‘You enjoy a boys’ catch up,’ I smiled, grabbing my room key out of my bag to access the lift. ‘I’m beat and I really need to ring Spence, he’ll be worrying that he’s not heard from me all day.’
‘O, ok. How about tomorrow’s day trip?’ he asked. I bit my lip as I considered his request. What was wrong with two friends having a few days out? It wasn’t like we were doing anything wrong and all I did lately was work or stay in having a “work out” with Spence. It would be nice to get some fresh air and a change of scene.
‘Ok, count me in.’
‘Great, pick you up at nine, it’s about an hour’s drive. Make sure you pack a bikini and bring a towel and change of clothes. I had a great day, Paige. Thank you,’ he smiled, leaning in to kiss my cheek.
‘I did, too,’ I confirmed, kissing him back, then swiping my card to access the lift. ‘I can get the hotel to sort a picnic hamper.’
‘Don’t worry, my apartment is above a great little store with a range of fresh meats and cheeses. I’ll pull one together.’
‘Great. See you tomorrow then,’ I smiled, stepping into the lift and turning to face him as I pressed for my floor.
‘See you tomorrow, sleep well,’ he smiled in response, his adorable dimples coming out. He stayed watching me until the doors slid closed. I grinned. I’d forgotten how sweet he could be. I pulled my phone out of my bag and cursed. I had ten missed calls from Spence and eight text messages. He was going to be so mad I’d been out all day and not been in contact. I hurried back to my room, figuring I’d ring him once I was in the bath to apologise. I also decided it was best not mentioning I’d been out with Alec for the day, or had more day trips planned. There was nothing to it, but Spence already had a jealous streak, I didn’t need to upset him.
Saturday
‘See you tomorrow, baby, I can’t wait,’ Spence smiled as he blew me a kiss.
‘Me neither,’ I grinned. I really had missed him, though he was driving me insane ringing every few hours, like an insecure teenager. ‘We’re leaving at 4 p.m., so I’ll see you around seven.’
‘Paige?’
‘Yes?’
‘I just wanted … I just thought you should know … well … I love you,’ he mumbled, his cheeks turning slightly pink. I felt my stomach do a somersault, something it had never done with anyone but Alec, and put my hand on it as happy tears filled my eyes.
‘Spence, I…’
‘No, don’t,’ he replied quickly. ‘I don’t want you to say it just because I have. Say it when it feels right, any day but today.’ We both jumped as the sudden blaring of the fire station alarm sounded. ‘Shit, I have to go,’ he yelled over it.
‘Be safe,’ I called, blowing him a kiss just before the screen went blank. Please be safe, I thought as I set my phone on the dressing table and looked at myself in the mirror. I hated it when he was on duty, the thought of what could happen to him doing such a dangerous job. He seemed extra stressed this week as well. He was ringing me constantly, getting snappy if I’d been out of contact too long. I didn’t like the idea of him not being focussed when he was going into a burning building.
I grabbed my bag and headed down to the dining room. I was meeting Alec for an early dinner before he headed back to New York late tonight, plus I was looking forward to an early night and a lie in tomorrow. With all the sightseeing and work I’d done this week, on top of my previous relentless schedule, I was absolutely exhausted. I found him pacing in the corridor, dressed in a dark grey suit with a black shirt. I sure picked some handsome men to be attracted to. He lifted his head and smiled as he saw me approaching, but he looked on edge.
‘Hi,’ I greeted, kissing his cheek.
‘Hi,’ he replied, putting a palm on my waist and kissing me back. ‘You look beautiful, as ever.’
‘Thanks.’
‘Shall we?’ He gestured for me to go first and the maître d’ showed us to a smartly dressed table for two. ‘A bottle of still water, please,’ Alec asked as we were handed our menus. ‘Unless you’d like some wine or champagne?’
‘No, water’s great, thank you.’ I looked down at the menu, mentally picking some dishes and discounting others as I came up with a short list. I looked up in surprise to see Alec hadn’t moved his from where it had been placed. He was just staring at me. He’d not really been himself all week, and each time I asked about New York, or Tiffany, he either avoided the question or ignored it. ‘What’s wrong? You seem tense.’
