“How many times was he here when I was deployed?”
She took a step back, and brushed the limbs of the tree, sending a ball rolling across the carpet. “He’s family, Daniel. Your brother.”
“My brother is infatuated with my wife.”
She eased her tone, seeing rage flickering in his eyes. “Daniel, its Christmas eve. Don’t do this.” Fear eclipsed her as he dug his fingers into her arm.
“How many times was he here, Kayla? How many times did he lie in our bed?”
“Never.” She wrenched her arm to free herself. “Daniel, you’re hurting me.”
“You don’t think betrayal hurts me?” he yelled at her.
“I’ve never betrayed you, even though you’ve accused me over and over again. Why won’t you believe me?”
A car outside backfired, reminding her of a gunshot. When she swung her head toward the sound, Daniel’s hands wrapped around her throat. His body rammed against hers, and sent them sprawling into the tree. The decorations splintered under their weight, and pierced her skin.
“Daniel, stop!”
His fingers squeezed her throat, and he shook her like a dog shakes its quarry. Daniel’s fist crashed into her cheek. The room faded to gray. She had to fight.
“Daniel,” she cried his name loudly. He wasn’t in the room with her, but somewhere in the theater fighting the enemy. She was the enemy. She gasped for breath as a forceful blow connected with her ribs, making her curl inward to protect herself. The knife she’d used for opening the new decorations lay on the floor. They both saw it at the same time.
“No, Daniel, please, it’s me!”
He whisked it into his hand.
“You motherfucker,” Daniel cried out.
She scrambled to get away, the broken rib grated on its ends, shooting pain to every extremity. Daniel pushed her down, his knee digging into her back, and then the knife came down. Slicing through her flesh, searing pain vaulted a scream from her lungs. Again it came down, again, and again.
Sound prodded her like a finger pokes ruthlessly at something it doesn’t really want to touch. She tried to open her eyes, but she couldn’t, pummeled shut by fists of rage and despair. Warm blood pooled in the arch of her back, and slid down her sides. She heard the whoosh of the furnace, and sunk her nails into the carpet. Someone was crying in the room. Someone else was calling her name. Sirens wailed close by.
“Kayla.”
“No,” she breathed. Even the small word was an agonizing chore. Her lips and face were numb. Blood filled her mouth. She didn’t want to wake up. “Leave me.”
“I gave up on you. I’m so sorry, Kayla.”
“Don’t…want…to…live, Greg. Let go.”
“Sweetheart, it’s not Greg. Open your eyes,” the gentle command prompting her to focus.
The room was dark. Cool sheets twisted in her hands. Sweat covered her skin, instead of blood. The smell of pine was gone, replaced with a light salty breeze that blew across her hot body. Where was she? Hands pried the fabric from her fingers.
“Kayla, it’s over, you’re safe.”
Mace—the here and now crashed into her, and a breaking wave of sadness engulfed her. A tremble radiated in her chin, and then her entire body. She tried to curl into a ball, but arms circled her chest, and strong legs curled tightly around her legs. She realized she was lying on a bed of muscles, the skin a little tacky, and the smell of alcohol surrounded her. “Mace, he’s with Carrie.” Her body buckled shaking with a sob. “Please Mace.” She reached for him, even though she couldn’t see him. “Take me to the docks.”
“Jesus. Kayla, I’m not going to leave you for the Shark like some fucking leashed goat pegged to the ground.” A hand ran down her arm. “Open your eyes, Snow White.”
Mace knelt on the bed in front of her. He gave her a sweet, but sad smile, and threaded his fingers through her hair. She focused, and realized who she was lying against and lurched forward intending to crawl on her hands and knees if she had to.
“Mace, give us a second,” Thane said, restraining her.
She shook her head rapidly. Mace rested a hand on her shoulder. “If you want me, I’m just down the hall, but I think you need to listen to what he has to say. Really listen.” Mace backed away, and she began to shake with fear. Fear of hearing the truth. Fear of seeing the disgust in his eyes. She tried to rally her thoughts, instill some separation between memory and the now. “No, I can’t.” Thane released her, and she lunged for Mace. Her friend. Giant sobs racked her body, and she cried so hard she couldn’t breathe.
