by Dana Corbit
“It’s a whole lot easier to give that advice than to take it, isn’t it?”
Pilar couldn’t help chuckling. “We’re quite a pair, aren’t we?”
“Yes, we are.”
Her laughter caught in her throat as she met his gaze again. He didn’t look away. She couldn’t have if she’d tried. She sensed that he wasn’t talking about the pair of stumbling Christians who rode along the canal’s clear path while their personal lives floated adrift. Did he really see them like that: as a couple? Could she even dare to believe he would return her feelings?
Her hands sweaty again, Pilar reached for her paper napkin and wiped them. What was she supposed to do now? Should she say something funny to lighten the moment? Already, she wondered why the night sky settling around them didn’t glimmer with sparks from the electricity on the boat’s deck.
“Would you mind if I came over and sat by you?” Zach’s gaze never left her as he asked the question. “I’d like to see the sights from the same vantage point.”
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
Zach moved his chair next to hers, not too close, but close enough that she found it difficult to breathe. On what little oxygen she drew into her lungs, his masculine scent tantalized her nostrils. Even if their sweet story ended there, she imagined she would carry his scent in her memory as part of the most wonderful night of her life.
But he reached for her hand, and the memory blossomed with the potential for more. His fingers curled around hers in a perfect, loving fit, so different from the other time they’d joined hands in prayer. This time hearts were involved, at least hers was, and she wanted to believe his was, as well. So acutely aware of his history, she was surprised he had the courage to reach out to anyone. She felt honored and blessed that he’d chosen her.
She longed to speak, to ask him to explain what his touch meant. Was he reaching out for comfort from her, or had his feelings for her become tender? She couldn’t ask, though, couldn’t risk shattering the moment that formed liked a goblet of blown glass, still warm and fragile.
Their hands folded together, Zach traced his thumb along the side of hers in a trancelike rhythm until the scenery around them, the night sky above the buildings and the chilly waters beneath the boat seemed to disappear, leaving only the two of them together.
“Pilar.” His voice sounded strange.
“Yes?”
“Would you mind if I kissed you?”
The sound that erupted in her throat shamed her as it sounded too much like laughter. Mind? How could she mind something when she’d dreamed of it hundreds of times without ever once expecting it to happen? When he turned his head to study her, she was grateful for the retreating daylight and the opportunity to hide her embarrassment behind the night sky.
“I’d like that,” she somehow managed.
Releasing her hand, Zach traced that same thumb under her jaw and then tilted her chin upward. She let her eyes flutter closed but still she sensed his nearness growing by tiny increments until his lips covered hers.
So sweet, so gentle, his kiss was unassuming. Not rushed but lingering like a message he’d held inside for a long time and wanted to tell it well. She’d imagined what kissing Zach would be like so many times, but her fantasy didn’t even come close to the real thing.
It was only a kiss, she reminded herself, but it felt like something more. A promise. Of what, she wasn’t positive, though her heart hoped.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.” He breathed the words against her cheek.
Her breath caught in her throat as he brushed his lips over hers twice more. Too soon, the kiss was over, but at the same time it was too late for Pilar not to have been positive about what she’d been suspecting all along. She was in love with Zach—not the image she’d had of him until a week ago but the real flesh-and-blood man she’d come to know.
She didn’t even want that other man anymore, so untouchable in his perfection. This Zach had flaws every bit as real as her own, and they only made him more precious to her.
Pilar’s heart squeezed as the captain announced their approach to the docking site and the end to their romantic canal cruise. If only the waters would stop rushing forward, pushing them to their destination. She wasn’t asking for much. She only wanted this time to last a little longer.
Tomorrow things could be different. Maybe Zach would realize that all of it—the date, his confiding in her, even the kiss—had been a mistake. She didn’t know what the future would hold. She only knew she didn’t want this night to end.
Chapter Twelve
Zach stared after the last pair of taillights that disappeared Sunday night from Chestnut Grove Community Church’s parking lot and then turned back to Pilar. Theirs were the only two cars that remained in the fluorescent-lit lot after the evening service.
“Did you see the way Reverend Fraser was looking at us?” Pilar covered her face with her hands but spread her fingers enough to still peek out at him.
Zach grinned. If she was embarrassed by the minister’s mild curiosity, then she hadn’t been paying close attention to the rest of the people in the sanctuary. He and Pilar were probably the talk of the congregation by now, having sat together during two consecutive services.
He considered mentioning the knowing glance Naomi Fraser had tossed his way following the evening benediction, but he decided against it. Pilar seemed embarrassed enough for one day.
“He was just trying to get us to go home.”
“And gave up.” Pilar glanced at the empty space where the minister’s car had last been.
“He probably figured we could use a few minutes alone. I know I did.” With a sly grin, he reached for her hand and pulled her until she leaned on his car next to him.
At least she hadn’t said she was sick of him. He couldn’t blame her, as much time as they’d spent together the last few days. Between dates on Friday and Saturday nights and two church services Sunday, they’d managed to fit in a joint visit with Gabriel Saturday afternoon.
