by Shay Savage
“Does that mean…?” Nate pauses for a moment. “Are you thinking you might be able to live with it?”
“I’m thinking about it in general terms.”
“Oh.” Nate looks out the window. “I am probably hoping too much. Too soon, at least.”
“I’ve had some time to think and process,” I finally say.
“And?”
“I admit it scared me in the beginning but mostly because I was afraid you might be doing something really bad.”
“Oh, so I was a gangster, but now I’m a nice enough gangster?” Nate snickers.
“Something like that. Making forgeries…well, it doesn’t seem as bad as dealing drugs or committing major felonies. It’s more…what’s it called? White collar crime.”
“Maybe.” Nate shrugs and then goes quiet for a minute. “I’m still not…not always a good person. This business is illegal, and sometimes I have to do things that are worse than making a fake ID.”
I feel my limbs go cold.
“Have you…?” I can’t form the words.
“When we were in Cascade Falls that night—the last time I saw you—I promised to be honest with you. I know what you want to ask, and I’m going to keep that promise. You want to know if I’ve ever killed anyone, and though I can’t say I’ve done it personally, I also can’t say I’m not responsible.”
“Then that’s a yes.”
“I suppose it is. Never without a good reason, but I have been responsible.”
A shudder runs through me. Though the idea of Nate taking someone’s life—either by deed or by order—frightens me, I feel like it could be worse. Maybe his family is right, and I am naïve, but I also knew this was a possibility, and I had imagined the worst. Initially, I’d imagined his family was selling drugs to children or carrying out murder for hire.
Even if what they did was worse, it wouldn’t matter. Just being in his presence again is enough to tell me what I had been afraid to admit—I want to be with him. I’m not sure how it will work, but I want to be with him.
We’re going to have a child.
I swallow hard. I should tell him. It was the original reason for contacting him, but I still hadn’t managed to say anything about it.
“You look so frightened,” Nate whispers. “I don’t want to scare you, Cherry. I already made you afraid once, and I don’t ever want to do that again.”
“I’m not,” I say quickly.
“Your face says otherwise.”
“I’m just…contemplating.”
“Contemplating what?”
“I was afraid,” I tell him, “but I don’t think I am anymore. Ultimately, what your family does to make money isn’t important.”
“Really?” Nate’s eyebrows shoot up. “Why do you say that?”
“Because… I moved back here, and I’ve been miserable. I don’t want to continue to live my life here, working at the library or the antique shop. I want to be here with you. It doesn’t matter because I’m…I’m in love with you.”
Nate lets out a long, shuddering breath.
“Pull over, Cherry. Please, just pull over.”
I do, and as soon as the car is in park, Nate reaches for my seatbelt and releases it. I let him pull me into his arms as new, joyful tears fill my eyes. He takes my face in his hands, and he presses his lips to mine. It feels like it has been years since the last time we kissed, not months, and I melt against him.
“I love you so much, Cherry.” Nate’s lips move against mine. “I’m sorry I put you through all this. I’m so sorry.”
“I know.” I kiss him again, feeling the urge to just jump into the backseat and straddle him, but I have no doubt that someone would stop and look into the car, so I pull back.
We hold each other for a while, staring into each other’s eyes. Nate kisses me softly a few times before we untangle ourselves, and I get back into the driver’s seat to continue the journey as snow begins to fall, quickly covering the road.
“I need to hear you say it, Cherry.”
“Say what?”
“Do you forgive me for being such a jackass?”
“You were a douchebag,” I reply.
“A motherfucking douchebag.”
“Yes, that’s it.” I press my lips together, holding back a laugh. “I’m still pissed at you.”
“I know. You have every right to be.” Nate pauses and stares out the window again. “I feel like I was in some kind of a fog. My judgment was clouded. I’d lost you, and I was devastated. I deserved it, but it still hurt. I’m still so afraid of fucking up and losing you again. I don’t want to do anything to blow this now. I need you, Cherry. Now that you know everything, I can’t imagine not having you in my life.”
“Do you think I would have called you and agreed to have you come here if I didn’t feel the same way?”
“Do you mean that?”
“Of course I do.” I scowl at him. “Don’t question my word again.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Don’t call me ‘ma’am’ either.”
Nate laughs. He reaches over and takes my hand in his as I drive up Garrett Highway, approaching my hometown. I glance around, trying to see my small town as a newcomer. I watch familiar landmarks as the snowfall begins to cover the buildings. A red Chevy parked at the Accident Baptist Church lets me know that the reverend is inside, probably working on a sermon for Sunday. I haven’t seen him since he prayed over Aunt Ginny’s gravesite.
Aunt Ginny.
Maybe I should think of her as Aunt Sofia, if that’s who she really was. Being with Nate is bringing it all back to the surface, and my chest aches when I think about how she lied to me about who I am all those years, but I’m also relieved to discover we were actually related. At least that one, small connection wasn’t fake.
“What’s with all the snow?” Nate asks.
“It’s Maryland in spring,” I reply with a shrug. “It snows.”
“How far is it to your house?”
