by Eva Brandt
I could write them a letter of course, but it would not be the same as talking to them in person.
Come to think of it, why had they chosen to send me a letter to begin with, if Halvar was right here? Could he not shift to communicate with me? Did the process involve some kind of danger? That might make sense. When I’d seen him fight, it had been obvious—at least to me—that he was struggling a lot with keeping his beast under control, but I’d deemed it mostly a psychological issue. But to actually change into his wolf counterpart, his whole body would have to go through a huge transformation. Everything from his bone structure to his inner organs would have changed. Magic or no magic, it couldn’t have been easy.
I hoped he had not jeopardized his own safety and health for my sake.
“It’s difficult for you to shift from wolf to man, isn’t it?” I asked him. “Is that the reason for the letter?”
He lifted his head and nodded. I could’ve sworn I saw a mild glint of embarrassment in his green eyes. But why would Halvar be embarrassed about an entirely justifiable physical difficulty?
“Thank you for making the sacrifice and the effort,” I told him. “We’ll have to come up with another method, so that you won’t have to do it again unless we’re in dire straits. I’ll figure something out. In the meantime, I have been thinking a little about the solution to our predicament and I might have found it. I want to marry the three of you.”
In hindsight, I should have perhaps been a little more tactful in delivering my suggestion. He jerked away from me as if I’d physically struck him. His body started to ripple and while he made no noise, the snap and twist of bones instantly put me on the edge.
I didn’t know what to do about it, as I’d never tried my hand at healing magic. The process ended before I could do anything about it, and the wolf’s form was replaced by that of a very handsome, very naked man. “You want to what?”
His shocked, but steady tone reminded me of the comment that had triggered his sudden shift. “Marry all three of you,” I repeated, carefully keeping my eyes on his face and not on… anything else. “Is that a problem?”
He stared at me, blinking several times as if he had trouble processing the question. I hoped the sudden transformation from wolf to man had not damaged his brain. “Is that a problem?” I asked again.
“Err… It’s not an option we were aware existed,” he replied. His eyes looked even nicer from up close, and now that he wasn’t in wolf form, I couldn’t conveniently ignore that.
Struggling to ignore the fact that I was in bed with a naked man I was very attracted to, I shrugged. “Technically, it didn’t, not until I made it up. Of course, it is only a suggestion, not something you have to accept. But I’ve thought this through, and I believe it would be the most advantageous option for all of us.”
“Advantageous?” he asked, tilting his head in a way that reminded me of his lupine self. “How so?”
“It’s a bit of a long story, but the whole thing from yesterday? It has something to do with a curse that was placed on me when I was a baby.”
As I explained everything my mother had told me the night before, Halvar’s eyes grew progressively wider. His hands clenched into fists, and I could’ve sworn I saw claws emerge even if he was now in human form.
“So basically,” I concluded, “I owe Thrandur my freedom and Mathias my life. I cannot separate Thrandur from you, since you are obviously in love, and that would be cruel. So… Here we are.”
He nodded, but I had a feeling he hadn’t heard much of my rational argument. That guess was confirmed when the first thing he said about it was a simple, “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? Whatever for?”
“Not arriving sooner.” He gritted his teeth, his eyes flashing with a feral rage that reminded me of his earlier episode in the arena. “Abandoning you to the curse for so long.”
I had no idea what to do with this. Halvar blaming himself for not being able to help me sooner had not been a possibility I’d taken into account. His body was vibrating with nervous tension, but he was also still naked, and still so close, and I… I had to figure out what to say, damn it. “Don’t be ridiculous,” I managed to reply. “It’s not your fault, and you couldn’t have known I existed. In truth, we are fortunate that you ended up here and in the tournament. I’m not sure about Mathias, but you and Thrandur could have easily decided to not come to Kerys. You could have stayed out of the competition too, since you have no real interest in me.”
There. That made perfect sense, and it was far more coherent that I’d thought I would be.
Halvar seemed determined to argue with me. “That’s not true. Of course we’re interested in you. We don’t really know what to do with that either.” He shot me a small, sheepish smile. “I’ve never actually cared about anyone except Thrand. It is very odd, and between that and your magic…”
Ah, yes, I’d forgotten about that tidbit. They had been discussing the possibility of me being a witch the day before. “I didn’t cast a spell on you, if that’s what you’re thinking. Sex magic has never been my area of expertise. I’ve never even seen a naked man until today.”
I didn’t know what made me add that latter part, but it was more efficient than my reassurances. His breath caught as he realized his position and he stumbled away from me, doing his best to shield his privates with his hands. He wasn’t really successful, since my eyesight had always been very good.
Oh, dear. The gods had gifted him with more than just the strength and ferocity of a wolf. I wondered if he was as savage in bed as he was on the battlefield.
Before my thoughts could stray even further on the already inappropriate path, Halvar rolled off the bed and hit the floor with a pained sound. I winced and shuffled closer to the edge of the bed, both wanting to go to his aid and knowing that our positions made that idea a little complicated.
I reminded myself such a fall couldn’t hurt a shape-shifter and settled for asking a simple question. “Are you all right down there?”