‘I’m fine, I just … I need to talk to you about something.’
‘Me too. Talk to you, not to me, obviously,’ I smiled. ‘Spence just told me that he loves me and I’m not sure if I should say it back yet. Is there some kind of unspoken rule where it’s romantic if a guy says it, but it freaks him out if a woman says it back?’
‘You love him?’ Alec uttered, looking at me aghast.
‘What? Is it too soon? You think it’s too soon to tell him, don’t you. But it’s been six months, what if I don’t tell him and he gets upset and leaves because he thinks I don’t care? I need your advice. How long did you wait to tell Tiffany? And when did she tell you?’
‘Paige, I don’t … from what you said, I thought this was just a casual relationship, sexual. I had no idea you’d fallen for him so hard. Are you sure he’s the guy for you? He seems a little clingy, constantly calling you and leaving messages while you're out. He even rang Jean-Claude when he couldn’t get a hold of you.’
‘He cares, what’s wrong with that?’
‘I’m just not sure he’s right for you, Paige.’
‘Why would you say that?’ I asked, feeling hurt. ‘You don’t even know him.’
‘I didn’t ask you to dinner to sit and talk about bloody Spence,’ he huffed, shoving a hand through his hair.
‘Ok, what’s going on with you? You were on edge when we had dinner last night and you’re being weird now.’
‘I lied to you, Paige, ok? I lied and it’s eating me up inside because I never lie, I hate lies,’ he said in a rush. ‘I didn’t come here for a job this week. I haven’t been on a shoot while you were doing yours. I came because Jean-Claude told me that you were getting serious with the firefighter and that you’d be here all week without him.’
‘I don’t understand. You’re saying you only came to Rome because I’m here?’
‘Yes.’
‘Why?’ I asked, feeling perplexed.
‘Isn’t it obvious?’ He let out a nervous laugh.
‘Not exactly, no,’ I replied. Surely he couldn’t have come to say he finally wanted me? Not now, not today. I couldn’t believe what I thought he was trying to say. I must be imagining it. We were finally in a good place, we were friends, we had partners we were happy with.
‘Paige, come on. I came for you, to be with you. I’m sorry it took so long for me to get here, to realise that I wanted you, but I’m here now and I’m ready.’
‘Well I’m not,’ I bit, suddenly unbelievably angry with him. ‘I was and you weren’t and now I’m with Spence and you’re with Tiffany. We’re both happy.’
‘I’m not, I haven’t been for a very long time, Paige.’
‘You’re living with her!’ I tried to take some deep breaths to calm down as I noticed people turn to stare at us. I needed to bring my voice back to a level that was acceptable for an exclusive establishment.
‘I am,’ he agreed, ‘but lately I’ve realised that my feelings for her just don’t compare to how I feel about you, Paige. I told you I wanted you when you asked me to stay in London all those years ago, but the timing was so wrong. Your career was about to take off, mine too, they were amazing opportunities that we couldn’t afford not to grasp. I was also scared, I couldn’t handle you choosing your job over me for a second time.’
‘You told me to go to Grand Cayman, Alec. You said you’d break up with me if I didn’t. You may have done that out of noble intentions for me, but you still broke up with me and you chose your job over me too, when I
asked you to stay in London.’
‘And I’m admitting that I made a mistake, Paige,’ he urged, reaching across the table to clasp my hand. ‘No matter what success I’ve had, if I had the chance to go back in time, I’d give it all up for you.’
‘So what changed? Why now?’ I asked, feeling the sting of tears forming behind my eyes.
‘My feelings for you were always there, I just didn’t realise how intense they were until that shoot in Paris. I dated so many women trying to get over you, I really thought I had, but seeing you again …’ He broke off and shook his head. ‘I wanted to tell you that I was ready to settle down, to ask you to give me a chance when you were ready, but you ran from me, ignored my message, and hooked up with the goddamn firefighter. Jean-Claude told me that you were happy, so I tried to stay away, but I couldn’t. I needed to know if I was too late, if this thing with him was serious, and I don’t think it is, no matter what you say. I don’t believe you.’
