by Natalie Ann
“Hey,” she said, knocking on his door. “Sorry to just show up unannounced. I know you mentioned you had a late meeting and I wanted to see if I could get Jet for you.”
“My meeting got moved to this afternoon. I should be out on time,” he said. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“It doesn’t look it to me. Shut the door.” She moved to do it and then walked over to his desk and sat opposite of him. “Talk to me.”
“Why?” she asked. “You never talk to me.”
“What am I missing here?” he asked.
“I shouldn’t get worked up. I know she’s just starting trouble.”
“Who?” he asked. “Did someone say something to you here?”
“Colleen stopped me.”
He snorted. “Don’t believe anything she has to say. Between her and John, I’m just waiting for one of them to leave soon. I’ve heard rumors she is interviewing and it’s for the best.”
“Why not just fire her?”
“Because you don’t fire someone for gossiping when she does a good job and the clients like her. John on the other hand has been quiet and keeping to himself. He’s close to retirement so my guess is he’s just riding it out, if not taking it early.”
“Glad to know you can count on them leaving then and it won’t make you sick.”
“Sick?” he asked stilling. “Where is this coming from?”
“Colleen didn’t realize I was a nurse. She made a comment about that being good to keep you in line. Alluding to something more that I don’t know about.”
“I’m not sick and you know it. You’ve got some of my medical records. I don’t take any prescriptions or anything. I’m in perfect health.”
“Now you are,” she said. “But she mentioned an episode right before you moved here. So what does she know that I don’t? It seems to me that someone as nosy as her decided to ask around because maybe she also found it odd you’d come here from what you had.”
Caden should have realized Colleen would do this. Or was surprised she hadn’t done it before. And now he was going to have to tell Sarah what happened even though he still didn’t believe it was that big of a deal in his eyes. Or it shouldn’t be.
“I don’t know what everyone’s obsession is with the reason I came here. I was working a lot of hours and not sleeping much. I was on the fast track to where I am. Mr. Overachiever. You know that. You say it all the time.”
“The blood pressure cuff. Did you have high blood pressure from it? You’ve said before you’re alone and not a team person, so I find it hard to believe others were stressing you.”
“Yes, my blood pressure was high. I didn’t know it though or realize it.”
“Did something happen? Did you have chest pains?”
He really didn’t want to have this conversation there. “This isn’t the place to talk about it,” he said. “I’d rather talk about it outside of work.” He looked at his watch. “And you aren’t going to leave until you know everything, so I’m just going to take off now and get Jet. Meet me back at my place.”
“It’s bad enough that we have to leave to talk about it?” she asked.
“I can’t win with you. It’s not bad. You’re asking me and I’m going to tell you, but I’d prefer to not do it in my office where others can overhear or if you decided you’re going to get pissy over it and storm out.”
“That’s a surefire way for me to do it, but I won’t and have you be the talk of the office.”
“Gee, thanks for that,” he said, watching her get up and open the door. “I’ll see you in about twenty minutes.”
Her voice was normal, she smiled and said hi to Melanie and he figured she was good at putting on a show, but he knew damn well it wasn’t going to last.
He really didn’t want to bring up what he considered his biggest failure and most embarrassing night of his life to the woman he loved, but then told himself if he couldn’t tell her, then he couldn’t tell anyone.
By the time he got home with Jet, Sarah was in the driveway waiting for him. Though she was leaving things at the house, she didn’t have a key to get in. When she was picking up Jet for him, she stopped to get the key.
He pulled into the garage and parked his car, then opened up the door to the house and let Jet take off while he held it for Sarah.
“So talk,” she said. He could see she’d gotten worked up in the twenty minutes since he’d seen her already.
“What do you want me to say? I was working too hard, I wasn’t taking care of myself. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the best. I don’t think any of this should come as a surprise.”
“It doesn’t. But your sister slipped and made a comment about not knowing how you were feeling so there is more to it, isn’t there?”
“I was living off of coffee. I worked fifteen-hour days or more. I didn’t always remember to eat. I still don’t if I don’t set an alarm to remind me to have a snack or stop for lunch.”
“I just don’t know anyone who has to be so methodical about life.”
“What do you want me to say? It works for me. We are the way we are. I got myself in a bad spot. High blood pressure and the start of a lovely ulcer. I passed out in a restaurant with my bosses and woke up in the ER. Lots of tests showed what wasn’t much of a surprise after I’d done enough research.”
He wasn’t stupid but just never figured he’d get to that point. Those things happened to other people, not him.
“Why couldn’t you tell me these things? That is why you moved? Because you couldn’t handle your job and career?”
“No,” he said firmly. “I moved because I couldn’t balance it. There is a difference. The lifestyle and the clients there are different. It’s more demanding. Everyone is more demanding. I took a good look at myself and the embarrassment of what happened. I made an educated decision to get healthy and I was smart enough to know it wasn’t going to happen staying there. I don’t think that makes me a bad person.”
