by Bella Jewel
Anger bubbles in my chest, because who in the ever loving hell does she think she is?
“I had that for years. If I wanted it, I would have kept it.”
She throws her head back and laughs. “Bitch, stop acting like you had a choice. He told me what it was like fucking you. All timid, and boring, and lacking adventure. And then there is that dimply ass of yours.”
That hurts.
Hits me right in the gut.
And I hate it. I hate that she gets to me. But she does. Because he told me that more than once. That I wasn’t adventurous, that I was boring and too timid. I couldn’t help that. I guess it’s just the way I am. I struggle with confidence, I always have, and I was never into wild sex like he was. But it didn’t mean I didn’t want to try, I did, but every time he’d mention it, it was during a bad time, and he’d get angry that I wouldn’t jump his bones then and there.
Like once, it was in the middle of my period, for crying out loud. I was bloated, and cranky, and he was trying to have a conversation about taking our sex life to the next level. When I got off my period and spoke to him about it, curious, he shot me down. It wasn’t just me. No. It wasn’t. But it hurts all the same. It hurts because maybe I’m not what men want, and maybe I never will be.
“Leave,” I snap, slamming the door.
She doesn’t knock and bang like he did, and I’m glad, because tears burst forth and roll down my cheeks.
I shouldn’t let them get to me.
But dammit.
They are.
And I don’t know what to do about it anymore.
~5~
EARLIER – CHANTELLE
His body presses mine to the side of the pool and damned if I can breathe. I can’t. I am in a world that only includes Boston and myself and nobody else. There is nothing else but the feel of him, hard and ready against me. And the way his hands are gripping my ass, and his mouth is suckling at my neck. This is after he tormented my breasts after removing my bikini, sucking my nipples until I couldn’t breathe from moaning his name so much.
Then his fingers were in my pussy, fucking me, hard and deep. And now, oh now, my legs are around his waist, my back is pressed against the pool wall, and his cock is pressing against my bare entrance, ready to push in, ready to fuck me and make all my dreams come true. I’ve been thinking about fucking him again for days. I wasn’t sure if it would ever happen. He took me out the other day, and we had an incredible time with no contact.
So when he invited me over here for a swim and drinks today, I honestly didn’t know what to expect. Part of me actually considered that he might tell me we can’t be friends anymore, but he doesn’t seem like that kind of man.
A husky moan fills my ear as his cock slides inside without warning. I whimper and clutch his shoulders, the water is cool around us, but not freezing. It feels nice against my skin, especially when his hard body is pressed against mine, his cock inside me. I turn my head and find his mouth, desperate for a kiss, which he gives me without hesitation, and then he starts moving his hips.
And oh, my lord.
He fucks me slow today, real slow, dragging his cock in and out of me, causing my moans to turn into desperate whimpers as that feeling builds inside me, a slow heat, ready to combust and burst forth. I gasp into his mouth, and his teeth nip my lower lip, and then it happens, quickly, far too quickly. I cum, so hard I forget where I am for a moment, the sensations too much for me to take.
I’m screaming his name.
And I don’t even care.
I don’t care.
I just want him and everything he has to offer.
His grunts join my moans of pleasure only minutes later, and then slowly, we come down from what was an absolutely incredible high.
“Nobody would have heard us then, right?” I whisper, breath puffing out against his cheek.
“No, Anya took Cassie out. They’ll be back soon.”
Anya is Cassie’s other carer, who shares the time with Penny. She’s a nice lady, older, but mostly keeps to herself. I’ve not met Boston’s sister, Cassie, yet. This is the first time he has brought me to his home. I wonder if I’ll be allowed to meet her, or if he’d rather keep me hidden because he’s just playing with me.
That thought sucks.
I push it away and pull back, staring at Boston. His eyes meet mine. “That was amazing,” I whisper.
“You’re always fuckin’ amazin’, Chantelle.”
