by Jen Katemi
She rolls away a little, onto her back, and one of her hands starts to play with the edge of the bedcover. Now it’s my turn to lean up on one elbow and stare down at her clearly embarrassed face. Her cheeks are flushed again. The look suits her.
This woman’s unique nature is undoing me. I hate it. And perversely I love it, too. Gently, I touch her chin, bringing her gaze back to mine in a similar gesture to her earlier one. I need her to read the truth in my eyes when I say this. “You’re nothing like I expected, either. I want to kiss you, Mia. I have no idea why it’s different, but with you, for the first time ever, I want to.”
Before either of us can change our minds, I lean in and capture her beautiful wide mouth in an exploratory kiss. I’m burning with the need to go fast and deep, to learn quickly, to brand her and take what I know she’s yearning to give, but I try to hold back as much of my churning emotion as I can. Instead, I take it slow. She gasps beneath my questing lips, and the action paves the way for my tongue to drift in to find hers. We touch, and taste, and withdraw quickly, and in that connection it feels as if she’s drawing my very soul right out of my body and sucking it down deep inside of her. Again, I let my tongue drift in to dance with hers. It feels good. Peculiar. But so damn good. I want more of her. I want more than just a taste. I want to claim that sexy mouth as mine and mine alone.
She lets out a low moan, and with a shock I remember her affliction. I pull back, wondering if I’ve injured her all over again. She’s trembling. “Are you all right? Does it hurt for—”
“Again.”
One word, and I’m lost. Now it’s me who begins to shake. Her mouth curves up in a smile so beautiful it scares me. Me! Nothing scares me. Not these days. And yet, all it takes from this beautiful, innocent woman is a smile and the walls around my heart begin to fall. A smile, her smile, and I can’t resist.
Her hands curl softly around each side of my head and draw me down toward her. Once again, we kiss, only this time the connection is hard and deep and fulfilling. It is everything I imagined and so much more. I never knew a kiss could be like this. Strong and sweet, and yet filled with passion. I’m drowning in her scent and her taste and her warmth. Our lips and tongues dance, growing bolder as the kiss goes on. Deeper, longer, stronger. She groans and I swallow the sound, and then I groan, too, and it’s as if our very essence joins together, crossing back and forth between her body and mine. I can’t discern where I end or where she begins, and then I really don’t care. Thoughts disintegrate. Passion rises.
I scoop her even tighter into my arms, holding on for what feels like dear life. Our bodies entwine and connect all the way from lips to toes and back again. She doesn’t recoil. Instead, she presses closer—as if that is even possible—and I feel the soft caress of her hand up and down my back. Where is her other hand? Oh, it’s here, fisted in my hair, just as I’m now clutching tight, my fingers lost somewhere in the soft, pale mass of her long hair. The scent of her shampoo rises around me, like flowers and berries of some kind. I breathe her perfume deep into my lungs, drowning in that scent. Drowning in the smell and touch and taste of her. I simply can’t get enough.
Eventually we break apart, and stare directly into each other’s eyes. We’re so close I feel the warmth of her breath as she utters just one word. “Yes.”
One word. An affirmation, with infinite meaning and equally infinite possibility. My body is energized and on edge. Sex never felt like this. Bondage never felt like this. Nothing has ever created this depth of physical need that grabs hold and refuses to let go. So exquisite. So terrifying. So utterly perfect.
Yes.
****
Mia
I’m reeling over Alexei’s admission. How is it possible that the owner of a sex club, a man who has lived, breathed, and worked in the industry for most of his life, has never experienced a passionate kiss? Why does he want to change that status with someone as ordinary as me? My thoughts and questions drift away when his lips meet mine, and I discover the joy of kissing Alexei.
We’re hesitant at first, exploring and shy, or at least that’s how I feel as his mouth meets mine and our lips and tongues connect. He tastes delicious, clean and kind of spicy, which is completely at odds with the tough persona he portrays on the outside. Is he finally letting me discover the real man beneath the bravado, in this, our first, virginal kiss?