‘It is too late, Alec,’ I whispered, my heart aching to know how close we’d come to getting together. I pulled my hand out of his grasp and wiped some tears from my face.
‘I’m sorry, but I really don’t believe that. You haven’t once said that you’re in love with him, and look how well we got on this week. It’s not too late,’ he repeated stubbornly.
‘It is, Alec. He loves me and I think I might be falling in love with him.’
He took a shocked gasp, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to form words. The pain on his face forced the tears I’d held back to start rolling down my face. He shook his head as his eyes welled up. Then he slowly placed his napkin on the table, stood up, and buttoned up his jacket. I swallowed hard as I looked up into his blue eyes. I’d come away last week so sure of my relationship with Spence. Even on Sunday night, I’d imagined that I’d got over Alec, but after spending a week with him, feelings that I thought I’d got over had started re-emerging again. I felt like I’d been ripped in half, caught in the void between the man I’d loved, who suddenly wanted me, and the man I might love, who I’d been so happy with. What was I supposed to do? Go backwards or move forwards? Was it possible to love two men at the same time?
‘Alec, I …’
‘I hope you’ll be very happy. Goodbye, Paige,’ he interrupted, then turned to leave, without even giving me a kiss or a chance for us to discuss what this all meant.
‘Alec? Please don’t go,’ I called. But just like in London, he kept walking and didn’t look back. I was left sitting, stunned at his reaction, and then mine as I started sobbing, with everyone staring at me and a waiter awkwardly holding the bottle of water, not sure whether to pour or walk away.
Sunday
I’d convinced Jean-Claude to bring the flight forward, seeing as though we’d come on his private ModOne jet. I wanted to get home. I’d barely slept all night, so confused at whether my ten or more years of love for Alec was stronger than my feelings for Spence after a six-month relationship. Right now I wasn’t sure if I’d been using my relationship with him as a mask, to try and cover up how I felt deep inside. We had fun and our sex life was incredible, but now I wondered if that was all it was. Not to mention that Spence’s increasingly obsessive need to keep tabs on me this week had highlighted concerns that I’d already acknowledged at the start of our relationship, but had not really given much consideration to since. He was always checking up on me, ringing me constantly, getting annoyed when he saw other men talking to me. It wasn’t normal relationship behaviour. I’d seen it all too often with some of the models, who ironically lacked self-esteem. They’d date guys who started out seeming sweet and concerned, but quite often it turned to excessive jealously, then controlling behaviour, and was a short hop, skip, and a jump to mental, then physical abuse. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t realised until now how bad it had become, so I’d decided that I needed to see Spence immediately. If he threw open his front door and I was hit with a wave of love for him, or just the overwhelming need to have sex, I’d have my answer as to where my feelings for him were really at.
I’d dropped my case at home, Poppie was out, probably over at Justin’s, so I grabbed my car keys and headed over to Fulham. I parked up and headed to Spence’s door. I had my key, but I still didn’t feel comfortable using it, not when he shared with other housemates. So I knocked on the door, biting my lip nervously, wondering what my gut reaction would be. There was no answer. I looked up and down the street. Chunky and Nobby’s cars were nowhere to be seen, but Spence’s was parked a few up from mine. I stepped back and looked up at his bedroom window to see the curtains were still closed. He was a creature of habit, flinging them open was one of the first things he did when he got up. I checked my watch, it was just after three o’clock. Either he’d been on duty all night for an emergency and was catching up on some sleep, or he was sick. I let myself in, dropped my handbag on the hall table, and made my way upstairs, opening his bedroom door and putting on the light.
‘Surprise, I’m back early, are you ok?’ I called. The surprise was on me when Spence bolted upright with a look of mortification on his face, as the blonde straddling him covered her bare chest with her hands. I felt tears prickle my eyes as I looked from him to her, then back again. Of the two reactions I’d expected to have on seeing him again, pain and humiliation weren’t either of them. I shook my head, words not forming as a ball of acid burned my throat, then turned and ran down the stairs. As I grabbed my bag, I could hear him banging about upstairs. I fiddled with the safety catch on the door, my hands shaking as I tried to get out.
