Never Coming Down

by Deja Voss

  “You’re royalty, Sloan,” I laugh. “You don’t have to help them. They live for this shit.”

  Bruno, a short, stocky, recently graduated hang-around bends over the black garbage bag he has in his hand and starts throwing up.

  “Yeah, looks like he’s having a blast.”

  “Hey, he’s gotta learn to handle his liquor or take it easy.”

  The sound of truck tires roll up the gravel driveway and my sister, Esther, waves from the front seat. Her and Brooks hop out of the truck, followed by a tiny little Rottweiler puppy wearing a pink bow around her neck, running full speed trying to keep up with the two.

  Sloan’s eyes fill with tears and her hands start shaking.

  “Oh my God, Esther! I love your puppy!” she says jumping off the porch swing and scooping up the little dog in her arms while it smothers her face in kisses. She’s giggling, bouncing the puppy up and down, like she’s in her own little world.

  “I’m scared to tell her,” Esther laughs. “She’ll probably have a heart attack.”

  “You like her?” I ask. I already know the answer by the way she’s fawning over the black beast with the nubby tail and copper dots for eyebrows.

  “You guys got me a dog?” she squeals. “She’s mine?”

  She sets the dog down and grabs Esther, hugging her close.

  “Now you’re stuck here with us, Sloan. Sorry about your luck,” she teases.

  “If I knew it was that easy, I would’ve done that a long time ago,” I say. I pick up the chubby little dog and set her up on the swing with me. She’s looking around in fascination, her ears perking up as she listens intently to the people around her, absorbing as much as she can about her new world around her. “What do you want to name her?”

  “I don’t know yet! I’ve never got to name a dog before.”

  “You’re outnumbered, bud,” Brooks says to me. “Now you got two bitches to boss you around.”

  Sloan punches him in the shoulder. “How many do you have?” she asks him. “And ones of the blow-up variety don’t count.”

  “That’s my girl.” I smile.

  “Guys, this is seriously the best day of my life,” she says. She looks so cute, so wild and free standing there in the sunshine.

  I pick up the puppy and hold her in my lap and she licks my face all over, and all I can do is laugh.

  “I think that’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen,” she teases. “Big bad biker man letting baby dog smother him in kisses.”

  “I’m gonna have to disagree with you on that one, Sloan. I watched that dog lick her asshole for a solid twenty minutes straight this morning,” Brooks jokes, with a little dry heave for added emphasis. “But we’ll get out of your hair if you need some alone time.” He heads back towards the truck.

  “No way,” she says. “If you don’t have anything going on stay and hang out. You want coffee?”

  “I’ll help you. We need to talk, anyway. I owe you an apology,” Esther says, and the two of them disappear into the front door, followed by the puppy. I lean back on the swing and smile. Seeing the woman I grew up with and the woman I want to grow old with getting along like friends means a lot. Esther doesn’t let many people into her circle, but she’d always been an advocate for Sloan.

  “Look at you, you lucky fuck.” Brooks pulls up a chair. “It’s like you really did end up with the best of both worlds. Mountain Misfit life, city lady…”

  “Oh, she’s not as city as you think,” I say. It’s insane. The girl has the world at her fingertips. She’s brilliant, beautiful, and highly educated, and she thinks the best thing ever is being up here on the mountain with me. She makes me a better person, and I make her happy and it’s as easy as that.

  “I don’t care if she’s the most city chick ever. I’m just glad to have you back. I’ll bring you puppies every month if I have to to keep her around. I’m happy for you, man.”

  “Did you hear that?” Sloan coos to the dog from the doorway. “You’re getting a sister!”

  “We got enough for everyone,” Esther says, holding a tray. “You boys take a break and come up here with us,” she yells to the prospects in the yard.

  Sloan curls up next to me on the porch swing, taking my hand in hers, squeezing it tight.

  Red pulls up on his bike with Olive hanging off the back, Tank shortly behind. She runs up on the porch and tosses Sloan a bag.

