by G. K. Parks
“Maybe next time.”
Returning to my room, I grabbed one of the magazines I’d brought with me and picked up a pen. Pretending to work on the crossword puzzle in the back, I couldn’t help but mull over the things that Anika had said. As soon as I got the chance, I’d send Eckhardt a message to run a complete background on her. The fact that she had noticed some old scars worried me. I trusted Tim’s followers about as much as I trusted Tim, and my battle wounds didn’t exactly fit in with my cover’s privileged upbringing. It was possible that they were told to observe me and report back, and the fact that I might have just tipped my hand sent cold chills down my spine.
That evening at dinner, Tim was working the serving line, and he made my plate special. He had noticed how little I’d been eating and wanted to make certain that I was nourished. The fact that he sat beside me and asked dozens of questions about my day made me even more uncertain of everything, but I remained calm and played it cool. Knowing that it was time that I jumped into this new lifestyle with both feet, I asked about the various talks, groups, and activities that seemed to go on from morning until night inside the co-op.
As I expected, Tim enjoyed being the center of attention, providing extensive details on his prayer, meditation, and spiritual therapy groups. In addition to the more spiritual aspects, he led a group that discussed addictions and dealing with cravings and making amends. It sounded like he’d ripped off A.A. and added his own flare, but I didn’t say as much. Alice Lexington didn’t have a history of addiction; that was Jace’s schtick.
Aside from active discussion groups and Tim’s preaching, the co-op fostered an environment of fitness and well-being. There were pilates, yoga, and barre classes. They were all geared toward making sure the women stayed lean and didn’t learn a damn thing about self-defense. It was hard not to assume that he was using this to keep his drug mules and sex slaves healthy without giving them the tools needed to fight back, but perhaps that was just the cynic in me.
“Damn, I was hoping for some cardio kickboxing when my ankle heals,” I replied.
Tim frowned, shaking his head slightly in disapproval. “Our priority is love and peace. Violent actions, even for the sake of exercise, negatively affect our moods and personalities. The point of this commune is for betterment, not destruction.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“It’s okay. You’re still learning. Is it safe to assume that you are curious about our mission and are considering coming to some of our groups?”
“Perhaps. Is that okay?”
His eyes lit up, and a smile erupted on his face. “Indeed.” He pushed away from the table. “Let me get you a copy of our weekly schedule.” His eyes went to the barely touched plate of food. “Eat up. I’ll be right back.”
Fighting the urge to roll my eyes, I picked up the fork again. Maybe I wasn’t curvy enough for his liking. Or he hoped that I’d gain a few pounds and no longer be able to fit into my showgirl costume. That would mean I’d be forced to stay here indefinitely. Regardless of his motivation, I didn’t like being told what to do.
A few minutes later, Tim came back with a pamphlet detailing the daily sessions for enlightenment. It was an advertising tool that I’d seen displayed at the farmer’s market, but I had never seen anyone actually take a pamphlet with them. Most people wanted to support the local community and then go back to their lives without being dragged into a cult. At this point, I would have liked to go back to my life too.
Moving the plate farther away, I spread the pamphlet out on the table and attempted to ask interested questions. At some point, Decker entered the dining hall and took a seat across from me. He waited patiently for Tim to finish talking before interrupting.
“Hey, Alex.” Jace nodded before turning his attention to Tim. “Courtney didn’t put me on the roster for the booths this weekend, so what can I do to help out? I can get up early and help finish setting up, but there must be something I can do during the day.”
“We already put up the booths. I can use you on maintenance and clean-up,” Tim decided.
“Is there anything I can do?” Since Jace was volunteering, it would seem fitting that I do the same, especially since I’d just made a point of giving this concept of enlightenment a chance.
“I don’t want you to stress your ankle, but we have tables and chairs set up. Feel free to enjoy the festivities, and don’t feel obligated to volunteer. You should realize that I don’t expect you to repay me for my kindness, Alex. That’s not why I invited you here.”
