Until We Collide

by Charlotte Fallowfield

  Friday

  I settled myself back on his bed, trying to arrange myself in the sexiest pose possible, hoping he wasn’t going to be too late in from work, or I was going to wake up with crusty drool all over my face and messed-up hair. After heading home for my birthday weekend, then working away on a photo shoot, I hadn’t seen Flash all week. I hadn’t even had time to text him. I hoped that me being here, dressed the way I was dressed, was going to be a great surprise when he got in. Poppie had sourced me a kit that contained the longest wide black satin ribbon, which came with instructions of how to tie it on your naked body, to “gift wrap” yourself for a partner. It covered my breasts, lady parts and the middle of my backside, but everything else was bare. I couldn’t wait to see his face when he found me lying here like this. I quickly reached up to drape my long hair down my chest and rubbed my glossed lips together in an attempt to pout them sexily. I was ready.

  I woke up with a start when I heard the front door go. Damn it, I’d fallen asleep waiting for him. I glanced over at his alarm clock to see it was already nine thirty, he had worked late. I flicked on the bedside lamp and checked my cheek and chin for drool, before raking my fingers through my hair and checking that my bow was in position as I heard him running up the stairs.

  ‘Surprise,’ I called as he threw open the door. The surprise, however, was on me, to see a man wearing a long green mac and a balaclava. I screamed and scrambled up the bed, huddling against the headboard as I tried to protect some of my modesty, my heart pounding with terror.

  ‘Shit,’ the man mumbled.

  ‘Flash?’ I uttered, recognising the voice. I stared in horror as he reached up to remove his mask and ran a hand through his dishevelled hair. It took a moment or two for me to process, then accept the reality, that I was dating none other than the Fulham Flasher.

  ‘What are you doing here, Paige?’ he demanded, the anger in his tone obvious even without the glare I was receiving from his dark brown eyes.

  ‘We agreed I’d come over tonight,’ I said quietly, trying to gauge his mood. How did I do it? How did I keep picking these men? Did I have some kind of pheromones that only attracted arseholes, freaks, and perverts? Did he just flash, or was he a sexual terrorist? Did he attack women? Was I about to be raped and butchered by the man that five minutes ago, I could have seen myself with long term?

  ‘No, we agreed next Friday.’

  ‘Which is tonight.’

  ‘No, if I meant this Friday, I’d have said this Friday, I said next Friday, meaning the week after.’

  ‘If it’s already Friday and you say next Friday, you mean the next Friday on the calendar, which was this Friday, not the week after … stop trying to distract me! I’m dating the Fulham bloody Flasher, Flash. What the hell is wrong with you?’

  ‘Nothing’s wrong with me,’ he bit, stepping closer to the bed and tossing his balaclava on the floor. ‘There’s nothing wrong with being naked, as nature intended. People are too hung up on covering themselves up. We’re all sexual beings, I have a great body, why shouldn’t I show it off?’

  ‘Join a nudist club then, instead of streaking around Fulham flashing it to unsuspecting women and nearly giving them a heart attack! You’ve flashed me twice, for God’s sake. It’s perverted and wrong.’

  ‘I disagree.’

  ‘Well, if it’s so above board, why do you wear a mask? Or flash at all? Just run around naked. My God, I thought I’d finally found a nice, normal guy.’

  ‘I am normal,’ he yelled, his face turning puce with anger.

  ‘No, you’re not. Please don’t tell me that you’ve sexually assaulted women, too?’ I scrambled off the bed, putting it between us as he moved closer. I was scared now. I’d read an article some psychology professor had written about Flash recently, saying it was often a sexual gratification thing, that they got off on exposing themselves, but it could be a catalyst for sexual and violent behaviour once the initial thrill of flashing wore off.

  ‘Where do you think you’re going?’ he asked, edging his way around the bed and advancing on me.

  ‘I want to go home and I want to get you some help. This isn’t normal.’

  ‘You’re going to call the police, aren’t you,’ he hissed.

  ‘No, of course not,’ I lied with a nervous gulp, trying to work out my best escape route from the house. It was the same style terraced house as Spence’s, except it had been converted into two flats, with Flash’s upstairs. I wasn’t sure I could outrun him and make it downstairs and outside, so my only choice was to stay and fight, or try and get to the bathroom and lock myself in. I could scream for help out of the window. I bolted, just as he lunged at me and landed face down on the bed, buying me a few extra seconds to get out of the bedroom and race down the corridor to the bathroom. I slammed the door shut and quickly turned the key, then turned on the light and took in the room. I dragged a small bathroom unit over to wedge under the door handle, right as he started pounding on the door and shouting at me. What the hell had I got mixed up in?

