Entering the massive ranch house, she strode toward the couch in the great room. Shoring up her nerves, she stuffed a pillow against the armrest, and made an ungraceful landing. Thane sat down across from her, a flinch creasing his features. He was still in pain, which meant he hadn’t rested, hadn’t taken the time to heal.
“Why did you run?” he asked quietly. “Why didn’t you at least tell Nina? You can’t believe the grief and the heartache you’ve caused.”
A ricochet of guilt zipped through her. “I’m sure you’re exaggerating. Maybe Nina—”
“Red has aged fifty years. Losing you was like losing a daughter. He agonizes over what he thinks he should have done. Are you really that blind you don’t see how many people care about you, Kayla?”
A rush of tears threatened to spill, thinking about Captain Redding. If she envisioned anyone who came close to being a father, it was him, but the only person she’d tried to reach out to was Greg, and he had joined a dark operation. There was no way to call him.
“Everyone thinks the Shark found you,” he said, leaning on his thighs and crossing his hands.
“We’re not here to talk about me, Captain Austen. You said you wanted to tell your story. Tell it. The abbreviated version. Zara already shared your meaningful joining.”
Thane stiffened. “Can I make you some tea? Are you thirsty?”
She remained silent—waiting.
When he saw she wasn’t going to be setting out china for his visit, he began. “We’d been in Syria for three weeks. Mixing in, weeks spent on recon. The squad had been sent to find Zara. She’s one of the few people who knows where the elements of a nuclear warhead are stored in her country. A man named Keegan needed those elements for his own warhead, and he’d taken Zara hostage while she was on a diplomatic trip to Syria.”
“Fox found where she was being held, and the night we rallied to take her out we were given up by some locals, paid by Keegan. The squad scattered after a firefight outside of the place he used as his HQ. That’s when Mace was injured, and Cobbs. Nathan was pinned and I went in to get him out. We allowed ourselves to be captured, which brought us closer to Zara.”
“Keegan suffers from syphilis. He’s delusional half the time, but his followers are loyal and they protect him. We watched for the patterns and weak spots in the comings and goings of the house. That night we planned to get the hell out of dodge. Keegan was ranting all day. By nightfall he’d put enough booze in himself to control the screaming fits, but his mind was warped past reason.”
Kayla listened and saw Thane’s body tense.
“Keegan brought Zara and I into the main area, where he and his guards spent most of their time.” Thane paused and swallowed deeply. “His men stripped Zara naked, and held a gun to her head. Keegan’s sick fucking mind was hyped on pills and booze and he said he’d kill her right there, if I didn’t take her in front of all of them.”
Her hand slid to her mouth, stopping the moan wanting to escape.
Thane’s gaze jerked away, and he focused on the table sitting between them. “We were hours away from freedom. I knew I could get us out, but if I didn’t do it, he would have killed Zara.” His voice softened. “I closed my eyes and I imagined you.” Air gusted from his throat. “You’d think a guy with my past wouldn’t have a problem performing, even under stress like that, but I couldn’t do it, not until I saw you in my mind. The whole time I kept praying to God the gun held to my head would go off.”
“That night we found our route out, but they noticed we were gone too soon, and tracked us. I don’t remember a helluva lot after they filled me full of holes. The villagers took us in and hid us. They’d lived under Keegan’s brutal hand for a long time, and were praying for someone to take him out. The next thing I knew I was in a hospital bed in Berlin.” Thane crouched down in front of her.
She threaded her fingers through his hair, the longest she’d ever seen on him. It was wavy and soft. “I respect you now more than ever, seeing the sheer honesty I saw in Zara’s eyes when she described how you protected her.”
He shook his head. “Please, I know how much this must hurt. You can’t tell me you don’t. I’m not asking you to accept it, just understand it.”
“I do understand. You did what you had to do to survive.” Thane raised his eyes to hers. He looked so tired and beaten down. “Zara fell in love with you, and I can see why you would feel the same about her. She’s very beautiful.”
Thane shook his head angrily. “I don’t love her.”