“But I want to pull my own weight. We already discussed this.”
Tim shook his head. “In due time. You’ve been here less than a week. You deserve some time to process everything that’s recently happened in your life before you push it aside and fill up the space with other duties and obligations. This is your new beginning. Isn’t that right, Jace?”
“It was for me,” Jace said. He looked around the room. “I guess I might see what’s left in the kitchen before heading home. These long days at the gas station take their toll after a while.”
“Help yourself to my plate.” I pushed it closer to him. “I can’t eat another bite.”
“No,” Tim interjected, and Jace and I both gave him a bewildered look. “I’m sure there’s plenty left in the kitchen. As usual, feel free to help yourself to the fridge and pantry. It’s not often you eat with us, but you do know there’s always plenty for you here.”
Decker shrugged. “This is fine. There’s no reason to let food go to waste.”
“I’ll have to remember to request smaller portions,” I murmured, attempting to sound ashamed, even though Tim had ladled a hefty helping onto my plate despite my protests.
“Nothing goes to waste. Whatever is left is added to the compost heap and provides nutrients to the soil. We put back to the earth what we take away, and it provides more bountiful harvests for us. It’s the circle of life.” He gave Decker a stern look. “You are no longer a scavenger having to pick off others’ leftovers and wait for handouts in order to survive. Go help yourself to something fresh.”
Jace raised his hands and backed away from my plate. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” He bowed his head, playing the faithful role of follower. Excusing himself, he got up and went to the kitchen, and I rubbed my eyes, wondering what had set Tim off.
Tim apologized for the interruption and continued giving additional details about the various groups. It sounded exactly like what he had already said, and my eyelids started to droop. Apparently, his lectures worked as well as boring bedtime stories. No wonder Sarah had said he had tons of remedies for sleep issues. Or had Anika said that? Everything was starting to blend together.
Blinking a few times, I tried to focus, but I couldn’t keep my thoughts on track. I really needed to get some sleep. It was still early enough to catch a quick nap while the rest of the flock was around to keep Tim busy. If not, I’d have to bust out of this joint to find some caffeine to keep me awake. Too bad the kitchen didn’t have any stockpiled, but of course, all stimulants were banned on the premises.
“When should we expect you to join?” Tim asked.
“Um...” My thoughts weren’t flowing together in a coherent way. “Can we talk about this in the morning? I need some time to think. I don’t want to get overwhelmed by trying too much at once.”
“Sure.” Tim folded the pamphlet and handed it to me. “I’ll take your plate. Go on to bed.”
Wondering if I’d mentioned anything about sleep, I shrugged it off and stood up. My legs felt heavy and stiff, and I was having enough trouble getting them to move without adding a slight limp to account for my injured ankle. Passing Jace on his way back to the table, I mumbled good night and continued toward the dormitory. I was a few feet from my room when my knees buckled, and I collapsed in the middle of the hallway.
Nineteen
I’m not sure how long I remained on the floor. No matter how hard I tried to get up, my
body refused to cooperate. Given the feeling of sudden paralysis and the frequent headaches I’d been experiencing, I couldn’t help but think I was having a stroke. The world was blinking in and out, and part of me just wanted to give in and sleep. The fear of what would happen if I blacked out was the driving force that kept me awake. Eventually, I was able to drag myself toward my room. Using my numb arms and hands as best I could, I managed to sit up against the wall. My breathing was labored, and my heart was pounding.
Footsteps sounded at the end of the hallway, and Sarah called my name. She yelled to someone to get Tim and ran toward me. “Alex, what happened? Are you okay?”
Even my speech was coming out garbled, and I let out an exasperated huff. Finally, I managed one word. “Jace.”
“What?” she asked, leaning closer and putting her palm against my forehead.
“Get Jace,” I breathed.
“Alice?” Tim asked, concern creeping into every syllable. He turned to Sarah. “What happened?”
“I don’t know.” Sarah scooted back, unsure what to do. “I just found her like this.”
