“Arizona,” I say a little louder.
“Is he our new daddy?”
The room grows eerily quiet, the only sound I hear is that of my blood rushing through my veins and the thumping of my heart. I shoot a look at Grant who has stopped looking at Cali and is staring at Arizona, mouth agape.
“Uh, what?” Not exactly the best answer but really, who can blame me?
“You said you were going to find us a daddy and he’s here,” she says with such conviction. “Does he fit us?”
Oh sweet heaven, please make this stop. Her eyes are full of serious curiosity. I kind of wish the floor would open up and give me an escape. When I don’t respond immediately, Ari pops her hip and is only one motion away from tapping her foot in frustration. Like a fish out of water, I open my mouth and close it, unable to compile a retort. Looking at my mom for help, she looks as horrified as I feel. Unsatisfied with my failure to give her an answer, my little girl channels her inner tween and rolls her eyes and stomps out of the room with a sandwich bag holding her tooth swinging at her side. I guess the eye-roll apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
“I’ll just . . . Cali, come to Grandma. Let’s get your diaper changed.”
Snatching Cali out of Grant’s hands, my mom rushes from the room. Traitor. She’s left me all alone to work my way out of a hole I didn’t even dig.
“Uh . . . so kids, they say the darndest things.”
“I think I should go.”
Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for, but, truthfully, I don’t blame him. Sure he knew I was a single mom and we’ve talked about my girls, but there’s no way he could have prepared for this mess.
“Grant—”
“Your girls are home and I should swing by the new house. Check out the progress. I’ll call you later.”
Without another word, he leaves me alone in the kitchen. The muffled sounds of him speaking to my mother in the other room are barely audible and then just minutes later, I hear the front door close.
“Well, that was awkward.”
Glaring at my mom, I don’t bother responding and turn my attention to the dishes.
Chapter 29
Grant
“And then you just bailed?”
A chorus of whistles and “ah man” from the five men sitting around the table drives home what a spineless dick I’ve been this week by avoiding not only Dakota but anywhere in town I may run into her. We’ve exchanged a few text messages, but we haven’t talked or met for coffee once. I haven’t stopped by with lunch or invited her to dinner.
“I didn’t just bail. Her kids were home and she needed to deal with them,” I reply frustrated, folding my hand and leaning back in my chair, arms crossed over my chest.
“So let me get this straight. In a twenty-four hour period you basically determined you were exclusive, spent the night at her house, met her kids and her mom, and then proceeded to ghost her the rest of the week?” Taylor doesn’t hold judgment in his question but the same can’t be said for the other men at the table.
Connor isn’t here yet, and for that I’m grateful. He was giving me enough shit yesterday when I met him for a run. I had a girlfriend once who said men gossiped worse than women. I scoffed and demanded she take back such an accusation. Now, as I sit here, I realize I need to find her phone number and apologize. She was right.
“You guys are a bunch of gossips. It’s just—”
“Look, man,” Owen says, cutting me off, leaning forward, his elbows resting on the table, “Dakota is my family and those little girls? I love them like they’re my own. Ari, well she’s been through a lot in her young life and one of the greatest things about her is she hasn’t lost her innocence.”
The rest of the guys nod their heads in agreement as he continues. “I know Dakota and Lydia. They were probably both stunned silent and horrified to see you put in such an awkward position.”
I was hoping for some sort of male support from these guys but it sounds like I’m the one in the wrong. Ben tried to be diplomatic and supportive. In the few times I’ve spent with these guys, I can tell that Ben and Landon are the reasonable and diplomatic ones. Jameson is the cut-up and a bit of a troublemaker. Owen . . . he’s the observer. Quiet and listening, he isn’t one to offer much commentary while the rest of the guys tend to have an opinion or jab about everything. That’s why, when Owen speaks, everyone seems to sit up a little straighter and listen.
