by B. Love
“Slide up,” I instructed before sliding behind him.
He rested his head against my chest. We sat there in silence. I massaged his body with my hands and lips, but no words were exchanged. When the water was beginning to get cold, I stood and let it out before cutting the shower on to wash us both. When I was done, I grabbed a couple of towels and dried him off, then myself. Making our way to the bed, I watched him crawl in. After putting on one of his shirts, I went downstairs and fixed him something quick to eat. He hadn’t eaten all day because he was taking care of business. Since he didn’t have much to work with, I did a quick chicken and gravy with rice. By the time I’d made it back to his bedroom, he was knocked out. I thought about letting him sleep, but after remembering all the Hen he’d taken to the head a few minutes before, he was going to be feeling it in the morning, so I woke him up to eat.
“Ion want to, Lani,” he mumbled, turning his back to me.
“You need to put something in your stomach, Bae. You gone feel it in the morning worse if you don’t.”
Sighing heavily he turned back around and took the plate from my hands after sitting up. He looked at me sideways and shook his head. I just chuckled. I knew he was letting me have it in his head.
“You’re welcome,” I mumbled, walking over to the chair and sitting down to eat myself.
“Why you so far away?” he asked after taking a few bites, looking stronger and more like himself already.
I didn’t answer. I didn’t know. I just wanted to watch him. After everything that went down earlier and I had seen that rough street side of him, I looked at him differently. I knew he had it in him because of his past. I just didn’t know what he was capable of. It wasn’t like I was scared or that I didn’t trust him. I didn’t even lose interest in him. I didn’t know what it was. Something was just… different. I didn’t know if it was because I had finally seen Courtney or what. Shit was fucking with me.
“Come here, Kailani.”
This time, I was the one who sighed as I stood and made my way over to the bed. I stood over him and watched as he scooted more towards the center so that I could sit down.
“What’s on your mind?” he asked before taking another bite.
“Nothing, Bishop.”
“No lies… remember?”
Damn. He was right. I had to clear my mind before I replied so it wouldn’t be a lie.
“I’m not lying, Baby. There’s nothing on my mind.”
“There’s literally nothing on your mind, Kailani?”
I sensed his slight irritation so I knew I had to come half-clean at least.
“Not anymore. I didn’t want to think about what I was thinking about so I started clearing my mind. It’s nothing, Babe. I just… I don’t know… today was a lot. I’m not trying to distance myself from you or anything. I just wanted to take you in, I guess.”
“You messed up about, Courtney? You gone resent me for that, aren’t you?”
I didn’t want to tense up but hearing him say his name did something to me.
“No, Bishop. I’m not going to resent you. I guess I just need to take some time to get my own mental together. I need to talk to him. I need to see him; get this out my system.”
He nodded as if he understood. “I tell you what…” He sat his plate down and turned to face me. “I tell you that I need you, you cater to me, and then you flip and tell me that you need to talk to this nigga. See this nigga. I’m not gone fight for you. I’m not gone play with you. So, I’m going to make this easy for you. Get the fuck out my house. Go find that nigga since you need him so bad.”
Surprised by his immediate change of attitude, I sat there for a second before replying.
“Bishop…”
“Just leave, Kailani. Take the Charger. I’ll pick it up at some point tomorrow.”
“I don’t want to leave. You act like I said I wanted to be with the nigga or sumthin’.”
“You didn’t have to say it with your mouth. You said it with what you didn’t say.”
“The hell does that even mean?”
“Just get out, Kai. If you don’t see it, then there’s no point in me wasting my time trying to explain it to you. Just get whatever it is taken care of with him that you need to take care of.”
I felt like shit. I didn’t want him to feel like I didn’t want him. I just felt like Courtney and I had some unfinished business.
“I’m sorry if I hurt you or disrespected you, Bishop,” I mumbled, standing to my feet.
He didn’t say anything, just picked up his plate and continued to eat.
“You not gone accept my apology?” I asked with tears forming in my eyes.
He still didn’t look at me or say anything.
“Bishop…”
“Go Kai. Please.”
“Why fight so hard to get me if you didn’t plan on doing shit to keep me?” I asked as I turned to leave his bedroom.
“I’d do everything to keep you. Yo ass just don’t want to be kept, at least not by me. You were never mine to have, Kai. I was just a temporary slot filler.”
“Bishop… that’s not true… I…”
“Just go, Kai. Swear I’m not tryna have this conversation with you.”
I nodded and left. This time without saying another word.
Bishop
I’m not gone try and make it seem like I wasn’t messed up about what happened between Kai and me. I wanted her — more than she knew. I just refused to be an option. If she wanted me, she was going to have to make me a priority. I shouldn’t have, but I called Ashley and she came running of course, but now that she was here, in my face, I just wanted my Kai more.
Ash was laying her head on my lap, staring up at a nigga like she couldn’t get enough of me. I was running my fingers through her hair, flipping through the TV. Three in the morning and a nigga wasn’t nowhere near sleepy. Out of nowhere, she lifted her head and pulled my dick out of my boxers. I wasn’t hard, but when I felt her hand against my skin, that changed. I stopped her and she looked at me like I was crazy.
