by H J Welch
“That’s probably for the best,” Myles said. He tried to keep the sadness out of his voice, but he suspected some crept in there anyway. Of course Dillon wanted to get away from him after the scene he’d caused, losing his own kid. Not to mention Myles’s attempts at flirting. How embarrassing.
Dillon was a gorgeous guy, sweet and cute and a whole lot of fun. But Myles couldn’t have him, so he needed to walk away.
“I’ll make sure Jenny’s mom picks her up,” he said. “Corinne texted to say they’d landed just fine and were driving over now.”
Dillon nodded, not quite meeting Myles’s eye. “Sure. Well, enjoy the rest of your field trip. Bye, Jenny.”
“Bye, Mr. Combes,” she replied with a wave.
Myles watched with her as Dillon turned and walked away. He couldn’t help but feel like he had lost something after all.
6
Dillon
Dillon was able to meet up with the rest of the class and chaperones not far from where he and Myles had left them. Thankfully, the kids had been more than happy to marvel at the elephant enclosure for quite some time. It seemed like a couple of the elephants were getting frisky with each other and the parents had spent the last twenty minutes trying to assure the class that the animals were ‘just playing.’
It gave Dillon a chance to run back across the park at least and catch up with them again.
Alone.
It wasn’t that he was ungrateful for Jenny being found quickly and with absolutely no harm come to her. In fact, that was the only thing that mattered. But he just couldn’t understand what Myles was thinking at all. One moment, he was looking at Dillon with such eager hope, maybe even desire. The next, he was acting all flustered and not in a good way, like he was ashamed or embarrassed.
Maybe Dillon was imagining the whole damn thing and the poor guy was straight and simply trying to back away from Dillon’s flirting.
“Don’t you like the foxes, Mr. Combes?” asked Maria Martinez. Dillon looked down to where she was swinging from his hand. “You look sad.”
“Oh, no, hon,” Dillon said, putting on a goofy grin. “I was just thinking about something. But I love the foxes. They’re neat.”
He indicated through the glass where they were watching a small pack of arctic foxes gamble across their artificially cold environment. They were hardy things, tiny compared to usual foxes, but resilient. Dillon liked their black whiskers that stood out against their white, fluffy faces. It made them all look like they had particularly dashing mustaches.
He spent the rest of the afternoon swapping hand-holding with what felt like half the class, slowly wandering around the different sections of the zoo. Even though nothing had happened, he was deeply upset he’d lost one of his charges, because he had been too busy flirting, of all things. So he watched the rest of the class like a hawk, barely taking in any of the animal exhibits.
It was probably best if he forgot all about handsome Myles Slater and his warm smile and gorgeous brown eyes. Not to mention that body. It was practically summer vacation now and Dillon always took the first week off completely. No school work or preparing for the new semester. Maybe he could go out and hit some bars tomorrow night or get back on Grindr?
The thought left him hollow, though. He didn’t want casual sex. He wanted someone to snuggle on the couch with and talk to. He wanted a friend as well as a lover.
He wasn’t able to dwell on his misfortunes for long, however, not with all the happy little faces of his class running around. As much as they were enjoying the field trip, they were also sensing the end of the day was near and they would soon be off on their months-long summer vacation. It was difficult not to find their cheerfulness infectious.
All too soon, Dillon and the other chaperones were carefully herding the kids back toward the front of the zoo. One of the bright yellow buses was waiting to take the kids back to school who would be meeting their parents there or getting on their usual bus routes. But there were already at least a dozen parents who had made their way to the zoo entrance to pick their children up directly.
Dillon had fully expected for Myles and Jenny to have been long gone, having spent the afternoon doing their own thing. But to his surprise, Myles was standing making small talk with one of the waiting moms when Dillon and the other chaperones ushered the kids back through the colorful archway entrance. He caught Dillon’s eye and waved shyly.