  “This was the closest thing I could find to your natural color. I hope it’s ok.”

  “You’re so thoughtful, Ollie,” she says. I personally don’t care if her hair is green as long she stays here with me forever.

  “What are we going to name this little beast?” Sloan asks, laying her head on my chest as we watch the little puppy fumble around the porch, sniffing everyone. It’s hilarious how a dog can turn a hardened batch of bikers into a bunch of baby-talking idiots.

  Kinda like Sloan did with me. She’s so smart.

  “Killer?” I suggest. “Harley? Dozer?”

  “Come here, Rosie,” she calls out. The tiny pup is entranced with her voice and comes barreling over, still learning how to use her legs, her paws awkwardly big for her body. Sloan picks her up and rests her on her lap. “You are so loved, my pretty little puppy,” she coos to her.

  “That works, too.” I kiss her forehead and she smiles up at me. We have nothing to do today but this.

  It’s as if overnight, life became perfect. I have my best friends, my sister, the woman I’m going to make my wife, and the new generation of Mountain Misfits gathered around outside the house where it all began, and I feel like we’re all on the verge of something big, something exciting. I can feel my grandfather here with us, too, looking down in approval of the future we are going to create.

  Epilogue

  Sloan

  “Happy fucking anniversary,” he says as he hands me a glass of wine.

  “Gavin, you’re so crude,” I giggle.

  It’s late September and I’m enjoying the last warm days of autumn to the fullest extent, lounging in the outdoor claw-foot tub on the back patio watching the leaves fall. I spent the morning gathering eggs and feeding the chickens and goats, and then went for a long hike in the woods with Rosie. The not-too-hot water feels amazing on my muscles and I kind of want to just spend the day doing nothing but this.

  “I can’t believe you forgot,” he says, trying to fake a frown of disappointment. “This time last year I rocked your world for the first time.”

  “And I can’t believe you forgot,” I tease, thumbing at the waistband of his jeans. “It’s Sunday. And we don’t wear pants on Sundays.”

  “Well I hate to break it to you, but you’re gonna have to put a little something on today. I have a surprise planned for you.”

  Since I’ve moved into the farmhouse with him, every day has been full of surprises and adventures.

  “Please don’t tell me somebody got shot last night and I’m going to be spending the afternoon digging for bullets.”

  “Not that kind of surprise,” he says, kissing me on the lips, his beard tickling my face in all the right places, and incidentally hitting me right in the lady parts. “Although I’m sure we can arrange that for later if you want to take a trip down memory lane.”

  “I’m good on that,” I say, smiling. It’s true. I’m still practicing medicine up here as I’m needed, and I’ve been doing a totally different kind of internship than I ever have in the past, studying under Patch, the mountain doctor. He’s taught me all sorts of things about using nature as medicine, his Shawnee roots guiding us through the forest in search of herbs and leaves and plants that can be harvested for healing. “And I didn’t forget our “fucking” anniversary, by the way,” I say. “But you’re going to have to wait for tonight to get your present.”

  “I think I can guess what that might be,” he says with a smirk, pinching at my nipple with his big calloused hand.

  “I highly doubt it,” I say, smiling up at him with love in my
eyes. It’s taken everything in me not to tell him yet, but I wanted to make sure I wasn’t just readjusting after going off my birth control. Two pink lines times three tests with Olive holding my hand and screaming as I made her pinky swear to secrecy later, and I knew I was going to make him the happiest man alive.

  Although I’ve fortunately avoided any morning sickness symptoms so far, it’s been a struggle for the last week, especially trying to avoid long trips on the bike with him. I trust his driving, but anything could happen out on the road, and now that it’s not just me I have to worry about, I’m doing my best to not put myself in high-risk situations.

  One could argue that living with the Mountain Misfits IS a high-risk situation in itself, and I could see where they’re coming from. From the outside, I guess it looks like we’re a bunch of moonshine-chugging, fighting, fucking outlaws, and there’s a lot of truth to that sentiment. But since moving here, I’ve never felt safer or more loved in my entire life. There’s a certain peace to living on this piece of land, and I know that our child will have a better life than I could’ve ever imagined for myself.

