by B. Love
“Kailani, please…” Tears had begun to escape her eyes and the sight of her crying always made me cry.
Shaking my head, I nudged Rell and told him to let me out. “Let me out, Rell.”
He did, but instead of sitting back down, he walked out of the restaurant with me. Bishop sat there. I wanted to see what he was going to say to her, but I didn’t care enough to stay behind and see. He’d tell me later.
When Rell and I made it outside, he lit a blunt and took a few puffs before passing it to me. I hadn’t smoked for a while but I was so on edge I welcomed the release. We both paced at the entrance of the café before he looked in and saw Bishop still talking to Layyah and he pulled me to the side.
“How you holding up?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I’m as good as I can be. Really, I’m just… I got so much pent up aggression, you know? I wanna kill her and I wanna kill him, and then, I’m stuck in that house all day every day…”
“That’s for your protection, Kai. It’s safer for you there until we find Courtney and deal with him that’s the best place for you. I mean, I know you might not think he would do anything to hurt you, but his hatred of Bishop might be stronger than his love for you.”
I nodded as he continued.
“And, as far as all that aggression you got pent up I’ll be by the house to start recording you tomorrow.”
“I appreciate that. How you doing? You didn’t even say anything to her.”
“What is there to say, Kai? I gave that girl everything she could have wanted and needed and she still wasn’t satisfied.”
My face saddened at the sight of his puffy eyes and wrinkled clothes. I’d never seen him look this tired and restless. Even when he’d be in the studio all night and stop by my spot to get with Lay, he looked energized and refreshed. I wasn’t used to seeing this side of him.
“You look like shit, nigga,” I mumbled.
He smiled as I hoped he would. “Yeah… I ain’t been sleeping much. I can’t… sleep alone. I don’t like to sleep alone. I don’t like to be alone. Too many thoughts in my head. I need that distraction.”
“I completely understand. That’s why you always at the studio?”
“Yeah. If I ain’t there, I gotta be with a woman.”
I nodded again. That was the mind of an artist. It never slept.
“I feel you. Well… I mean, I know I can’t do much to help you… but, if you ever just need to talk or something…”
“I appreciate that, Kai.”
I smiled as Bishop walked out and joined us.
Bishop
Rell was pissed because he was smoking a blunt in front of the café as he and Kai talked. I hated seeing the two people I loved most in the world suffer. I would’ve ended Lay myself, but I figured I could use her. If Courtney thought that Kai was stupid enough to not tell me about him being the one to burn my spots down all because she wanted to spare Layyah’s life, I was going to use that to my advantage. Layyah was going to lead me right to Courtney and once I was finished with him then I’d consider handling her.
She must have expected me to leave out with them because she looked at me skeptically when she realized I was still there.
“You wanna yell at me, too?” she asked before taking a piece of tissue from her purse.
“Have you heard from Courtney?”
“Kind of. He’s been hitting me up, but I haven’t been answering.”
“Answer. Get back with him.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re going to help me kill him.”
Layyah looked around the café as if she was in deep thought before returning her attention to me.
“I know Kai will never speak to me again… but do you think this will help me get Rell back?”
“I’ll put in the good word for you if you do as I say.”
“What you need me to do?”
“Hit the nigga up. Tell him you and Kai aren’t cool anymore because she found out. Don’t let him know how ugly shit got, though. Make him believe that you want him, all of him. You want a relationship and all that bullshit. Give him whatever he wants from you long enough for him to think he can trust you. He’s probably not gone come around until his bullet wound heals, but when he does come around, I need for you to let me know where and when and I’ll come and take care of it.”
Layyah nodded in agreement. “I can do that.”
I nodded before standing. “Lock my number in your phone as something other than my name,” I instructed before calling my number out to her.
“Okay, Bishop. Thanks for helping me with Rell and please, tell Kai that I’m sorry.”
I nodded but said nothing as I joined my people outside.
Kailani
True to his word, Rell was at Bishop’s house the next morning bright and early ready to record, a little too bright and early. It was six in the morning and I was still sleeping. Bishop was on the road headed back to Nashville to close on three buildings for his businesses. When I opened that door and saw Rell standing there, I was half sleepy and frustrated but the Waffle House in his hands eased my mood.
“Bishop told me what to get you,” he mumbled, brushing past me lightly and stepping inside.
“Rell…it’s six in the morning,” I said as if he didn’t know already.
“I know.”
“Why you here so early?”
“Early. Girl this is late for Bishop and me. I’ve showered and shit. Ate breakfast. Worked out. Went to the grocery store and stopped to get you breakfast. And that nigga halfway to Nashville. And you talking about it’s early.”
I said as I shook my head, “Well, I ain’t showered or even washed my face and brushed my teeth so let me do that and eat then I’ll be ready.”
“Cool. No rush. I told you when I’m working you’re my priority so I don’t have anything else planned. Besides, I can’t leave until Bishop gets back anyway.”
Nodding, I made my way upstairs, hoping this shower would cool me off. After sitting in there until the hot water ran out, I decided to put on a pair of Bishop’s basketball shorts and a baby tee. When I returned, Rell was opening the containers and setting everything out on the table. When I noticed he had almost two of everything, I looked at him skeptically.