“Don’t turn this around on me.”
“I’m not. I’m embarrassed. I said that. But don’t think I couldn’t handle it or make changes. I did exactly that. I did what worked for me. What doesn’t work for me is that everyone is judging me on it. I’m completely healthy and it’s not like I’m hiding anything from you. The way I am now is exactly how I was when I was modeling. Even in college I wasn’t that bad. It was just the past few years of working that I got more obsessive about that and less about taking care of myself.”
“Because everything is a start and finish with you. A goal. You can’t just do. You can’t just let life happen.”
“Not everyone can,” he said back to her.
“You don’t even get mad or lose your temper. It makes me wonder if you know how.”
“You’re pushing me,” he said. “I’m holding it back because I’m trying not to make this into a bigger fight. One I think you’re looking for. You’ve been looking for something to be wrong from day one. That’s your problem. You can’t stand to think that not everyone is out to get something from you and if you can’t figure it out, then it’s the other person’s problem.”
“Not true,” she said lifting her chin. “You kept something from me and now it’s on me.”
“There is nothing on you or me. Again, you’re making a bigger deal out of this.”
“I don’t think I am. I think it’s more you don’t make a big enough deal out of things and that is how you had your little episode.”
She grabbed her keys and walked out the door and he ended up putting his fist through the wall.
There, she should have stayed and maybe that reaction would have made her happy.
27
The Reason
“You’re so used to everyone having an ulterior motive that you are always looking for the negative.”
Sarah looked at her mother in shock to hear those words. She couldn’t go home after she’d left Caden’s and went to the only place where sh
e thought she could open up.
The last thing she expected was her mom to take Caden’s side. “That’s not true.”
“Of course it is,” her father said. “You’ve even said multiple times that you were wondering what could be wrong with Caden. That he was too perfect and you felt there was more that brought him here.”
“And I was right!”
“You are wrong,” her mother said. “It sounds like he’s been very honest with you about a lot of things. He never denied he was an overachiever or that he put his career first. That alone is plenty enough reason why someone his age is single.”
“And he did it so much that he made himself sick,” she argued. “And that is why he moved here.”
“And he fixed it,” her father said. “That should make him a better person. He could have taken the easy way out and got some pills to lower his blood pressure or help the ulcer. But did he do that?”
“No,” she said. “He wouldn’t.”
“That’s right. He took the hard way. He changed his life. He changed his diet.”
“Why not change it and stay there?” she asked. “It still doesn’t make sense.”
“Did you ask him that?” her mother said. “You said months ago you were putting yourself first, yet you are falling into your old ways too. You’re looking for the bad rather than the good. You said you were doing what you could to make yourself happy and here you are, miserable.”
“No. I left. He never gets mad. He hardly ever shows much emotion.”
Which she knew was a lie because though Caden didn’t often say words, his actions with her when she least expected it were there. The first time they had sex, it was more like making love.
The eye contact. The soft look he’d sent her way.
Yeah, there was emotion there all right, and now she was starting to feel like the world’s biggest idiot.
“So you were childish?” her father said.
She wanted to grind her teeth even though she knew they were right. “I was hurt. I’m always telling him to talk to me, that he keeps it in, and I’ve said before it’s not healthy for him. He could have easily made a comment at one of those times.”
“You’re right,” her mother said. “And you should say that to him. Find out the reason.”
“He said he was embarrassed.”
“I can see that too,” her father said. “He’s a successful man that prides himself on doing everything right to get where he is. He probably feels it makes him look weak.”
“He might have alluded to that.”
“If you really love him like I think you do,” her mother said, “then you’ll go back over there and talk to him about this. There is no reason to hold off. No reason to wait it out.”
“He might not want to see me.”
“Then you fight for it, or you don’t. Make a choice. What do you really want out of life, Sarah?” her mother asked.
“I want Caden. I know it’s early and maybe that is my problem. I’ve dated people longer waiting to see if they were the one and they weren’t. Then I got to the point where I didn’t trust my judgment.”
“And there lies the problem,” her father said. “Some people were dicks in your past and now you think they all are that way and you can’t just open up and let go when someone good comes along.”
“Gee, thanks for that, guys,” she said, knowing there were tears in her eyes. She knew her parents meant well, but she felt like she was getting kicked in all directions...made worse because they were right.
“Are you going back there or home to think it through?” her mother said.
“It seems like the more I think things through the worse of a mess I make of it.”
She left and then drove back to Caden’s hoping that he’d be willing to talk it out with her.
When she pulled in the driveway and got out, she heard barking and went around back to see him playing in the yard with Jet. The puppy came running back to her and she bent down to pick him up and give him a cuddle. It felt like Jet was their baby and holding him made her start to cry.
“Come here,” Caden said, moving toward her.