“What you doing, Ashley?”
“Trying to please my man.”
“I ain’t your man and I ain’t having sex with you.”
“Fine. Just let me make you feel better.”
“Aight. No kissing. No feelings. It’s just a nut. Can you handle that?”
She nodded before licking her lips and taking all of me inside of her mouth.
Kailani
When I made it home, Courtney was sitting on my porch with his palms cupping his face and elbows on his thighs. I slowly got out of my car and walked over to him. I was so drained emotionally I really didn’t even feel like dealing with him, but because I’d just lost my love practically over him, I figured now was a better time than any to talk. By the time I made it to my porch, he had stood. We stared at each other for a second before he pulled me into his arms. I didn’t want to fit so comfortably inside him, but I did.
“I missed you…” He almost moaned before hanging his head slightly and kissing me on my temple.
I pressed my nails into his arms slightly before removing myself from his grip and unlocking my door.
“You didn’t hear me?” he asked, following me into my home.
After kicking my pumps off, I turned to face him. “I heard you,” I spoke nonchalantly.
As much as I missed him, the fact still remained, he cut me off. I didn’t have to miss him. I could have still been with him. He forced me to have to and I didn’t appreciate that.
“You didn’t miss me?” Courtney asked, walking closer to me.
“I’m mad at you.”
I couldn’t front anymore because tears were filling my eyes. I hated that he still had power over my emotions.
“Why Kai? What did I do?”
“You left me!” I yelled louder than I wanted to before grabbing a bottle of Vodka and pouring me a shot.
He didn’t say anything, giving me time to cool off. Then, he follo
wed me into the kitchen. Taking the shot glass from my hand, he took my face into his hands and stared into my eyes.
“I left you…” He paused and kissed my lips softly, so soft that I barely felt it. “Because I love you…” He did it again. “You didn’t deserve…” And, again. “To be punished…” And. Again. “With me…”
This time, he applied more pressure and I moaned, causing him to wrap his arms around my waist and pull me into him.
“Courtney…” I slurred, pushing my hands into his chest, trying unsuccessfully to remove myself from his grip.
“I love you, Kai. Tell me you don’t love me anymore.”
His lips found their way to my neck and he hit the spot he’d introduced me to years ago.
“Ahhh…” I moaned, wrapping my arms around his waist.
“Tell me you don’t love me anymore,” he requested again, sitting me on top of my kitchen table. Spreading my legs, he stared into my eyes before scanning the rest of my body slowly.
I tried to close my legs. He was turning me the fuck on. I didn’t need that right now, but he opened them and stood between them, pulling my waist into his, grinding his dick against me.
“Courtney…” I pleaded.
“Tell me… you don’t love me anymore.” His hands found their way under my dress. Gripping my thighs, he started working on my neck again.
I didn’t see how he expected me to have a conversation with him while he was teasing me like this, but he snapped me out of my trance when I heard his pants unzip. I looked down immediately and looked at the man I’d given my virginity to. As much as I loved and missed him and wanted him inside of me, I felt like I’d be disloyal to Bishop if I had sex with him.
“Courtney, you know I will always love you,” I finally got out as he pressed his manhood against my clit through his boxers. I had to start wearing panties more often. Just the sensation of him against me through his boxers was about to send me over the edge.
“Then fucking act like it,” he demanded still grinding against me.
“Baby… we can’t…”
“Why not?” he asked stopping. “It’s because of that nigga? Hunh?”
I said nothing as I pushed him away slightly and pulled my dress back down.
“You think I give a fuck about what you had going on with him while I was gone? I’m home. You mine now.”
Shaking my head, I jumped off the table. “It doesn’t work like that, Courtney. I love you. Yes. You were my first love, my first lover, but when you let me go… I moved on. I mean, you didn’t really leave me with much of a choice.”
“I did that shit for you.”
“I know, Baby, and I appreciate that. I’m grateful to you for that, but what we had… is over now. I’m not with Bishop. Hell, he might not even want me after tonight, but whether he does or not, I can’t be with you.”
He took a step back and stared at me in silence, stared at me so long, I got uncomfortable and turned away.
“I’m sorry…” I mumbled.
“I don’t want to let you go,” Courtney said, wrapping his arms around me from behind.
“Courtney… we’re not the same people anymore. You only want me because I was who you had before you left.”
“Just give me a chance to show you that I was worth the wait,” he continued, turning me to face him.
Bishop was heavy on my mind. His lips found their way to mine again.
“We don’t have to have sex. We don’t have to commit. Just let me be a part of you, Kai.”
I didn’t want to say yes. I wanted to say no nigga get out my house so I could go get my man back, but instead I heard myself say, “Ok. We can see what’s up.”
Bishop
After the little spat that Kai and I had, I felt kind of bad. I let my anger and my pride get the best of me. I didn’t tell her, but I had us a little trip planned. I needed to go to Nashville to check out some buildings there and after that we were going to hit up Atlanta. I was hoping that the time alone and out of Memphis would help us get to a better place. I was missing her already, just from the thought of not having her. I sat in her driveway for a few minutes before forcing myself to get out of the car, but when Courtney answered the door, I hated that I did. Soon as I saw his bitch ass, I swung on him and what the hell Kai do? Came running out in my t-shirt, telling me to stop.