“I thought you said you already ate?”
“That was three hours ago,” he said nonchalantly.
“Umhm, greedy ass nigga,” I joked, grabbing the container of hash browns with jalapenos and cheese.
“He remembered,” I said more to myself than Rell.
“Yeah… He also told me to make sure I offered you what I had twice before I started to eat because you like to wait until a nigga ain’t got but a few bites left to ask for some.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Bishop was so petty.
“Mane, he only saying that because he was trying to eat my hash browns, but he ain’t want to share his grits.”
“Yeah… well… I got you your own order of grits.”
“Did you get your own order of hash browns?” I asked mixing the ranch with the hash browns.
“Yeah, but I ain’t get it with all that extra shit. Shit look nasty as hell,” he replied, looking at my food with disgust.
“Whatever. That’s what he thought until he tasted it.”
“Well… let me try a little bite.”
“No nigga.”
“Why not, Kai?”
“Because you should’ve got you some.”
“I don’t think I’m going to like it. I just want to taste a bite of yours.”
Reluctantly, I took his fork from his hand and put a bite of hash browns on it before handing it back to him.
“Mmmmm…. that’s good,” he said, stepping closer to me.
“Don’t even think about it!” I yelled as I saw his fork lift again.
Bishop
I gave in and let Rell set up a studio at my crib to satisfy Kai. I knew she was tired of being cooped up in the house with nothin
g to do while I was gone so I was hoping this would keep her occupied until I found Courtney’s ass. The nigga was good at hiding. I hadn’t told Kai because I didn’t want her to worry, but the nigga had set her house on fire, too along with mine. Luckily, because they were homes in neighborhoods. The neighbors called so our homes aren’t as bad as my lounge and shit was, but we’d be better off moving altogether. With the way things are going between us, I might ask her to move in with me in Nashville. Since I was opening businesses there, I might as well move there. Even if she declined, it was only a three-hour drive so it wouldn’t hinder our growth too much if she decided to stay.
I was supposed to be halfway to Nashville by now, but Ashley had been blowing my phone up as we slept the night before. The only reason I agreed to see her was because she was connected to me and I was just checking to make sure Courtney hadn’t targeted her too. When I pulled up to her spot an hour ago and saw that it had no fire damage, I should’ve driven my ass off but I didn’t. Now, I was sitting up here in her crib with her face in my lap like Kai wasn’t there the night before. Swear I can’t tell you, why I couldn’t let Ashley’s ass go. I loved Kai. All that Ashley and I had was history. I’d blame it on her mouth game and say I just couldn’t let it go… but it was more than that. It wasn’t love. It wasn’t a need. There was just something about her that kept me coming back like I was supposed to be here for some reason, even though she didn’t have shit on Kai. It was just something that keeps pulling me back.
Kailani
“Are you serious? That is not Bishop!” I yelled with laughter as Rell showed me pictures of them in their younger days.
“That’s that nigga, yo. He’d killed me if he knew I was showing you this.”
“Who is that girl in the middle of y’all?” I asked and watched his smile fade as he went to the next picture.
An hour had passed since we’d finished eating and we hadn’t gone down to the studio yet.
“That’s ugh… Ashley.”
“Um, so she’s been around for a while huh?”
“Yeap. She’s like a nagging fly that won’t die.”
“Why don’t you like her?”
Rell shrugged. “She’s shady. She’s crazy. She’s materialistic. She’s hollow. There’s no substance to her. She doesn’t want anything out of life. The few stacks Bishop gives her a month is all she wants out of life. No dreams. No goals. No future if you ask me.”
“Few stacks a month? What he giving her money for?”
Realizing what he said, he shook his head no. “Nah, you ain’t getting me caught up in that, mane.”
“You might as well tell me you’ve already let it slip out.”
“It ain’t nothing big. When he got locked up, he had me to deposit one or two stacks in her bank account while he was away. When he got out, I asked him if he wanted me to stop… but, he said nah.”
“He still messing with her?”
Rell stood. “Let’s head to the studio.”
“Answer me, Rell. I told you about Layyah.”
I watched as his shoulders fell. “That’s my best friend, Kai. That’s my brother. That’s my nigga.”
“I’ll take that as a yes,” I mumbled, walking past him to the studio, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me into his chest.
Him and that damn Givenchy cologne were fucking with me. I was in my feelings right now. The last thing I needed was to be this close to him. Looking into those chocolate eyes.
“I… It’s not what you think, Kailani. He adores you.”
“Then, why does he keep going back to her, Terrell?” I asked louder than I wanted to with tears filling my eyes. Looking away from him, I tried to use my free hand to wipe my face but he grabbed it.
“Bishop… doesn’t know how to really love a woman, Kai. He didn’t have his mother and he could only accept my mother so much because the damage had already been done. I’m not saying this to excuse him being unfaithful, but I promise you he doesn’t consider what he’s doing to be unfaithful. You have his heart. He might let her suck him up every once in a while, but that’s as far as it goes. Nigga would be a straight fool to slide inside her the way you had him moaning that morning.”