He kisses my forehead, taking me completely off guard, then lets me go. Such an affectionate gesture, so warm and safe. My heart flutters and I have to force myself to snap out of it and pull myself together. Boston gets out of the pool, and I readjust my bikini and climb out, too. When I reach the chairs we were sitting on before our swim, he hands me a towel and I wrap it around myself, taking a seat.
“Do you swim much when you’re on your own?” I ask him.
He dries himself, and I struggle to take my eyes off his incredible body as he removes the water from his tanned skin. Then he throws the towel down and sits, looking at me as he passes me a beer. “Every day. Keeps me fit.”
Indeed it does.
“I need to invest in a pool, and maybe stop with the eating.”
He snorts and looks at me. “Don’t stop with the eating. Got a handful of your ass in that pool, and it’s fuckin’ divine.”
I grin at him. “Why thank you.”
He grins back.
“Hey.”
We both turn to see Penny walking outside, looking fresh and beautiful in a baby-blue sundress, her hair down and flowing around her shoulders, her skin soft and light. She’s beautiful, soft and sweet as hell. I really like her. She looks to me, and for a moment, I swear her eyes flash with something, but then I think maybe she’s just upset. She looks upset. Her face flushed.
“How are you, Penny?” I ask her, smiling. Hoping she’s not upset because I’m here.
She told me it was okay.
If it’s not, I really wish she would just say so.
“I’m good, how are you, Chan?”
“Good, do you want to sit and have a drink with us?”
She glances at Boston, and I swear I can feel some sort of moment between them, something warm almost flashes around when they make eye contact. It makes me uncomfortable, and it makes me wonder if Saskia is right, maybe I am stepping on toes here. But, if he’s interested in Penny, then why in the hell does he keep chasing me? Is it just sex? Is that all this is?
That kind of hurts.
“No, I have to get Cassie’s things ready, but thank you. How have you been?”
“Good.” I smile at her. “Just working.”
“Same here.” She laughs softly. “Never ending.”
“No doubt.”
“Well, I’ll leave you two to it, I’ll chat to you soon, Chantelle.”
I wave to her and turn back to Boston. He is watching her go, his expression concerned. Suddenly, I feel like an outsider, like I just shouldn’t be here. I try to make light conversation, but he’s distracted. I can tell he’s distracted. He tells me he’s going to get more beers and disappears inside. My chest hurts, it aches because I feel ridiculous. I’m not sure why. He invited me here, but am I right, was it just for sex?
I like sex as much as the next girl.
But I don’t like being used for it.
I wait for over half an hour, and when Boston doesn’t return, I pull on my shorts and tank, and then walk inside. When I reach the kitchen, I can hear soft voices talking. I step around the corner and see Boston and Penny, deep in conversation. She’s crying, which instantly makes me feel bad. He knew something was wrong with her, I can’t be angry at him for coming to see if she’s okay.
“Here for you, Penny,” he says, his voice soft and warm. I haven’t heard that voice on him before. It’s so gentle. My heart aches. “You gotta tell me when shit goes down.”
“It isn’t your problem, Boston,” she sobs, swiping at her eyes. “I can�
��t drag you into it.”
“You’re my problem, because I don’t like seein’ you hurt.”
Ouch.
I clear my throat and both of them look at me.
“Are you okay, Penny?” I ask, my voice concerned because I am concerned.
“She’s fine,” Boston says, his voice dismissive. “I’ll see you later.”
He’s asking me to leave.
It feels like I’ve been sucker punched in the chest, but I hold my head high, nod, and walk out.
I clench my fists the whole way to the car.
I won’t be used.
Not even by someone like Boston.
He doesn’t have to give me more than what he’s giving me, but at the very least, the friendship we share deserves some respect.
He just dismissed me like I was a one-night stand he found on the street.
That shit doesn’t fly with me.
~*~*~*~
CHANTELLE
I’m weak.
There is no other way to put it.
