aroused.
‘Yes,’ I replied as I looked back up at him after a few seconds hesitation. ‘Why wouldn’t I be? I have an amazing career, thanks to you and Jean-Claude. I’m set for life financially, I travel the world, meet new people, experience different cultures, get bombarded with clothes and accessories. What girl wouldn’t be happy with that?’
‘They’re all things, Paige. Superficial things. That’s not what I asked. I meant are you happy here?’ He gently placed his palm flat on my chest, right above my breast and my heart. It was like a defibrillator had suddenly jolted a high voltage charge through me as I gasped and heat tore through my veins. I reached up to cover his hand with mine, my breathing coming hard and fast and my chest heaving. He licked his lips, his eyes moist with what seemed like unspoken emotion as he looked deep into mine and opened his mouth to say something.
‘Two minutes, two minutes I leave you alone,’ barked Jean-Claude. ‘We are here to work, or have you both forgotten that?’
We broke apart, and the loss of contact with him was as if someone had just ripped a precious newborn from my arms. God damn him, what was he doing to me, what was he trying to say? We quickly switched into professional mode, but the tension hung heavy in the air and neither of us could look the other in the eye as I moved through a number of poses and positions on the stool and chaise while he clicked away, adjusting the lighting with Jean-Claude tweaking my hair and makeup when required. He left me lying on the bed and went to stand with Alec to look through the shots they already had, and I could see them both shaking their heads.
‘What’s wrong?’ I called, propping myself up on my elbows.
‘They’re missing something, they’re all flat and lifeless. For any other model I’d be satisfied, but this is you, I hold you to a higher standard,’ Jean-Claude admonished with a shake of his head. ‘You need to bring it, Paige, you need to show your emotions. People need to be buying into sex and glamour and right now, sexy and glamorous as you look, your face and eyes tell me that you could be concentrating on revision for an exam.’
‘I’m really trying,’ I replied, biting the inside of my mouth. I was holding back, I knew I was. The poses were perfect, but I was bottling up my emotions because Alec was here, because I didn’t want to admit how badly he got to me. I was trying to repress the sexual magnetism between us, when ironically it was just what was needed to elevate this shoot. And my lips hurt!
‘Darling,’ Jean-Claude sighed as he came to sit next to me. He squeezed one of my hands between his as I blinked back some tears. ‘I get how hard this is, for both of you, but if we really want this range to fly, women need to open the magazine, see you with a look of ecstasy on your face, and imagine the kind of sex they’d have if they were wearing this lingerie. Men need to imagine they are the ones putting that look on your face, that if they bought their old, fat, and ugly wives this underwear, she’d magically turn into you,’ he teased, making me smile. ‘You are a sexy woman, Paige, but right now you’re not selling me sex and I need it.’
‘How do I do that when I’m feeling so tense around the photographer?’ I whispered.
‘You become an actress, as all good models do. You tune into your real feelings and emotions for him, use them to imagine he’s making love to you on this bed, and the camera will ignite. Do this and we’ll nail it.’
‘That’s not fair, you know how attracted I am to him. You’re asking me to let that all out, but what about after? When he packs up and walks away again, back to his life in New York, with her?’
‘Life is harsh sometimes,’ he sighed, lifting his hand to run his knuckles down my cheek. ‘But you chose this job and you excel at it, don’t back down now. The Paige I know is a fighter, she does what it takes to be the best. How many times did you fall off my practice catwalk while you learned? How many times did you grit your teeth through the pain of a swollen ankle and do the walk again just to please me? You can do this,’ he urged.
‘I do this, then you promise me that I never work with him again, Jean-Claude. I keep trying to move on and we keep getting drawn back together, I need a clean break. Any job that involves him, I’m out.’
‘We still need to shoot next door on the blocks of ice, then in the pool room with the beach, but when we’re done, I think that would be best on both sides,’ he confirmed, leaning down to kiss my forehead. ‘You can do this, make me proud.’