“Fuck, you rip me raw,” Thane whispered, and she knew she wasn’t the only one crying.
“Jesus, you both are fuckin’ stupid,” Mace growled. “I’m calling a time out. Come here, Kayla.” He shifted her so he was sitting on the edge of the bed with her cradled in his lap.
She wasn’t going to let go of Mace, and buried her face in his neck.
“Just breathe, okay. Both of you.” Mace kissed her head, and rocked her, taking a deep breath himself. “How fuckin’ drunk are you, Captain?”
“I ran three clicks.”
“Yeah, looks like you used your knees.”
She glanced across Mace’s shoulder. Thane’s jeans were thrashed.
“I might have gone down a couple times,” Thane said, running his hands through his hair, and then he curled forward, forking his fingers through hers.
“No.” She yanked away, and circled Mace’s neck with a death grip. “It’s time to get the Shark. Time to end this. I want to do it now.”
“Quiet,” Mace said sharply. He twisted to look at Thane. “How did you know she was here? I called everyone.”
“I—I paged everyone in the team, and called her condo. You were the only one who didn’t answer.”
A hard pounding on the front door had Thane on his feet.
“Don’t open that door,” Mace said sharply.
Thane disappeared, and within two heartbeats, she heard the front door opening, and Greg saying, “Where is—” The sound of fist against flesh and bone, reached the bedroom. A grunt of pain. A body falling to the ground. Was it Thane or Greg? The question was answered with the slamming of the door that must have shaken two stories above and below their floor.
A massive shadow appeared in the doorway. “He can’t fucking have you,” Thane roared. “Because I love you, Kayla.”
She jumped, and Mace held her tighter. “Nice, Captain,” Mace barked. “You tell her this now, in anger.”
Thane’s voice quieted. “I’m not angry, Mace. I’m scared.”
The air in the room stilled like slack water, the lack of motion giving way to change and a new direction.
“I am.” He kneeled on the bed, leaning toward her. “Please don’t leave me. If you do, we’ll both die. Everything will be all right, sweetheart. We’ll heal together,” he begged.
It wasn’t possible to curl any tighter into Mace’s comforting arms, but she tried. Her face pressed against his warm skin, his favorite aftershave easing her pulse. How many times had she forgiven and trusted gentle words asking her to believe. No more. She shook her head.
“Captain, I think you should stand down,” Mace suggested, his voice rumbling in his chest and against her heart. “Kayla, will you lie down for me?”
She wove her hand into his. “I don’t want to sleep. I’m leaving, come with me, Mace.”
He lifted her chin, and squared an imploring look at her. “Remember when I told you about my sister? The one who died last year?”
She did. She and Mace had both grieved that night.
“I couldn’t do anything to help her.” Tears filled his eyes. “She’s gone, but when I look at you, I see the same caring, strong spirit. Your illness is from the scars life left on your soul, but they’re not fatal. I will not allow you to give in to them. We are who we are, and do what we do, because we’re stronger, surer—but we’re human. We all falter. I won’t, nor will anyone on the team, let you f
orfeit your life to the Shark.”
Thane cleared the thickness in his throat. “He’s right, Kayla.” He hadn’t fallen back, just repositioned himself by the door. “You have been healing me since the moment you arrived. The day we breathed the same air, I stopped falling into the endless cycle of tempting death. I woke up, but you haven’t yet.”
She straightened and Mace slid her from his lap.
“Captain, I don’t think you should—”
“Yes. Now.”
A knock, a normal knock, fell on the front door. Thane didn’t move this time.
“I’ll deal with it,” Mace said, and leaned over, giving her a quick kiss. He stalled in front of Thane. They didn’t say anything to each other, but Mace nodded, and then carried on.
The room closed in on her as Thane approached. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he said, “I’ll stay here, but the only place I want to be is over there.”
