by Autumn Reed
“Chase told you about it?”
“Yeah, when he got back. I was so jealous he got to see you, and he said you were amazing.”
I started to ask him if that was the only time they’d checked up on me, but we were interrupted by a knock at the door. Theo didn’t look concerned or even surprised, so I walked to the door with a mix of anticipation and anxiety while trying not to get my hopes up. I was already picturing the rest of the guys on the other side, when it was probably Helen with a plate of snickerdoodles.
Swinging the door open, my eyes were inexplicably glued to the ground, and I took in scuffed boots and jeans before allowing my gaze to travel up to muscular thighs and a wide leather belt. I lingered on the navy T-shirt clinging to a broad chest and shoulders for a few moments too long, then finally perused the scruffy jaw outlined by dirty blond hair and met amused green eyes.
We stood there staring at each other for so long that I wasn’t sure who moved first; all I knew was that I ended up in Knox’s arms, and I’d never felt so safe. He seemed bigger than I remembered, or maybe it was that every inch of my body felt engulfed by his presence. His hands roamed over my lower back in a soothing motion, and he exhaled like he’d been holding his breath for the entire four months we’d been apart.
After reluctantly withdrawing from the hug, I slumped against the doorjamb, at a loss for words. Having Theo and then Knox re-appear, as if from thin air, was doing a number on my now fragile state of mind. Speaking of . . .
I looked over Knox’s shoulder, asking, “Is it just you?”
The skin between his brows puckered, and his tone sounded hurt. “Were you hoping for someone else?”
“No,” I replied quickly. “I didn’t mean it like that. I only asked because I’m not sure I’ll survive another surprise.”
“Well, then, it’s just me.”
“Okay,” I sighed, wondering if I should feel guilty for the relief flooding me. Not that I would be disappointed if another of the guys showed up, but I was overwhelmed enough for one day.
Realizing we were still standing in the doorway, I gave Knox a sheepish smile. “Sorry, come in.”
Once I closed the door behind him and turned around, the room seemed to shrink exponentially. Knox hovered in the small entry, and Theo was perched on the arm of the couch, apparently watching our exchange with rapt interest. The sudden awkwardness was almost stifling, and I wasn’t even sure why.
“So . . . are you guys hungry? There’s this pizza place down the road I really like. They also have a great selection of beer on tap. According to Noah, that is. Obviously, I wouldn’t know. I don’t even know if I like beer since I’ve never tried it.” The words practically spilled from my mouth, reminding me of Theo’s nervous rambling. Between that and unintentionally offending Knox, I wanted to rewind the last five minutes and try again.
Theo started laughing. “I think we need to feed Haley. She’s acting a little loopy.”
“Ha. Ha.”
Knox merely shook his head and walked back to the door. “Let’s go. I’m driving.”
Was it possible to feel happy, disconcerted, comfortable, flustered, curious, and worried all at the same time?
Conflicted
I squinted, the glow of my cell phone too bright in the otherwise dark room. 2:47. A whole twenty-three minutes since the last time I checked. Rolling onto my back, I stared at nothing, more than a little irritated I was still awake.
Not that my current insomnia was a surprise. From the moment Theo appeared at Percolate, my thoughts and emotions had been in a constant state of disorientation. After all this time, I was elated to see Theo and Knox again, to soak up their comforting presence. But, I was also conflicted. I left Santa Cruz for a reason, several, in fact, and those issues hadn’t exactly disappeared.
Over dinner, Theo and Knox attempted to convince me that Douglas was no longer a threat. I understood their reasoning. If he didn’t have a political career to worry about, what was the point of tracking down my dad and attempting to remove the blemish (known as Vincent DuBois) from his otherwise impressive tenure as a district attorney? But, instinct told me Douglas wouldn’t give up that easily. When he’d confronted me in the park, I sensed that finding my dad had become an obsession. Who was to say he wouldn’t pick right back up from where he left off? He may not have revealed my identity so far, but that didn’t mean I was in the clear.