The squiggle in my belly when we break apart and reconnect on a deeper, more passionate level is both shocking and delightful. Part of me is waiting for the discomfort of over-sensitivity, but it doesn’t arrive. Instead, the desire ramps up, in a slow and steady build quite different to the direct sexual stimulation of our earlier encounter. Our simple kiss, while we lie together skin to skin, is so much more powerful and wonderful than I ever could have imagined. A whimper rises up and out before I can stop it, but we’re still kissing and the sound is lost somewhere deep inside Alexei. He adjusts his grip on my hair, and it’s as if he’s holding on for dear life. I know I’m doing the same to him.
Eventually, we break apart, and I wonder if the need in his eyes is also reflected in mine. I had no idea kissing could be this sexy. And painless. In the past, pain would have led me to draw away and close off to such an action. Instead I want more. I need more. I need to lose myself completely in the joy of Alexei’s possession.
“Yes.” My voice is hoarse, and I’m breathing hard. It’s impossible to say more than that one, almost inarticulate word. Yes, it’s okay to do this. Yes, it feels good, not bad. Yes, I want more. So much more. Yes, I really, really want you, Alexei Dubois.
All of that, and so much more, is contained in that one word. He doesn’t need any more, though. That one word is enough, and this time when we kiss, it’s as if we’ve connected on a spiritual rather than physical level. My chest heaves as I struggle to draw in air, and my heart is pounding super-fast. I want you, Alexei. I can’t get enough of you. Of this. Of us.
When we eventually break apart once again, his face changes, eyes narrowing.
“What is it?” Self-doubt immediately kicks in, but before it has a chance to take over, he lifts a hand to my cheek and then quickly away.
“Have I pushed too hard? Did I hurt—”
“No.” So his concern is for me. The words tumble fast out of my mouth as I try to reassure him. “It didn’t hurt at all.”
I’m kind of stretching the truth a tiny bit, there. My mouth does now feel inflamed, slightly bruised. Maybe that’s normal, though? His lips also seem a little swollen, and they’re coated with slick moisture from our kiss. Actually, his mouth looks good enough to eat. Again.
I raise my finger and reach out to trace his bottom lip. “I don’t think I can ever express to you how good it feels to do something as simple as this.” I flick his bottom lip, and he flashes a grin before nipping at my fingertip.
Something almost indefinable has changed between us. I can’t quite put my finger on what it is, even though I’m literally touching, and tracing, his features. Perhaps it’s the lightness in his expression where, before, I could only see severity and darkness. Perhaps it isn’t him at all. Maybe it’s me that’s morphing, with this newfound ability to touch someone else without sending my own senses into meltdown, opening the floodgates for new emotions and sensory experiences. Whatever the change, and whether it stems from Alexei or me, it feels a lot like happiness.
****
Alexei
I let her explore every inch of my face, several times over. It’s like watching a kid at Christmas, the way she traces my skin so greedily, her gaze following the path of her touch. Wonder in her eyes. A smile on her lips. Eventually, I capture her wandering fingers and bring their tips to my mouth.
“Are you being truthful?” I nip her thumb again. Gentle, but enough to make her wince. “How much pain are you in, really?”
“None. Really.”
I raise a brow and just stare at her, and she shakes her hand gently in front of my eyes. “Other than this fing
er you just bit.” Her eyes are clear and honest when she adds, “I mean it, Alexei. My body is fine. Wonderful, actually. I have no idea why, or how, but perhaps Madame was correct, and your touch really does hold a hint of magic.”
“Perhaps so.” I don’t fully believe her words, but there’s something strange in the air that makes me feel light and carefree. I don’t do carefree. Why do I want to laugh? Why do I feel a sense of delight? Happy endings don’t exist, not for people like me. Happy-ever-after is just a myth that might sound nice in theory but is completely unattainable in practice.