  I opened the bathroom window and looked out, hoping there was a flat roof for me to jump out on again. There was a roof, only it was a pitched one with ridged tiles. I hesitated for a moment, wondering if it was better to just scream for help, but risk Flash battering the door down to get to me, or climb out, dressed in only a black bow. I groaned as I came to the conclusion that getting out was safer than staying inside, as he continued to kick or shoulder the door. I eased myself over the windowsill and gently dropped, so that I was straddling the roof, one leg either side.

  ‘God damn it, can tonight get any worse?’ I moaned as I saw I’d caught my bow on the catch of the window and it had unravelled. Now I was topless, and very nearly bottomless, straddling a roof in the dark. I quickly scuttled back, leaving my ribbon and the last of my dignity behind as I heard an almighty crash. ‘Help!’ I screamed, looking left and right for an escape route.

  ‘Get back in here now, Paige,’ Flash ordered as he appeared at the window and I tried to cover myself up.

  ‘Climb back in with the flashing pervert who has obvious psychotic tendencies? Sign me up, that’s one mission a girl would be crazy to refuse,’ I hissed, fear and anger vying for the top emotion battering my mind and body right now.

  ‘Don’t make me come out there and get you,’ he warned.

  ‘Unless dragging naked screaming women off a dangerous and slippery roof is one of your additional hidden talents, I think I’m quite happy out here, thank you very much. Help!’ I screamed again.

  ‘I warned you,’ he glowered, lifting a leg up onto the windowsill. Crap, he was probably crazy enough to try it, and kill us both in the process. The sloping roof dipped down to meet another neighbours on the left, so I decided to chance it. I swivelled and slid down it into the gulley, praying I wasn’t about to rip my bottom to shreds on the edges of the slate tiles, then scrambled up onto their ridge. The next neighbour along had a flat roof, then there was a wide gap to the next flat roof. I looked to my right. Flash had made it out, dressed in a pair of jeans that he’d not had time to do up, but he was looking pale as he lowered himself to sit on the ridge.

  ‘What’s the matter? Scared of heights?’ I called, scooting forward and banging on the neighbour’s bathroom window, hoping someone would hear me.

  ‘I’m serious, Paige, get back here now. I’m not going to be arrested for this.’

  ‘I think you’ll find you are,’ I warned. I noticed a light come on two windows to my left. It was now or never. I slid down the other side of the roof, landing on the flat one. Now I just had to get across the gap. I’d always been good at long jump at school, but I didn’t exactly have a good run up to this one. I heard a gasp and the sound of Flash sliding down the first set of tiles. I didn’t really have a choice. I threw myself across the gap and landed with a heavy smack on the rough covered flat roof opposite, my skin burning where I’d scuffed myself. I quickly scrambled up and ran to the lit window. I could see an eld
erly naked man having a pee and screwed up my face. What was it with me and naked guys tonight? I banged loudly on the window and he jumped in the air, letting go of his todger mid flow. It was like watching a firefighter’s hose, albeit a wrinkly one, being left unattended. It bounced and jerked violently, pee spraying up the wall and over the floor as he yelled in surprise. ‘Help me, please,’ I screamed.

  I looked over to my right. Flash had made it up onto the second ridge and was contemplating either following me, or making a run for it. I looked back through the window to see the old guy peering gingerly at the glass, probably not able to see me as it was so dark out here.

  ‘Please help me, I’m being chased by one of your neighbours, he’s the Fulham Flasher. Please let me in,’ I pleaded. I quickly placed an arm over my bare breasts and cupped my groin as he opened the window a fraction and peeked out. ‘Hi! Sorry to scare you, but I really need to come in, he’s not far behind me.’

  ‘Barbara?’ he yelled, looking back at the bathroom door. ‘Did you put any brandy in my cocoa? I think I’m hallucinating. There’s a naked supermodel on the kitchen roof asking to come in.’

  ‘A what?’ came a surprised female voice. I looked behind me again to see that Flash had made it onto the other flat roof and was considering jumping.

  ‘Please,’ I begged. ‘Please let me in.’

  ‘Why are you out there again?’ he asked.

