But then I stopped laughing because damn, she was perfect. I knew she’d be perfect, but this is perfect.
“You feel me,” she said, and maybe that was ironic and maybe it was an order, but I did it anyway.
My hands reached up to touch her, my thumbs brushing over those dark chocolate nipples. And touching them isn’t enough. I wanted to taste them.
“Can I?” I said.
“Please! Please!” and her head was nodding so fast it made me smile, but then my mouth fastened over that pebble and I sucked it, so sweet, like hard candy, and the sound that comes out of her mouth, I’d never heard that before.
And the harder I sucked, the more she moaned and I was more turned on than I’d been in my entire life.
We’ve barely started, I thought to myself. This girl is going to kill me, and I couldn’t be happier.
A bead of sweat ran down between those beautiful breasts and I was jealous. I followed it with my tongue, chasing it all the way down, but losing because I was lost in the spicy scent of her skin.
Want, want, want and need, need, need, and no one ever told me it would feel this good.
My hands are making love to her body and I’m greedy for her, and jealous of my hands. How can I be jealous of my hands? I don’t understand, but every part of me wants her.
My dick twitches, trying to reach up to her and she laughs, because it is kind of ridiculous, but her eyes are wide too, wondering how and when and will it hurt?
She lay down beside me and we kissed again and her legs tangled with mine and I was drowning in her kisses, but a lazy failure of lungs, happy drowning, I guess. Like a warm bath and slit wrists, and dying a little because no one ever told me it would feel this good.
My body thrusts against her and she says, “Oh!” like she hadn’t realized what it was there for, and I’m kind of surprised too, because I didn’t give it permission. I’m trying so hard to make this about her, and her body is fighting me, because damn, if it doesn’t feel like it’s trying to make it about me, not her. Not fair! I want to yell, and Give me a break here, I’m trying! But no one is listening and I’m thrusting against her, against her shorts.
Then she pushed away from me, and my lips parted because she kicked off her shorts and then slowly, so slowly, peeled away those little panties. Boy, they’re small. Do they do anything useful? Cover anything? They’re so small, but perfect, too, like the frame on a favorite photograph.
And she lay down for me, moving in slow motion, a film with no soundtrack.
I kissed a trail of salt and promises down her belly, and it fluttered like a butterfly wing, but then I parted her legs and licked upward, and I thought my head would explode with the taste and the way her hips rocked into my mouth like more, more, more. And she’s pulsing against me, fighting my slowness, because now, now, now.
“Condom!” she said, it was a plea and an order.
My hands shook and I cursed them because, you know, shaky hands and thin rubber, and I fucked up the first one, so I took another, and prayed, please let me get this fucking condom on before I die.
And then I’m wrapped and ready and her hips are doing little pivots across the bed and fuck, if that isn’t the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.
I touched her, my fingers soaking in her warm, wet flesh, and maybe that’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.
And I’m poised above her, but want to be inside, and I know it’ll hurt her, I know it will, and I can’t do it, I can’t hurt this girl. Precious, precious, precious.
And she knows. She knows it’s a massive fail but no, no, no, she won’t let that happen.
So she gripped my ass and raised her hips up and pulled me into her.
Inside … then a pause, then she pulls again and God, I’m sheathed inside her and no one told me it would feel this good, and I didn’t know I could feel this good and holy shit, I’ll die a happy man.
“Ow,” she said softly, and I’m back with her and ashamed. I waited in the heavy silence, afraid to breathe. “I’m okay,” she said, gasping softly. “Really. Hey, aren’t you supposed to be moving or something?” And we’re laughing again because, yeah, I’m supposed to be moving, so I do.
Slowly pull out then push in again, and die a little more. And I know I should go slow, but fuck that, my body wants now, now, now. And I lose it a little and then a lot, and I can’t stop and I’m swearing and apologizing and she’s making little noises like oh, oh, oh and suddenly she screams and fuck! That was unexpected. Guess I was doing something right, and then I stop thinking because I can’t see, I can only feel, and my balls are fireworks, and Fourth of July and fucking Thanksgiving, and I’m thanking someone, and maybe it’s her and maybe it’s God, and maybe it’s the Easter Bunny.
And when I could breathe again, she kissed my shoulder.
“Te amo demasiado.”
“I love you more than that,” I said, and we laugh, because yeah, because we can.
Our bodies were glued together with sweat, and the air smelled like sex.
We lay there, not asleep, not awake and I couldn’t think of anything more perfect, skin on skin, hand in hand.
“Does this change everything?” asked Yansi, her voice a little sad.
I thought about that. Did it? Did it change everything?
“Yeah. It changes everything, and it changes nothing.”
She laughed a little.
“Spoken like a philosopher. Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend? But seriously, do you … do you feel the same about me?”
“No.”
I woke up enough to realize she’d taken that the wrong way and I had about two seconds to fix it.
“I don’t feel the same way, Yans. I didn’t think I could feel like this. It’s just so much, you know? I can’t even sort out in words what I feel. It’s just … more.”
She sighed softly. “I know exactly what you mean.”
I looked out of the window and saw stars appearing like happy thoughts in the purple-black sky.