  “I’ll let you finish up. If I have to stand here looking at your tits much longer, I’m gonna have to change my pants.”

  “You’re such a gentleman,” I laugh, rolling my eyes at him.

  As he leaves through the patio door, I dump the glass of wine in the rose bush next to the tub. Rosie rushes over, lapping it up eagerly as she wags her nubby little tail.

  “Get out of there, ya boozehound.” I wave her off and carefully stand up, reaching for the towel I draped over the clothesline.

  I know we promised no more secrets, but this isn’t so much a secret as it is a surprise. I run my hands over my belly, pushing it out, imagining myself swollen with his child. There’s something so sensual about knowing how connected we are on the deepest possible level. It gives me chills as I stand there, nude in the fall air.

  The best part about being pregnant is knowing how happy it’s going to make him. He’s always said it’s his dying wish to make me happy, and he certainly does, but being able to return the favor for him, every day, in every way, is a dream come true for me.

  Gavin:

  I don’t want to rush her, but I really can’t wait for this day to get started. I know it’s totally cheesy but I feel like today is the first day of the rest of our lives.

  “You guys coming soon?” Olive texts me.

  Olive is just as anxious as I am. Not bad anxious. Ready anxious. Ready to move forward as husband and wife, not just Gavin and Sloan. She walks in the back door wearing nothing but a towel. I can’t keep my eyes off her graceful body.

  “What are we thinking today?” she asks. “Business casual? Leather and lace?”

  “It doesn’t matter. Whatever’s comfortable. You can wear your bathrobe for all I care. Just go get ready!”

  I pace around the kitchen until she’s back on the steps in her favorite skinny jeans and a tight-fitting black t-shirt. Her hair is still short, but the way it hits just above her collarbone is strangely sexy to me. It makes me want to bury my face there, kissing and licking on her while she wiggles in my arms. She knows it, too.

  “Let’s go!” I say before she hits the bottom of the stairs. “We’re burning daylight here.”

  “Did you drink too much coffee today or what? I don’t even have shoes on.”

  Now she’s just taunting me, dramatically pulling one boot over her foot, fiddling with the laces before tying them, untying them, and then retying them.

  “I’ll be outside,” I say, running out the front door with a slam. I’m thumbing the felt box in my pocket as I continue to pace the yard. Everyone is waiting for us at the clubhouse. I’ve been debating how I wanted to do this since she moved in with me in May. Sure, I could’ve gone low-key, just the two of us, but she would’ve seen it coming.

  Plus, now that she’s here with us on the mountain she’s definitely become a pillar of the club. She’s so motherly and caring. She keeps the guys in line and she always knows what to do in any situation.

  She’s about to become Mountain Misfits royalty, and I want everyone there to celebrate this big day. I want everyone to know she’s going to be here with us forever. She’s going to be mine forever.

  “I’m surprised you didn’t leave without me!” she laughs. “Where are we going?”

  “We have to stop at the clubhouse first.”

  We mount up the bike and she clutches on to me with a firmer grip than usual, as if she’s clinging for dear life.

  “You alright back there?” I shout over the roar of the engine.

  Her smile is thin and bleak, but she shoots me a thumbs-up and down the mountain we go. It’s a relatively short drive, but I want to get there as quickly as possible. She’s hugging onto me with all her might still. Maybe she’s a little tipsy from the wine.

  “Gavin, stop!” she yells, as we pull into the gravel driveway outside the clubhouse. She takes her hand from my waist and begins to point to the picnic table in the lawn of the mansion. My dad is hunched over, grasping at his chest.

  “Relax,” I yell back. “He probably drank too much last night.”

  “No!” she screams. “Look!”

