Grace squeezed Ryan's hand. "I need to say good-bye."
Meeting her gaze, he returned her squeeze. "Of course."
Grace stood quietly as Niall said good-bye to everyone. When he turned to her, she looked up into his eyes, watching the play of emotions run through them. He was hurting, but he hid it well. Her eyes clouded with visions of the past. They'd shared so much, but in that moment, she knew she didn't love him. Her heart belonged to another. Gulping, she reached out and took his hand. "Thanks for being here, Niall." She struggled to speak.
He remained silent, his face expressionless.
She gulped again. "I'm sorry, I really am."
"So am I, Grace. I hope you'll be happy together."
"Can we still be friends?"
He let out a small chuckle and shook his head. "I'm not sure."
"I hope we can."
"We'll see."
"I'll stay here until the trial, unless you need me before then."
"I'll be in touch." He turned to leave.
She grabbed his wrist, and he turned back. She gave him the best smile she could manage. "Thanks." Her heart was breaking for him, but there was nothing she could do.
When she climbed back into the van, Ryan slipped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. Everyone was quiet, even Danny. They understood the awkwardness of the situation. Once they reached the outskirts of the city, Danny glanced around and asked if anyone wanted to stop or just head back. No one wanted to stop.
Grace fell asleep in Ryan's arms and woke to him gently shaking her shoulder as they pulled up outside Danny and Lizzy's cottage. She blinked as she straightened. "I had no idea we were here."
"You slept the whole way."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not a problem. I caught a bit of shut eye too." He kissed the top of her head. "Anyway, it's time to get out." Holding her hand, he helped her out of the back seat.
"Will you stay for a while?" She almost pleaded with him.
"Yes, of course." He placed his arm around her shoulders as they followed the others inside.
Lizzy already had the kettle on by the time they reached the kitchen. "Sit down, Grace, Ryan. Danny's just grabbing the sandwiches Mia prepared for us."
Grace sat at the table between Ryan and Brianna, still in a daze. Lizzy chatted, but Grace barely heard her. Brianna said something, and Grace replied. Danny returned with the sandwiches. Lizzy placed a mug of tea in front of her. Ryan kept squeezing her hand. But none of it was real. It was like a play going on around her, and she was just an observer. She tried to join in with the conversation, but her mind was floating. Eventually she excused herself. "I'm sorry, but I need to rest."
Lizzy's eyes widened as her hand flew to her cheek. "Of course you do, Grace. We're sorry, we should have realised."
"It's okay. I just haven't slept much the last few nights."
"Let us know if you need anything."
Grace pushed her chair back and stood. "Thanks. I'm sorry to have put you all through this."
"Grace! You're family… you don't need to apologise!" Lizzy shook her head.
Tears pricked Grace's eyes. "You don't know how much that means."
"I agree," Brianna said quietly.
Grace placed her hand on Brianna's shoulder and squeezed it.
Ryan stood, and leaning close, kissed her cheek. "I'll come back later after you've rested."
Looking into his wonderful, caring eyes, she gave him an appreciative smile. "Thank you."
Chapter 31
When Grace closed the door, she spent a few minutes on her knees before climbing into bed. She didn't deserve to be back here with Danny and Lizzy, amongst family and friends who loved her, she should have been in prison, because, regardless of what Niall said, she was still guilty of being involved in a terrorist activity, and she should be punished. But the memory of that tiny cell sent shivers through her body. If she was found guilty, that would be her life for the foreseeable future. Now she knew what it was like, she'd be better prepared next time, but still, it would only be because of God living in her that she'd survive in there.
Images of a tiny cell and Niall's sad face drifted through her mind, but it was the comfort of being wrapped in God's arms that finally calmed her spirit enough to allow her to sleep.
When she woke later that afternoon, an envelope was sitting on her floor near the door. Slipping out of bed, Grace picked it up and lifted it to her nose. It held a faint perfume, and on the front, her name was written in an unfamiliar hand. Taking it back to her bed, she sat down and carefully opened it, scanning straight to the bottom to see who it was from. Ryan… a smile came to her face as she read.
Grace, I want you to know that I'm here for you. I'm looking forward to spending the next two months with you, getting to know you, having fun together, but most of all, growing together in the Lord. I don't know what God has planned for us, but I know it's something good. God will honour your bravery and obedience, and you have the opportunity to be a witness to the world of how He can change a person. You did so well today, and we're all proud of you. Stay strong in God, Grace, and He'll uphold you with His right hand.
All my love,
Ryan
Grace wiped the tears from her eyes. Yes, she had the opportunity to be a witness to God's amazing love as the case progressed. But to do that, she'd have to be steadfast in her faith. No more anxiety, no more self-pity. She was a child of God, and she was being obedient. Even though in God's eyes she was forgiven, the incident had happened, and many people's lives had been changed forever. The families who'd lost loved ones deserved closure. If she could help Niall and the police discover the truth of that day, she'd be doing them all a service. And if it meant she had to spend time in prison, well, so be it. She'd failed last night, but she'd be stronger next time. Being such a high profile case, she had the opportunity to show that there was a different way… a better way. She'd do it. She wouldn't wallow in self-pity. Now was the time to be strong.
She threw the curtains open. The weak Scottish sun was sinking slowly over Ben Nevis, washing the sky in soft hues of pinks and oranges. Out on the loch, the students were bringing a number of canoes into shore. Ryan was amongst them, and her heart fluttered with excitement at what the next two months might hold. God was indeed good, and she couldn't wait to see it all unfold.