Of course, at that moment, the Douglas problem seemed a mere blip on my radar. The devastating news that Ethan left the team for good was taking up all the space in my brain. Knox quoted Ethan’s “irreconcilable differences” excuse, but I knew better. Even if he’d been struggling with Jackson’s authority for a while, that didn’t explain such a sudden withdrawal from the team.
Ethan left only days after I rejected him. I felt egotistical assuming it was because of me, but how could I not? The timing was too coincidental.
Thinking back to that night for the millionth time, his words echoed in my head. “Goodbye, Starburst.” Goodbye. Not good night or see you later. Goodbye. Like he’d known he was as good as gone.
If only I’d agreed to give him another chance, maybe everything would have turned out differently. Maybe the team wouldn’t have been torn apart. Maybe I wouldn’t have made the rash decision to leave. Maybe I would have spent the last four months happy instead of miserable. Maybe.
As sleep finally overtook me, Ethan’s face morphed into Theo’s. “Goodbye, pumpkin,” he said with sadness and finality. Then, I saw Knox, Jackson, Liam, and Chase.
“Goodbye, sweetheart.”
“Goodbye, Miss Jones.”
“Goodbye, gorgeous.”
“Goodbye, Haley.”
* * *
“Did you guys know the Pittock Mansion has forty-six rooms and a central vacuum system?” Theo continued walking along the dirt path ahead of us but looked back at Knox and me. “Maybe we should add one of those to the loft.”
Knox remained silent, while Theo seemed unable to stop talking—expounding upon the history of Portland, the Pittock Mansion, and an endless list of the plants we passed in the Hoyt Arboretum. I desperately wanted to enjoy their company and the fresh air, but I felt strangled by the tension. Despite all we had already discussed, there were still so many questions remaining, including the biggest one of all—whether I would return to Santa Cruz. For better or for worse, none of us were willing to address it.
“Next up,” Theo said, “the International Rose Test Garden. According to the brochure, it’s the oldest official, continuously-operated, public rose test garden in the country.”
Thousands of roses lined the slope of the hill and the space below, perfuming the air with their scent. According to Theo, June and July were the best months to visit, but there were still many varieties in bloom. Amid the sea of green grass and hardy stalks were endless combinations of red, white, pink, and yellow roses.
Theo swept his arms wide to encompass the beautiful landscape surrounding us. “How have you been here all these months and not seen any of the sights?”
“I don’t know. I was kind of busy working,” I said sarcastically, while wishing I had spent more time exploring. “And I didn’t have my personal tour guide.”
I regretted saying it the moment it left my mouth.
“That’s not my fault,” he said with a pointed look. “Besides, you were off most Tuesdays.”
“Thank you, stalker, for knowing my every move.”
“Well, there was that one day you vanished . . .” He paused, clearly hoping I would fill in the blank.
Knowing the day my dad and I were reunited was the only significant deviation from my usual routine, I hesitated. Of course, maybe if I was candid with Theo and Knox, they would return the favor.
“I’ll answer your question if you’ll answer one of mine first.”
He looked to Knox then said, “Sure.”
“I get that you uncovered my name, address, and that I work at Percolate, but how
do you know my schedule? Were you watching me?”
Theo nodded. “We installed a camera outside Helen’s guest house and sent someone up here when the need arose.”
I wanted to feel indignant that they’d kept me under surveillance, but it somehow made me feel better about all these months apart. It was overbearing and ridiculous, but it meant they cared.
“I see. In answer to your question, I met up with my dad.”
“What?” He stopped in his tracks. “Haley, that’s awesome, but how did you track him down? El Segundo was the last time we had any sort of a lead on him.”
“He left me a burner phone.”
I bent closer to smell the Gemini rose in front of me, wondering how big of a deal Theo would make of this revelation. Based on his stunned, wide-mouthed stare, I was leaning toward massive.