“Zara said she was taking you to Cairo.” She withdrew her hand, realizing it still lingered in his hair.
A dismal laugh escaped him. “I had the doctors shoot me full of pain killers and the squad brought me back. I’ve been looking for you ever since.” Thane wove his hand around hers. “If you understand, then let’s go home. I just want to take you home and hold onto you for days.”
“Thane, if I go home the Shark will kill both of us,” she said, smoothing a hand over her belly. “I have to keep living for her.”
“I’ve missed you and six months of her. Can I…?” he stared at her stomach.
They shared the life growing inside her. Now and forever, she and Thane would be connected, and her thoughts jumped to a future without him. She slammed the lid tight, cutting off the oxygen to her emotions. When he reached out his hand, she placed it where the baby had decided to give her a healthy kick.
A bittersweet smile grew on his lips feeling his child move. “Hi, beautiful, I’m your dad,” and then Thane completely broke down in front of her. All the air in her throat bottled as his tears fell to her stomach. His broad shoulders shook with heart wrenching sobs. Instinct told her to comfort him, but she remained still. Minutes passed and she allowed him the time without hindrance or words because she didn’t have any to ease his pain or hers.
“Kayla, don’t give up on us.” As if she knew her father was upset, the baby began to roll. “Tell her, sweetheart,” he said, holding his large hand against his daughters fussing. “Tell your mom how much I love you both.”
“Thane, I know you love her. When she’s born, I’m giving her to you. You’ll have sole custody. If you don’t want her, then I’ll put her up for adoption. Babies are always adopted quickly, and she’ll have a loving home.”
Thane jerked away as if someone had told him she had the bubonic plague. “What?”
“She doesn’t need a mother who’s in a million pieces. This child needs to be protected. She needs her father, but if not, she at least needs to be loved.”
Thane’s hands swept to either side of her swelling stomach. “She needs both of us, Kayla.”
“I don’t want her life tainted by mine. It’s the right thing for me to do,” she said, brushing a tear from his cheek. “All I want, is to know she’ll be safe.”
“No. I can’t do this without you. I won’t do this without you. We’re gonna make it through this. Give us some time.”
“You must think I’m a terrible person, but it’s because of the person I am that I have no other choice. This is about breaking a cycle, and giving her a healthy, happy home to grow up in. You’re leaving, Captain Austen, and you’re leaving me here.” She managed to say it without emotion, but her edges were cracking, and if he didn’t leave soon, she’d crumble in front of him.
Thane rose to his full height, his stare unwavering. “No, Ms. Banks, I’m not, and neither are you.”
Kayla watched as Thane left the house and returned with a duffel bag. He took the stairs and disappeared. A few minutes later, he walked past her and filled the kettle with water, then rummaged through the cupboards. She heard pans being shuffled, and a can opener grinding the lid from a tin. Within a few minutes, he sat a bowl of soup in front of her, along with a steaming mug of tea. “Do you need anything else?” he asked.
She shook her head.
“I’m going into town to get some supplies.” Thane pulled the table closer to her so she wouldn’t have to stretc
h. Slipping a hand in his back pocket, he pulled out a folded paper. “Nina wrote this. She said to give it to you when I found you.”
Opening the front door, he paused. “You were with me every second of that mission, and every second that passed, I knew I was one second closer to coming home to you. The only causality is our future, and that’s my fault. I will own it, but you are not walking away from us.”
She allowed the cocoon of numbness to keep her distanced from Thane. When he was long gone, she opened the small, notebook-sized paper, and read Nina’s words.
Dear Kayla,
It’s three am, all’s quiet on the waterfront. The wrinkled parts of this paper are from my tears, and I can’t seem to stop. The Captain keeps us all believing you’re alive, and I hang on his every word, because I want to believe it too. If this note ever finds its way into your hands, I just want you to remember one thing you told me not long ago. “Don’t paint pictures. You’ll drive yourself crazy. More than anything, you have to believe in them and their skills. They’ll walk closer to death’s door than any serviceman, but they don’t want to die either. A woman who loves a SEAL has to accept everything they do is to save a life or the mission, but it’s always with honesty and valor.” Accept what Thane had to do. That man loves you more than his own life, and that’s why he didn’t give it up. He wants to hold his baby in his arms and you for the rest of your life.