“That being said, I’ve never seen Dakota as relaxed and happy as she was with you last weekend. Minnie was a sobbing mess because she said this is the version of her sister she thought was gone forever. For the first time since I’ve known them, Minnie wasn’t worried about Dakota.”
Hearing his words pierces me like a knife straight in the gut. Guilt and embarrassment are all I feel for how I’ve handled things. Owen is right. A child has no idea how their innocent question will affect an adult. They see life simply and wouldn’t understand that holding Cali as she tugged on my beard and watching Dakota interact with Arizona didn’t scare me. The domesticity of the scene was relaxing, and all I wanted to do was settle into the fold.
Until she said the word “daddy” and it was like someone dumped a bucket of ice over my head. That word is reserved for someone who understands children. A man with a family.
Since I walked out of her house on Sunday, Dakota hasn’t left my thoughts. Not that she had much prior to that day. My early mornings are still lonely but more now that I’ve had one night with her. A morning with her. I hear her laughter when it’s quiet, and it’s her smile I dream about each night.
It’s impossible to think I’ve fallen for her this quickly. We’ve only scratched the surface of what we know of one another, yet it feels like not having her in my life every day is a loss.
“I should call her.”
“Who are you callin’?” Connor asks as he makes his presence known. Twisting to face him, I shake my head at him.
“You have a little something on your cheek.”
Wiping his palm across his face, he chuckles when he sees the red lipstick smear that was on his cheek. I was worried about the kid when he moved to Lexington and started working for Taylor. We’ve all struggled with the demons of our years serving, but Connor seemed the least effected. If I’ve learned anything, it’s the possibility he’s suffering the most.
“Twig, I told you to stop letting the customers kiss on you. One jealous woman and all hell’ll break out.” Taylor isn’t wrong.
“Sugar, I asked you not to call me that. I’m not that scrawny kid you met ten years ago.”
Like anytime it’s used, everyone begins harassing Taylor for his nickname as the game comes to an end. We all rise from the table and switch out our empty beers for fresh ones while Connor pulls a chair over next to me and across from Taylor. If I had to guess, the two of them are going to send jabs at each other for the rest of the night.
I toss my bottle in the recycling and slip my phone from my pocket. Pulling up my texts with Dakota, I scroll through the cordial but standoffish responses I’ve sent her all week. If anyone had an opportunity to look at them, they’d think we were nothing more than business associates. Maybe friends of friends. Not dating and there isn’t a soul who’d believe how much I truly care for the woman.
Me: Hi.
Not the most intimate starter, but it’ll have to do. Staring at the screen, I watch as the three dots bounce and stop a few times. No response. Minutes tick by and she doesn’t respond.
A hand slapping my shoulder draws my attention from the screen, and I look up to see Owen. His words from earlier are still swirling around in my head like the swill of that beer I just tossed. The bitter taste about the same.
“This is the last I’ll say on the topic. Dakota wouldn’t be with you and allow you around her girls if she didn’t really care about you. I’ll never understand what she went through, but I will say I have the utmost respect for her. She’s one of the strongest women I know, and
I’m honored to be part of her family. Minnie loves her like no other and after you left the bar last week, she told me she had a good feeling about you two. Don’t prove my girl wrong.”
Walking away, he leaves me standing alone in the kitchen. I slide the phone back in my pocket and toss a few chips in my mouth before pulling a cold bottle of beer from the refrigerator.
Taking a draw from the long neck, I sputter the liquid when my phone chimes.
Dakota: Hi.
Me: Up for some company?
Dakota: Don’t you have a poker game? Minnie was here earlier and said you guys were all invading her house.
Me: I’d rather be somewhere else.
Dakota: Fair warning, there are princess dresses and a lot of really bad singing.
Me: Perfect. I look best in blue.
Walking to the sink, I dump the lager and place the empty bottle in the recycling with the others before returning to the living room. I catch Owen’s eye and give him a slight nod to which he responds with his own plus a smirk.