“Did you have it all along?”
I shook my head, hoping that would be the end of it, but Theo pressed on.
“Okay.” He looked puzzled. “Then when and how did you get it?”
Knox picked that moment to finally join the conversation. “I suspect she got it from the safe deposit box when we were in San Francisco in December.”
Theo glared at him. “You knew and didn’t tell me?”
“How did you know about that?” I snapped. Before Knox even opened his mouth to speak, I waved my hand dismissively through the air. “I’m not sure why I even bother asking. Since you’re aware of the safe deposit box, I’m guessing that in addition to hacking Jess’s emails, you also hacked into the bank.”
Knox merely shrugged in response while Theo looked away and whistled innocently.
“Fantastic. Clearly, it’s not nearly as secure as my dad hoped.”
“Yeah, we suggested a few improvements to them after our visit,” Theo interjected.
“After your visit? Hacking wasn’t enough—you felt the need to break into a bank?”
“First assassins and now bank robbers,” he muttered. “What next?”
“We may have acquired legitimate entry under false pretenses.” Such a typical Knox response.
As angry as I was, I couldn’t help but imagine one of the guys trying to pose as me, and I started laughing.
“Wow, okay. I thought you’d be pissed.” Knox almost sounded disappointed.
“Oh, I am,” I said between spurts of laughter, “but I’m imagining you dressed up as an eighteen-year-old girl and trying to slip past bank security unnoticed.”
Theo snickered. “Wouldn’t that be awesome?”
“Did you feel the need to take anything with you? Documents on the Coleville house, cash, my dad’s emergency identity?”
“No, and I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know that they’ve since upgraded their security,” Knox said.
“Well, that is good news,” I answered, my voice rising with every word. “Except for the small detail that you, yet again, completely violated my privacy.”
Is Knox seriously smirking right now?
“You think this is funny?” I didn’t want to disrupt the tranquility of the garden by yelling at him, but it was becoming increasingly difficult not to.
“No, it just reminded me of your first morning in the loft. Man, were you pissed.”
His statement caught me off guard, and I quieted for a moment.
“And, Haley.” He wrapped his broad hands around my shoulders. When he was certain he had my full attention, his emerald eyes blazed into mine. “Yell, scream, tell us we’re crazy. It doesn’t bother me. Anything is better than your running away a third time.”
“A third time?”
“The cabin. Portland.”
His hands skimmed down my arms, and I drew in a shaky breath. “I don’t want to ruin whatever time we may have together, but it feels like we’re back to square one.”
“Because you still don’t trust us?” Knox asked.
“I want to, have always wanted to, but there are too many secrets between us.” Yours and mine, I thought.
“What if we could tell you more about what we do?” Theo asked as he drew nearer.
“You never could before, so what’s changed?”
“The rules,” Knox answered. “Well, more like we’ll make an exception to the rules for you. Plus, you could return to a different position, something more challenging.”
“I seriously doubt Zenith would want to re-hire me, let alone promote me, after I vanished without notice.”
“Don’t worry about that, Haley,” Theo said. “Patrick will help. He was excited about the idea of, and I quote, ‘bringing you into the fold.’”
“And, Jackson?”
“He was the one who lobbied Patrick to allow it.” What? Does Jackson want me to return?
“I want to be clear, though. There will always be some things we simply cannot tell you. But,” Knox held a finger to my lips when I opened my mouth to interrupt, “we will be forthcoming, and I swear that the majority of your questions will be answered.”
He stared into my eyes, as if willing me to understand, before reluctantly withdrawing his finger from my lips. When he pulled away, I felt like the air had been sucked from my lungs, his intensity and touch overpowering after all this time apart.
Avoiding all eye contact, I focused my attention on the landscape. Though part of me believed staying away from Santa Cruz was necessary for the guys’ protection and mine, the temptation to return was strong. There were still obstacles in the way, but promising to finally explain the secret side of Zenith was a step in the right direction. If Knox and Theo continued to be so open, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to resist.
