by Robin Roseau
“Even if that information is, at the very least, a hint of possible salvation?”
She looked into my eyes. “That is hardly a guarantee, and frankly, I’m not sure even if it were that I would be interested.”
“But you’re intrigued.”
“Yes, but it’s still not enough, Teigan.”
“I’m not letting you possess someone, and I’m certainly not leaving someone behind.”
“I wouldn’t hurt her. I have never hurt someone who gave me a ride, so to speak. Not once.”
“You’ve never made her do something that got her arrested? I seem to remember you once stalked and blackmailed a police officer. You used someone’s body to do that.”
“Oh, please,” she said. “She was laughing.”
“I don’t understand.”
“It’s not like they disappear when I take over. She was along for the ride and offering the most outrageous suggestions.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes, actually.”
Behind me, I heard someone stand up, and then a hand on my shoulder. “I’ll do it.”
“No, thank you,” Theophania said. But she gave Jebediah a very serious look over. “You are quite the specimen, however.”
“I’ll do it,” Sue Ellen offered.
“You will not!” Poppy and I said together.
“Her offer I’d accept,” Theophania replied.
“You will not,” I said.
I heard a little scuffle, but then Sue Ellen stood between Kate and me. “I’ll do it.”
“No.”
“Let’s talk about this,” Theophania said.
“No.”
“You are a terrible negotiator.” She gestured to Jebediah. “Please sit down.”
“Lacey?” he prompted.
“It’s fine, Jebediah.” He gave me a squeeze, and I heard him return to his seat. But then Poppy was there, trying to pull Sue Ellen away.
“Mom!” said the girl.
“You’re not letting a demon possess you.”
“I wouldn’t hurt one hair on her head.”
“I don’t trust you, Demon.”
“I don’t blame you for that, Human,” Theophania said. “And I don’t blame you for protecting your daughter, either. I’d take you instead, but she’s far more interesting.”
“No,” I said.
“Teigan,” Kate said.
“Not you, too!”
“Let the demon make an offer. Let her put it on the table so we know what we’re dealing with. There’s nothing wrong with listening. Coming to an agreement is far faster than continuing to search the pits, and while you might be a match for her, I’m not sure I am, not alone. So I’m supposed to hold her off while you check each pit?”
“Kate.”
“Let her talk. That’s all I’m asking.”
“She can’t have Sue Ellen!” Poppy said.
“Perhaps not,” Kate said. “Perhaps in the end, she’ll have me.” Everyone froze at that. Theophania smiled. “Let her talk. What will it hurt us?”
“Fine,” I said. “But we’re not agreeing to more than talk. What do you propose, Theophania?”
“Two things,” she said with a smile. “I’ll give you the demon, and I’ll agree we have no remaining negative business.”
“What does that mean?”
“Let me finish,” she replied. “I think that will become clear. You will explain how Evaline cheated me.”
“I will explain why I didn’t return to you,” I said. “I do not agree she cheated you.”
“Fine, fine,” Theophania said. “But I want the entire story. All of it.”
“That’s too open-ended a demand,” Kate said. “I thought demons were more precise than this.”
“I thought this was a good faith negotiation,” Theophania replied. “Could we agree on the specifics once we have a general agreement?”
“I am not allowing you to declare we have a verbal agreement,” Kate replied.
“Agreed. There is no final agreement until it is written and signed.”
“Fine,” Kate said. “Continue.”
Theophania looked at me. She gave a gesture towards my suit jacket. “You will explain in full what you were implying.” At that, I nodded. “I get the girl.”
“No!” Poppy said.
“One week a year for the rest of her living days.”
“No!” Poppy said again.
“I won’t harm a hair on her head,” Theophania said. “She will, in no way at all, be worse for wear, and I imagine she’ll have a nice time. I’ll even help with little improvements, if she asks me to, but big improvements might require a longer stay.”
“No,” Poppy said.
“Finally,” Theophania said. “I get lonely.”
“No,” I said.
“I would like an occasional house guest.”
“No,” I repeated.
“I will offer all the assurances one could offer,” she continued. “Each of the women here, a year in total. We’ll determine a schedule based on expected lifespan, and if someone should die early, there is no lingering debt.”
“No,” I said.
“Not you,” she said. “As much as I’d love to have you back, you bring too much attention with you.”
“Your price is way too high.”
“Frankly, it’s not,” she said. She folded her arms.
“I’m not giving you free rein with anyone’s body, Theophania,” I said. “I don’t know how to protect her from something like that, and Kate has already admitted she isn’t sure she can outthink a demon.”
Theophania studied me. “What if I weren’t the one driving?”
“I don’t know what you’re suggesting.”
“Normally, I’m the one driving, and she’s the passenger. What if it were the other way around?”
“Keep talking,” Kate said before I could respond.
“She and I can talk freely,” Theophania said. “I can ask her to see to my business, or just to take me somewhere. We would negotiate. Good faith. But I wouldn’t be in control unless she freely let me be in control.”
“And she can wrest control back at any moment?” Kate asked.
“No,” I said.
“Of course,” Theophania replied, ignoring my denial.
