by Steve Kort
Starfire threw herself back onto her bed and started crying into her pillow.
“It is the okay,” she said between sobs. “My ignorance will always hold me back.”
Raven pondered for a moment and then snapped her fingers.
“I’ve got it!” she said. “Lesson number two: time for a little magic.”
Raven closed her eyes to concentrate and slowly began to chant a magic spell.
“Azarath Metrion Zinthos!” she intoned.
Pooof!
A purple medallion appeared in her hand.
“Sleep with this tonight, and in the morning you’ll know everything,” Raven said, handing the magical relic to Starfire.
“Oh, thank you!” said Starfire as she reached out to hug her teammate.
“Ugh. No hugging,” said Raven.
CHAPTER
3
The next morning found Beast Boy, Cyborg, Starfire, and Raven gathered around the kitchen table, eating cereal for breakfast.
Robin entered the room and said, “So I checked the weather, and today has all the perfect conditions for a…”
He paused, and then he yelled, “… lake day!”
“Jet Skis!” said Beast Boy.
“Fishing,” added Cyborg.
“Water,” observed Raven calmly.
“Pollution,” added Starfire.
The other Titans stared at Starfire in disbelief.
“It is true,” Starfire said. “Forty-six percent of lakes are too polluted for recreational activities.”
“Why are we talking about numbers on lake day?” grumbled Beast Boy.
“Because numbers reveal undeniable facts,” explained Starfire. “Like slightly over one trillion gallons of sewage are dumped into lakes each year.”
“Robin, make her stop!” bellowed Cyborg. “These facts are bumming me out!”
“Sewage… yuck!” said Beast Boy.
“Starfire, what’s gotten into you?” demanded Robin.
“Knowledge, that’s what,” she replied. “Did you know that seven hundred species of bacteria thrive in the average human mouth?”
“That is so gross!” cried Cyborg.
“These numbers are bumming me out!” yelled Beast Boy.
“I think it’s kinda interesting,” Raven added.
Robin turned to glare at Raven and said, “Did you have something to do with this, Raven?”
“I may have magically given her all human knowledge,” Raven said, and then she added defensively, “I was just trying to help!”
“That is what I wanted, Robin,” said Starfire. “Now you won’t have to deal with me ruining another occasion.”
“You just ruined lake day!” screamed Robin.
“Knowledge is power, Robin,” explained Raven. “This will only make her stronger.”
“Or… a total bummer,” said Cyborg.
Later that morning, Raven looked up from the book she was reading to see that Starfire was staring at her.
“That book is so overrated,” Starfire said smugly. “I’ll save you some time. Everyone dies in the end.”
“Bummer,” Raven said with a grunt as she dumped the book into a garbage can.
After lunch, Raven was quietly meditating in her bedroom. Her eyes were closed, and she floated six inches above her bed.
Starfire poked her head into the room and said, “Meditation can cause problems ranging from muscle spasms to hallucinations.”
Raven’s eyes popped open, and she tumbled down to her bed.
“Bummer,” she muttered.
Outside Titans Tower that afternoon, Raven hummed happily as she played with her Pretty, Pretty Pegasus toys.
Starfire floated by and pointed out, “You know that those toys are meant for babies, right?”
“Bummer!” Raven yelled as she tossed her toys across the lawn. “Aaaargh!”
CHAPTER
4
That evening, Raven called for a Titans meeting with Robin, Cyborg, and Beast Boy.
“Okay, you were right,” Raven conceded. “Starfire is a total bummer now.”
“There has to be a way to get the old Starfire back,” said Robin.
“She’s still there,” Raven said, “but we have to go inside her mind and destroy all her knowledge.”
“That sounds dangerous,” Beast Boy said nervously.
“Extremely,” agreed Raven. “Both for her and for us.”
Starfire entered the room and asked, “Do you guys want to know where hot dog meat comes from?”
“No, I don’t!” yelled Cyborg with alarm. “I do not want to! Raven, let’s do this!”
“Azarath Metrion Zinthos!” Raven chanted, casting another magical spell.
Instantly, the four Titans were shrunk down and crammed into a microscopic submarine that floated into Starfire’s ear. Soon, the craft was navigating its way through the Starfire’s bloodstream. Small nuggets of information constantly pelted the craft, knocking the Titans off balance.
