“Janna?” he asked after a long time of rain and silence, voicing a thought that had been nagging at him for hours.
“Yes?”
“Why did you risk your life holding on to Lucifer in that ravine?”
“I didn’t want Troon to get him again.”
“But you heard the renegades. You had to figure that Troon was as good as dead. You could have let Lucifer go, but you didn’t. You hung on despite the danger to yourself.”
She said nothing.
“Sugar? Why?”
“I promised you a chance to gentle Lucifer,” she said simply. “There would never be a better chance than in that small ravine.”
Ty swore very softly. “I thought it was something crazy like that. Listen to me. You’re free of that promise you made. Do you hear me? If Lucifer decides to take off in twelve different directions, that’s my problem, not yours. You just get the hell out of the way where you won’t get hurt.” He waited but she said nothing. “Janna?”
“I heard you.”
“Do I have your word that if Lucifer bolts or goes loco, you’ll get out of the way instead of trying to help?”
“Ty—”
“Give me your word,” he interrupted, “or so help me God I’ll turn around right now and walk back to Wyoming and to hell with that damned black stud.”
“But he’s your future, the only way you’ll get a chance to buy your silken—”
Ty interrupted with a burst of language that was both savage and obscene.
It was a mile before Janna had the courage to break the silence that had followed.
“I promise,” she said finally. “I don’t understand why you won’t let me help you, but—”
“You don’t understand?” he demanded fiercely, cutting off her words once more. “You must have a damned poor opinion of me if you think I’d build my dream on top of your dead body.”
“I never meant anything like that,” she said instantly, shocked that he had misunderstood her words. “I know you’d never do something that awful. You’re much too kind and gentle and generous.”
His laughter was as harsh as his swearing had been, for he knew that a man who was kind or gentle or generous wouldn’t have eased his violent hunger at the cost of Janna’s innocence. But He had done just that and now she was no longer innocent...and worst of all, he couldn’t bring himself to truly repent his action. The ecstasy he had known within her body was too great, too consuming, to ever be denied.
If he had it to do all over again, he would no more be able to preserve her virginity than he had been the first time. She was wildness and grace and elemental fire, and he was a man who had hungered a lifetime for all three without knowing it. She had sensed his needs, given herself to him, and had required nothing of him in return.
Not one damn thing.
And he felt the silken strands of her innocence and generosity twining more tightly around him with each moment, binding him.
“Do you do it on purpose?” he demanded angrily.
“What?”
“Give everything and ask nothing and thereby chain me to you tighter than any steel manacles could.”
She felt as though she had been struck. The cold rain that had been making her miserable became her friend, for it hid the tears and disappointment she was too tired to conceal.
When he had swept her up in his arms and held her as fiercely as she had held him, she had begun to hope that he cared more for her than simply as a sexual convenience. When he had held her hand and walked in companionable silence with her through the storm, she had been certain that he cared for her.
What she hadn’t realized was that he would resent that caring.
And her.
“Well, you’re by God going to take something from me,” he continued. “Lucifer is half yours.”
“I don’t want him.”
“I didn’t want you to risk your neck, either,” he shot back, “and a lot of good my wanting did me.”
Janna jerked her hand free of his. “Did you ever think that the reason I didn’t ask for anything from you was that there was nothing you had that I wanted?”
“Nothing?” Ty asked sardonically. “You could have fooled me.”
The tone of his voice told her that he was remembering her hands caressing him, her lips clinging, her hips lifting in silent pleading that his body join with hers. Shame coursed through her.
“Don’t worry,” she said, her voice strained. “You won’t have to lose any sleep on my account tonight. I won’t seduce you again.”
“Seduce me? Is that what you think happened? You seduced me?” He laughed. “Sugar, you don’t have the least idea how to seduce a man. A woman seduces a man with rustling silks and secret smiles and accidental touches of her soft, perfumed hands. She seduces a man with her conversation and the sweet music of her voice when she greets her guests for a fancy ball. She seduces a man by knowing fine wines and elegant food, and by her special grace when she enters a room knowing he’ll be there.” Ty shook his head and added, “You well and truly bedded me, but you sure as hell didn’t seduce me.”