“The fuck is this nigga doing in yo house?” I asked pissed. I wanted to stomp his ass, but he ain’t do shit but laugh as he stood.
“You a bitch for that,” he said.
“Ain’t no bitch in me. Square up.” I got in my stance and he looked over at Kai, who already had tears in her eyes.
“I ain’t got no reason to fight you. I got her,” Courtney said with a smile, “but the next time you put yo hands on me… I’m killing yo ass.”
I side eyed the nigga as he walked out the house. I wasn’t worried about his threat. If that was what he was on, he would’ve done it now. I waited until he was gone completely before I walked over to her. She was trying so hard not to cry. I almost felt sorry for her, but then, I remembered that she spent the night with another nigga and that faded away.
“So you couldn’t wait to leave me and get to him, hunh?”
“You put me out, Bishop. I didn’t want to leave. Besides, he was sitting on my doorstep when I got here.”
“Obviously, you wanted him here or you would have put him out.”
“What do you want? You didn’t want anything to do with me last night.”
“I want everything to do with you, Kailani, just not while you stuck on some other nigga.” I started to walk out, but her voice stopped me.
“What did you want, Bishop?”
“Doesn’t matter anymore.”
Ignoring her cries for me I left, got in my car, called Ashley and told her to pack a bag.
Kailani
After Bishop had left, I felt kind of bad. I ain’t gone lie. He probably felt like I was getting back with Courtney, probably thought that we even had sex, but that wasn’t the case. I missed Court and I did feel as if we had unfinished business, but spending the night with him only made me want Bishop even more. The connection that Bishop and I had gone beyond anything I experienced with Court. I realized, as I slept with his arms, that he would always have a place in my heart, but there was absolutely no point in holding on to a relationship that I had already let go of. It was time to move on, whether Courtney wanted to or not. I just hoped I hadn’t pushed Bishop too far away.
I called Lay to come over and talk this through with me, but she’d been acting funny lately. I figured she was having issues with Rell again and would talk to me about it when she was ready. When I couldn’t get in touch with her, I decided to call Court and ask him to come over. I wanted to go ahead and end it before it went too deep. I was ready to get back to my baby. Just as I was pulling my chicken breasts out of the stove, Courtney was knocking on my door. After taking a few deep breaths, I went over to the door and let him in.
“How long your boyfriend been gone?”
That was the first thing he asked me as he walked past me to come inside.
“Courtney… you know I love you. You were my first everything, but… our time has passed. I’ve moved on and… we can’t do this anymore.” I spit out.
I was hoping he wouldn’t make this difficult. I was hoping that he would accept this and just let me go, but when he stopped and turned to face me the look in his eyes told me it wouldn’t be that easy.
“What did you say?” he asked me.
“I said… we can’t do this anymore.”
“The fuck you mean we can’t do this anymore?” Courtney stepped closer.
“I mean, I don’t want to be with you, Courtney.”
My patience was thin and my temper was quick. I didn’t have time to be constantly repeating myself just because I was saying something he didn’t want to hear. As he stepped closer to me, I realized he had me close to a wall. I tried to walk to the side and
stay in the middle of the floor, but his hands were around my neck, and I was pushed into the wall before I could.
“I waited for you for ten years, Kai. Ten fucking years! Do you think you’re going to get away from me that easy?”
His grip around my neck tightened so I couldn’t reply even if I wanted to. I lifted my arms and pulled my right arm over my face. Pushing my forearm down as I would if I were arm wrestling, I tried to break his hold, but he was too strong.
“Don’t fight back, that’ll only make it worse,” he warned. “If I can’t have you, Kai, I swear that nigga won’t either.”
He let me go and almost tossed me to the other side of the room. It was nothing for me to fight a woman, but I wasn’t crazy enough to try and fight a man like Lay was. So, as pissed as I was, I sat on the floor as he opened the door and left. I was mad that he put his hands on me, but I was more hurt that he would disrespect me like that. As I coughed and rubbed my neck, I wondered what the hell he had in mind. I had to warn Bishop.
Bishop
After I had hit up some potential buildings for my businesses, Ashley and I went back to the hotel to kick it. I wasn’t gone take her ass to St. Louis and Atlanta like I planned on doing with Kai. She wasn’t worth all that. I decided to cut the trip short and head home the next morning. Being with her was cool, though, reminded me of why I’d messed with her ass for as long as I did. She was cool when she wasn’t nagging and being needy, tryna lock a nigga down. We’d just finished eating some wings and fries and a nigga was tired. She got up to take a shower and I took that as an opportunity to check with Rell and Kai.
Something told me to Facetime Kai for some reason, so I did and when I did, I saw bruises all along her neck. She was trying to hide it with her hand, but it wasn’t big enough.
“The fuck happened to your neck?” I asked, standing.
I refused to believe that bitch ass nigga put his hands on her. She said nothing as tears escaped her eyes. I felt bad as fuck. I should’ve brought her with me regardless of how things were, especially after I’d just embarrassed the nigga in front of her.