“I’m fine,” he replied without getting up. “I’m so sorry about this. I didn’t realize… I can’t even imagine how you must feel.”
Aroused, mostly. I’d ignored the feeling so far, but I didn’t think I’d be able to do that for much longer. The strange sensations that had been plaguing me since the moment I’d seen the three men—before they’d even broken my curse—were back with a vengeance. If my conversation with Halvar continued going the way it had so far, I wasn’t sure what I would do. My magic had not responded negatively, but not everything was about magic. “I’m not offended or anything,” I said. “You don’t have to worry about that. Assuming you agree to be my husbands, I’ll have to see you naked eventually. Probably. At least once.”
Well, I didn’t, but I wanted to, and so far, Halvar didn’t seem averse to it, so maybe there was hope for us yet.
Then again, I’d decided to not push them into anything and Halvar and Thrandur were already in a relationship. My head was beginning to hurt. This was more complicated than I had expected.
“Listen, Halvar,” I said, feeling a small thrill upon speaking his name, “we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves here. For any of it to be possible, you all have to reach the final stages of the tournament. I can’t change or avoid that. The competition ends within less than a week. You have time to consider your options until then.”
My words finally caused him to get up, although he kept his body angled in such a way that his nudity was shielded from view. “This isn’t just about our options,” he said, his green eyes glowing with an emotion I was too tired to identify. “It’s about your options as well. You don’t have to marry someone out of gratitude.”
“This was my idea and my choice,” I pointed out. “There is no reason to worry about my sensibilities.”
“But—”
“Besides,” I cut him off, “it’s not just about gratitude. I need someone I can rely on in the future—someone strong enough to suppo
rt me in my plans. I believe you have that strength, and the tournament will prove me right.
“In the meantime, if you and Thrandur aren’t interested, I’ll probably just marry Mathias and have you as my guards, as you originally wished. Nothing is set in stone.”
Halvar let out a slow breath. “That’s fair. But it would still be better to speak to you again, before the tournament ends.”
I went over all the complicated enchantments I’d undoubtedly have to cast to escape my mother’s eye and nodded. “Three days. Give me three days and I will meet you at the spot in the letter.”
He opened his mouth, perhaps intending to reply. I myself would’ve probably said more. I would have at the very least tried to write a letter for Thrandur and Mathias.
Unfortunately, our luck ran out and a knock sounded at the door of my quarters. “Dahud? Can I have a word with you?”
Crap. My mother must’ve sensed the surge of energy Halvar had caused when he’d shifted into his human form. “You need to go,” I whispered. “Quickly. If my mother comes in here, she’ll sense your presence.”
Halvar didn’t question me. He turned back into his wolf form, and the sight of his shifting limbs, while both beautiful and hypnotizing, made my stomach twist with the knowledge of the pain he must be experiencing. I didn’t let it get to me. Instead, I left my bedroom and headed toward the entrance of my quarters.
When I opened the door, I found in surprise that both my parents were waiting outside. “Mother, Father, is there a problem?”
“Not at all, dear,” my mother answered with a small smile. “We merely wanted to speak to you.”
“We were interested in your take on the tournament’s progress,” my father added.
I didn’t believe them for a second. Even so, I gestured for them to come inside. After all, I had nothing to hide. By the time they entered my quarters, the wolf that had mysteriously sneaked into the palace had already left just as stealthily. My parents would never know he had been here. And since they wanted to hear my impressions on the competition… Why not test the waters with my idea?
“I believe the tournament is going well,” I said. “I’ve seen a great deal of competitors who show promise. That is why I’m considering the possibility of taking more than one husband.”
My parents’ reaction wasn’t much better than Halvar’s. “Dahud, what are you talking about?” my father asked, fixing me with the same gaze that routinely made soldiers shake in their boots. “Absolutely not!”
My mother’s face went almost as crimson as her hair. “You are a princess of Kerys. We cannot allow such a thing!”
In response, I shot them a beatific smile. “Oh, you can. And you will. You are my parents and you love me, don’t you? You wouldn’t deny me such a simple thing… Would you?”
My parents met my eyes and went very still. Twin, empty smiles appeared on their faces. “Of course not, Dahud,” they said. “We would never deny you anything, Dahud.”
Oh, dear. I hadn’t intended to do that. I might not always agree with my parents and I’d considered them obstacles to my plans in the past. Even so, I’d never deemed absolute mind magic an option, not when it was so dangerous and unstable.
How in the name of the gods was I supposed to fix this?
* * *
Mathias
Three days later
“She’s going to come. Stop pacing, Halvar. She’s going to come.”
“I know that, Thrand. I’ll pace anyway. I can’t help it.”
I watched the exchange between my two companions in silence, empathizing with both Thrandur and Halvar. I was trying to stay optimistic due to the message Dahud had sent, but it wasn’t exactly easy. I was still struggling to make sense of my own emotions and I had trouble controlling the anxiety I felt over the new information we’d received.