I immediately felt flushed. I was so embarrassed. I figured he’d heard us that morning he came to tell Bishop about the fires, but since he’d never said anything about it I figured he didn’t.
“Is that your way of trying to make me feel better?” I asked with a half-smile.
“Did it work?” he asked, wiping my tears for me. I shrugged.
“A little. Thanks.”
Rell nodded before releasing me.
As much as I hated to admit it… I hated that he did.
“So, what else is he keeping from me?” I asked, walking down to the studio with him behind me.
“You tryna get me killed?” he asked.
“Don’t worry I’m not going to tell him. I promise.”
“Ion trust you, Kai.”
“You can trust me. I’m loyal. My word is my bond.”
“Well… the reason why Bishop refuses to let you leave is because Courtney set both of y’all houses on fire and he didn’t want you to find out.”
“What?!” I yelled.
“Why wouldn’t he tell me?!”
“He didn’t want you to worry. He was going to tell you after he handled Courtney. He started the fire in your kitchen and it did spread to the den and living room, but that’s it. Your neighbor was able to call the fire department in time enough to spare the rest.”
“Did it get my inspiration wall? My pictures? My library?” My knees instantly got weak. I wasn’t messed up so much because of the fire. Those things could be replaced. At least we still both had our lives. I was just disappointed. I was tired of this nigga keeping shit from me, picking and choosing when he felt like I needed to know something and Rell’s silence confirmed what I feared.
“I’m sorry, Kai.”
“I’m just tired of this nigga hiding shit from me. He talks about needing me to be loyal, honest and faithful but his ass ain’t. He wants me to be something that he’s not willing to be.”
I was putting Rell in an awkward position, but I didn’t even care. I was tired of this shit.
“Kai, Bishop is a good nigga… he means well…”
I lifted my hand to silence him. “Would you lie to me? Would you fuck off on me?”
He waited until I met his eyes before he answered, “Absolutely not. You’d never have to question my loyalty. My honesty and damn sure not my faithfulness, but you can’t compare me to Bishop. We two different niggas. We live and love different. There are things that he can do and handle that I can’t and vice versa. You just gotta know what you’re willing to accept and what you’re not. If you’re gone be with the nigga, be with the nigga and deal with the shit without complaining and nagging and feeling insecure. If you don’t want to deal with the shit, let the nigga go completely. Ain’t no sense in holding on to what you gotta let go of.”
I nodded in agreement. “Rell…can I just ask you one more thing?”
He rolled his eyes and sighed before nodding his head yes.
“You said you knew about me through my music before you met Lay and me…”
“Right…”
I couldn’t even fix my mouth to ask him what I wanted to so I scratched my scalp and shook my head. “Never mind,” I mumbled, crossing my fingers together in my lap.
I’d sat in the middle of the floor Indian style and to my surprise Rell squatted in front of me and began to recite the last poem I’d ever performed.
“If my true love was to ever find me, I pray our love would last until you’d find oranges growing on an apple tree and I know that might sound crazy, but that’s what the thought of this kind of love does to me. You see, I’ve never experienced it before so I can only imagine how good it would be. How long it would last? How good it would feel and bring shame to the relationships of my past? I want you to love me.” His voi
ce, his piercing eyes were sending chills down my spine and even though, I’d written it, I swear it sounded like he’d written it just for me. “Love me until lemons turn sweet. Until they rearrange the alphabet and the letter A comes after 3. Until 1+1=T. I want you to love me. Love me until even after I love me. I want you to love me until Jesus cracks the sky. Until pigs begin to fly. Until my grandmother learns how to drive. I want you to love me. Love me until water turns dry.”
My heart was literally burning, aching, breaking down with each meditated pause he took.
“Love me until roses bloom from watermelon seeds until my heart no longer beats. Until I forget how to read. Love me until even after I show you the real me because, honestly, it’s hard for me to love her. With all her flaws and insecurities, sometimes it’s hard for me to believe a love like this is something she deserves, but if you see me as worth it. As perfectly imperfect. I will gladly accept your love should you decide to give it. Don’t you get it? I want a love that lasts forever, one that God has joined together that will separate never. So when we buy our first house let’s plant that apple tree, and watch it grow as will we, and wait for that orange that we know we’ll never find, and let that be our motivation to live and love each other until the end of time.”
By the time he had finished, my face was saturated with tears. Taking my face into his hands, he continued to speak.
“I knew you, Kai, before I knew you and if I can be completely honest, I told myself that you were my other half. That if I ever got the chance to meet you… I’d have you. Just so happens that when I did meet you, you were Lay’s best friend and now, you’re with my best friend. Even though, they aren’t the most loyal people, I am and I know you are. We would never do anything to intentionally hurt either of them.” He helped me stand. “So to answer the question that you were afraid to ask… had we met first… we’d definitely be together minus all this unnecessary bullshit. Now, go to the bathroom and get yourself together and get yo ass in the booth. Got me out here being all soft and emotional and shit.”