“You’re going to have to go home eventually, Yans.”
Her body tensed.
“Are you trying to get rid of me?”
“Of course not,” I said, pulling her toward me more tightly. “But your parents will be worried.”
“I don’t care!”
“Yeah, you do.”
She sighed again. “Yes, I do. But I’m so mad at them. Papi was wrong: he had no right to treat you like that, but it’s not just this … they treat me like a child, and then I’m supposed to be an adult who looks after my brother and sisters.”
“Parents make mistakes, too.”
“When did you get to be so wise?”
I laughed quietly. “No idea. You must be rubbing off on me.”
“I enjoyed the rubbing off,” she said, almost shyly.
“Are you talking dirty to me? Because I’ve gotta say, that’s hot!”
She slapped my stomach.
I caught her hand and brought it to my mouth, kissing her slowly.
She sighed happily and her fingers traced a line down from my shoulder to the crook of my elbow, and even though the humidity had turned the air to water, I shivered.
“What?”
“Just … every time you touch me, Yans. It feels like the first time.”
“It was the first time. I’m officially devirginized.”
“No … that’s not what I meant. Never mind.”
I rolled away from her, slightly embarrassed by the overwhelming emotions flowing through me, but she pressed her body against my back.
“I’m sorry, Nick. I was trying to be funny because … it’s scary … feeling so much. I do know how you feel. I feel the same.”
She kissed my back and wrapped her hand around my waist, stroking gently.
“It’s getting really late. Your parents will be going crazy.”
She shook her head. “They’ll guess I came here.”
That got my attention, and I sat up s
uddenly.
“Shit! Your dad isn’t going to come beating down my door, is he? Because I’d hate to have to punch my boss—I’m pretty certain I’d get fired for that.”
She gave a dark laugh. “He fired you already, remember?”
I flopped back. “Oh, yeah.”
“But he could be sitting outside in his truck right now,” she teased. “Oh wait, probably not. We’d have heard it drive up.”
“Um, I don’t think so. A fucking tank could have run over the house and I wouldn’t have heard it when I’m with you.”
But her words had struck home, so I sat up and shifted to the edge of the bed, standing reluctantly. “Come on, I should take you back.”
But Yansi stretched out on the sheets, and smiled seductively.
“You have such a sexy ass!”
“Distraction tactics won’t work,” I insisted.
“Are you sure about that?” she purred, then knelt up in bed, the sheet falling away from her.
I groaned.
“Yansi! You’re killing me here. I’m trying to do the right thing for once.”
“I know, and I love that about you. Now come back to bed; I want to cuddle some more.”
I was caving and she knew it, but then my phone rang. I’d been ignoring calls all afternoon. I picked it up from my bedside table.
“It’s your mom again. You want to take the call?” As I held out the cell toward her, she shook her head furiously. “You want me to take it?”
She bit her lip and nodded slowly.
Sighing, I pressed ‘accept’.
“Hola, Mrs. Alfaro. Yes, she’s here. Um, I don’t think she … yeah, okay. I’m going to drive her home now. No. No, my sister’s car. Yeah. About 20 minutes. Okay. Bye.”
“What did she say?”
“She wanted to know if you were all right and when you’d be home.”
“Is that all? How did she sound?”
“Worried, mostly. Upset. Relieved, I guess. We’d better get going. You want to take a shower first?”
“Is that okay?”
“Sure. I’ll get you a fresh towel.”
“That’s okay, I’ll use yours.”
I frowned, trying to remember how many times I’d used it.
“No, you really don’t want to do that. I’ll get you a fresh one.”
I pulled on a pair of jeans from the top of the heap of clothes on my desk chair. I didn’t know where my boardshorts had gone—under the bed, maybe.
I glanced down at my sheets and winced when I saw the blood. I guess it was proof that our lives were changing, that we were adults now.
Yansi followed my gaze and blushed, her cheeks darkening.
“It’s okay,” I said, sitting down and wrapping my arm around her.
“Yeah, I’m just a little embarrassed.”
“Do you feel okay? Does it hurt?”
“A bit. Not much.”
“Sure?”
She smiled. “I’m sure. If it had hurt much more though, I’d have kicked you in the balls.”
“One way to get rid of a hard on,” I muttered under my breath, passing her a fresh towel and watching as she wrapped it around her body.
While Yansi was showering, I pulled the sheets off the bed and ran downstairs to the garage, shoving everything in the washing machine. I even remembered to put detergent in this time.
I remade the bed with fresh sheets, making a mental note to thank Julia for washing them, otherwise I’d have been sleeping on a bare mattress tonight. Well, they were her sheets, but I’d make it up to her … or remember to do more laundry.
I even tidied up my clothes and got things ready for an early morning surf. The swell was now being predicted to be 12 feet plus: it was going to be epic.
Yansi smelled amazing when she came out of the shower. I got hard all over again seeing droplets of water on her chest, and her long hair in a damp knot at the nape of her neck.
I turned around to give her some privacy, even though I wanted to look at her and never look away again. I could hear the soft rustle of material moving over her body and I really, really wanted to watch.
“Ready,” she said softly.
“You, um, you want a drink, some juice or something?”