“Whoa, look at all that knowledge,” Beast Boy said as he peered through the vehicle’s windshield.
“This place is crawling with depressing information,” Robin observed. “Titans, stay alert!”
“Robin, fun facts at three o’clock!” warned Cyborg.
A handful of fun facts attacked the side of the submarine, but Robin deftly changed course and headed toward Starfire’s brain.
He turned to Raven and asked, “Are you sure the old Starfire is in here?”
Suddenly, a deafening, ominous voice filled the craft, causing the Titans to clutch their ears.
“I won’t let you find her!” the voice bellowed.
“Starfire… is that you?” Beast Boy called out nervously.
“I am knowledge,” shouted the voice. “And facts, figures, and trivia.”
“So you’re the one who made Starfire a bummer,” said Cyborg.
“Yes, I am!” the voice said angrily. “And when I am finished, she will be one hundred percent bummer!”
The Titans looked through the windshield and gasped when they saw a giant mass of brainpower. It floated in front of them and made their ship vibrate when it spoke.
“It’s unnatural, and it’s growing at an alarming rate,” said Raven.
“Then let’s nuke some neurons!” Robin yelled as he slammed his hand against a button on the control panel. Six giant missiles exploded from the craft, heading directly toward the brain mass.
“Eighty-five percent of missiles never reach their intended target,” the brain mass said with a laugh as it easily swatted the missiles out of their path.
“How did you know that?” Cyborg called out in alarm.
“Fire lasers!” shouted Robin as a laser cannon extended from the craft and blasted bright laser rays toward the brain mass. They bounced harmlessly off it.
“Lasers have not advanced enough yet to inflict any real damage,” it said.
“She’s using facts and figures to deflect our attacks,” Robin said angrily. “Her knowledge is too powerful. We don’t stand a chance!”
Raven turned to her teammates and said, “I’ve got it. The only way to fight knowledge is with ignorance.”
Outside the ship, the brain mass laughed harshly.
“Ha-ha-ha! This is like shooting fish in a barrel!”
Raven yelled out, doing her best impression of Starfire, “But I do not see the fish or barrels anywhere.”
The brain mass winced at Raven’s comment and explained angrily, “It’s an expression, fools! I mean that destroying you will be a piece of cake!”
Robin chimed in to say, “I like the cake! May I have the strawberry flavor?”
“Arrrgh!” moaned the brain mass in pain. “I’m just trying to put a little style into what I say! Defeating you will be a breeze!”
“Breeze? Do you need the coat?” asked Cyborg with a big smile on his face.
“Eeek! Eeek! Eeek!” cried out the brain mass as it quivered and started to shrink.
Robin’s hand hovered over the energy ray button, and he called out to the brain mass, “I’ve got one last fact for you! The Titans win one hundred percent of the time!”
“Wait! Is that true?” wailed the brain mass.
Ker-Blam!
A blinding ray of energy crashed into the brain mass, zapping it into tiny bits.
Minutes later, the tiny submarine, now covered with gooey brain matter, sailed out of Starfire’s ear and back into the Titans’ living room.
Pooof!
After Raven magically restored the Titans to their normal sizes, they anxiously looked at Starfire.
“How do you feel, Star?” asked Robin.
Starfire blinked and held one hand to her forehead.
“I feel…” she began. “I feel as if a thousand glinkglats are dancing on my glipnorb!”
As soon as she said that, the magical pendant around her neck shattered into tiny pieces and fell to the floor.
“She’s back!” shouted Cyborg happily.
“Oh yeah!” yelled Beast Boy as he high-fived Robin.
“I’m sorry, Star,” said Raven. “I shouldn’t have used magic to cure you of your ignorance. I should have taken the time to teach you the old-fashioned way: with books… and calculators… and flow charts… and more books… and…”
“Bummer!” cried the other Titans.
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CONTENTS
Cover
Title Page
Welcome
Blackfire Blow Up Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Tamaranian Vacation Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Knowledge Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Copyright
Copyright
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Copyright © 2016 DC Comics. TEEN TITANS GO! and all related characters and elements © & ™ DC Comics and Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at [email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
Little, Brown and Company
Hachette Book Group
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Little, Brown and Company is a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
The Little, Brown name and logo are trademarks of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.
First ebook edition: September 2016
ISBN 978-0-316-31707-8
E3-20160727-JV-PC