“It’s on the other side of town, so don’t blink, or you will miss it.”
Two minutes later, I pull into the long driveway.
“That’s your place?” Nate asks. “The yellow house at the end?”
“It’s gold brick, not yellow, but yes.”
“Gold brick.” Nate snickers. “Right.”
“Are you mocking me?”
“Never, my love.” He presses his lips together, clearly trying not to laugh. “It’s a really nice place. I’m surprised to see a gated drive. Is the gate always open?”
“Yes. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it closed, actually.”
“Then what’s the point of having one?”
I don’t reply. I can’t help but wonder if closing the gate might have kept Janna away. I look at the house and wonder what it looks like to him. The front porch is cluttered with lumpy white cloths, concealing the furniture. I remember sitting out on the porch swing, drinking lemonade with Aunt Ginny on hot summer days, and wonder if the house looks as lonely to Nate as it feels to me.
I park around the other side of the gazebo and turn off the car.
“You asked if I forgive you, and I do. If I couldn’t, you wouldn’t be here now, but I do want to be perfectly clear on one point.”
“What’s that?”
“That I’m not going to forget it.” I turn sideways in my seat to face him. “If you ever even hint at laying a hand on me, we’re through. Permanently. I don’t care about the consequences.”
“I understand that.” I see his throat bob as he swallows. “It won’t happen again, Cherry. I swear, I’ll never do anything like that again.”
“Good.” I give him one last look before we head into the house.
Once we’re inside, I shiver and rush over to the thermostat to turn the heat back on. The past few days had been warm, and I hadn’t needed it.
“It’s very quiet in here,” Nate whispers as he looks around.
“You get used to being in an o
ld house after a while,” I say. “It makes a lot of noises at night. It used to scare me when I was little.”
“That’s all the antiques talking.” Nate looks around at the furniture.
“Well, that was Aunt Ginny’s business.”
“It wasn’t though, was it? You were raised by Sofia Ramsay. That much we know to be true. She didn’t run an antique store until after she took Virginia Bay’s place.”
“I guess she learned,” I say with a shrug. “She certainly sounded like she knew what she was talking about.”
Nate makes a subtle remark about food, and I grin before making us peanut butter sandwiches. I even manage to eat about half of mine, but Nate quickly becomes quiet, staring at me intently.
“Are you okay?” I ask. I thought he would get a kick out of the sandwich, but maybe I should have at least ordered some carry-out from the diner.
“Cherry…I don’t know if I can hold back any more.”
“Hold back?” I look into his eyes and suddenly understand exactly what he means. “My bedroom is upstairs.”
It’s tempting to hold back and take it slowly, but neither of us wants to delay, and our clothing is quickly strewn over my bedroom floor. He runs his hands all over my skin as our lips press together. He enters me without hesitation, and his groan nearly makes me come when I hear it.
“Needed this…so much…”
I can’t reply. My mind and body have only one focus, and forming words just isn’t on my priority list. The tension is already built, and it’s all I can do to hold off for a few minutes as I feel our bodies merge into one.
I’ve missed this so much—missed him so much—and now that I have him once more, I know I never want to be parted again. I lace my fingers in his hair and wrap my legs around his hips as if I could keep him with me forever if I just hold on tight enough.
“I love you,” Nate whispers against my neck. “I thought…I thought I’d never be with you again.”
“Love…you…” I manage to mutter, then cry out. “Oh, God! Nate!”
A shudder runs through me, and I gasp. I tighten my legs around his hips and push up against him as the waves of pleasure dance through my body. I keep holding onto him—arms and legs refusing to release the lock around him—until I feel him tense and hear him cry out my name as he fills me.
He collapses on top of me for a few seconds before rolling to the side, taking me with him. I feel him slip out of me, and I can’t help but notice he again didn’t say anything about condoms or birth control. Not that it matters now, at least, not in terms of pregnancy. We’ve never really talked about his past relationships or how many women he’s been with, and I start to wonder if I am as naïve as everyone thinks I am.
Nate reaches over and strokes the side of my face, pulling me from my dark, unsure thoughts. We lie on our sides, looking at each other. Nate keeps smiling and stroking my face, and I smile back as I run my hand up and down his arm. The silence is a comfortable one, and his warmth wards off the chill from outside.
I still haven’t told him.
The bandage cliché runs through my head, and I know I should just tell him. I have a pretty good idea that he will be happy about it, but uttering the words feels like a huge step, and I’m hesitant to interrupt the moment.
It has to be done.
“Nate, there’s something I need to tell you.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I regret them. I don’t know how to say this, and I’m barely mentally prepared to understand the implications myself. I can’t say it yet.
“What is it?”
I look away, not responding.
“Cherry?”
I feel like we’re at a turning point, and bringing up the pregnancy right at this moment might not be the best idea. Aside from being terrified to say it aloud, I don’t want this reconciliation to be about the baby. I want it to be about us.
“Janna Ramsay was here,” I blurt out.
“What?” Nate’s face goes pale as he props himself up on his elbow.