Please come home
Nina.
Kayla sat listening to the house. It had a life of its own. The sounds had kept her company for weeks. For the first time, she didn’t hear the snapping of the timbers as they expanded with the heat of the day, she heard her heart instead.
Chapter Twenty
The thwack of chopping wood brought her to the bedroom window. The evenings were still chilly in the mountains and Thane cut wood for the fire he made every night in the oversized fireplace, big enough to set a bonfire-sized blaze.
In the last seven days, he’d returned to fighting form. The problem was she loved every hard angle of the man.
Staring down from her window, she watched each strike of the axe cleave through the wood with little resistance, just like he’d cleaved through her heart. His upper body gleamed with sweat under the hot sun. His jeans hung low on his hips, the cords of muscle and ligaments roping downward below his belt. Powerful arms swung the blade with precision, controlling the arc, the force and the landing, embedding it deeply in the chopping block. Every band of muscle bunched and contracted as he picked up an oversized armful of wood, and turned for the house.
Why wouldn’t he leave?
Running water made her turn, remembering the tub had been filling for a while. Laying her clothes out and stepping into the oversized claw-foot tub, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and paused at her reflection. Pregnant glow, my ass. The warm water soothed her edginess as she slipped beneath it, laid her head back and closed her eyes. She preferred the darkness, and tried to shut out the thoughts of Thane for a short while.
“Hey, baby, are you feeling okay?”
The water splashed in every direction when she nearly jumped out of her skin and the tub. Damn, the stupid man had a silent footfall.
“Ho,” he laughed sedately, and knelt down beside her. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
She crossed her arms tightly over her breasts, but her bulbous bow bobbed in the water like the backside of a hippopotamus. “Don’t sneak up on me,” she blasted him.
“Kayla, I didn’t know where you were, I…” He cleared his throat and his brow buckled. “Sweetheart, are you hiding from me?” His hand brushed along her arm, and her entire body seized with a sharp jab of heat. No, no, and no. He was not doing this to her, but his gentle touch stopped on her hand, cupping her breast. “You’re beautiful.”
“Bullshit, now get out.”
His brow popped. “You’re at a bit of a disadvantage, aren’t you?”
He didn’t move when a wave of water hit him in the chest like a tsunami. “Don’t SEALs need to stay wet?”
“Yeah, they do.”
She didn’t have a chance to suck in her next breath when he was in the tub on his hands and knees, forehead pushed to hers. “We like to dive deep. Search things out. Explore,” his voice rumbled with a low timbre, the one that made her thighs clench.
“Get out,” she growled.
His lips hovered over hers with only space for a slice of paper between them. “Don’t feel like it.” He brushed her lips with his and then backed away, but only by inches.
“You’re being a pest.” She protected her bareness with crossed arms. They gazed at one another, and the distinctive wicked glint in his, told her he was in a good mood. To hell with his good mood, she wasn’t.
“Don’t hide from me,” he said, gently pulling her hand into his.
The heated look he scoured down her skin created more rippling mileage inside her than the warm bath, and she slid lower until the water brushed her chin. “What’s the matter, your princess didn’t service you enough?”
Anger flashed in his eyes, but he doused it. “Kayla, I never wanted her. You, on the other hand, I can’t stop thinking about.” With force, his lips pressed against hers, demanding a response. “Always you, sweetheart,” he said, backing away when she didn’t respond. “You can push my buttons all you want, but you’ll never push me away. Is that understood?”
His words were a sensual squeeze on her nerve endings. Thane’s hands slipped beneath the surface, and palmed her rear end drawing her easily onto his lap. His throaty moan had a sorcerer’s touch as he kissed her shoulder, and then the sensitive skin on her neck. Large hands began to wander across her back, gently massaging her. With her breasts plastered against his hardness, her body heated at the cellular level. She hated him and loved him, but right now, her hate was stronger. “Stop, just stop touching me. We’re done, Captain.”