‘Paige,’ he yelled, his feet thudding down the stairs as I burst out onto the street. If that flasher leapt out in front of me again, I was liable to punch him, I was so angry. I ran up the street to my car, trying to retrieve my keys out of my bag as I went, but by the time I’d deactivated the alarm and grabbed the door handle, he’d caught up with me and slammed a hand on the door, stopping me from opening it. ‘It’s not what it looks like,’ he panted.
‘Really? Why don’t you tell me exactly how you think that looked to me,’ I bit, turning around to try and shove him out of the way. I cursed myself for sighing internally as I saw he was only wearing a pair of jeans, that he hadn’t even had time to button. I hadn’t been hit with an overwhelming sense of love, and I’d not had time to process how I felt about him before I’d been confronted with what I’d just seen, but my sexual attraction to him was obvious.
‘Pretty much how this looked to me,’ he snapped, slapping the Sunday morning paper down on the roof of my car to show me a headline photo of Alec and me in The Rome Domville restaurant last night, with another report of the Fulham Flasher having struck again just below us. ‘I went online after I read this and found dozens of photos of you with him from the last week, including one of you holding hands!’
‘He’s my friend, I never cheated on you. I’d never have cheated on you, Spence, but I guess you didn’t believe in me enough, did you, as you can’t explain away what I just saw. Move please, I’m leaving. Box up my stuff and I’ll arrange to pick it up off Chunky, we’re done.’
‘Paige, baby, don’t do this. I love you,’ he pleaded. I shook my head as I looked up at him.
‘People in love don’t cheat, Spence. No matter what we had, or may have had before, I can’t forgive that.’ I shoved him back and threw the car door open, hopped in, and started the engine.
‘Paige, you drive off now and we’re over,’ he warned.
‘We were over the minute you invited another woman to your bed, Spence. This is on you, not me,’ I snapped. I slammed the door and pulled out into the street, glancing back in my rear view mirror to see him leaning on the neighbour’s wall with his head in his hands. I burst into tears and had to pull up a few streets away as I sobbed.
Mission Impossible
A Monday Night in September
‘I’m really not sure about this,’ I whispered, as Poppie pulled me up the street towards Spence’s door, holding a ba
g of supplies in her other hand. We were both dressed in black jeans and black t-shirts with black hoodies pulled low to keep our faces from being recognised in the dim street light. Not that anyone would recognise us, given we were wearing black face paint too. She’d even insisted on gloves, in case we left fingerprints anywhere.
‘Trust me, I never got revenge on Reece for cheating on me and I always wish I had. This will make you feel better.’
‘I’m not sure anything would make me feel better right now,’ I observed.
‘It’s been a month, Paige. A month of you hiding away, licking your wounds. I promise you, the knowledge you took some revenge will make you feel better.’ She looked around as we approached Spence’s house. ‘Ok go, let’s do this fast just in case they come back early.’
‘They’re all on the same shifts, they don’t finish early, Poppie. It’s not like they can say, sorry, we’re clocking off early on flexi-time, your building and elderly fat cat will have to burn until the next shift come on, is it?’
‘Keep your voice down and get in there,’ she ordered, pushing me towards the door.
‘I don’t know why being so secretive matters anyway,’ I huffed as I opened his front door with my key. ‘He’ll know it was me as the lock’s not been forced.’
‘Knowing and proving are two totally different things. Don’t you watch C.S.I.? Drop the key down the back of the hall table, you can say you threw it on there when you stormed out last month and Jean-Claude will give us an alibi if we ask him.’
‘Poppie, I really can’t afford to get in trouble with the police, not when I’m tabloid fodder as it is.’
‘I knew you’d bottle it,’ she hissed as I quietly shut the door behind us and pushed the key down the back of the hall table as she’d suggested. ‘Fine, I’ll do it all. That way, if someone saw us in the area and you have to take a lie detector test, you’ll pass.’
Until We Collide Page 15