Still, although he’d seen more of Pilar than of any human being in that forty-eight-hour period, he was only searching for other ways to spend more time with her. She’d become a habit, but he didn’t even want to break it.
Pilar glanced down at their laced fingers and then looked up at him and smiled.
“So how did your brunch go?”
She shrugged. “I told them.”
“And?”
“They’re my friends. They forgave me. It’s in the friendship manual, I’m pretty sure.”
“Fortunately for you, they’d read the manual.” He chuckled and then became serious. “Did your friends tell you everything would be all right?”
She nodded. “Meg even said we should all pray for God’s comfort and healing. You never would have heard that from her until a few months ago.”
“You’ve got some good friends.”
“I do.” She paused and looked at him from under her lashes. “Including you.”
He raised an eyebrow but wasn’t sure whether she could see it. “Is that what we are? Friends?”
“It’s a start,” she answered in a soft voice.
“Yes, it is.” Only Zach wanted to be so much more to Pilar. He wanted to be the person she couldn’t wait to tell when wonderful things happened to her and the one whose arms she turned to when she was hurting. He wanted to be the man she trusted with her heart.
His own emotions had been on a roller coaster from the moment he’d first faced Pilar and the foundling, but he didn’t want to lift the safety bar and exit the ride. When his feelings for her, that began with curiosity, had expanded to concern and then commitment, he wasn’t sure. But they had changed whether he was ready for it or not.
Without any use of excessive force, Pilar had crashed through the wall he’d built around his heart ever since Jasmine had died. He’d found, much to his surprise, that his ability to love hadn’t died along with her.
I love
you. The words burned on his lips to be spoken, so why couldn’t he say them aloud? Whether he spoke them or not, he couldn’t deny the feelings in his heart. But as much as he wanted to be, was he ready to put his trust in someone else?
Alone, he’d felt invincible, as if he’d had something stronger than even a Kevlar vest to protect his heart. He didn’t want to be safe anymore. He wanted to really know Pilar and, for the first time, to let someone else really know him. More than anything, he wanted to finally put his trust and his hope in the woman he loved.
Still, the words wouldn’t come, so he expressed his feelings without them. Drawing Pilar into his arms, he kissed her gently, all the feelings of his heart laid bare for her. She slid her hands over his shoulders to lace behind his neck in a wonderful gift of trust.
Zach lifted his head away but still held her close so that her cheek rested against his chest. If only the beating of his heart could convey that he carried her with him inside.
“This is nice,” she murmured.
“Yeah.” He lightly stroked her hair with his fingertips.
Pilar lifted her head to face him again. “It’s back to reality again tomorrow, isn’t it?”
Reality. Clearly, she’d been talking about her own difficult return to work. Still, he couldn’t help but turn that question on himself. What had he done this weekend to put himself any closer to finding Gabriel’s mother? Which lead had he pursued? What tip had he followed up on? Since the answer was unequivocally none, he didn’t even try to make excuses for himself.
All weekend he’d selfishly spent nearly every minute outside work with Pilar when he could have been putting in extra hours on the investigation. They were no closer to locating Gabriel’s mother than that first day at the adoption agency, and he had no one to blame but himself.
“Back to reality, all right. I’m going to be pretty busy—”
Pilar took an abrupt step back from him, stopping him midsentence. “Oh…don’t worry about it.”
For a few seconds, he only stared at her blankly. When what she really meant dawned on him, he was mystified by it. After all the hours they’d spent together, could she still believe she was just a charity case to him?
Didn’t she realize he couldn’t get enough of seeing her smile, feeling her laughter wash over him or listening to her voice? She could only see that he’d played nursemaid to her, but his heart had begun to heal with the touch of her gentle hand.
“Worry about the case?” He tried not to smile at having purposely misunderstood her. “I’ll keep worrying about it until I find the answers I need.”
She was already shaking her head when he reached out to her and tucked a few stray strands of her hair behind her ear.
“I’ve been…preoccupied this weekend, so I’ll have to refocus my efforts on the case. I won’t be able to call you—” he paused as he watched her nod again, too easily giving up on him “—at least until tomorrow night.”
He took her surprised expression as his cue to draw her into his arms once more. Pilar was right. They were quite a pair. He was afraid of trusting someone with his heart, and she questioned whether she was worthy of it. He only hoped that God, in His infinite wisdom, would help them find a way to be strong together.
The Tiny Blessings office hadn’t changed much in a week without her, but that Monday morning as Pilar glanced about it, she realized that she was different. She even hazarded a glance at the Wall of Blessings, but instead of the pain she’d expected, peace filled her heart. She grinned back at the rows of smiling faces. Thank You, Father.
She owed it to Zach that she was beginning to turn over her fears to God. Now she could see that God had been with her all through the crisis, even sending Zach to her just when she needed a friend. The story ran full circle when her friend helped her to trust God again.
She must have been smiling because when Anne passed her, she cocked her head and raised an eyebrow.
“Glad to have you back, sweetie. Are you feeling okay?”
