by Mira Toria
“Yeah,” I said wistfully. “I spoke to her a few nights ago and she still seems completely smitten with Kyle. I can’t believe they’re engaged.”
“Are you still smitten with Bradley?”
“Dampened a bit,” I admitted, realising that this was my opportunity to tell Evey what happened. “He was involved in some sort of drug deal gone wrong and I got caught up in it.”
Evey’s granola bar dropped out of her mouth, bouncing off her textbook and onto the floor. “What happened, Ly?”
After I explained the situation, Evey looked more and more like she was about to choke someone. “Wait, Ly, you’re telling me you didn’t see any of this? You didn’t see any of those guys giving out their statements? You heard the authorities say that you didn’t need to give a statement?”
“I passed out,” I said sheepishly. “Kind of hard to ask someone questions when they’re out of it.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” Evey muttered. “They would’ve technically questioned you afterwards. And why weren’t you in a hospital?”
“I couldn’t afford it,” I reminded her. “Jeff got his cousin to help me. She used to be a nurse so it’s not like Jeff picked someone on the street.”
Evey didn’t look convinced. On the contrary, she looked more concerned with my casual tone. “Do you think Bradley had anything to do with this?”
“Well he didn’t pay those guys so yeah, I think it’s safe to say he had a hand in this.” I hadn’t completely forgiven him, but I needed hard evidence before I started with any accusations.
“And you say you’ve been spending less time together since then? Because he accepted that you needed space to think and to get your head on straight?” Shaking her head, Evey exhaled sharply. “There’s something else to this, but I can’t put my finger on it.”
“The guys who did this are still out there,” I pointed out. “Of course this isn’t over.” Evey didn’t look any happier with my answer. “But that’s not what you’re worried about, are you?”
“I’m worried about what my gut is telling me.”
“Mine too,” I admitted quietly. I didn’t want to tell anyone about the small voice in the back of my head, but I agreed with her. “Something isn’t right, but I can’t do anything except wait for something to happen.
After the two of us said goodnight, I got a call from Bradley letting me know he wouldn’t be able to see me because something came up. I still owed him for saving my life and I wanted to leave him something in his bedroom and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to do so. I had no idea I was nearing the truth and the end.
I had been in Bradley’s room many times before, but this was my first time alone. His table had notes scattered all over and when I started to move some of it aside to find a place for my box, I saw what was written.
There were random notes that looked like female printing, but I was positive it was Austin and his lame attempt at forging. Behind the note there was a red foil letter addressed to Bradley from Reggie.
“From Reggie?” Curiosity took a hold of me and I opened it, only to find out it was just a silly invitation to a fraternity of some sort. Not thinking much about it, I tossed it onto the pile without thinking and that’s when everything toppled to the floor, scattering all over the room.
Swearing, I knelt down and started crawling around the room to clean up. I reached his closet and that’s when I noticed something sticking out of the pile of clothes on the floor. Curiosity once again took a hold of me and I dug deeper to see what it was.
My blood froze and I felt as if my head was starting to spin, like I was about to be sick again. Hyperventilating, I reached out and touched the gun that was hidden beneath the hoody.
I could never forget this gun. It followed me in my dreams and haunted me when I was awake.
It was the same one that was pointed at my face that day.
I heard footsteps coming up to the room and panicked. Hiding myself at the very back of the closet, I hoped no one would come grab a sweater. Peeping out from the crack of the door, I saw three guys walking into the room. Bradley was one of them, the other was Austin, but I couldn’t put a name to the third guy.
“How’s your girl?” Austin tossed a stress ball up and down as he glanced over at Bradley. “She’s not going to run to the police, is she?”
Bradley looked over pointedly at the guy wearing the tan scarf. “You know that she has no idea about any of this, Reggie.”
I had to bite on the sleeve of one of his hoodies to keep from screaming; it sounded as if this was all planned and now my fear was morphing into rage. Was everything staged? Was I just an unfortunate bystander or was I meant to be a part of it?
“No, the girl hasn’t said anything.” Reggie had this sort of laidback laziness about him that seemed fake. Despite the easy and casual tone he used, you could tell that there was a demand for submission underlining it. “I’ll know if she had.”
“Well,” Austin grinned and pointed at Bradley. “Looks like you passed the test. I’ve got to say, you’ve put up a new bar for the other pledges to reach. Planning and staging a kidnapping like that takes skill.”
“Never thought Bradley would have the balls to drug her up like that,” Reggie admitted. “But you did good.”
Austin patted Bradley on the back, proud of what they had been able to achieve. “We’ll announce it tomorrow,” Austin promised him. “The whole set up was ingenious. Easily the best out of all the new shits.”
I don’t know what happened, but I dropped my phone and the guys turned their attention to the closet.
“Were you expecting anyone?” Reggie asked Bradley as Austin walked towards the closet.
My heart raced and I felt the weight of the gun in my hand as Austin came closer. I was terrified to think about what they would do if they found out I heard everything. Clenching my hand tightly around the gun, I kicked the door open.