I looked over at Alec, who was studying us intently, out of range to hear our discussion, then took a deep breath and nodded. The three of us resumed positions and started again as I tried to imagine Alec was on the bed with me, his fingers and lips caressing my skin. I arched my back and reached up to touch the irritatingly itchy diamantés on my lips, letting out a huff of air as I stared down the lens, picturing his intense blue eyes.
‘Yes, yes,’ Alec called gruffly as Jean-Claude clapped his hands.
The next three hours were torture. I may as well have been doing porn for the images running through my mind. No one who saw my pictures was going to mistake exactly what I’d been thinking about while they were being taken. I’d never felt so alive, so free and uninhibited. So damn horny. Not even draping myself over huge blocks of freezing cold ice dampened the longing in my body. And my muse was right in the room with me, hovering over me at times taking close ups, right within touching distance, but once again he was untouchable. It was like being taken into Chanel, being shown all of the wonderful things they had to offer, but not being allowed to touch or buy them.
‘We’re done,’ Jean-Claude announced gleefully as I emerged from the pool and smoothed my hair back. I wondered where the poor guy in charge of counting the diamonds on loan was right now. He’d be having kittens at the thought of one having fallen off in the pool, or worse, on the sand. Jean-Claude applauded us both. ‘Phew, the sexual tension in here is off the charts. Even I have an erection.’ His joke didn’t raise a laugh from either of us.
‘Excellent work, Paige, I have some incredible pictures,’ Alec added, his tone low and husky. He coughed as our eyes locked for a moment.
‘Can I go now?’ I asked, my eyes darting for the exit.
‘Will you join me for dinner?’ he asked, the hope in his voice evident. I blinked a few times as I looked at him and shook my head. I knew where dinner was likely to lead and if it got that far, I didn’t trust myself to say no. I didn’t want to be something crossed off his list of regrets before going home to his girlfriend. I wanted to be his everything, or nothing. And once again, it seemed I was the latter, as there could never be any middle ground for me.
‘Alec, I don’t think that’s a good idea, you’re both tired and she has a shoot in London tomorrow,’ Jean-Claude warned. Alec turned to face him and said something I couldn’t hear, and Jean-Claude whispered something back with a shake of his head. I quickly ran to the exit as they were distracted. I raced
up to the dressing room, where Vivian and Shauna were sitting talking. Both of them jumped up as I streaked in and grabbed my bag.
‘I need to go, now. Shauna, can the driver be ready?’ I asked as I stripped out of my expensive items.
‘But you’re soaking wet, we need to get you dry.’
‘No time, I need to go,’ I snapped, then flashed her an apologetic look. It wasn’t her fault that I was stressed out.
‘I’ll make him ready,’ she nodded, quickly disappearing.
‘What’s wrong?’ Vivian asked, picking up the discarded lingerie and carefully squeezing out the excess water before folding it back into the velvet and tissue-lined custom wooden cases.
‘I can’t … I’m sorry, I just can’t. I need to go.’ I pulled my knee-length sweater dress on, which clung to my damp body, but didn't bother with my underwear, shoving it hastily into my bag instead. I didn’t have time to pull on my boots either. I grabbed them and tucked them under my arm. ‘I’ll send the car back for you and Shauna, I just need to be alone tonight.’ I kissed her cheek as she stood there stunned, then ran out, racing barefoot up the corridor towards the main reception area and exit.
‘Paige, Paige!’ Alec’s voice echoed behind me, urging me to stop, but it made me run faster. I bolted out of the studio door, skidding on the polished oak floor as I turned and fled to the front door. I could see a black town car waiting, Shauna holding the back door open. This time the glass doors in front of me slid open as I approached. ‘Paige,’ Alec yelled, sounding far too close as I threw myself into the car. I didn’t look back as Shauna shut me in and tapped on the roof. I was lurched backwards as the car accelerated and pulled away from the curb. I could hear Alec shouting at it to stop and covered my eyes with my hands as I burst into tears.
Until We Collide Page 11