  ‘The Fulham Flasher is chasing me.’

  ‘Are you the Fulham Flasher? You’re the one naked on my roof.’

  ‘I don’t have a penis!’

  ‘For all I know you could have, I can only see your face.’

  ‘Do I look like a man? Seriously?’ I screamed again as Flash leapt across the roofs and landed with a thud on mine. I scrambled on all fours up the neighbours sloping roof and cursed. The house next door didn’t have an extension. I had nowhere left to go. ‘Call the police,’ I yelled as I crawled on all fours to the edge of the roofline, wondering if I’d just given him a heart attack to see me in all of my glory. If I hadn’t, Barbara was likely to be in for a very lucky night tonight, once she’d scrubbed her bathroom clean, that was. I sat down and turned around to face Flash as he cleverly climbed up to sit with his back to the old guy still peering out of the window, making sure he couldn’t see his face.

  ‘Nowhere left to run, Paige,’ Flash taunted.

  ‘Gordon Keller is the Fulham Flasher, he lives at number 69. Quite ironic for a sex offender, don’t you think?’ I yelled at the top of my voice. ‘My name is Paige Taylor and if I die by falling off a roof tonight, I want it known that Gordon Keller pushed me.’

  ‘I’m not seeing things. It is her, Barbara, it’s Paige Taylor the supermodel,’ the old guy yelled over his shoulder as he opened his window wide. ‘She’s naked and on the Jones’s roof right now. They won’t be happy, they only just got that leak fixed and had the scaffolding taken down.’

  ‘Now you open the window?! Call the police, Gordon’s trying to kill me,’ I hollered, noticing other lights starting to come on. Better late than never. Did everyone on this street sleep with ear plugs in? Flash looked around, seeing that we were gathering attention, and his face turned more pale in the moonlight. ‘What’s the matter, lost your nerve now? Only capable of scaring defenceless women with your mask on?’

  ‘What’s going on?’ someone yelled out of their window.

  ‘Paige Taylor the swimwear and lingerie model’s naked on the Jones’s roof,’ yelled the old guy back.

  ‘That’s the news you share?’ I uttered, totally astonished. ‘The Fulham Flasher is chasing me over rooftops and lives a few doors up from you, but you tell everyone I’m sitting here with nothing on?’

  ‘It’s not every day we see a celebrity around here, let alone a naked one. Don’t worry, Barbara’s called the police. Sit tight, love,’ my naked wrinkly friend called. I heaved a sigh of relief to see Flash slide back down to the flat roof in a bid to get away and drop out of sight between the two buildings. The air was suddenly filled with excited chatter as more people started opening their windows and asking what was going on. I felt like a monkey on display at the zoo, except a monkey had the luxury of fur. I was sitting here naked. I could do with Kyle’s dad’s gorilla suit right now. Preferably after it had been boil washed and dry cleaned. God only knows what might be matted in that fur.

  ‘Don’t worry, I have no intention of going anywhere, but Gordon’s making a run for it.’

  ‘Flash, ah-ah,’ someone sang out of the window, making me glare in their direction. If someone even thought about blasting out Queen on their stereo right now, I was liable to lose it.

  ‘Come on, love, it’s safe now. Barbara’s getting you some clothes, come on in.’

  ‘Have you put some clothes on?’ I called, thinking I’d rather stay out here than face a wrinkled, naked pensioner.

  ‘Late night naked tinkle again, George?’ his neighbour called. ‘Did you get your prostrate checked last time you went to the doctor? You never said.’

  ‘It was Dr. Beth, I didn’t want her inspecting my backside,’ George replied.

  ‘Better than Dr. Ramani, no bloke’s going near my prostrate,’ someone else called.

  ‘George, get away from the window and put some pants on,’ a woman, presumably Barbara, scolded. ‘It’s private, we don’t want the whole street to know about your prostrate problems.’

  ‘I think they do now,’ I called. I grimaced as the clouds parted and suddenly the whole area was illuminated by the bright glow of a full moon.

  ‘Hello love,’ she smiled as she stuck her head out of the window. ‘I’m Barbara, nice to meet you. We had no idea Gordon was seeing a supermodel, did we George?’ she asked over her shoulder.

  ‘No, Barbara. Bit of a shock, to be honest.’