“It’s been great, guys, but I’m going to head out. Kid, you can have the rest of my chips. Wipe the floor with these guys.”
Connor salutes me and slides my pathetic stack of chips in front of him. I make my way to the front door and rush to my car. As I head across town to Dakota’s house, I make a short detour at the store. I imagine my mom looking down on me with approval. I only hope Dakota feels the same.
By the time I finish my quick shopping trip and pull into Dakota’s driveway, it’s been twenty minutes since I left Owen and Minnie’s house. I don’t think I’ve ever managed a complete shopping trip and drive across town that quickly. I suppose one could say nervous excitement is running through me.
Rushing to the front door, I wrap three times on the wood and wait. I can hear noises from the house but am still standing here on the porch alone, the knocks unanswered. Attempting again, I don’t want to ring the doorbell in case the baby is asleep. While it isn’t early for adults, it’s likely bedtime for the littlest ones.
I shift the items in my hands and reach to pull my phone from my pocket when the door flies open and Dakota’s silhouette fills the doorway. The realization of how much I missed her swirls around me like a hurricane. The smile on her face gives me hope that the feeling is reciprocated. Pushing open the screen door, she steps aside welcoming me inside. I’m not two steps in when the noise I heard outside assaults me full force.
Arizona is standing in the living room, dressed in full princess gear, a microphone in her hand, singing at the top of her lungs. The sound probably wouldn’t be so ear-shattering if the microphone wasn’t connected to a karaoke speaker. My eyes flick to Dakota who I can now see is also wearing a crown and appears to have been a guinea pig for an aspiring makeup artist.
“I warned you there was singing.”
Leaning forward, I cup her cheek and seal my lips on hers. She kisses me back before pulling back, eyes fluttering open.
“I’m sorry I went MIA this week. I missed you.”
“I missed you too, Grant. What do you have there?”
I follow her finger to the items in my hands.
“Flowers for you,” I say, pulling one of three bouquets from my hand. Taking the blossoms, she lifts them to her nose inhaling the sweet aroma. “These are for the girls and I brought ice cream.”
“You didn’t have to bring us flowers.”
“I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. It’s about time your actual boyfriend is giving you flowers and not clients or family.”
She gasps a little, a blush creeping up her neck. Eyes wide, she holds the flowers up to her nose again.
“I didn’t know I had a boyfriend.”
“Babe, you’ve had a boyfriend for a while. I’ve just been an idiot. Is that okay with you?”
Pursing her lips, Dakota nods and smirks before turning and motioning for me to follow her. We move about the kitchen, putting the flowers in vases full of water. As she scoops ice cream into bowls like civilized people and unlike how we’ve eaten it the last few times, I move behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist.
Leaning back to me, she hums as I squeeze her in a reverse hug.
“Honey, we should talk.”
“After Ari goes to bed. I’m going to let her have a little ice cream and then will get her settled.”
Nodding, I take the offered bowl from her hand and follow her into the living room where Arizona is messing with her speaker. She’s mumbling under her breath, frustration obvious. Cali is asleep on the floor, her princess dress pooled around her, thumb in her mouth, and a stuffed bunny tugged to her chest. How she is sleeping through the singing is beyond me.
“Mama, it’s broke. We need to call Uncle Owie to fix it.”
“I’ll take a look in a bit. Look who’s here and brought ice cream.”
Arizona turns her gaze our direction. Her expression is nothing short of skeptical. I don’t blame her. I ran out of the house only minutes after she asked if I was going to be her new daddy; I’d look at me with trepidation too.
“Hi, Arizona.”
Rushing to Dakota’s side, she holds on to her mom’s legs and whispers, “Hi.”
Checking on Dakota for guidance, she offers a small smile before holding out the bowls for me to take. Once I do, she scoops Ari up into her arms and settles on the couch with her snuggled on her lap.
