‘You know, he has an amazing body and he’s pretty well hung,’ I observed.
‘Well, what a night,’ she exclaimed. ‘It sure beat staying in to watch TV. How do we top this?’
The Gorilla
February
It had been six months since Spence had cheated on me. I’d been devastated, even though it was obvious now that he wasn’t the right guy for me. My ability to keep picking men that I had no future with was hard to swallow. Regardless of the feelings I still had for Alec, I needed time to grieve over the loss of my relationship with Spence. He’d been a big part of my life and we had been happy for a lot of our relationship. Not having him to occupy my time now though, I’d come to the realisation that he had only masked my feelings for Alec. He was just a very welcome distraction at the time. I wasn’t over Alec, I wasn’t sure I was ever going to be over him. I’d finally plucked up the courage to contact Alec in October, asking if we could meet. I was ready to tell him that I was single and to ask if he still wanted to give us a try. It had been like a knife in my chest to get a reply to say that he’d just got engaged to Tiffany and they’d brought an apartment together in New York and he was too busy to meet up. That news had hurt like hell and had sent me into a dark pit of depression. Other than putting on a brave face for work, I’d holed myself up in my bedroom, avoiding anything and anyone. I barely ate, to the point my skinnier figure had Jean-Claude up in arms, especially over my refusal to discuss what was upsetting me so much. Eventually Poppie staged an intervention, deciding that I’d wallowed enough and needed to get on with life. My best friend dragged me kicking and screaming back to the real world and slowly everything started to feel a little brighter.
‘What are you wearing?’ Poppie shook her head as she scanned me.
‘What’s wrong with it?’ I asked, looking down at my knee-length black leather skirt and a short buttoned red cashmere cardigan.
‘Ermmmm, nothing if you’re going to the dentist for a root canal, everything if you’re going out for hot no-strings sex.’
‘It’s a designer skirt and cardigan.’
‘So? Save it for shopping or public appearances. You look nice, classic and elegant, but you need to look hot and slutty.’
‘I don’t know how to look hot and slutty.’
‘Hot you have down pat, whatever you wear. Slutty we need to work on. Right, park your rump on that chair and watch as I go through your wardrobe and come up with some selections. What underwear do you have on? Lingerie or comfy knickers.’
‘Comfy,’ I grimaced.
‘Honestly, I give up.’ She shook her head as she ran her eyes over my wardrobe. This was just a basic capsule wardrobe as the apartment wasn’t big enough, so the rest of it was kept at Jean-Claude’s office building. I had two full rooms there. ‘Right, I have an idea. Get those granny knickers off, now. I want you in matching red lace.’
‘Yes, Mistress Poppie,’ I giggled. She winked at me over her shoulder and tossed a couple of items onto my bed. ‘What if he doesn’t want sex tonight? You could be going to all of this trouble for nothing.’
‘Paige, you have so much to learn about men,’ she sighed with a shake of her head. ‘They always want sex on the first date, they just hold back trying to be respectful. Trust me, four dates down with no hint of action, you may as well have put him on an old-fashioned torture rack and be twisting the screws.’
‘I’m just not sure I’m ready, Poppie. For a fourth date, let alone sex so soon.’
‘You’re nearly thirty years old and still single, Paige Taylor. Life is rushing past you and before you know it, you’ll have missed your chance to settle down and have a family, and I know what that means to you. We’re doing things my way.’
‘I did things your way and ended up with Spence,’ I reminded her.
‘Well, I only told you to go and have great sex. I didn’t tell you to get serious. That’s the beauty of the modern age, women can be sexually adventurous without settling down. Online dating has opened a whole new world of possibilities to us. Have fun while you try and hopefully you’ll find a guy you connect with as well as you connected with Alec. Have sex and if it doesn’t blow your mind, move on. Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t make you feel those butterflies.’