“Breathe easy,” Tim instructed. “Does anything hurt? Should we call an ambulance?”
I shook my head, wanting him as far away from me as possible. In my current state, I wouldn’t be able to fight him off if he tried something, but I wasn’t going to blow my cover either. “I just need a minute.”
He looked skeptical and put his hand against my throat. I quivered, and he made soothing sounds while he checked my pulse. “Don’t be afraid. You’re amongst friends. No one will hurt you.” He turned to Sarah. “I think she’ll be okay. It’s likely exhaustion and stress.” He focused entirely on me again. “Try to relax.” He looked into the tiny dorm. “I thought your claustrophobia might be an issue.” He pressed his lips together, looking contrite. “That’s why I’ve been checking on you so often at night.” His words sounded feasible, almost making it seem that everything I suspected and thought was insane. Almost.
He lifted my hand, watching my fingers shake. “I believe you’re having a panic attack. I’ve seen this happen before with a lot of new joiners. Once you calm down and get some rest, the dizziness and numbness will go away. Just try controlling your breathing. Take some long deep breaths.” He demonstrated for a few breaths, but I wasn’t playing along. “Sarah, will you go make some chamomile tea? I’m going to take Alex to my room to lie down. I don’t want to subject her to an enclosed space right now.”
“No problem.” Sarah ran off toward the kitchen.
“I guess it’s a good thing you didn’t eat much at dinner,” Tim teased. Carefully, he slid one hand underneath my back and the other beneath my knees. Then he lifted me off the ground and headed toward the stairs. “Just close your eyes. Everything will be fine in the morning.” Despite his words, I was more terrified than ever.
Tim shouldered the door open to reveal a vast bedroom. A queen sized bed took up maybe a quarter of the room. The rest was partitioned off, and I couldn’t see much beyond the opening to a private bathroom. Gently, he placed me on the bed and smoothed my hair against the pillow.
“You’ll sleep here tonight. And tomorrow you’ll begin a meditation class. You can’t let yourself get this exhausted or worked up. No one here will harm you. The man that attacked you is behind bars. You’re safe. The only thing dangerous here is your stress level.” He ran a finger along my cheek. “Do you want to try some deep breathing?”
Forcing a slow, steady breath down my throat, I swallowed. “I’ll be fine in my room.”
He let out a relieved sigh. “See, you’re already starting to bounce back. These anxiety episodes only last a few minutes. I know how terrifying they can be. I used to have horrible panic attacks,” he prattled on as if I would buy into it, “but they stopped once I learned to look inward for divine guidance and strength. You’ll learn the same, but in the meantime, I know you won’t be able to rest in the dorms. There’s no need to put on a brave face. We’re here to help you.” He frowned. “Unfortunately, exhaustion makes these episodes a lot more likely. We’ll have to see about getting you moved out of that room and to a larger space. Or you might have to start sleeping with the door open.”
My wrists and ankles ached from the adrenaline surge, but I was able to move my limbs again. Pushing myself away from him, I didn’t quite make it to sitting, but it was better than nothing. “How can you be sure this is anxiety?” He didn’t know that I was acutely aware of what actual panic attacks did to my body.
“Are you feeling better?” He watched as I continued to wriggle my limbs back and forth. He pressed his fingers against my neck again, and I cringed. “Why are you so frightened? I won’t hurt you. I’ve never given you any indication otherwise. You need to calm down.” He climbed off the bed and went toward the door. “Sarah,” he called, “we need that tea.”
A muffled reply came from beyond the room, but I couldn’t hear her words. Was Tim’s room soundproofed? Adding that to my growing list of worries, I glanced around for an escape route or possible weapons, remembering the dagger concealed in my ankle wrap.
A few moments later, Sarah appeared with a tray and a steaming mug of tea. She handed it to Tim and smiled encouragingly at me. “That should fix you right up. It’s incredibly soothing. I brought up the bedtime blend too, just in case Alex was still having trouble sleeping.”