It was time to say her piece, and when it was done, she would walk out of here, fight if she had to. However, it wasn’t her feelings for him she’d share.
With a raw voice, she said, “We’ve been the Ghost and Snow White for too long.” She kneeled on the bed, and leaned over. Gently, she followed the scar on his cheek running ragged down to his jaw with a slow glide. The angry reminder somehow made his eyes even brighter, his features more masculine, dangerous and sexy. “I don’t even know how you got this. We don’t know each other, other than the fact I’m a fucking nutcase.” Thane flinched. “In the snippets of time we’ve spent together, we’ve enjoyed each other, but it was only skin deep, and it will never be deeper.” She dropped her hand, but he caught it midway. “Some days I feel a hundred years old, Thane. My scars will never heal.” She fought to stave off more tears. Enough had been shed. “Captain, because of who you are, you think everyone can be saved. I can’t change what happened to me. I cope, unfortunately, you’ve seen how bad I am at that sometimes. I got too close to all of you, and I wish now I hadn’t.”
Her heart squeezed tight watching his expression. She walked to the window, gripping the ledge. “I’ll disappear into the mists of the West Coast as you suggested.” How could she explain this in as few words as possible? “I never expected to wake up ten years ago. When Daniel drove the knife into my back, I thought my suffering was over. God must have been on a coffee break when my soul snuck through heaven.” Wrapping her arms around herself, she looked out the window and across the buildings on the base. “I’m not going to run any more, and you all need to stand clear.” Thane sat on the edge of the bed, his face buried in his hands. “I’m so sorry, Captain Austen. I’m going to fix this, but I can’t fix me.”
Chapter Twelve
Thane swallowed her words like a horse pill with no water. He could set her free, like he’d promised to do months ago. Cut the lines he felt securely fastened between their lives, and within days, maybe even hours, she’d be dead.
“So…what you’re saying is you won’t even try?” He swallowed. “Is that what you want me to believe?”
“Captain Austen, you are the epitome of strength walking on two legs. We have always been mismatched pieces.” Regret trembled in her voice. “That’s the truth.”
“No, it’s not.” He took both her hands in his. Kayla remained still, her portrait-perfect features motionless.
“May twenty-ninth. My muscles ached beyond reason. I was tired, but content another mission was complete without one of my men coming home in the belly of the plane. I had the phone number of some redhead in my pocket. I was going to kick back, and have a few drinks. Before leaving, Red wanted to introduce you, Gord and Barry. All I wanted was a damn shower to wash off the jungle sweat, and bury myself in some woman whose face I could barely remember.
“For twenty years, I lived hard, screwed anyone who was willing to open her legs, and was prepared to die by the sword. The rush of being a SEAL is what I lived for. I fed off it as much as it fed off me. It gave me a sense of worth, and challenged me.” A tight laugh escaped him as he twined his fingers with hers. “I stopped being afraid years ago, but what really happened is I became a junkie, needing the next mission like a fix. I was never going to stop until God decided it was time, but it never happened. I must have found the same passageway through heaven you did.”
He caressed her fingers, they were warm, and they felt so right in his. She’d always felt right to him, even before he’d ever touched her. “It was a Tuesday. Zero nine zero eight hours—exactly—when time stopped for me.” He traced a line across her delicate jaw, and his heart clenched, thinking about the pictures of her in the hospital. Anger started to spin in his gut, thinking of Daniel’s fists as they connected with her dainty features. “I remember everything around me became peaceful, and in that moment, almost too perfect, I came face to face with someone so beautiful I instantly wanted to protect her. The chains I’d wrapped around my heart, snapped. I was utterly helpless for the first time I can remember. It was the moment I walked through the darkness, and saw you.”
“That is the moment I will remember more than any other in my life.” Nina’s voice cut through the air, and Mace quieted her. Footsteps and the hiss of the leather couch as they sat down in Mace’s living room told him he was keeping her clear. “Your face didn’t blur, it kept getting sharper in my mind. I looked for it everywhere, hoping to see you. When I realized what my heart was trying to tell me, I distanced myself, but a continent wasn’t even enough to keep you away, because I carried you with me. Remember when I came to the center to say goodbye at two in the morning?