As I didn’t do slutty, I compromised and dressed in a black trouser suit, with my red lingerie and some high heels, but left off my top, just buttoning my jacket. Poppie agreed that I looked sexy, but still classy, a look I was much happier with. I turned up at the restaurant and was shown to the table where Kyle was already waiting. I’d been on six dates prior to meeting Kyle, and none of them made it to a second date. They were all far too self-involved, only interested in telling me about their sports cars, gym workouts, and how much money they earned. They also seemed intimidated by me, or by the idea of how much money I made as a model. However, my first date with Kyle had been good. He was more laid back and conversation had flowed easily. I probably wouldn’t have agreed to date him if he’d approached me in a bar or club, as he wasn’t really my type, but we’d got on well in the emails we’d sent to each other, and meeting him in person had made me realise that I shouldn’t discount people immediately. The more I got to know his personality, the more attractive he was becoming.
‘Would you like coffee?’ he asked, after we finished a delicious-tasting platter of tiny desserts.
‘Why don’t we go back to yours to have it?’ I suggested with a coy smile, feeling bold.
‘Mine?’ He looked startled and swallowed hard.
‘I’m sure you understand that I can’t invite people back to mine, not until I’m in an established relationship. For one, the press usually have someone waiting outside.’ It was true, my driver had a hard enough job trying to shake them off his trail each time he picked me up to take me anywhere. He’d even had to give Poppie and me evasive driving lessons for when we went out on our own.
‘I just … I’m not sure …’ He stalled and rubbed his hand over his mouth, looking worried.
‘You don’t have a wife hiding back there, do you?’ I asked, trying to break the obvious tension.
‘No, of course not,’ he shot back.
‘Then what’s wrong? Is it me? You’re not attracted to me?’
‘No, not at all. I mean no, there’s nothing wrong with you, obviously I find you attractive. I mean, what guy wouldn’t want to be asked to take you home, I’d be stupid not to,’ he replied, glancing down at his watch with a frown. ‘I guess it would be ok.’
‘Don’t sound so full of enthusiasm,’ I replied, losing some of mine rapidly.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to give that impression. Of course I’m incredibly flattered that a woman as beautiful as you would … O God, have I totally misjudged this? When you said coffee, you were meaning sex, right?’ he whispered. I blushed and nodded my head. ‘Well, ermmm, ok,’ he nodded, standing up and offering me his hand. It still wasn’t exactly a morale-boosting response.
I was surprised when we pulled up at his house to find it was a large, double-fronted detached in Chelsea, on quite an affluent street. I texted my driver to let him know where I was and accepted Kyle’s hand as he opened the passenger door. He led the way inside and headed straight for the kitchen and flicked on the kettle. I raised my eyebrows. When I’d said coffee, I hadn’t meant we had to actually have one. I suspected most guys would be pawing at me right now, but he seemed almost nervous. He passed over a mug of black coffee and took a sip of his own as we stood with the kitchen island separating us. This was seriously painful.
‘Are you a virgin?’ I asked. He spluttered and spat coffee all over the granite worktop.
‘No! Why would you ask that?’
‘You seem a little nervous,’ I observed.
‘Well yes, it’s you, you’re a famous model,’ he replied, turning to grab a dishcloth to clean up the worktop.
‘Who’s still just a girl. I feel nerves first time, too,’ I reminded him. ‘Can I use your b
athroom?’
‘Up the stairs, middle door opposite you,’ he nodded. I smiled and put my coffee down and headed up. I’d worked myself up for this tonight. If he wasn’t going to make the moves, it seemed I was going to have to. There was a small lamp on in the hall, so I trotted up the stairs, then cursed when I neared the top to realise that the light from it didn’t extend all the way up here, but I couldn’t see a light switch at the top of the stairs. A window in the landing behind me allowed some moonlight to seep through, illuminating the area enough for me to make out the bathroom door. I headed in, but couldn’t find a light switch in there either.