“Ari, Grant also brought us flowers. For you girls and me. Wasn’t that nice?”
Nodding, she doesn’t say anything but does take her bowl of ice cream. We sit together, eating our dessert, Dakota getting Arizona to open up a bit. I find a topic that seems to make her very happy—fishing. I’m pleasantly surprised to learn she’s an avid fisherwoman and plans to enter a derby this summer.
By the time Dakota declares bedtime, she’s yawning and rubbing her eyes. Excusing herself, Dakota ushers Arizona to her room and scoops Cali from the couch. Owen’s words from earlier come back to me.
“She’s one of the strongest women I know, and I’m honored to be part of her family.”
Not only is she one of the strongest women I know, she’s the only one I want to make part of my family. Somewhere while going from friends to dating, I’ve fallen in love with this woman.
Chapter 30
Dakota
I don’t think I can put Grant off much longer. As it is, I’ve left him alone in the living room for twice as long as would be considered reasonable. The girls are both tucked into bed, my face is clear of the clownish princess look I greeted him with, and I’ve changed out of my jeans into comfy loungewear.
Minnie would give me so much grief for letting him come over and greeting him with a kiss where the girls could see us. But, the way his use of the word “girlfriend” sent my belly fluttering like a schoolgirl, I can’t help myself. Besides, she’s one to talk though. I’m well aware of how many nights Owen was here while I was in rehab. At the time, they were skirting the topic of whether or not they were in a relationship.
Grant has declared our relationship status. He’s told me how he feels, even in front of my sister and Owen. I know how much I’ve fallen for him, and I see a future with him in it. Watching him with my girls, the fact that he brought flowers for them and not only me, is everything I would want in a man I bring into their lives.
Yet, the fact that he hightailed it out of here at the mere use of the word “daddy” still nags at me. It isn’t quite a neon sign flashing constantly, and I don’t consider it a red flag per se, but it is something I have to consider. My children are my priority. Keeping their father’s memory alive for them is important and something I won’t waiver from. Yet, I am not delusional and know that any man I choose to have in my life is also in theirs. It has to be a man of integrity and respect. Both are something I know Grant has in spades.
His reaction was exactly why I didn’t want to introduce him to my kids. It’s why I haven’t dated until now. Maneuvering these two parts of my life is co
mplicated and stressful. Keeping it simple and not having him around the girls would have been easier. It would have made more sense.
In my defense, I was doing just that by having him stay when the girls weren’t supposed to be home. There was no way my mom had any idea I’d met someone or that I had a sleepover. Regardless of what happened or why, there is a lot to talk about.
Looking in the bathroom mirror, I run my fingers under my eyes, brushing away non-existent makeup. Like I do most days, I tug the skin a little to pay a visit to Dakota of twenty years ago. Twenty-three-year-old me didn’t have little lines on the side of my eyes. A decade ago, I could look confused without the line between my eyes staying there ten minutes after the conversation ended.
Maybe one day, the lines will bother me and I’ll do something about it. Until then, I embrace them because they were created by living. By loving and being loved. Not every moment has been easy but each has led me to this place in my life. When I look in the mirror, I’m no longer disappointed in the woman staring back at me.
I’m perfectly flawed and believe deep down it’s those flaws Grant sees and appreciates. It’s all there, below the surface, in the way he touches me. The softness of his touches and the warmth of his kisses. Still, nerves filter through my body. We could be on two different pages in this book we’re writing.
The first thing I notice as I step into the living room is the cleanliness. Gone are the toys and princess accessories. The karaoke speaker is on the coffee table with Grant bent over inspecting it.
“Are you going to sing me a song?” I tease as I approach the couch. Taking the spot next to him, I settle in to watch him fiddle with the temperamental speaker. It’s what I get for buying it secondhand. We’re lucky it’s made it two months.
“I’ll leave that to the professionals. I hope you don’t mind me turning on the music channel.”
Cherish Her Page 17