Likewise, Jenny was looking warily at her classmates as they fanned out in a group. Dillon recalled how they had declined her invitation to join her at her favorite exhibit and wondered if she was feeling dejected because of it. Or maybe she was embarrassed at having run away from them all. Either way, that wasn’t a great way for her to leave the school year. She might get anxious coming back for the first grade if she didn’t have a bit of assurance now that things between her and her friends were okay.
But Dillon didn’t know if he should interfere in the Slaters’ business again. Myles might think he was overstepping his mark or being inappropriate. Dillon was torn between his duty as a teacher and his interest as Myles’s potential friend.
Luckily, Billy Hope and his mom came to his rescue. The pair made a beeline for Myles and Jenny, resulting in relieved smiles on both the Slaters’ faces.
Dillon figured that was probably for the best. He needed to put distance between him and Myles. More than likely nothing was ever going to happen between the two of them and Dillon had a job to do.
So he made sure every kid not on his list was shepherded onto the bus. Then the dozen or so whose parents had made arrangements to pick them up from the zoo were left stood by him, waiting for their folks to come get them if they weren’t there already.
It became obvious Myles was waiting for something. Or someone. The other mom he’d been speaking with had left with her daughter and so had Mrs. Hope with Billy. Now, Myles was just standing looking at his phone as Jenny leaped from foot to foot with her arms outstretched, chatting to herself, evidently playing some kind of game.
Dillon’s heart skipped a beat. Was Myles waiting to speak to him? Was he hanging around so he and Dillon could set things right?
Dillon was still waiting on Chris and Charles Grisholm’s mom to arrive. The twins were busy roughhousing but Dillon was getting anxious. What was he going to say to Myles once the boys were gone? He was sure Myles kept looking his way, even though Dillon was doing his best not to stare.
And then a couple walked up to the entrance way from the car park. Jenny’s mom and stepdad.
Dillon felt like the bottom dropped out of his stomach. Myles wasn’t waiting to speak to him at all. He’d been waiting to hand his daughter over to her mom.
Shame flushed through Dillon. He was a fucking idiot. What? Did he think he was going to buy some guy he hardly knew the right kind of coffee and that was it? They were destined to be together forever? When was he going to start acting like a grown-up? Maybe then someone like Myles might be interested in him.
He was distracted from his woes as Mrs. Grisholm came running up to him, sweating and out of breath, apologizing several times about the traffic making her late. The twins paid her absolutely no attention as they continued to bash each other with their backpacks, each claiming they were the lion tamer and their brother was the lion. Dillon was glad to let them go with their mom before he had a black eye on his hands.
When he looked back around a couple of minutes later, Myles was no longer anywhere to be seen. Typical. Dillon recognized Corinne Hernández (formally Slater) from parent/teacher night and various other school activities. She was absently stroking her swollen belly as she listened to Jenny talking, just out of Dillon’s earshot. But she had a slight frown on her face. Her new husband, Rafael, was nodding at Jenny as he rubbed Corinne’s lower back.
Damn. Jenny was probably telling her mom all about how she’d gone off on her own today, if Myles hadn’t already relayed the experience to his ex-wife before he’d
left. It would be best for Dillon to get over there and try and do damage control before Corinne got the wrong idea.
“Mr. and Mrs. Hernández? Hi,” he said, loping over with a wave and what he hoped was a cheerful grin. “How are you doing? Everything okay?”
“Hello, Mr. Combes,” Corinne said. Her voice was bright and she smiled at him, but there was still a slight frown on her face. “Yes, fine. Jenny was just telling us about her day. Myles mentioned she got separated from the group for a few minutes but that everything worked out okay. He, uh, seemed out of sorts.”
Now that he was closer, he saw that she looked tired. They must have come straight from the airport to collect Jenny. It was sweet they were so eager to see her, but Dillon was perturbed Myles had run off the second he was able to.
Dillon had really fucked this up. All he’d wanted was to get to know the man and he’d scared him off faster than he could blink.