Fink, I thought, resolutely deciding that I would scald myself with the hot liquid before drinking a single sip. Thankfully, Decker stepped into the doorway. “I heard Alex collapsed. Is she okay?” His eyes went right to mine, and I shook my head while Tim’s back remained turned.
“It appears to be anxiety.” Tim dismissed the worry quickly. “She needs rest.”
“She needs a doctor,” Decker hissed. “She could be having a reaction to the pain medication they prescribed for her ankle.”
Tim’s brow furrowed, and he turned to me. “What are you taking?”
“I don’t remember what it’s called.”
“Where’s the bottle?” Tim asked.
Jace stepped into the bedroom, closing the distance between us. “She tossed it out after dinner, and I emptied the trash into the dumpster. Look, the clinic is open twenty-four hours. At this time of night, we can be there in thirty or forty minutes. It’d be best to go back. They warned her that adverse reactions were possible.” He turned to Tim for approval. “She might be okay, but what if she gets worse when we’re all asleep?”
“I can stay up with her,” Sarah offered, but Tim shook his head.
“No. Jace will take her.” Tim sat on the bed and stroked my hair again. “Is that okay? Do you trust Jace to take care of you? Remember, he stayed the night after you were attacked. I trust him. You can too.”
Licking my lips, I gave an uncertain nod, internally cheering. Then Decker helped me off the bed. Stumbling out of the room, we slowly made our way down the steps, taking a quick detour to grab some things from my room. We didn’t dare speak a word until we were inside the car and away from the commune.
“Alex, what the hell’s going on? Are you okay?” His fingers tightened against the steering wheel, and he pushed down on the accelerator. “Sarah told me some things that didn’t make any sense.”
Leaning back against the seat, I detailed what happened and the things Tim had said. “Maybe I was drugged, or I had a mini-stroke. I don’t know.” Hitting the seat release, I dropped into a reclining position and curled into a ball.
“That would explain why Tim was so adamantly opposed to me eating off your plate. You said he prepared your dish special. Was it out of your sight at any point?”
“Only when he turned around to add some fresh herbs.”
“He could have added anything. Based on your symptoms and his thinly veiled attempt to get you alone in his room, I’m guessing he slipped you some PCP or one of the other date rape drugs.” He glanced over at me. “How are you feeling now?”
“Tired. Queasy. A bit short on
breath.”
“Could be ketamine.” Decker ran a hand through his hair. “I’ll have the medics on standby for when we arrive at HQ. They’ll do a drug test and get to the bottom of this. Had I known sooner, I would have kept a sample from your plate.” Briefly, he made eye contact. “Would you prefer to go to a hospital?”
“No. Wilde did this, and I will be damned if we do anything that would jeopardize being able to use whatever evidence we have against him.”
“Okay.” Abruptly ending the conversation, Decker dialed Eckhardt and updated the team. “Hey,” he nudged me gently, “I’m gonna need you to stay awake.”
“Why? Are you afraid of the dark?”
He laughed. “Definitely.”
I sighed. “To be honest, I don’t think I could sleep now anyway. I’m such an idiot. I should have known better than to eat anything inside that place. Remind me to take a page out of your book and stay away from the kitchen.”
“It’s not your fault. You really don’t have much of a choice. Tim expected you to partake in meals. His offer was for room and board. He’s been attempting to force you to eat every chance he gets.” A thought ran through Decker’s mind, and it was the same one that I had. “Maybe those headaches were being caused by something.”
We fell silent, considering the vast possibilities. Finally, Decker killed the lights, pulled into the garage, and cut the engine. He had a remote to allow access, but that didn’t mean a tactical team wasn’t on standby next to the medical team.
Climbing out of the car under my own power, I took a deep breath and followed the medic down the hallway and into the lab. They performed a quick blood draw and some basic diagnostics to make sure that this wasn’t an actual health crisis. I was just slipping my shirt back on when Decker entered the room.
“Shit,” he cursed, and I turned to look at him. “Why the hell didn’t you say something?”