Since Dahud’s conversation with Halvar, I’d already fought in the tournament twice and won easily both times. Halvar and Thrandur had also met two more competitors in combat and had defeated them with no trouble. I’d expected to find some challenge in a tournament involving trained soldiers. My training and experience could hardly compare to that of the older soldiers who had been fighting for the king since before I’d been born, and yet, I’d run into no significant obstacles so far. Maybe it would get tougher as the wheat was separated from the chaff, but for the moment, that wasn’t my main concern.
My nightmares hadn’t returned, but I didn’t need them to. I had a pretty good idea what they must’ve been about now.
For almost two decades, Dahud had been stuck living without emotions, a shell of the person she should have been. She might not have realized what she was missing, like the people who were born blind didn’t grasp the meaning of what they had been denied. But by the same token, how was she truly dealing with it, now that she did have her emotions back? I wanted to believe that the magical surge at the beach meant the worst was over, but I still feared for her.
I clenched my pendant in my fist, wishing we’d been able to help her sooner. A million confusing thoughts swirled through my head. What had my aunt known about the curse? She’d warned me to stay away from Dahud, so she’d clearly been aware something wasn’t right. Had she simply sensed the dark magic that had held Dahud trapped in an emotionless prison, or was there something more to it?
I had no way to find out. Going back to my village was out of the question and other methods to contact my aunt would be much too indiscreet. That seemed to be happening a lot lately, since it was exactly the same situation we were in with the princess.
“She’ll come,” I murmured, echoing Thrandur even if I knew the words didn’t help any of us. “Soon.”
Dahud hadn’t mentioned the exact hour when she was supposed to arrive, but as it turned out, we didn’t have to wait for much longer. I’d just finished the sentence when the sound of rustling leaves interrupted our anxious conversation.
A cloaked figure emerged from the shadows, gliding gracefully toward us. Clad in a dark riding suit, with her face hidden behind a black hood, Dahud looked very different from the elegant princess we’d come to know in the past couple of days. Even so, I had no trouble seeing through her disguise. No one except Dahud moved like that, her every footstep a silent, yet innocent seduction. No other woman glowed the way she did, her almost blinding light making me ache with a desire fiercer than anything I’d felt before. The new outfit did a good job in hiding her identity from anyone else, but it would take a little more than a cloak to fool me. I suspected Thrandur and Halvar were in the same situation, although, unlike me, Thrandur actually managed to find his voice and say something instead of just standing there and staring like an idiot.
“Your Highness, good evening. Thank you for coming to meet with us. You honor us with your presence.”
“Good evening,” Dahud greeted us, letting her hood drop. “As flattered as I am by your words, perhaps we should skip the regular formalities. I’m trying to be a little more practical tonight.”
“Thus the riding suit,” I said, and promptly regretted it the moment the words escaped my lips. After all, we were hardly here to talk about Dahud’s clothes.
Dahud didn’t seem to have a problem with my comment. “Gowns aren’t very practical for sneaking around, especially when they’re white,” she explained with a smile. “For the most part, I’ve managed to make sure my parents won’t be a problem, but I’d still prefer to be discreet.”
“We perfectly understand,” Halvar replied. “Again, I apologize for my mistake in—”
“I told you I didn’t mind it,” she cut him off. “If you’re going to apologize over and over, I might as well end this meeting early, since it’s clear you’ve decided to not take me up on my offer.”
I couldn’t tell if she was as irritated about our behavior as her words suggested. Her demeanor didn’t change in the slightest and her smile didn’t waver, but that didn’t reassure me. In fact, it brought back my earlier doubts and concerns. �
��That’s not it, Your Highness,” I said quickly. “We’re just not sure this is truly what you want.”
Pushing back my misgivings, I made my way to her side and reached for her gloved hand. “May I?”
When she nodded, I took her palm and brought it to my lips. The material kept our bodies from making contact, and I hated it, because I wanted to touch her properly and feel her heat in a way that did not involve restarting her heart after a surge of unleashed magic had stopped it.
“I know this is very difficult for you. No. I can’t possibly know or understand. But we don’t want you to rush into a decision, now of all times. You’re still dealing with the aftermath of the curse, and that might affect the way you see certain things, or make your perspective different than it was before.”
Had that sounded patronizing? Gods, it probably had. I hoped I hadn’t offended her by accident, because that was the last thing we needed.
Much to my surprise, she let out a bitter chuckle. “You’re not wrong about that. I might as well share the newest tidbit with you, then. It’s not just my perspective that has changed. It’s the way my magic reacts to that perspective.”
She stared at our joined hands, and I tentatively squeezed her fingers, just enough to offer support while still giving her the liberty to break free if that was what she wanted. “I spoke with my parents the other day about a potential marriage with more than one husband,” she said. “They were against it. I… I somehow managed to mind-control them into accepting my idea.”
My breath caught at her confession. That was certainly not what I had expected her to say.
“It’s not what I wanted,” she continued, her voice barely audible over the sound of the waves. “I wanted to get to know my parents properly, now that I can understand what it means to have parents. I suppose it’s useful, since it means there will be no opposition when I eventually take the throne, but on the other hand…” Her grip on my palm tightened so much it hurt. “This is all wrong. I don’t know what to think. I was planning on forcing my father to abdicate. This simply advances my plans, so I should embrace it. But…”