“She came here about a week ago, giving me a sales pitch about how we were sisters.”
“What did you do?”
“I listened for a little while, then threw her out.” I expect him to laugh, but he doesn’t.
“She actually came here and introduced herself? What did she say?”
“Well,” I say, suddenly realizing I’m not ready for this conversation either, “she did talk about your brother a little. She said Jay acted in self-defense.”
“She actually told you that? She admitted that she killed Micha?”
“She said it was Jay, but yes. She also said your father knew.”
“He couldn’t have known.” Nate scoffs at the revelation. “If he had, he would have taken Jay out without hesitation.”
“I can only tell you what she told me. She said Carlo knew Micha started it. She also said it was all because Micha was looking into me.”
“I came to that conclusion myself. We hadn’t had any significant disputes with the Ramsays for a while, and it was the only thing that made sense. Still, I can’t believe she had the audacity to show up here. I don’t like it.”
“I don’t think she would have…hurt me or anything.”
“I wouldn’t put it past her. Actually, sister or not, if she knew how much it would hurt me, she’d probably do it.”
We gather our clothes and dress in silence, Nate still looking pensive.
“It’s not safe for you here alone,” he eventually says. “Will you come back to Cascade Falls with me? If you don’t, I’m going to have to find some other way to keep you safe.”
“You really think it’s dangerous?”
“I think it’s possible.” He sighs, and I see the fallen look on his face. “You wouldn’t have to stay with me indefinitely.”
“I’ll move back,” I say. “There isn’t anything here for me now. I know that.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that.”
“Do you think Reid would give me my old apartment, or is it already rented again?”
“I…I don’t know.” He presses his lips together. “Is that where you would want to live?”
“I guess so.”
“Ugh.” Nate shakes his head. “I need to remember to just say what I’m thinking.”
“What are you thinking?”
“I’m sorry to be so blunt,” Nate says, “but I need to hear the words. I don’t want to make any assumptions just because…well, because of this.” He gestures toward the disheveled sheets on the bed. “Are we…back together? I want to be with you, Cherry. That hasn’t changed at all, but I don’t know what’s going through your head, and I’m learning to ask instead of assuming.”
“I think it’s safe to say I want to be with you.”
“Do you really?” he says quietly.
“I do.”
“Oh, those words.” Nate closes his eyes tightly for a moment. “And my past transgressions, which I understand you won’t forget—I won’t either—but you do forgive me for them?”
“Yes, Nate.”
“I’m probably a moron,” he mumbles, “but I can’t help myself.”
Nate leaves the room and comes back a minute later, holding something behind his back. Whatever it is must have been in his jacket pocket since he didn’t have time to go out to the car and get his bag.
“I’ve thought about this a lot,” he says quietly, his gaze not meeting my eyes.
“Thought about what?”
He takes a deep breath and then drops to one knee and brings his hand out from behind his back. In his palm is the black velvet box I remember from the night I left.
“Cherice, I didn’t know it at the time, but the first moment I saw you was the beginning of my future. It’s a future I want to share with you. I want you to be a part of my life and a part of my family for now and forever.”
My heart skips a beat.
“Cherry, will you please marry me?”
Chapter 21—Clues<
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My mouth hangs open, but I can’t seem to draw a breath. I wasn’t expecting this, and I have no idea how to react. I clasp my hand over my open mouth and stare at the giant diamond Nate is proffering. He looks at me with intent, eager eyes.
“Hopefully I didn’t screw this up again?” His voice rises in question.
I try to answer, but I still can’t breathe.
“Cherry? Are you all right? Shit! I did fuck it up again, didn’t I?”
“No, you didn’t,” I finally manage to whisper. “That was much better.” I bite my lip as tears form in the corners of my eyes.
“You didn’t answer.”
I reach up and wipe away a tear. I know this is exactly what I want. I’d be a part of the family I’d already started to love, and my baby would have a proper mother and father together.
“Yes. Yes, Nate, I will marry you.”
“Thank you, Lord,” he whispers.
He takes the ring from the box, and I hold out my left hand. He slides the ring onto my finger before pulling me back into his arms.
“I love you, Cherry. Thank you. Thank you so much for saying yes.”
“I love you, too, Nate. I can’t imagine a life without you now, either.”
He kisses me again, his lips lingering. My head is spinning again, but this time it’s with excitement and anticipation. When we finally break away from each other, I look down to get a closer look at the ring.
“It’s beautiful,” I say.
“You’re beautiful.” He grins and kisses me once more. “Now that this is all official, we should talk about our next steps.”
“Next steps?”
“Do you still want to learn the truth about your heritage?”
“There are a lot of unanswered questions. I don’t know why I was sent here to live with my aunt and not raised with the rest of the Ramsay family. I know what Janna told me, but I don’t think we know the truth about what happened to your brother, either.”
“I want to help you if you’ll let me. I agree that we still don’t know the whole story and there might be answers here.”
“What kind of answers?”
“How would you feel about a video call with the family? I know Nora is dying to talk to you, and Threes has been going through that file my brother had on you.”