And yet, for a few brief minutes here in bed with Mia, I entertain the idea that perhaps she might be correct. This time when I recapture one of her hands and raise it to my lips, I kiss her cushioned fingertips one at a time instead of biting them. “Perhaps it is really you who holds the magic, Mia. Perhaps Madame saw something in you that she hoped might light my eternal darkness.”
I say it jokingly, but as the words tumble out suspicion dawns. What was Masha’s true motive in sending Mia my way? Was it really as simple as believing that I could help this woman overcome her sensitivity issues? Or was my mother’s decision altogether more complex?
“That sounds very dramatic.” Her fingers curl briefly over mine. “But who knows, perhaps you’re right.” She lays her other hand flat on my chest. Directly over my heart. I can tell by the minute change in her expression that she’s discovered the frantic pace of my heartbeat. “Do I have this effect on you, Alexei? Is it me who has raised your pulse like this?”
I avert my gaze, staring up toward the ceiling. Of course, it’s you. How can she not know that? She draws my hand toward her, and it grazes her breast. “See? You have the same effect on me.”
I do look at her now, and I see the truth in her eyes. She smiles gently. “I know you don’t have full intercourse with your clients, Alexei. But if you ever change your mind and want to make love to someone…”
My lips part, but no words come out. It appears my throat has closed over in shock. Make love. I’ve never done that. Never thought I’d want to. Until this moment. “I…”
“Shhh. You don’t need to respond. Just know that I would willingly make love to you. If you ever wanted it, that is.”
My chest aches from holding everything in. It almost feels like I can’t speak because, if I do, so much crap might come tumbling out in a dangerous avalanche that could bury us both. I swallow hard, take a deep breath—prepare. Because I have to say something. I have to tell her. “Yes. I want it. Now.”
****
Mia
The raw need in his eyes tears me apart. No one has ever looked at me that way before, as if I’m the most precious thing they’ve ever seen. Tears well at the strength of emotion rushing through my system, and my need grows until my body pulses with it. It seems like the most natural thing in the world to roll over until I’m half lying, half sitting astride his muscled body. His hips are firm between my thighs, his ready cock pointing skyward, purple and ridged and hard. Its majestic strength has been ignored until now, and it isn’t until this moment that I realize how focused everything has been on me. Alexei has spent this whole time with a massive erection, and yet he put my pleasure above his own. He must be in agony, to have held in his own need for so long.
I don’t think twice about pain, or fear, and all the other negative things that have held me back in the past. I just stare down into Alexei’s raw and hungry expression and adjust my position until the head of his cock is seated at my channel entrance. It feels hot, and hard, and so completely right. I’m wet and prepared. More than prepared.
“Ready?” The word tumbles breathless out of my mouth.
“Wait.” What? Why? He reaches across to the bedside table and fumbles for a moment, retrieving a foil packet from the drawer. Oh, that’s why. He quickly sheathes himself in the condom. I hadn’t even considered protection. Before I can berate myself for the lack of consideration, he repositions himself right back at my entrance.
This is really happening. I take a deep breath and ask again. “Now are you ready?”
“Hmm. Not sure…”
Is he serious? His eyes flare with laughter, and his hands settle firmly on my hips, stopping me as I instinctively start to pull away.
“Fuck yes, Mia. I’m readier than I’ve ever been for anything in my life.” His hips jerk upward as if to punctuate what he’s saying with action, and the tip of his member slides briefly inside of me and back out again in a gentle tease that lights up every nerve ending in my body. For the first time ever, though, those same nerve endings are sending messages only of desire, not pain. I let out a moan and gently sink down onto Alexei’s hard, hard flesh until he’s completely seated inside of me. My channel clenches and jerks, adjusting to his size and to the sense of fullness deep inside. Such an alien experience and yet, it feels amazing.
No pain. Only pleasure. No fear. Only desire.
The experience of the Ben Wa ball, that tiny pea of silver, fades to nothing compared to this. This is the real deal. This is exactly how it should feel to connect with another human being in the beautiful act of making love.