‘What is it with this house? Anyone would think I’m dating Teen Wolf who can see in the dark. I should have brought some night vision goggles with me,’ I muttered. I shut the door behind me and waited until my eyes adjusted slightly to the dark, allowing me to just make out a toilet, sink, bath, and shower. I did my business and washed my hands as I decided maybe he needed a little encouragement. I stripped down to my lingerie, leaving on my heels, so I could surprise him in the kitchen. Poppie would be so proud of me. I carefully folded my suit on the edge of the bath, then made my way over to the bathroom door and opened it, letting out a terrified scream as the moonlight backlit the intimidating shape of a large black haired gorilla standing right outside. His aged leathery face looked menacing, his brown eyes wide and piercing, and when he raised one of his large black-haired hands to his chest, showing me a set of scary-looking smooth, stubby, chunky fingers with dangerous looking talons, I screamed again. Why the bloody hell was a gorilla loose in a house in Chelsea? Not that the distinction of suburb mattered, I’d have been equally terrified and perplexed in Wandsworth or the Royal Borough of Kensington. I mean, gorillas in houses weren’t normal, were they? More to the point, was he about to maim me? What I wouldn’t give for a bunch of bananas right now to distract him so I could make a run for it.
‘Jesus,’ it spoke in a gruff voice with a heavy Essex accent. ‘You nearly gave me a heart attack.’
‘O my God, you can talk?!’ I uttered, hastily backing away from it as his dark eyes seemed to scan my body.
‘Well, yeah, darling,’ it replied. Had I been drinking tonight? I was sure I hadn’t had a drink. But here I was having a conversation with a huge gorilla, who seemed to be checking me out and liking what he was seeing. Right now, rather than the bizarre nature of my circumstances, I was more worried at the fact that he seemed to find me sexually appealing. I was about to be seduced by a god damn gorilla. I screamed again as I backed further away, accidentally walking into the toilet and falling backwards over it, then landing on the wooden floorboards with a thump and a moan. ‘God, are you ok?’ it asked, reaching out one of its large hands to help me up. I gasped as I saw something long and pink pointing at me from between its legs. It had a penis, a really human-looking, hard penis. I managed to scuttle backwards away from it, until I felt my back against the bath. Were gorilla penises supposed to be pink? I’d never looked at one, I had no clue.
‘I’m so far from ok, you have no idea,’ I moaned, my hands shaking as I shoved myself up onto my knees and tried to get up to escape, but I couldn’t seem to find the strength to stand up as he moved closer. ‘I’m trapped in a bathroom with a horny talking gorilla who has an erection.’
‘What’s going on?’ came a female voice as the bathroom was suddenly bathed in light.
‘Help me!’ I screamed, peeking around the gorilla’s legs to see a woman with long dark hair dressed in a see-through white negligee.
‘Paige?’ yelled Kyle’s voice as he pushed past her to enter the bathroom. ‘O my God. Dad, what’s going on?’
‘I came to the bathroom for a pee and this woman nearly scared me to death coming out,’ the gorilla replied, suddenly ripping off its face to reveal a man in his late sixties, who looked eerily like Kyle.
‘You’re Kyle’s dad?’ I gasped.
‘You thought I was a real gorilla?’ he chuckled.
‘O my God,’ I moaned, covering my eyes with my hands as I realised his erection was still in fact sticking out of his furry suit. What the hell was going on here? Now his wife was going to be wondering why I was kneeling on the floor in front of her husband who had his bare erect todger hanging out.
‘Dad, please put it away,’ Kyle groaned. ‘Honestly.’
‘Christ, sorry, didn’t realise.’
‘Go, give Paige and me a bit of space, will you.’
‘Come and use Kyle’s en-suite, darling,’ came his mum’s voice. ‘You must be bursting after all that tea you drank. Nice to meet you, Paige,’ she called.
‘Yes, great to finally meet you. See you for breakfast?’ his dad asked, as if the last few minutes hadn’t happened. I had no words right now. I heard the door close, but still couldn’t remove my hands from my face. I was mortified.
‘God, I’m so sorry. One of the reasons I didn’t want to bring you back here. It’s a bit embarrassing to admit that at thirty, you still live with your parents.’
‘That’s the embarrassing bit you’re pulling from this evening?’ I uttered, finally dropping my hands to look at him aghast. ‘Not the fact that I just saw your dad’s erection, or the fact he was dressed up like a gorilla and saw me half naked?’