Pilar grinned. “I’m fine. Really.”
The ringing phone interrupted their conversation, and Anne crossed the room to answer it. She pointed to the phone before she lifted the handset. “We’re getting positive calls again ever since Jared’s newspaper series started running Friday.”
As Anne spoke into the phone, Pilar returned to the files on her desk. Two new couples had applied for adoption while she’d been off work. One was even interested in a special-needs child. She couldn’t wait to set up their interviews and home visits.
“Detective Fletcher’s on line two for you.”
Her friend wore a silly grin when Pilar looked up, one that probably resembled hers. Could her suspicion be right? Could Zach be the man God had planned for her all along?
“Hello, Zach.” Her breath caught in her throat as she waited to hear his voice. So deeply embedded in her memory now, she guessed that even in a crowded and darkened room, she could still find him as soon as he spoke.
“Hey, Pilar.”
She cleared her throat and glanced around to see if Kelly was looking out from her office. She didn’t have to look to know that Anne was watching. “I, um, thought I wouldn’t hear from you until tonight.”
“Sorry. This is business.”
She straightened in her seat, sensing that whatever he was about to tell her wasn’t good. “Okay.”
“I just wanted to tell you that there’s been a break in the case.”
Zach put the phone down again Monday afternoon, annoyed by the frustration that he couldn’t seem to set aside. The Tarkington Academy flyer lay in the center of his desk, taunting him. The fancy gold lettering embossed on it was new to him, but the paper it was printed on, he would have recognized that anywhere.
He should have been relieved that there was finally a break in the case. But the fact that rookie cop Steve Merritt had been the one to make the connection just didn’t set right with him. He felt guilty knowing Steve had been putting in the extra time over the weekend while Zach had been focused on his love life.
Steve popped by his desk then as he’d been doing all day, that annoying grin of achievement never leaving his face. “Any more developments, Detective?”
“Well, it’s confirmed that the flyer was produced by Guffy’s Printing on Main. We also have a list of students who served on the open house committee and helped to design the flyer.”
“That’s pretty good progress for one day.”
“Couldn’t have done it without you, buddy.”
The junior officer’s eyes widened at the comment, and he nodded. No doubt he could relate to how hard that compliment had been to give, and he appreciated the effort. Steve lifted the flyer off the desk and studied it as if he might find something new on it.
“And to think that we might never have made the connection if I hadn’t gone to my sister’s for dinner Saturday.”
“What do you mean?” At least the junior officer wasn’t really working off-duty like he’d suspected.
“Becky’s trying to squeeze her ex-husband out of more support money by sending my niece to the most exclusive private high school in Chestnut Grove.”
“Great. Now we benefit from the after-ripples of a nasty divorce.”
“We take it where we can get it.”
Zach shrugged. The rookie was right. It might turn out to be just another dead end like every other lead, but they would take it and be grateful if it finally led to their suspect.
“What’s next?” Steve seemed to be getting a kick out of his opportunity to do more than take initial reports.
“I’m waiting for word back from Tarkington Academy. I’ll be going in this afternoon to interview all seven students on the list.”
“Even the boys?” Steve raised an eyebrow. “Unlikely moms, I would guess.”
“They might be witnesses, or one of them might be the long-lost dad.”
Zach’s desk phone rang then, so he held up an index finger to let Steve know he’d ge
t back to him momentarily. As he jotted down notes from the school’s headmaster, he caught movement in his peripheral vision. Pilar came through the door and paused at the front desk. He tried to focus on his telephone conversation, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off her.
Why was she here? He’d shared with her that there had been a break in the case because he’d figured she would want to know, but the last thing he’d expected was for her to show up at the station. He couldn’t blame her, though. She was tied to the case on so many levels.
“Could you spell that last name again, Headmaster Douglas?”
He tried to pay attention this time so he didn’t have to ask the oh-so-formal Elliot Douglas III to repeat it a third time. The educator was already annoyed enough that police would be interrupting his students for interviews that probably didn’t involve them.
“Okay, H-a-r-c-o-u-r-t,” he spelled back to Douglas.
“Thank you so much. I’ll meet you in your office at one.”
When he glanced at the front desk, Pilar was no longer standing there. Across the room, though, he found her sitting in the visitor’s chair next to Steve’s desk and talking to him. He surprised himself, as he probably had them, by crossing to the other desk in about eight annoyed strides.
Steve popped up like an army private snapping to attention, and Pilar just stared.
Pull yourself together, Fletcher. He forced a smile and patted Steve’s shoulder. Already, Zach didn’t like himself much that day for resenting the other officer’s discovery, but now he’d reacted like a jealous jerk. If his day was starting out this bad, he could only imagine how long he’d be on his knees praying for forgiveness that night.
“Hi, Pilar. Did Officer Merritt tell you how he found the brochure?”
She smiled and nodded at Steve. “Good thing for dinner at your sister’s.” Then she turned back to Zach, her expression unreadable.
Because she didn’t say anything, he finally asked, “Were you here to see me?”