“Oh, that’s good. So damn good.” My pelvis tilts, and I begin to rock backward and forward, gliding slowly at first and then faster as I learn the feel of his large member inside my body. In this position I can control how hard or fast we go. I’ve never been able to do this. I’ve never wanted to, for fear of unbearable discomfort. But with Alexei, all bets are off. I don’t care if it hurts. I don’t care. I want this experience more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.
Another moan escapes as sensation builds between my legs and deepens within my abdomen. At least, it starts there, but whatever it is soon spreads outward through my veins like a wave of intense, building pleasure. It’s kind of like pain and yet, completely different. I finally feel alive.
“Yes! God, yes. That’s perfect, Mia. Just like that.” His mouth parts as he pants, and his eyes are narrowed, and I can tell how hard he’s working to hold himself in check.
“Don’t wait.” Somehow, I manage to speak, between the moaning and groaning from both of us punctuating the otherwise silent room. “Move with me, Alexei. Please.”
His breath rasps louder and faster as he jerks up and down beneath me. I’m riding him, and he’s helping me ride. Our movements are perfectly coordinated in a dance that so many before us have known and loved. I’ve never felt anything like it. Never experienced this crazy rise in heat that takes over everything. The rush is faster now, rising like wildfire, until thought disappears and I’m left with this overwhelming need to just move, and mate, and reach the peak of an all-consuming sensation that threatens to topple us over the edge.
“I can’t … I don’t…” Coherent thought is gone. His hands are all over my back and my ass, kneading, caressing, and using the momentum of my body to drive himself even deeper inside me. I fall forward, unable to hold myself up, and he takes advantage, sucking and licking at my breasts, still thrusting, and grunting and groaning. Our bodies are slick with sweat, slipping and sliding against one another until, finally, with an agonized scream, I reach the peak at the exact same moment Alexei lets out a roar and begins to shudder beneath me. My cunt clenches hard, channel walls milking him of everything he has to give, and I follow him over the edge of the abyss into climax.
****
Alexei
How is it possible that one night, one moment, can change everything? But it can, and it has, not once but now twice in my lifetime. I discovered this phenomenon the night I first met Madame, when she helped me step away from the brink of death and gave me the chance at a life beyond the streets of Melbourne.
I’ve just discovered it again with Mia. From the moment she walked into the club and stood in the lounge staring up at me, my life shifted on its axis toward something completely unknown.
I stare at her sleeping form, wondering whether she feels the same way, or if this realignment toward
something new is all just a fictitious concept in my head. She’s perfect, my little suburban princess. So beautiful, so pale and still so innocent, despite the experience we’ve just shared. I shift a lock of blonde hair away from her forehead and bend down to kiss her delicate skin.
You were my first, Mia. You are my first. In so many different ways.
She feels my touch, even in her sleep, and for a moment I’m filled with uncertainty. Has her sensitivity returned, already? I’m not so obtuse that I expect a lifetime of hypersensitivity to go away altogether due to one night of passion. But I hoped for at least a little more time than this. I draw back, assuming her response is one of discomfort, but a smile widens her mouth and she lets out a delicate sigh. “Alexei…”
“I’m here, my love.” I kiss her again, and she turns in my arms and snuggles close.
“Feels good.” She’s still three-quarters asleep, her words just a whispered murmur, but the positive affirmation fills me with hope.
“No pain?”
“No. Not yet.”
My arms tighten around her. I’m suddenly less afraid of hurting her, and more afraid of the idea that once she’s fully awake, she’ll leave and never look back. How will I survive the dark, now that you’ve shown me a glimmer of light?
“Your skin against mine … never knew it could be like this.” She seems to be waking up. Part of me wants her to remain asleep for a little longer. At least then, she’d stay here in my bed.
“I’m so glad I could do this for you, Mia.” Who am I kidding? This was not just for Mia. This was for both of us.
“Our very own version of happy-ever-after.” She is completely awake now, and her eyes, staring up at mine, are full of expectant desire. “Again?”
My chest rumbles as unexpected laughter bubbles up. “Oh yes, my love. I thought you’d never ask.”