He brushed her cheek with his thumb. “No, we’re not. It’s your stubbornness making a last stand.” Thane’s lips swept down her neck, and teased her breast into his mouth, his tongue flicking perfect pressure against the peak. “Ah Kayla, every minute I’m not inside you is like a lifetime.”
“No.” Her eyes flashed open. Just like that, she’d been suspended in his touch.
He inched away. “Sweetheart, we love each other, and we love her,” he said, his steely eyes begging her to see things his way. “This is stupid.”
She pushed herself until the edge of the tub bumped her back. “What’s stupid is you thinking we have a future. Go back to your princess and get the hell out of my tub.”
The water sloshed as Thane leaned back against the other edge draping his arms along the rim, glaring at her. “Not a fucking chance.”
“Doh.” Pushing the bathwater with both hands, and flicking her wrists, she completely soaked him.
Slowly, he ran his fingers through his hair, plastering it to his head. The droplets fell to his bare shoulders and licked their way down the smooth skin of his chest, caressing his muscular pecs and rejoining the tub. Crap! Wrong move. His eyes were a blistering blue, his jaw flexing tight, and he was the most goddamn sexy man the world had ever made. When a small curve lifted his lips and his head tilted just a little, her heart hammered in her chest. Stretching his arm, he plucked up the soap. “Turn around, sweetheart.”
“No.” Thane had never seen her back in the light of day. She’d always taken great pains to keep it that way.
“Why not?”
“Why are you doing this?” she moaned.
His head swaggered. “You wanted a bath, didn’t you?”
Here they went again. As always, he was baiting her, trying to tug her off balance. How many psych training classes had the Navy given this man anyway?
“Turn.” He leaned forward. “Or I’ll start washing the front, which is preferred, by the way.”
If she had a water gun right now, she’d give it to him straight between the eyes.
“What’s
the matter, sweetheart?”
She glared at him. Thane was one of the few people she couldn’t read like a book, and he knew it.
“Come to think of it, I’ve seen every beautiful place on your body, except one.” Thane slid closer.
She had nowhere to go, pushed up against the wall of the tub. Time for an offensive maneuver. “Why? Do you want to make sure I’m as scarred outside as I am inside?”
His eyes stole her thunder and replaced it with his own. It rumbled against her heart and rolled through her veins. “We’re a matched set now. Every time I look in the mirror and see the scars on my back, I’ll be reminded of the time I was forced to hurt you. And every time you look in the mirror, you’re reminded of betrayal, but we don’t have to hang on to those memories.” He slid his legs beneath hers, his thumbs whispering past the swollen flesh between her thighs, causing a deep ache inside her. “Our choice. Our future. Our daughter. Whenever I think of tomorrow, I can only see us. What do you see, Kayla?”
As she opened her mouth to answer, he leaned forward and pulled on her bottom lip, drawing it between his with a gentle tug. Steam practically blew out her ears, the pot-bellied boiler pelting invisible rivets through the air. She dug her fingers into her hips to stop herself from lassoing them around his neck.
“Touch me, Kayla.”
She bit her lip. Using the pad of his thumb, he pulled it from distress. “I can’t,” she said sucking in her breath as his finger pressed a heated caress over her breast.
“Yes, you can. You want me as much as I want you. I’m home.” His hot breath teased her nipple. With a slow, deliberate motion he sucked her nipple between his lips, and moaned. His gaze found hers, and it made her shiver. “I’m never leaving you again.”
Her stomach knotted when his lips brushed her collarbone and slid down to her nipple again. He sucked it into his mouth, and rolled it softly with his tongue. Another moan just about did her in, and she choked hers back. How could she break into a sweat lying in water? The bristles on his cheek reddened her skin, and he kissed the mound of her breasts. The sensitive underside, and then licked her areola.
Code Name: Kayla's Fire (A Warrior's Challenge) Page 22