“STOP!” I pointed the gun straight at them and walked out slowly from behind all the clothes. “Don’t take another step!”
My blood ran cold when all three of them started laughing like I’d just lost my mind.
“Sweetheart.” Reggie shook his head and adopted a tone you would use with a child. “Do you really think we would let you shoot us?”
My eyebrows shot up and then it clicked. “Oh my shit, this is a freaking initiation ruse.” No one said anything – the infuriating grin playing on Reggie’s mouth was enough to confirm what I said.
Of course, RJ and AJ; Reggie and Austin.
A snort escaped me because something dawned on me. Clearly the group didn’t think too hard about code names.
Austin looked at me suspiciously. “What’s so funny?”
“So wait,” I laughed manically and shook my head. “You all have you J nicknames for whatever reason. If Bradley’s in, would his be BJ? Because that itself is priceless. That alone could make up for everything I was put through.” I sneered at them, feeling my sanity slip with each passing second. “Too bad it’s not.”
“What, you’re going to turn us into the authorities?” Austin barked out mirthlessly, already pushing aside my threat before I had a chance to threaten them. “You really need to watch more crime videos if anything. Do you really think you have any evidence to begin with?” He saw me looking at the gun I held in my hand and shook his head while clucking his tongue. “Try shooting me and see what’ll happen,” he dared. “The bullet’s still in there.”
Without thinking, I clicked the gun five times – click – click – click – click – click – and nothing happened.
Not a single thing.
“Do you really think we’re stupid enough not to trick out the gun so no one died?” Reggie tipped his head towards me with a look at Austin. “Get that back, will you? Little girls shouldn’t play with guns.”
“I’ll do it.” Bradley said, slowly advancing me as I clicked the gun frantically. “Give it to me, Lyris.”
“No.�
� The only way I would give it to him would be over my dead body. For the first time since I’d been with him, I finally saw everything clearly. “Evey was right. I had my head up so far up my ass I never saw who you were – who you are.”
Bradley held up his hands up as if he were surrendering. “What are you saying?”
“You have manipulated this relationship the whole time because you knew you could!” Fighting against the urge to cry, I refused to let them see me weaken even further. “You knew exactly what you were doing the whole time you were with me! Everything was meticulously calculated and you perfectly predicted everything and used it to your advantage. Congratulations,” I said bitterly, “I’m kind of fucked up to say the least.”
Behind Bradley, I could tell that the other two guys were watching the two of us the same way they watched when I was tied up, but this time was different because anger fueled me. I had never felt anything more clear and more pronounced my whole life. Not sadness. Not Hunger. Definitely not love. Pure and raw wrath possessed me.
I threw the gun at Bradley, using the element of surprise in my favour because I then tackled him to the floor, scratching, pulling, punching and biting anything I could.
Shouts came from everyone in the room, but the only thing I could focus on was hurting Bradley as much as he had hurt me. Every hit I landed didn’t lessen the pain in my chest and it felt even heavier because he never denied anything.
“Get her off of him!”
“You don’t think I’m trying?”
“She’s just a girl for crying out loud!”
I resisted and kept them from having a proper grip on my arms as I pelted Bradley and screamed at the same time, needing to let out all of my anger.
“How could you do this?” My hands felt as if they were on fire and I was sure I’d broken something, but I didn’t care – I welcomed the pain because it meant he was feeling it too. “You used me so that you could get into some fraternity? Was that all I was to you? Was it some sort of test to see who could bring in the most pathetic girl to re-enact a kidnapping scene? Was it so you freaking assholes could pretend to be heroes?”
It didn’t matter that I had no feeling left in my hands because it felt nice to not feel anything physically, matching the numbness in my mind. I had never been betrayed to this extent before. I never had someone that loved me, someone I thought loved me more than anything in the world, ruin and taint everything I thought was real.
I was blinded. I wanted that love so badly I believed the lies used to cover things up. I wanted to believe someone could love me unconditionally.
Eventually Austin restrained me as Reggie looked at us with a strange sort of interest.
“You know, if you weren’t a psychotic bitch, I’d consider it.” He finally said, looking me up and down.
“I’d be certified as fucking crazy if I ever considered going out with you,” I spat. He grinned, not offended by my attitude. “You’re not denying anything?” I glared at Bradley, feeling utterly abandoned by the one person I gave everything to.
“I have nothing left to say to you.” Bradley looked me dead in the eyes and advanced deliberately slowly, each step matching the words he said. “Don’t fool yourself. It was what you wanted it to be and you know why? It’s because it was all in your head. It was fun while it lasted.”
My shoulders slumped. I was so weak that the two guys just let go, knowing that I lost any fight I had in me. Bradley took it from me and I let him.
“Leave,” Reggie said, pointing the gun at me.
I wanted to fight but it was useless; I wouldn’t be able to go to court with this, I didn’t have the kind of money to hire a hotshot lawyer. I didn’t even have the right evidence. I was the only one that touched the gun, so only my fingerprints were on there now. By the time I even got to anyone that could help, they would’ve burnt the masks. I didn’t have the energy or drive to even want to see them again. It would be a losing battle for me.