“Water’s fine.”
I nodded and held her hand as we walked down the stairs to the kitchen.
Julia was sitting out on the back porch with a can of beer in her hand. She didn’t look surprised when she saw us, and I wondered how loud we’d been.
“Hello, Yansi,” she said, with a smile. “You’re here late.”
“Um, hi, Julia.”
“She had a fight with her parents,” I said, filling a glass with water and putting my arm around Yansi. “Can I borrow your car to take her home?”
Julia blinked a couple of times, her gaze shifting to Yansi. “Are you okay?”
Yansi looked worried. “Sort of, I guess.”
Julia smiled reassuringly. “Mom and I used to fight like cat and dog all the time. I’m sure it’ll be fine. My keys are on the kitchen table, Nicky.”
I was surprised. I’d expected Julia to chew me out or give me a hard time, but she was being pretty cool about it.
“Thanks.”
Julia surprised me again when she stood up and hugged Yansi, whispering something in her ear. Yansi nodded and smiled tightly, then looked at me.
“Okay, I’m ready.”
As we walked to the car, I couldn’t help asking, “What did she say to you?”
Yansi’s eyes were soft as she spoke. “She said you’d look after me—that you were good at looking after people.”
Well, fuck.
I didn’t know what to think about that. My head was spinning with so many thoughts, and my body was like an electric cable that kept shorting, sending sparks rushing through my blood, threatening to detonate every second I was with her. I didn’t want Yansi to go home; I didn’t want her to be away from me ever again.
The short drive to Yansi’s house was made in silence. I turned the radio on low, but neither of us were listening to the music. I could see Yansi’s profile as she stared out of the window, white, black, white, black as we drove past the streetlights, her fingers drumming nervously on her thigh.
I put my hand over hers and she looked at me.
“Yans, we’re in this together, okay? If they give you a hard time, you’re coming home with me.”
She gave a small, worried smile, her gaze shifting subtly under the flickering light.
Mr. Alfaro was waiting in the driveway, and I heard Yansi’s sharp intake of breath as we drove up.
Her expression was terrified and defiant all at the same time.
I cut the engine and climbed out while Yansi sat frozen in the passenger seat, staring at her father through the windshield.
I opened her door and leaned in. “Together,” I whispered.
She nodded stiffly and held my hand as she let me help her out of the car.
“Anayansi,” he said, his voice gruff.
“Papi?”
He held out his arms and Yansi gasped, then ran toward him and buried herself in his chest. His arms wrapped around her and he whispered something to her, making her nod frantically. I could see that she was crying again, and I wanted to go to her and take her in my arms, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t the right time; this was about Yansi and her dad, and no matter how much I hated it, I had to stay out of it.
Mr. Alfaro looked at me over the top of his daughter’s head, unblinking, his face impassive again.
I stood up straighter and stared right back.
He nodded once slowly, then turned and steered Yansi inside the house where Mrs. Alfaro was waiting anxiously in the doorway.
I shoved my hands in my pockets and looked away as the door closed, but a second later the front door flew open again and Yansi came running out, throwing herself into my arms.
“I love you,” she said, kissing my lips firmly.
I only h
ad time to kiss her back before she turned and ran inside the house again.
I drove home happy-sad or sad-happy, but not quite either, and not quite whole, because Yansi had taken part of my heart with her, and that sucked.
I lay in bed unable to sleep.
Even though I’d changed the sheets, my room still smelled of Yansi. My brain and body were reliving the afternoon, and when I closed my eyes, I imagined her moving under me and on me and around me.
I was painfully hard again, and the smart thing would have been to think of something else—anything else. But at the same time, I didn’t want to let this moment go.
The wind was beginning to pick up, and I could hear the surf crashing onto the beach, making me restless. In a few hours it would be light, and I’d be heading to check out the waves.
But until then, my mind was with Yansi. I didn’t know what was going to happen between us, but I knew I wasn’t going to let her go. I’d fight her parents every step of the way, if that’s what it took.
It would be harder on her because I knew she loved them. I wished again that I’d taken her to meet Mom. I wanted to go back in time. I’d say, “Mom, I met a girl. She’s special. She’s so fucking beautiful. She’s funny and smart and she’s totally kick-ass.”
But you don’t get do-overs in life, no matter how much you want them. Life is too short to wait for the perfect moment: take what you can get and get what you can take, and then work your ass off to make a perfect moment, because sometimes one chance is all there is.
I lay awake listening to surf pounding the shore, my brain pounding with too many thoughts, blood pounding in my body, and my cock pointing north like a freakin’ compass needle. God, Yansi—my beautiful addiction.
I knew I had no chance of sleeping while my body was vibrating with memories, the sounds and tastes and colors of her body spread out beneath me.
I could get myself off or…
I sat up suddenly, checking my phone: 2AM. Yeah, this might be the only chance I had.
I jumped out of bed and dressed quickly, stuffing the boner into my jeans, which was just as uncomfortable as it sounds. Moving quietly, I crept down the stairs, scooped up Julia’s car keys from where I’d left them on the kitchen table and headed out via the backdoor before she heard me.
Summer of Seventeen Page 19