“Oh, well, I hope he’s okay, uh…” God, he was so awkward. What was he trying to say? “It’s true. Jenny gave us a bit of a fright. But like Myles said, it all turned out okay. Perhaps you could send him my best wishes when you next speak?”
Best wishes? What the hell? This was what happened when he tried to sound like an adult. It came out sounding like Charlotte fucking Brontë.
Corinne turned her head and narrowed her eyes slightly at Dillon. “I can tell Myles that, sure,” she said. She put a slight emphasis on the word ‘Myles.’ Shit, should Dillon have said Mr. Slater instead?
Jenny had been pouring over a zoo information booklet when she appeared to realize Dillon had joined them. She blinked then jolted in surprise, but luckily she then grinned, crinkling up her nose.
“Mr. Combes!” she cried. “Did Daddy say goodbye to you? He had to go home, but I don’t know why he was in such a rush. Mommy said we could go for some ice cream and he always likes to go for ice cream but he said he couldn’t and I thought maybe it was because he’s your boyfriend now but you’re still here so that’s kinda strange.”
“Oh, no, wait,” Dillon spluttered, throwing his hands up and looking at Corinne and Rafael. Both of their eyebrows had shot into their hairlines. Dillon barked out a laugh and put on his best grin. “One of the zoo employees made a bit of a mistake. We’re not – I – uh – Myles seems like a great guy, but-”
Corinne slapped her forehead and let out a loud ‘ohhh!’ noise, glancing at her husband, then back at Dillon. “This explains everything,” she said happily. “Do you want his number?”
“Corinne,” Rafael cried in exasperation.
“What?” she shot back at him with a mischievous grin. “Oh, come on,” she pleaded. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited for this?”
Dillon was too busy reeling to properly understand what was happening. “S-sorry,” he stammered. “Have I missed something? Did – did Myles mention me?” Fuck, he sounded needy.
Corinne chuckled as she delved into her large purse on her shoulder. “Of course not,” she said, triumphantly pulling out a pen and small notepad. “He’s never approached a man in his life. But do you think he’s interested?”
Dillon spluttered, completely at a loss as he looked between Jenny and her mom and stepdad. Was Corinne really trying to set him up? “I, um, maybe?”
Jenny frowned up at him. “Don’t you want to be my daddy’s boyfriend?” she asked with an air of confusion. “He’s a very good daddy and he’s funny and kind.”
“I’m sure he is,” Dillon said hastily. “But I’d hate to do anything inappropriate.”
Corinne blew a raspberry and tore a page from her notebook. She’d written down an address as well as a cell number that she handed to a bemused Dillon. “Believe me,” she said with sincerity, “he hasn’t felt able to show any interest in any guy ever. If you think there’s something there, please, for the love of god, ask him out.” Her eyes went wide. “I mean, if that’s what you want?”
Dillon had to laugh. Perhaps it was time to stop being a chicken and just say how he was feeling.
“Um, yes, ma’am,” he said shyly. “So long as it’s not going to be a problem for you guys?”
Corinne shook her head. “Nothing would make me happier than to see him happy.” She smiled at her husband and took his hand in hers. “Like I’m happy.”
“And me!” Jenny cried, dancing around the adults with her hands in the air. “I’m a happy bug!”
They laughed and warmth blossomed in Dillon’s chest. Surely, he couldn’t ask for more of an endorsement than this? But he was still slightly apprehensive.
“I don’t want to put pressure on him…” he began.
Corinne shrugged. “It’s no pressure if you just say, ‘hi, I like you. Let’s grab a beer’ – right? Also,” she added with a wink, “maybe drop in that his pregnant and very hormonal ex-wife thinks it’s a great idea.”
Dillon bit his lip and looked down at the paper in his hands. “Thank you,” he said softly.
Corinne grinned at him. “No problem. Come on, termite. Let’s get you home, huh?”