  ‘Bit of a shock,’ she nodded, looking back at me. What were these people on? That was the news they were shocked about, their neighbour dating me? It was ok for him to go around flashing his penis, but dating me was the shocker? ‘We ought to get you off there, the Jones’s only just had their roof fixed, terrible leak they had. Took ages to repair. We’re so glad the scaffolding’s down, aren’t we, George?’

  ‘Yes, Barbara.’

  ‘So glad, Paige, honestly it was a real eye sore. Are you coming in? It’s a bit fresh with the window open letting in the draught.’ She waited for my answer as I went to move, but it was as if my body had totally frozen. I didn’t want to be sitting up here naked, with the whole street hanging out of their windows watching me, but my brain and limbs weren’t communicating. As if this wasn’t embarrassing enough, if I did manage to crawl over and slide down to their flat roof and climb up through their window, everyone was going to see me completely naked. I could already see some people taking pictures or filming me on their phones.

  ‘I can’t move,’ I called.

  ‘Don’t worry, darling, I called the fire brigade to come and get you down, they should be here any minute,’ someone yelled, right around the time I heard sirens in the distance. My shoulders slumped in defeat. It seemed my humiliation wasn’t over yet.

  ‘George! Stop staring at her and go and put some pants on, you’ll need to open the side gate for them to get in the back garden,’ Barbara ordered. ‘Sorry, Paige. It’s all very exciting for us. In fact, it’s the most excitement we’ve seen in a long time. It’s not every day you see a naked woman on your neighbour’s roof, let alone a celebrity.’

  ‘I should hope not,’ I replied. I sat patiently waiting as everyone yelled back and forth, and it wasn’t long before I heard noise down in the garden below me, then the sound of a ladder being put up against the house.

  ‘Sit tight, sweetheart, I’m coming to get you,’ someone called. I groaned. If I thought my public humiliation couldn’t reach the lows of my fake tan rescue, I was wrong. Of all the firemen in the world to come and rescue me, it had to be Spence, didn’t it.

  ‘Please could you bring some clothes up?’ I c
alled.

  ‘Paige? Is that you?’

  ‘Yes, Spence, it’s me and I’m sitting up here naked and would very much like to cover up and come down, in that order.’

  ‘You know, if you wanted to see me again, you could have just asked,’ he chuckled as I heard him climbing the ladder.

  ‘As if, after you cheated on me,’ I retorted.

  ‘I think you got your own back, my room stunk of fish for weeks and we’re not even going to mention what you messing with my toiletries did to my face.’

  ‘Got my own back?’ I asked, playing for innocence as he climbed onto the flat roof below me, then scrambled up to sit opposite me.

  ‘I actually thought it was that crazy clingy girl I made the mistake of sleeping with while I was with you, but now that I see you out here, on another roof, I’ve revised that assessment. Shuffle towards me, away from the edge, and put your arm out, you can have my jacket again.’

  ‘Thank you,’ I whispered, the night’s events suddenly hitting me, making my lower lip tremble and my eyes start to fill up.

  ‘Why exactly are you out here naked?’

  ‘Because I have shitty taste in men,’ I replied, deciding that flashing my breasts was the preferable option as I moved my arm to slip it into one of the sleeves he was holding for me.

  ‘I’ll say if you’re dating old George Barnsley now,’ he laughed. I switched hands and let him feed my other arm through his jacket and quickly pulled it around me, doing it up tightly. It took a bit of coaxing from him to get me to hold his hands as he lowered me down the tiles onto the flat roof, then slid down to join me. By the time he’d carried me down the ladder, amidst the cheers and hollers from all of the watching neighbours, I completely broke down and started sobbing. That was it, the final straw. I was never dating anyone ever again.

  A Line In The Sand

  August

  I sat at the edge of the infinity pool of the private hotel villa I’d rented in Grand Cayman, dangling my feet in the crystal clear water and looking out at the ocean. For the first time in a long time, I felt free and relaxed. The Monday after my disastrous date with Flash, who’d thankfully been caught at his office trying to get a change of clothes and scrape together some money, I’d heard that Alec and Tiffany were getting married the same day as Poppie. I thought I’d hit rock bottom before that news, but that had taken me to a level I could never have imagined existed. I guessed I’d hoped that he’d only proposed to her because he couldn’t have me, because he thought I’d moved on. But then if that was the case, he would have fought for me when I saw him in London, and he wouldn’t have set a date. I’d never felt so low in my life, so I’d booked a month’s vacation in this exclusive hotel complex and had left the same day.