She nodded. He smiled remembering how he’d brushed her finger with his when he took the note. In that second, he’d wanted to draw her into his arms, and never let go, but instead he’d only allowed the smallest touch, just to make sure she was real. For hours after, he’d felt the tingle radiate through him.
“I had to see you. I thought maybe you were some kind of sign I wasn’t going to make it home, because something kept telling me I’d finally found a reason to come home.”
Kayla swallowed slowly.
He lifted Kayla’s hands to his mouth and kissed them. “I didn’t want to go. For the first time in all those years, I wanted to make an excuse and stay. Any second I could steal with you, I’d take.”
“In Arizona, when I saw your beautiful body bare in front of me, I was lost. Your teardrop breasts, the sway of your waist flowing to perfect full hips, broke every wall I’d convinced myself to build to keep you away. You are my golden ratio. I can close my eyes, and see every beautiful angle of you, the swell and ebb that fits so perfectly to me.”
He reached for her, wondering whether she would stop him, but she didn’t, and he caressed the nape of her neck. Leaning forward—slowly, he kissed her. His heart changed pitch, the fear pushed back by a tiny ember of hope. “From this moment forward, when your mind tells you I couldn’t want you, my heart has one answer.” A single finger grazed across his lips, but nothing outside of a bomb dropping on their building would stop him from saying what he should have told her months ago. “I love you more than my own life, more than any life. I want you to stand beside me until we take our last breath.” Pushing himself up, he gazed down into her eyes seeing fear flickering in them. “Life broke us both in half, but together we’re whole. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you with my actions. You’re my forever, Kayla.”
“You called Carrie,” her body jerked with a residual sob.
“Kayla, I called her earlier this morning, and told her to drop off some files. I couldn’t, nor would I ever touch her.” He palmed her cheeks and caressed her lips with his finger. “I love you. Till my heart stops beating, I will love you. You’re right, I can’t give up, but it’s not because I need to save you, it’s because I love you so much. Don’t give up on me. Don’t leave me. Don’t abandon ship.”
“Captain…”
A gust of air escaped him.
“It’s habit,” she argued.
“I get tha
t, baby, but I hate it. Thane Herbert Austen, that’s who I am.”
Her breath hitched, and unbelievably, she snorted and quickly covered her mouth. “Herbert?”
“I know it’s a stupid fucking middle name, that’s why I don’t use it.”
“Herbert?” she said again, and this time a bark of laughter escaped, followed by a fit of giggles, and it was the best sound in the world.
“Oh, give me a break, woman,” and he started to chuckle, just because she was. “Herbert was the name of my great to the power of ten, grandfather, who came over on the Mayflower.”
Whether their minds had finally broken from the stress or whether the heavens decided they needed a break, they laughed. The more she laughed the funnier it got. A huge snort escaped her, and she clutched her chest and fell over.
Two shadows appeared at the door.
“Certifiable,” Nina said, shaking her head.
“Totally,” Mace drawled.
“Herbert,” Kayla squealed out, followed by a shriek of laughter.
“Who the hell is that?” Nina asked, panning a look at Mace.
“Hell if I know. Let’s leave the crazy ranking folks to work it out,” Mace suggested, sliding his arm around Nina’s slender waist. “Dinner?”
“You buying?” she asked, grinning at him.
“Mais oui, Mademoiselle.”
Nina gave a quick wave as they backed out, and Mace quietly closed the door.
“Laugh now, sweetheart, but it’s tradition for the first born male in my family to have that middle name.”
“God, no,” she said, raising her hand, still chuckling as she lay on her back. He leaned over her, and let his gaze trace every shadow, every beautiful angle of her face. She reached up and drew him down with a gentle pull, but as he hovered over her lips, a restrained rush of chuckles reached him before her soft kiss. “Sorry.”
Code Name: Kayla's Fire (A Warrior's Challenge) Page 12