She could see he wanted to hug her and she stopped him. She needed to apologize and get it all out first.
“No. Let me say I’m sorry. I’m wrong. I know it. My parents pointed it out just now when I went to see them.”
He frowned. “Do you do that often? Have a fight and run to your parents?”
“No, actually. I hardly ever do. That is a first. Just another thing for me to realize that things are different with you.”
“Different how?”
“I have trust issues. I’ve said it before. You know it. You seem so perfect to me, which I’ve said too. I’ve brought up you holding things in and not talking. I feel like that was a good time for you to tell me about what happened to you and you didn’t. Why?”
“I told you. I was embarrassed. I’ve worked my ass off to get where I am in life. Day in and day out I have goals and agendas and how to get there. The simplest things I let slide though. I did something stupid for someone so smart.”
“So you made a mistake?” she asked.
“I’ve made plenty in my life, but this one not only hurt me but also my family. They were worried and scared and then they started to hover. They are just now getting to a point that they believe I’m not going to do it again.”
She nodded, knowing how family could be. “Why didn’t you stay there if you made all these health changes?” she asked.
“Let’s go inside and talk,” he said. “I’d rather not give my neighbors any gossip if they happen to come outside.”
She shook her head but understood too. She wasn’t one for fighting in front of people.
With Jet in her arms, they walked in, she put the puppy down and watched him start to run around the house, then get his ball to bring back to her. “Another time,” she told him and turned to Caden. “So, your move?” she asked. “Why?”
“I tried to make all these changes there. It was a lot of work and it was working, but not enough. Life is different there. My clients are demanding and I couldn’t disconnect. I couldn’t unplug. It wasn’t working enough. Then there was everyone who knew what happened and I got sick of people asking if I was okay.”
“You didn’t want to explain what it was that caused it?” she asked.
“No. I’d keep it short and sweet and say I was good. But the two partners I was the closest with, they could see and they were worried and didn’t want to lose me. They approached me with the job. At first I thought they were joking.”
“Did you feel it was a demotion, even though in title it was a promotion?”
“Yeah. I was a little insulted, but the more I thought of it, the more I realized it might be what I needed. They assured me I could come back at any time. But when I started to make plans to come here, and had another focus, suddenly I wasn’t stressed or falling back into my old ways.”
“Which is funny because you were coming into the unknown.”
“Exactly,” he said. “And that told me something more. That if I couldn’t make this work, then I had a bigger issue to deal with.”
“You’re making it work,” she said.
“I am. And not wanting to talk about my job and instead spend time with you is the truth,” he said. “You can believe what you want, but when I’m with you, I don’t want to think of work. Especially the petty shit that drives me insane. But not so insane I worry I’m going to get sick again.”
“Because you won’t let that happen, will you?”
“No. I monitor my blood pressure. I eat healthy. We all get headaches and aches and pains. I know that. But if I see something happening consistently, then I’ll make adjustments and changes.”
She snorted. “Because it’s the way you are and I know that now. Can you forgive me for being a fool? For not believing in you? For looking for the bad when there was so much good in front of me that I thought it was fake?”<
br />
He sighed. “I can forgive you if you talk to me.”
“I was just going to say the same thing,” she said, tilting her head.
“Fine. But if I tell you it’s fine, you have to back off and understand I’ll be honest if it’s not. That I’m serious when I say I don’t want to end up in the place I was before. I want to be right here where I am. Right with you,” he said, moving toward her again.
She opened her arms. “This is the place I want to be too.” She hugged him and laid her head on his shoulder, felt a few more tears start to fall, then noticed something on the wall and moved out of his arms and toward it. “What happened here?”
“That is where my fist went when you stormed out the door.”
She started to laugh. Guess she was completely wrong and he could lose it. “Okay. I get it. You can let loose when it matters.”
“That’s right. You matter. Just remember that.”
She gave him a kiss and another hug. “I don’t think you’ll let me forget it!”
Epilogue
Two months later
“I can’t believe I’m going to the Paradise Place summer picnic,” Sarah said as she threw a few beers in their cooler and packed up some treats for Jet.
“I can’t believe you talked me into it,” he said, rolling his eyes.
He wasn’t one for large gatherings like this, but he knew the Butlers had been throwing this party every year for more years than he’d been alive.
He’d thought it was a nice touch, but didn’t expect to attend it. Too bad Sarah wasn’t letting him not go.
Especially since her sister-in-law’s family put it on and Kaelyn and Harris were going to be there soon to help set up.
“It will be fun. We’ll be by Harris and Kaelyn and her family, and you already met Ruby who sold you the house too, right?”
“I did. I talked to her a few times and she was at the closing. She’s really nice.”
Everyone he’d met in the area was nice. Ruby had been friendly and talked about her husband that she’d married a few months prior to his move. Said he was an investigator with the State Police and that one of his closest friends, another member of the State Police lived close by too. It was a safe area, she joked.