Janna remembered what Ty had said about her last night...suited to be nothing except a man’s mistress, but you lack the social graces for even that profession.
Without a word she turned away from his and swung onto Zebra’s warm back, ignoring the pain that mounting the horse without aid gave to her bruised arm.
“Jana? What the hell...?”
She didn’t answer. Her heels urged Zebra forward until Janna could see and hear only the rain.
Chapter Thirty-One
“Come on, it’s just a little bit farther,” Ty said to the stallion, hoping he wasn’t lying. Neither his voice nor the steady pressure he put on the hackamore revealed the weariness that had settled into the marrow of his bones, turning his muscles to sand.
For a moment he was afraid that the stallion wouldn’t respond, but the pressure on the hackamore eased abruptly as the horse resumed his awkward walking gait.
“That’s it, son,” Ty said encouragingly. “She said the slot was at the top of a little rise.”
And that was all she had said through the long hours of intermittent rain and wind. When it wasn’t raining she rode far ahead of Ty and Lucifer. When it rained she rode in close enough that her tracks were always clear for Ty to follow. When it became dark she rode closer still, ensuring that Lucifer wouldn’t get lost.
He was certain that it was the stallion’s welfare rather than his own that concerned her. Not once since she had mounted Zebra had she said anything to him.
He missed her conversation. In the past weeks he had become accustomed to her insights into the land and its animals, her uninhibited response to the wind and sun, and her shy smile when he touched her. He missed her laughter when she talked about hiding from Cascabel in the same way the renegade had once hidden from the soldiers—out in plain sight. Ty missed the snippets of plays and poetry and essays she liked to talk about with him, drawing from him the missing parts of her education.
Most of all he missed the warm, companionable silence they had shared while they walked hand in hand in the cold rain.
The silence they had shared since she had ridden off was anything but companionable. It was as chill and empty as the night.
“Maybe you can tell me,” Ty said to Lucifer. “Why would a woman get all upset because I told her it isn’t her fault that she’s not a virgin anymore? Because it sure as hell isn’t her fault. She didn’t have the faintest idea of what waited for her at the end of that primrose path. She could no more have known when to say no to me than she could have walked down the plateau trail carrying Zebra on her back.”
The stallion’s ear twitched.
“But I knew where we were going. I knew the first time I kissed Janna that I should stop myself right there or I wouldn’t be able to quit short of burying myself in that sweet young body. But I didn’t stop. I wanted her the way a river in flood wants the sea
. Just plain unstoppable. And God help me, I still want her just like that.”
Rain settled in like a cold lover.
“I knew what I was doing every inch of the way…and it was every inch the best I’ve ever had. I’ll die remembering the beautiful sounds she made while I was inside her, pleasuring her with my whole body.”
His voice thickened as memories poured through him in an incandescent tide. Despite his exhaustion, his blood beat heavily at the thought of being sheathed within Janna’s fire and softness once more.
“She didn’t have a chance to refuse me,” he said, his voice rough. “Not a single damned chance in hell. It should have made her feel better to know that what happened was my fault, not hers. So why won’t she speak to me?”
Lucifer didn’t have any answer for Ty.
He didn’t expect one. If the stallion had known how to handle the supposedly weaker sex, Zebra wouldn’t have been racing around the plateau with Janna for the past few years. Muttering to himself, Ty walked up the rise, urging the limping stallion along with a steady pressure on the hackamore.
At last a low nicker came floating out of the darkness in front of them. Lucifer whickered in return. No verbal welcome came to Ty, however. Nor did Janna say anything when she dismounted and walked around the stallion. Frowning, peering into the coldly brilliant moonlight that had replaced the wind-frayed clouds, she tried to gauge Lucifer’s condition.