  He takes a few staggered steps and then falls to the ground in a heap. I barely even come to a complete stop before she’s off and running, sprinting towards him. She’s on the ground next to him, feeling his pulse, tearing his t-shirt down the middle, and I’m just sitting there idling, so confused about what’s going on in front of me.

  “Go get help, Gavin. He needs to go to the hospital. Go get the truck.”

  It’s as if the only speed I can move in is slow-motion. My dad has been nothing but trouble, especially when it comes to Sloan, and now he’s ruining things once again, this time without even trying.

  “Gavin, hurry! Somebody needs to call 911 and tell an ambulance to meet us at the bottom of the hill.”

  I rush inside the clubhouse. Everyone is casually gathered around the barroom, obviously waiting on our arrival.

  “Where is she?” Trixie shouts. “What did you do?”

  “She’s outside with dad. Someone needs to call an ambulance,” I say. “Let’s go.”

  Sloan:

  If I was being honest, I would say that Moses having a heart attack on our anniversary would be the best surprise I could’ve ever imagined. I know if I were dying in a field he’d probably run the other way, but that’s not me, that’s not my style.

  I’m going to keep this fucker alive as long as possible so he can suffer in my joy. Suffer in the fact that his son chose me over him and I’m not going anywhere.

  “Try and stay calm, Mo,” I say. “You’re going to be alright.”

  He’s not in cardiac arrest; his eyes open as he gasps for air. He’s likely going to be perfectly fine so long as we get him to a hospital. He looks so old, so gray, and yet his eyes are clear, burning a hole right through me, dripping with hate.

  “Try and take some deep breaths and get comfortable,” I tell him. “Gavin’s coming with the truck. We’re going to get you help.”

  “I… don’t… do… hospitals,” he gasps between breaths, wheezing each one out.

  “Well you do today, Mo. Unless you want to keel over and die right here.”

  It’s hard for me to be the bigger person, especially when I have him in such a delicate position, but I know that living my life full of hatred for him isn’t worth my time.

  His breathing is ragged, and he tries to stand up with a start.

  “Moses, you don’t want to do that. You’re going to end up hurting yourself. Don’t you want to live long enough to meet your new grandkid?”

  He grasps at his chest but a thin smile starts forming across his face, and for some reason I know it’s sincere. It’s the first time he’s ever done anything but sneer, snarl, snap, or frown at me. It’s as if I finally got through to him.

  “You’re only the second person who knows. Keep yo
ur mouth shut, ok?”

  A tear rolls down my face. Every time I say it out loud, every time I tell someone, it feels more real, and it’s overwhelming in the best possible way.

  I hear truck tires pulling up the driveway, and Clutch and Heat jump out and begin ushering him into the backseat. Gavin is standing in the lawn, his head hung low.

  “I’m gonna ride down with them,” I tell him. Partially because I want to keep an eye on Moses, and partially because I don’t want to be on the back of his bike down that bumpy winding hill. There’s no sense in risking it, even this early on.

  I sprint over to him, kissing him on the lips, hugging him around the waist.

  “He’s gonna be ok, Gav. Don’t worry,” I assure him. “I’ll see ya at the hospital?”

  “Sure.” He’s frowning; the look of disappointment on his face is like a child who just found out the truth about Santa.

  “Gav, don’t be like this. We have the rest of our lives to celebrate our anniversary. Let’s just get your dad taken care of and we can try again tomorrow.”

  Being back at the hospital reaffirms that I made the best choice possible for my life by not taking the job there. As nice as it is seeing Carol for the first time in months, nothing about this place feels like somewhere I belong.

  She runs up to me and gives me a big hug.

  “Sloan!” she cries out. “We’ve missed you so much. This place isn’t the same without you here.”

  “I’m sorry, Carol,” I say. “I missed you too. When are you going to come up and visit?”

  “I promise I will try to soon.” She whispers in my ear with a knowing tone in her voice, “I have to say, you look like you’re glowing.”

  “Shhh...” I say with a smile. “Not even Gavin knows yet. I was gonna tell him today, but… well, Moses doesn’t like us to have nice things.”