Admitting defeat was horrible, but it was better than losing the only shred of dignity I had left. Holding my head up high, I turned and walked away, hoping that I didn’t do it with my tail between my legs.
As I got out of their sight, I broke down. I felt that the louder I got, the quicker the pain disappeared; my chest hurt, my eyes felt swollen and worst of all, I felt as if my heart was still with Bradley, even with everything that happened.
No matter how angry I was with him, I couldn’t automatically forget because I wanted to. That would’ve been impossible, especially if he had such an impact on who I had become – on my life.
I hated that I couldn’t hate him as much I should’ve. I hated knowing he still had so much of me when I never had him.
Some man stopped by and asked if I needed help, but I just shook my head and continued crying.
“Miss, are you sure you don’t need help?” He put a hand on my shoulder and looked as if he wanted to call someone.
“Yeah,” I managed clumsily. “I have someone I can call.”
“I can wait here,” the man insisted. “Go on.”
I wasn’t in the mood to argue any further so I just dialed the number with the man watching
“Hello gorgeous! I cannot wait to tell you – Ly?” Leon’s cheerful tone changed when he heard me coughing. “Lyris, are you okay?”
“No.” I tried sniffing to keep snot from dribbling. “Can I come over, please? I – this is going to be a long night so pull out the cheap stuff and put Evey on the cam. Let’s say Bradley and I are done.”
That’s what happened over in London and now everything’s out. It changed me and at first and it wasn’t for the better. I had nightmares for a long time, but it gradually got better as time went on.
Do you want to know something? The more time I spent with you, the easier the nightmares were to deal with and eventually they stopped coming. There’s something about you that just makes it hard for me to look back.
I’m not proud of who I was when I met Bradley, and I’m even more ashamed of the person I became afterwards, but no matter how horrible it all was, it happened. But I’m tired. I’m so tired of thinking that almost is enough. Almost is never enough. If I ever bring up the nerve to let you read the letters, I know no matter what happened, no matter how I found the nerve, this will stay true; I want to be able to give as much as I take.
All my love,
Lyris
Lyris felt someone wrap their arms around her waist. She must’ve fallen asleep when she went upstairs. She hummed lightly when she felt him press a soft kiss on her cheek. “Hale?”
“Nothing’s changed,” he whispered. Her stomach flipped as his mouth moved against her cheek with each word. “You’re still the annoying girl I met a couple months ago at the fashion show that refused to give me your name. You’re still the girl that’ll take up space in my mind because I can’t even seem to predict what you’ll do. You’re still the girl that drives me crazy because I find myself saying and doing things that I never would. You’re still my Lyris.”
She started crying as she listened. This was what she had wanted, but the reality of what he said hit her and she couldn’t help the tears.
“Why are you crying?” Hale sounded horrified as he turned to brush his thumbs over her tears. “I can’t be that bad at this!” Lyris hiccupped a laugh and he shot her a look of disbelief. “Are you seriously laughing now?”
“You’ve always been able to make me laugh.” She wrapped her arms around him, feeling like nothing in the world could touch them, not when they were this high. “Thank you.”
“Talk about giving me the wrong idea,” he grumbled. “Thank you for what?”
“For being with me not out of obligation, but because you want to.”
He relaxed slightly and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “You make it seem like I had a choice. The choice was made when you made me realise I wanted something I thought I didn’t need.”
“What do you mean?” She tried to go thro
ugh the earlier part of their relationship through her head. “When we first had dinner at the café?”
“The date on the hill.”
“The non-date on the hill.” She saw him roll his eyes at the correction. “But what about that day?”
“The idea of family,” he said wistfully. “We were talking about it on the hill and when you invited me over for dinner, I was looking forwards to it not only because of you. It was refreshing being around people just for the sake of being around one another without another excuse. Being shown what you could have just amplifies what you don’t have. I never knew how quiet my life was until then.”
“Most people tend to like their quiet lives.”
“Most people lie.” He kissed her softly, his mouth lingering a breath away from hers. “Besides, it’s not as if I could let someone as cheeky as you go without a fight.”
“You’re such a sap.” Though she was laughing, Lyris warmed at his words. “We got through this.”
“Anyone could’ve told you we would. You’re just a worrywart.”
“You’re the wart,” she muttered, slapping him on the arm. Now that she was no longer worried about it, she could see what Hale was saying and it made her a little embarrassed. “I didn’t want you to try to fix me or coddle me afterwards because of what happened.”
“I’m not sure you want a wart coddling you.” His grin widened as she glowered at him. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”
“I don’t think you have the right to call me cheeky.” Her frown faltered when he peppered kisses on her and she gave into laughter.
“You’re mine as much as I’m yours,” he whispered. “What happened before shaped how you are now, and that’s who I want. This Lyris is mine to love.”
Lowering her to the bed, Hale tenderly brushed his thumb across her bottom lip. He touched her so gently, Lyris never felt as loved or wanted as much as she did then. His kisses were feather light as he placed them all over her body, whispering between every kiss, “Mine to love.”