“Bye, Mr. Combes!” Jenny cried as she skipped over to take her mom and stepdad’s hands, swinging between them. “Have a great summer!”
Her stepdad nodded at Dillon as they began to walk away. “Good luck, man.”
“Thanks,” Dillon said again.
He had a feeling he was going to need it.
7
Myles
Myles was sure there was something he had missed from this recipe, but whatever it was, he couldn’t work it out. He poked listlessly at the tomato-based sauce, hoping inspiration might strike. But as he tasted the edge of the wooden spoon again all he could tell was something was just…off.
He sighed and leaned his lower back against the marble countertop, sipping his glass of red wine. “Okay, Google,” he said to the receiver box in the corner of his kitchen, “increase music volume to seventy percent.”
“Sure,” the cheerful artificial voice chirped back. “Volume to seventy percent. There you go.”
Myles closed his eyes and allowed the rocking sounds of Queen to wash over him. But even listening to his favorite band too loudly wasn’t helping to make him feel less lonely. It was amazing how quickly he had become used to having Jenny chattering away and running around his feet over the past week. She was always playing a game in one of the rooms or watching television. Now it was just Myles and his thoughts.
He wasn’t resentful. He and Corinne had lived separate lives for the past five years and they shared custody of Jenny as best they could. But having someone else liven up the house for a whole week had altered Myles in a way he wasn’t sure he could reverse.
He didn’t want to be alone anymore.
Maybe he could get a dog? Now that his hours at work were less he’d be home at a reasonable time almost every night. He wondered what breed Jenny might like.
The thought cheered him up slightly and he returned to his sauce, checking the recipe and adding a can of cream-colored lima beans to the gently stewing mixture. His happiness was short-lived when he realized he had automatically been following the instructions on quantities. That meant he was preparing a pasta dish for four people. Even if he ate big portions, he was going to living off these leftovers for the next few days.
The idea of that seemed even more lonely. Especially if the damn thing remained as bland as it was.
It wouldn’t be so bad if Myles had a date to share his attempt at cooking with.
He rolled his eyes and took another sip of wine. This pining over Dillon needed to stop right now. They were obviously not compatible, and even though Jenny had indicated she had no problem with his sexuality, he wasn’t going to come out of the closet by dating her former teacher. Even if she was no longer in his class, she was still at his school.
Maybe Myles should bite the bullet and download one of those dating apps? He nibbled on his lip as Brian May riffed his guitar loudly through the l
ower floor of the house. How could Myles join an app when he had zero experience with men? He knew enough to be aware that those apps were primarily for sex. No one would be interested in meeting up with a thirty-five-year-old loser who had never even kissed a man.
Oh, but god he wanted to. He leaned against the counter in his sweatpants and allowed his eyes to drift shut again. He was nowhere near drunk on half a glass of wine, but the few sips had loosened him up a little and he couldn’t help but picture Dillon’s dazzling smile. His lips looked so soft. What would they be like to kiss?
Myles shook his head, opened his eyes, and checked on the bubbling pasta in the other pot. Until he took some action, he was going to be stuck in the novice category forever. He had to start somewhere. Maybe he could go to a gay bar, just to see what that felt like?
The idea of stepping inside somewhere like that by himself was pretty terrifying. But was it more or less intimidating than creating an online profile? Would he rather put himself out there via a screen or look at someone face-to-face and decide whether or not he felt a connection?
A sudden thought struck him that made him smile despite his apprehensions.
He was going to try.
He was going to embrace this very important side of himself that his parents had always made him bury. He was going to open himself up and say ‘this is me’ for the first time. It might take a while, but he was creeping toward the point where he felt like it could happen. It wasn’t like he saw his folks anymore, anyway.
He was a gay man and he was going to begin taking steps to start dating other men.
He laughed, feeling a little giddy, and saluted his wine glass into the air as another Queen song started. He was aware he hadn’t actually achieved anything, per se. But making this decision still felt like a huge accomplishment. He-