I managed to ignore Boston for a few days, which was okay because I was working, but when I finally answered, he asked to see me. I stupidly agreed, and he would only see me at my house. When he came over, we had a chat that ended in sex—amazing, mind-blowing sex—and then he left. Again.
And I got frustrated with myself.
Stupidly frustrated.
Because I shouldn’t have let him come over. Especially when he wouldn’t let me go back to his house, and would only opt for coming here. That’s a booty call if I’ve ever seen one. This time, I promised myself I was done. I’m nobody’s sex toy, especially not a biker’s. I should have told him I was hurt he kicked me out the other day, but instead I let him in and got carried away with his hands, and his body, and that damned mouth.
Not this time.
My hurt is growing, my confusion is growing, but mostly my feelings are growing. Heavily.
I care about him more than I should, which is why I have made the decision to stop this. Once and for all, I have to stop it. Or I’m going to get hurt. Saskia was right about that; if I don’t step back, it’ll turn into some twisted love triangle, and there can only be one ending for that, and it’s either Penny or me having our heart broken, which is just not going to work.
So, here I am, sitting on my sofa at seven at night, drinking a vodka on the rocks and feeling sorry for myself. Boston has called six times in the last two hours. I flat-out refuse to answer now. I have nothing to say, nothing that’s going to help either of us. He only wants to come over for sex, and I’m not down for that.
Even though I’d really, really like it right now.
I have to have some self-respect.
Someone bangs on my door, loudly.
I turn my head and stare at it for a second, and the banging continues. With a sigh, I stand, walking over and swinging it open. Boston is standing on the other side, jaw tight, eyes flashing with frustration, gorgeous body panting. Damn him for being so fine. It makes it so much harder.
“Don’t fuckin’ like bein’ ignored, Chantelle.”
His voice is rough, and husky, and so damned nice.
“I don’t like being used, Boston.”
“The fuck you on about, woman?”
I cross my arms, refusing to move out of the doorframe. “How stupid do you think I am? I might look it, but I’m not as dumb as I seem.”
He growls with frustration, “Still no fuckin’ idea what you’re talkin’ about.”
“You have feelings for Penny, and you’re just using me for sex.”
For a moment, he stares at me, just blankly, like I’ve surprised him. “Where the fuck are you comin’ up with this shit? This why you’ve been ignorin’ me?”
“You kicked me out of your house when she came over, I see the way you look at her. I didn’t come down in the last shower, Boston, I know when someone has feelings for another person, I also know when I’m just a sex toy.”
“You’re out of your fuckin’ mind. If I wanted just a fuck, I could find it with my fuckin’ eyes closed.”
“Away you go then.”
“Stop bein’ a stubborn ass female. I like you, wouldn’t hang out with you the way I do if I didn’t, wouldn’t call you, wouldn’t fuckin’ be at your door right now because you didn’t answer.”
Dammit. He has a valid point.
But still.
“Maybe so, but you also have feelings for her, and this is going to end badly.”
“Don’t have feelings for her,” he growls.
He says that and, for a moment, I really wish I could just cheer and say yes, thank god, he doesn’t and everything is fine. But I know it isn’t. Maybe he honestly doesn’t believe he feels anything for her, but anyone with two eyes can see what they have goes deeper than friendship, even if it isn’t romance, it’s something.
“What you have with her goes deeper than friendship, Boston.”
“Care about her a fuckin’ lot. Yeah, we’re close. Real close. But I’m not usin’ you.”
“Maybe you’re not, but this is already too messy for me. She cares about you, and you clearly care about her. I don’t know how deep that runs, but it’s deep enough for me to need to take a step back.”
“You’re overthinkin’ this.”
“No, I’m not. Which is why we can’t see each other for a while. I want to be friends, and we can be, but that’s it.”