‘Crap,’ Kyle groaned, plonking himself down on the closed toilet seat and shaking his head. ‘Saturday night is their fantasy date night. I usually stay out of the way, but I thought they’d be asleep by now.’
‘Fantasy night,’ I repeated slowly. ‘Your mum likes your dad to dress up as a gorilla while he … seduces her?’ I really had heard it all.
‘She’s got a hair fetish,’ he gulped. ‘That’s why she fell for him to start with. See … O God, this is a nightmare. The men in our family tend to have a problem with an abundance of body hair, so my parents took it to the next extreme. Another reason I didn’t want to bring you back tonight.’
‘Body hair?’ I whispered, resisting the urge to shudder. Arm, leg, and the odd bit of chest hair I could handle, but a fur coat really wasn’t my cup of tea at all. I’d spent too long around men who waxed it all off for modelling. Hair just looked totally unnatural and very unappealing to me. Kyle stood up and turned pink as he unbuttoned his shirt and removed it. I just stared for a moment at the red, blotchy, and sore-looking mess that was his chest and abdomen, then he turned to show me the same nasty lumps on his back and shoulders.
‘I had it all waxed off the other day, as most women don’t find it appealing, but it seems I’m allergic to the wax. This date’s really not going well, is it?’ he sighed.
‘I’ve been on better,’ I replied, quickly standing up and marching over to grab my clothes. ‘I think I’d better call it a night. I’ll ring my driver to pick me up.’
‘Can we rearrange for next week?’ he asked, his voice full of hope.
‘Kyle, I’m really not sure I can date a guy whose father’s penis I’ve seen, it’s kind of creepy,’ I advised as I pulled on my trousers.
‘And you wondered why I was still single.’ He let out a heavy sigh of resignation and went to make me another coffee as I pulled on my jacket and rang for my lift.
‘A gorilla?’ screeched Poppie as I flopped on the sofa and filled her in on my night. ‘You must have gone ape.’
‘Very funny,’ I retorted, laying my head on her shoulder and needing some comfort right now.
‘I’d have gone bananas.’
‘Am I going to get monkey jokes for the next month?’ I pouted.
‘Try the next year,’ she giggled. ‘I’d have been mortified.’
‘I was,’ I giggled in response, finally seeing the funny side. ‘God, my personal life is just doomed.’
‘No negative thinking, Paige Taylor. We just need to get you back on the bike and out on another date, no monkeying around.’
A Stitch In Time
June
‘Where are we going?’ I asked TJ as he climbed into his Audi convertible and retracted
the roof.
‘I thought as it’s a gorgeous day, we’d head out to the country and have a picnic,’ he smiled, revving up the engine. He leaned over and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. We’d been on six dates. He didn’t set my heart racing, or have my stomach twisting in nervous or excited knots, but again, just like Kyle, he was easy to get along with. One sure thing he did have going for him was that he was very easy on the eyes. Poppie had confirmed that if she wasn’t engaged and happy, she’d have been shoving me aside to date him herself. He had light brown hair with natural sun-kissed caramel streaks, light green eyes with gold flecks that were visible when the sun hit them a certain way, and one of those classically square, masculine faces, with a kind smile. His teeth were a little startling, especially when he did a full-on smile. He’d either had veneers done, or bleached them really white. A little too white.
I sat back as we tore through the streets of London and headed out towards Hertfordshire, enjoying the feel of the sun on my face and the wind in my hair. I could do with putting an engine this powerful into Fi-Fi, it would be great to fly along like this. I’d packed an overnight bag, as I’d agreed to stay over with him tonight and Sunday, as long as he could drop me off at ModOne on Monday morning. I had a new designer who’d cast me for his swimwear range, and he wanted to take my measurements to custom-make the item. Then on Monday night, I was flying out to Vienna for an opera-themed ball gown shoot. I’d thought, approaching thirty, that my bookings would have slowed down, but if anything, I seemed to be even more in demand. TJ leaned over to flick on the radio as we left the hustle and bustle of the city and I reclined my seat. Before I knew it, I was fast asleep.
Until We Collide Page 17