Confessions
I stared at my reflection, straightening my long, black hair and wondering what Theo had planned for the evening. Even though I told myself it was only dinner with a friend, and not a date, the flat iron shook in my hand. I unconsciously lifted fingers to my lips, my mind drifting back to his unexpected kiss. Would he try to kiss me again?
I couldn’t deny that the idea appealed to me, but there were still so many things up in the air. It was clear the guys wanted me to return to Santa Cruz and were serious enough to remove Douglas as a threat. Knox swore I would finally discover the truth about Zenith, at least in general terms. But what of my romantic entanglements with Chase, Liam, and now Theo?
While I wasn’t quite sure where things currently stood with any of them, I knew my presence impacted the group. Ethan leaving was proof enough, even if the others didn’t realize it. I couldn’t risk something like that, or worse, happening again; I would never forgive myself.
And, what about the life I’d built in Portland? I could imagine Jess’s response and rolled my eyes, knowing it was a weak argument. Apart from my friendship with Noah and a decent job, there wasn’t anything holding me here.
My dad still refused to share his location, but I was fairly certain it was closer to Santa Cruz than Portland. Either way, we were in contact regularly enough that I could update him on my whereabouts. Hadn’t he even told me not to rule out the possibility of returning to Santa Cruz?
A knock at the door snapped me back to reality, and I sucked in a deep breath to calm my nerves. I didn’t know what the future held, but I was determined to enjoy the moment.
When I opened the door, Theo’s face lit up with a smile. Pulling me into a hug, he whispered in my ear, “You look beautiful.”
“Thank you.”
“Love the bird dress, by the way. How apropos.”
I grinned. “I’m glad you appreciate my Portlandia reference.”
“I’m surprised you’ve seen that show. Strike that, I’m surprised you’re even aware of it.”
I swatted at him. “I watched a few episodes, thank you very much.”
He laughed, grabbing my hand and holding it until he we reached the car. Theo opened my door before heading around to the driver’s side and letting himself in.
Just a hug, no kiss. Kissing is usually an end-of-the-date thing, right? Ugh, Haley, it’s di
nner, not a date!
“Have you been to Clarklewis?” Theo asked.
“Is that a restaurant or a furniture showroom?”
“Restaurant, and I’ll take that as a no.”
“That would be correct.”
“Excellent. I hope you’re feeling adventurous.”
“With you, always.”
Theo winked at me, then returned his attention to the road. “While I would chide you for failing to appreciate the awesomeness surrounding you in Portland, I am excited to share a new experience with you.”
“Eating at a restaurant together is a new experience?”
“No, but eating at a farm-to-table restaurant in Portland is a new experience for us.”
“Okay, I’ll give you that. What kind of food do they serve?”
“Italian.”
“My favorite!”
“I know.” And with those two words, his tone conveyed everything. It was a reminder of all the times he did something, even as simple as selecting a star-covered phone case, just to make me happy.
Sitting with Theo at Clarklewis, I felt a lightness, a happiness, I hadn’t felt in months. The food was incredible, and the industrial space with roll-up glass garage doors brought back long-suppressed memories of the loft. It made me wonder if it was all part of Theo’s “bring Haley back to Santa Cruz” plan.
For at least the third time since our food arrived, a serious look passed over Theo’s face before he quickly hid it with a smile. I wanted to ask him what he was thinking, but my determination to savor our time together overrode my curiosity.
“Spending time with you these past two days has been . . . well, it’s been more than I ever hoped for, especially after how I left.”
“Haley,” he said softly, “I absolutely hated being apart from you, but I think I understand why.”
“Yeah, because of Douglas.” I cringed, feeling like a coward. How can I possibly tell him the whole truth?
“While that’s definitely part of it, I think there’s another reason.”