“No. You wouldn’t need more than a few seconds to make her do something horrible.”
Theophania looked into my eyes. “If I do, I’d never get another ride. Do you think I’d give that up for a little petty vengeance?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I wouldn’t, and I’m not sure you really believe your own answer. Plus I’m fairly sure I’d have your attention again.”
“I’ll do it,” Sue Ellen said.
“You will not,” Poppy replied.
“I can tell when my hosts are ill,” Theophania said. “And my methods work much sooner than human methods. I can even heal some things, but not necessarily everything. Early detection is frequently the most important factor in curing many diseases. Marley Mann, I have never, not once, caused one of my hosts to regret her decision. Not once. I have no intention of ever doing so.”
“If it’s such a good deal, why aren’t they knocking down your door?”
“The rules are quite pesky,” she said. “They have to know to come knocking, and that isn’t exactly common knowledge.”
“I’ll do it,” Hyacinth offered.
“For you,” Theophania said, “I’d agree to the rest, but I’d want to drive. I’d offer assurance to you, but I want to drive. For Sue Ellen, I’d let her retain control, but I hope we could come to occasional agreements.”
“I’ll do it,” Sue Ellen said.
“You will not!” Poppy said firmly. “Teigan!”
“I’d let you ride with me,” Kate said. “And I’d visit.”
“Would you?” Theophania said.
“With the right agreement,” Kate said. “You could ride one week a year for the natural duration of Sue Ellen
’s life. 70 visits or until I die, whichever is sooner. And an escape clause if you ever abuse me in any way.”
“Agreed,” Theophania said. “With the right agreement, I’ll take you for ten years total, if the rest don’t wish to agree to visit.”
Kate paused. “It would need to be the right agreement.”
“Agreed,” Theophania said. “But I want the girl, and I want to spread the love. If we can’t do that, then I’m going to need a little more, or you need to ask a little less, Teigan.”
“You can ride me,” Marley said. “Not my daughter.”
“For you, I get to drive,” Theophania said.
“I want to know what it’s like,” Sue Ellen said.
“No!” Poppy exclaimed.
“I’ll back off on the rest if I get the girl,” Theophania said. “Teigan, I’m operating in good faith. I’m not trying to cheat anyone. I swear, I won’t hurt her or do anything you would consider hurting her. We can find whatever phrasing you like to guarantee it.”
“I want to know what it’s like,” Sue Ellen repeated.
“No!”
Theophania said. “That sounds like an offer, Teigan. Are you going to stop me from showing her?”
“If Poppy asks me to, I’ll do my best,” I said.
“I’m not letting a demon possess my daughter,” Poppy said firmly. “That’s insane.”
“So is coming to Hell to try to take one demon away from another,” Theophania said. “So is challenging a demon in her home. Marley Mann, if your daughter agrees to be my host, I will also agree to do everything reasonably within my power to ensure that when she eventually dies, she passes to heaven. I will agree to do everything reasonably within my power to ensure her life is untouched by evil. I just made a very, very good offer, and it would be quite binding.”
“Touching you means she’s touched by evil.”
“Then perhaps I should say, she will not be negatively affected by evil, if I can reasonably prevent it. I take no responsibility for things I couldn’t reasonably foresee or affect. But I most certainly wouldn’t be the cause of evil to harm her life, and if I see opportunities to prevent it, I would be obligated to take those steps. I’m not making that offer for anyone else.”
“Why her?” Marley asked.
“Because she shines more than the rest of you do.”
“You like her innocence.”
“You’re right; I do.”
“Teigan?” Marley asked.
I looked over my shoulder at Sue Ellen. She looked quite resolute. I looked back at Theophania. “I’d rather you and I came to an agreement without anyone else.”
“I know you would,” she said. “I’d make the same offer to you, excluding all of them, but I’m fairly sure I can’t.”
“I want to know what it’s like,” Sue Ellen said for the third time.
Theophania looked up at her, but then Marley said, “I think you need to show me, first.”
Theophania began to smile then turned her gaze to me. “Perhaps you would allow me to invite you properly to my home. This will take some time, and I can make all of you more comfortable.”
“We stay together,” I said.
“Of course. Together, and safe, entirely as safe as I can make you, for as long as you wish, provided you are polite guests.”
“I would accept an invitation,” Kate said.
“I’d accept,” Sue Ellen said. After that, one by one, they agreed to accept an invitation.
“It’s a long walk,” I pointed out.
“Oh, please,” Theophania said. “Will you accept my hospitality, Angel? In good faith. No tricks.”
“No tricks,” I said. “Agreed.”
She lifted one hand and snapped her fingers. And then, slowly at first, and then faster, we were all moving towards the castle. Except we weren’t moving. It was as if the world was shrinking, and we were moving with it. And then she snapped her fingers again, and it slowed, then stopped, not even fifty yards from the front gate.
“That may have qualified as a trick,” I pointed out after a moment.
“In good faith, are you going to call that a trick, Teigan? Am I in default already?”
“No,” I said. I stood.