He stares at me and, with a rugged growl, steps forward and grabs my hair in his fists, pulling me in and kissing me so hard, and so damned good, I struggle to breathe. My lungs seize, my knees tremble, and I find myself unable to push him back. I kiss him with a hunger that runs deep, like I’m starving for him. It takes me longer than a few minutes to snap myself out of it and pull back.
When I do, we’re both panting, both staring at each other with hungry eyes.
But I know I can’t let him in.
I can’t have sex with him again.
I can’t let my feelings get any deeper for him.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, my lips burning from his kiss. Swollen from the contact. “But we can only be friends, and that’s it. I have to protect myself. Goodnight, Boston.”
With that, I close the door and lock it.
Then I press my back to it and close my eyes.
Dammit.
Why does doing the right thing feel so damned shitty?
~6~
EARLIER – PENELOPE
“Hey!” Amalie smiles, coming into Boston’s house followed by Malakai, Koda, and Boston.
I don’t get to see the members of the club enough—occasionally they come over and have a beer with Boston, but mostly he goes there. I like everyone there, especially the women. They’re amazing and some of the best people I’ve met. They’re right in the middle of something with Saskia and have had more than their fair share of crap in the last six months.
But they stick together.
And I like that.
“Hey.” I wave, pushing Cassie into the living room.
She loves it when they visit, too. Understandably.
“I haven’t seen you since we went out, I’ve missed you! How are you?”
Amalie walks over to me, smiling. She’s a beautiful person. The kindest of the kind. A heart of pure gold. I think I was meant to fall into being her ex-boyfriend’s carer because through that, I met her and made a great friend. Cassie adores her, too. And loves when she comes and visits.
“Hey, Cass!”
“Hey, Amalie, how are you?” Cassie smiles.
“Awesome, how are you?”
“Very good. We just went for our daily afternoon walk.”
“Checkin’ out men again,” Boston murmurs as he walks past.
“Well, big brother, a girl has to look.”
“And look she should.” Malakai grins, stopping in front of Cassie and me. “Evening, ladies.”
God. He’s so handsome. No wonder Amalie can’t get enough of him.
“Ladies,” Koda murmurs, walking past. “Lookin’ good.”
Sigh.
The men go and stand in the kitchen, pulling out a beer. They’re talking closely about something, no doubt everything that’s been going on. So, I take the opportunity to sit with Amalie. I push Cassie’s chair over beside the sofa and then sit down. Amalie sits beside me.
“How have you been?” she asks me, smiling, her eyes lightning up when she does.
“Awesome. Busy, but good.”
Cassie rolls her eyes. “She’s a liar.”
I give Cassie a look, and she grins. She’s lucky I like her so damned much.
“Oh, really?” Amalie probes, giving me a look that says she needs to know more. “Are you going to share or do I need to push it out of you?”
“There’s not much to share, a difficult ex-husband ...”
“And a brother she can’t keep her eyes off ...” Cassie laughs.
I got red and whisper-yell, “Cassie! Stop it.”
“Oh, do share,” Amalie smiles, crossing her legs. “Start with the ex-husband, and then we’ll move to the juicy Boston stuff.”
“There is no juicy Boston stuff, we’re just friends,” I protest. “He’s into Chantelle ...”
Amalie’s brows go up. “Chan? Really? Since when?”
“They’ve been talking a lot since the night we went out, and I’m totally okay with it. Chantelle is a super awesome chick.”
“Wrong,” Cassie says, wiggling her finger. “Not about Chantelle being super awesome, I hear she’s great, but about them seeing each other. I heard him on the phone trying to get hold of her the other night. He went out, came back all pissed and broody muttering about women. My guess, she’s stopped whatever it was they had going.”
She did?
I hope not. Because if she did, it’s because he basically dismissed her the other day when she was here swimming with him. I felt terrible for her, because she is a great girl and didn’t do anything wrong. When she came in to ask if I was okay, he basically threw her out. I didn’t even get the chance to say anything, or protest at his rudeness. I felt bad for her. I saw the look on her face.