“Is there too much water in the slot for us to get through?” Ty asked.
“No.”
He waited, but Janna had nothing more to say on that subject—or any other, apparently. At least, not to him. But it seemed she had nothing against talking to the stallion.
“You poor, brave creature. You’ve really been put through it today, haven’t you?” she said in a gentle voice as she reached out to pet Lucifer.
Ty opened his mouth to warn Janna that the stallion was feeling surly as hell, but the words died on his tongue when Lucifer nickered softly and stretched his muzzle out to her hands. Slender fingers stroked his muzzle and cheeks, then searched through the stallion’s thick, shaggy forelock until she found the bony knob between his ears. She slid her fingers beneath the hackamore and rubbed away the unaccustomed feel of the leather.
Lucifer let out a breath that was almost a groan and put his forehead against her chest, offering himself to her touch with a trust that first shocked Ty, then moved him, making his throat close around all the emotions he had no words to describe.
Seeing the stallion’s gentle surrender reminded Ty of the ancient myth of the unicorn and virgin. But as he watched her, he wondered if it weren’t some elemental feminine quality that had attracted the unicorn to the girl, rather than her supposedly virginal state.
That poor unicorn never had a chance, he told himself silently. He was born to lay his head in that one maiden’s lap and be captive to her gentle hands.
The insight made Ty very restless. Though Janna had done nothing to hold him, he felt somehow confined, caught in an invisible net, tied with silken threads…and each thread was a shared caress, a shared smile, a shared word, until one thread became thousands woven into an unbreakable bond, and the silken snare was complete.
“Ready, boy?” Janna asked quietly. “It’s going to be hard on your poor leg, but it’s the last thing I’ll ask of you until you’re healed.”
She turned and walked toward Zebra.
Lucifer followed, silently urging Ty forward with a pressure on the lead rope he still held. The reversal in their roles gave the man a moment of sardonic amusement. He wondered what would happen if he tied the rope around the stallion’s neck and then turned and walked away, leaving everything behind.
I’ll tell you what would happen. You’d spend the night hungry and freezing your butt off in the cold and Lucifer would spend it belly-deep in food with Janna’s warm hands petting him. So who do you think is smarter—you or that stud?
With a muttered curse Ty followed Lucifer over the wet, rocky ground to the invisible opening in the plateau’s wall. The face of the plateau at this point was made of broken ranks of sheer rocky cliffs punctuated by dark mounds of black lava. As though to make up for the precipitous nature of the land, the cliffs were only a tenth of the height of the heavily eroded wall Janna and Ty had descended earlier.
Even so, she had discovered no trail up onto the plateau itself from this area. If she wanted to go back up on top, she had to walk much farther south, following the ragged edge of the plateau as it rose and fell until she reached the gentle southern ascent. That would have been a full day’s ride on a good horse. The east path, while steep, was only a few hours by foot.
Ahead of Ty both horses stopped abruptly. Zebra snorted nervously when Janna waded into the water gushing from the slot, but the mare didn’t balk. She followed Janna into the ankle-deep runoff stream, for she had done this before and not been hurt by the experience.
Lucifer hesitated, lowered his head and smelled the water, then limped into the stream in the manner of an animal who was too exhausted at the moment to do more than go where he was led.
Inside the slot, moonlight was reduced to a pale glimmering over the surface of the water.
The horses were better off than the humans, both by reason of four legs and superior night vision. Even with those advantages, the horses didn’t have an easy time of it. Janna, with her greater experience in negotiating the slot, managed not to slip and fall more than twice. Ty fell four times and considered himself fortunate that it wasn’t a lot worse.
When they emerged into the valley, humans and animals alike were soaked by a combination of rain, runoff water, and sweat.
“That’s it, girl,” Janna said tiredly, slapping the mare on her muscular haunch. “We’re home.”