Bound Human
She invited us into her castle. We strode the corridors until she brought us to the library. Before our eyes, it expanded, and more sofas and comfortable chairs materialized in the opened spaces. Theophania gestured, and we strode past her. But then Marley turned and placed herself before the demon. “How does this work?”
Theophania set her hands upon Marley’s shoulders. “You are a brave woman, Marley Mann.”
“I’m scared out of my gourd,” she replied.
“I really do wonder what all of you are doing here,” she said. “But perhaps we’ll get to that.” She slipped an arm – and one of her tails – around Marley and then got all of us moving to the chairs. She led Marley to one of the loungers and encouraged her to sit, then sat down on the foot of the lounger, looking at her. “I couldn’t normally do so, but you are in my home, and I could force this. Of course, if I did, I imagine Teigan would be quite upset with me.”
“You imagine quite correctly.”
“Five minutes,” Theophania said. “And then another five minutes during which you give me permission to drive.”
“Fine,” Marley said. “What’s in it for me?”
Theophania laughed. “Not a thing.” Marley folded her arms. “You’ll get to see what it’s like. You did say you wanted to see what it’s like.”
“No. Suzie did.”
“I misspoke. You said I should show you first. Are you changing your mind? Perhaps you are attempting a fresh negotiation.”
“I’m scared,” Marley said. “Teigan?”
Everyone, including Theophania, turned to look at me. “Theophania, I’d rather you and I work something out.”
“I know you would, Protector. I won’t hurt anyone.”
“You could leave a little of yourself behind.”
“No, I can’t,” she said. “But I don’t know how to prove it.”
“Theophania,” Kate said. “Do we need a written agreement?”
“If you wish,” Theophania said. “I would consider a verbal agreement on this part binding.”
“You agree you will do nothing with any lingering effects?” She talked for a minute or two. When she was done, Theophania simply said, “Yes.”
I paused. “Would you make a vow with your hand on my badge, Theophania?”
She rose from the lounge and walked to me. I stood to meet her. We stared into each other’s eyes. “I’m willing to try.”
“Marley?”
“If she makes a vow on your badge, I’ll let her do it.”
I pulled out the badge then waited. Theophania nodded, so I opened it. She looked at it then, quite hesitantly set her hand over the top. “I vow to hold myself to the agreement Katherine Everest has outlined. I intend no ill or lingering effects beyond the ones we’ve all agreed to discuss further.”
There was a flash, and I smiled. Theophania withdrew her hand, looking a little unsteady, but she smiled at me. “And that is far, far more attention than I would have liked.”
“I think there’s a lot of attention already,” I said. “What’s a little more?”
“Indeed.” She turned. “Marley Mann?”
“Five minutes, I get to drive, and then I’ll decide if I’m letting you drive.”
Theophania smiled then found her own chair. She settled and then she looked at Marley. “Invite me in.”
“How?”
“A verbal invitation is sufficient.”
“You may… enter me, as we have discussed.”
There was a pause, and then it was as if the ghost of Theophania left her body and swooshed across the room, settling into Marley. Marley gave a little start, then stiffened. Theophania’s body turned to stone, and I’m not sure, but I may mean that literally.
&
nbsp; And then Marley said, “Wow. Oh, wow…. No. No. No, I’m not doing that, either.” Then she offered a ragged laugh. “That I’d do.” There was a pause. “Seriously?”
It was odd, watching half the conversation. The two talked, but we only heard one side of it. And then she said, “All right.” She stood and walked around the room, not really doing anything in particular. Then she sat down again. “I believe that’s your five minutes.” Pause. “All right. You may.”
There was another pause, and then Marley stretched, stood, and turned to me. She smiled and crossed the room to me. “I was as good to you as I knew how to be.”
I stood. “I know you were.”
“Teigan, you shouldn’t have come here first.”
“This is where Quentaslart is.”
“You should have started somewhere else and found someone to negotiate for you, or at least advise you.”
“Poppy!” I screamed. “Throw her out!”
It took nothing, and then I barely caught Marley as she began to crumple. I managed to catch her enough she landed on her knees, but not painfully. By the time I was sure she was fine, Theophania was standing up.
“Peace, Teigan.” I reached for my gun, and Theophania said, “Teigan, peace.”
I froze with my hand on the butt of the gun, but I could feel it trying to turn into the sword I’d held earlier.
“You can have what you wanted,” she said, speaking slowly and carefully. “Or most of it, anyway. Marley is unhurt, with no lingering effects beyond the feeling of letting me go for a ride. Marley Mann, was it terrible?”
“No,” Marley replied. “It was weird, but it wasn’t terrible. It was really weird when you took control.”
“You’re playing a game, Theophania?”
“So are you,” she admitted. “Could we sit peacefully, Teigan?”
I considered then slowly pulled my hand out from my suit. Theophania sat easily. I was somewhat slower. “What game are you playing?”
“I don’t have her.”
“Quentaslart? I don’t believe you.”
“Oh, now her I definitely have,” Theophania said. “I don’t have Evaline.”
“Of course you don’t.”
“I don’t even know who does,” she continued. “I didn’t know she was in Hell. Really, Teigan. Riffling through Marley’s memories wasn’t at all difficult.”