Zebra trotted off into the moonlight, heading for the sweet grass and clover she had discovered on her previous visit. Ty considered hobbling Lucifer, then rejected the idea. Even if the stallion wanted to leave Zebra, Lucifer was too tired to take on the slot again.
With a few smooth motions Ty removed the hackamore. When it was off, he rubbed away all the marks the leather had left on the horse’s head. Lucifer leaned into the touch, obviously enjoying it.
“Yeah, I know. It doesn’t take long to get spoiled, does it?” murmured Ty, thinking of Janna and the night before. “Tomorrow I’ll give you a good rubdown, but right now you need food more than you need petting. Go follow Zebra, son. She knows where all the sweet things are in this place.”
After he removed his hand, it took a moment for the stallion to realize that he was free. When he did, he snorted, shook his head and limped off after Zebra. Ty looked away just in time to see Janna vanish into the willows that grew alongside the stream.
By the time he got to the cliff overhang she called home, a small glow of flame was expanding into the darkness. Sitting on her heels next to the fire, she fed in fuel from the supply she kept dry in one corner of the overhang. Once the fire took hold she added wet wood from the pile that was stacked beyond the protection of the rock.
Only when water was warming over the fire did she turn away and go to the small trunk she had laboriously tugged through the slot three years before, when she had discovered the secret canyon. Most of the trunk was filled with books. A small part of it was taken up with the last of her father’s clothes. Only one ragged shirt remained, one pair of Sunday pants, three socks, and the moccasins she had traded medicines for last spring.
“I took three shirts from Preacher’s store. Do you want one of them?”
The sound of Ty’s voice startled her. She hadn’t realized that he was in camp. But there he was, standing on the other side of the fire, stretching muscles that were tired from carrying the heavy backpack that now rested against the stone cliff. He peeled off his hat and slapped it against his thigh, driving water from the hat rim in a fine spray.
“No,” she said, turning away from him again, refusing more than his offer of a shirt.
/> She unlaced her soggy moccasins and set them aside to dry. With cold hands she worked beneath the poncho, unwinding the cloth that bound her breasts. The motions sent stabbing pains through her bruised arm. She set her teeth and continued. She had suffered worse injuries in the past. Likely she would suffer more in the future.
Ty didn’t bother to ask if Janna wanted any help, for he knew she would refuse him. Without a word he lifted the cumbersome poncho from Janna’s shoulders and threw it aside. The sight of the bruise on her arm made his breath come in with an audible hiss. Even though experience told him that the bruise looked much worse than it actually was, he hated seeing the dark shadow of pain on her skin.
“Don’t you have something for that?” he asked.
“Yes.”
She tried to step away.
His hands closed around her lower arms in a grip that was gentle but unshakable. “Hold still, sugar. Let me help you.”
Afraid to trust her voice, she shook her head in a negative.
“Yes,” he countered instantly. “You’ve patched me up often enough. Now it’s your turn to be patched.”
Janna looked up into Ty’s eyes. They were very dark, yet alive with flames reflected from the campfire. The warmth of his hands on her chilled skin was shocking, but not as shocking as the heat that uncurled in her loins at the thought of being cared for by him. She shivered in a combination of cold and remembered desire.
And she hated it, both the memory and the desire, hated wanting a man whose feelings for her teetered between pity and contempt, lust and indifference.
“You’re chilled through and through,” he said, frowning as he saw her shiver violently. With quick motions he began unwrapping the cloth that bound her chest. “Where’s the medicine you need?”
She shook her head, refusing him, refusing her memories, refusing everything.
“Janna, what in hell is the matter with you?”
He didn’t wait for an answer. She felt cloth being stripped from her body by his big hands. Suddenly she couldn’t bear the thought of her naked breasts being revealed to him again. He would touch them, kiss them, and the heat that was spreading from the pit of her stomach would flare up, burning away everything, even the knowledge that she loved a man who loved only his own dream.
Elizabeth Lowell Page 23