Ryan did indeed keep his word. Every spare moment he had he spent with Grace. He took her on long hikes, they went on drives through the countryside, discovering quaint villages and cute cafés. He took her to Edinburgh and to Glasgow and to Inverness, and to all the towns in between. They walked on Culloden Moor, the site of the final Jacobite rising in 1746, where thousands of brave Highlanders fought the English and lost, but they also studied the Bible and prayed together. Ryan told her that if their relationship was going to stay strong, it had to be built with God at the centre, and Grace was more than happy to do that. The more she learned about God, the more in awe she became of His amazing greatness. Not only was He the God who'd created this amazing world, He was the God who lived inside her, giving her new life and hope for the future. She might have lost her identity as a barrister, but she'd gained a new one—she was a child of God, washed clean by the blood of Jesus, loved and cherished as if she were a precious only child.
When the time came to travel to Belfast for her trial, Grace knew with certainty that her strength came from the Lord, and that she would face whatever came her way with God on her side. She'd be a witness to His amazing love as she stood in the dock and testified. She'd be gentle and kind with the media. They wouldn't understand, in fact, Ryan had warned her they'd most likely be sceptical of Grace O'Connor's conversion, and would try to disparage her name. She didn't care. She was standing for the truth, and that's all that mattered.
She'd been in contact with Niall on and off for the entire two months. With the information she'd given him, he believed she'd be acquitted of murder, although she might be found guilty of bei
ng involved with a terrorist group, although he was hopeful she might be acquitted altogether. The prosecution maintained that even though her bomb might not have gone off, her intention was to kill.
They hadn't found Fergus, despite Grace providing as much information as she could, all the while knowing he might come after her. The police had been trying to find him and other members of that group for years without success, but armed with the new information Grace had provided, they were hopeful he'd eventually be found. Grace was saddened to discover Sammy had been killed in another bomb blast several years after Grace fled Londonderry. She wasn't surprised she hadn't heard anything from Aunt Hilda or the cousins, but no doubt they'd be worried she'd report the rape some time soon.
As she placed her hand on the Bible and took the oath that day, Grace knew that whatever happened in the days ahead, God would uphold her. Never had she thought she'd be on this side of the court room, but as she listened to the prosecuting barrister's opening speech, one thing she knew for sure, she no longer wanted to prosecute. Yes, for the justice system to work, there was a need for the prosecution, but her heart was no longer there. Her need to punish had been replaced with a heart of love and compassion. The thought crossed her mind that if she was found to be innocent, she could join Niall's firm as a defence lawyer, but then when she looked at him and saw the sadness that still hung heavy in his eyes, she realised that wouldn't work. If he was to ever move on, it was best they didn't see each other after the trial ended. Besides, who knew what God had planned for her and Ryan? But first, she had to get through the trial.
It lasted for three days. The media were relentless, but Grace stayed true to her promise. Unable to speak to them herself, she'd instructed Niall about what to say. He didn't understand either, but she didn't care. She wanted the world to know that truth was more important than self-preservation. That God's forgiveness didn't mean she was exempt from paying whatever penalty she would be handed if found guilty. That providing answers and closure to those family members who'd lost loved ones was more important to her than saving her own skin, and that she was sorry she hadn't come forward earlier.
The prosecution was good, but Niall was better. But that didn't matter. What mattered was that the truth was revealed, and Grace believed it was, although she was stunned as the full realisation that her bomb hadn't gone off finally hit her. All those years believing she'd killed those people. But the evidence was there—they'd found the remnants of a crudely made unexploded bomb amongst the rubble, and it matched the description she'd given. The bomb that had exploded was more complex. Someone else had planted it without her knowing. Had Fergus doubted her ability to follow through? Probably. He was right… how had she ever imagined she could do it?
The jury took just under four hours to find her not guilty. The relief she felt was immense, although she'd been prepared for a guilty verdict. At least now, with all the extra information she'd been able to supply to the police, the actual bomber might be found and brought to justice.
Reporters jostled to get close to her as she exited the courthouse surrounded by Niall, Ryan, Danny, Lizzy, Brianna, and Caleb and Caitlin. The main questions they asked were how she felt and what she would do now. Would she be returning to the bar now she'd been acquitted?
Now she could speak for herself, she was almost tongue-tied, but this was her opportunity, and she needed to take it. A hush fell over the crowd as she lifted her chin and began speaking. "Firstly, I need to thank my lawyer, and friend, Niall Flannery, for the superb job he did." She turned and gave him an appreciative smile. Her voice caught, but she quickly regained control. "Niall helped unravel the truth about that awful day, and now the police are a step closer to finding the real culprit. I pray with all my heart that he's found, and that the families of those who've suffered all these years can finally find closure. I've lived for the last fifteen years thinking I'd done it, so I know a little of what they're going through."
A microphone was shoved in front of her face. "So why did you plant it in the first place?"
Grace gulped. The question she'd been dreading. She looked the young female reporter directly in the eye. "I was young and insecure, looking for something to follow. I truly regret my actions."
"So is it true what they're saying? Grace O'Connor has found God?"
"Yes, it's true. Finding God was the catalyst for me coming forward. I didn't want to hide my secret any longer, especially as I believed I was responsible."
"Will you be going back to work for the DPP now?"
"No."
"Will you be staying in Belfast?"
"I'll be considering my options. I don't know at this stage."
Niall leaned in front of her and pushed them away. "That's all for now, folks. Give Ms O'Connor some space."
After the crowd dispersed, the family group gathered at Caleb and Caitlin's house for a celebratory meal. Caleb had invited Niall, and Grace was pleased to see that he'd come, with the blond hanging off his arm. She wasn't sure if the blond was the right woman for him, but she didn't know her, so who was she to judge? But she really wanted the opportunity to share her faith with Niall at some point, and she prayed she'd get the opportunity before she headed back to Scotland, because she was surer than ever that that was where God wanted her.
Niall introduced her formally to Roisin, and Grace discovered she was actually a nice person. Maybe he wasn't dating her just because he couldn't have Grace, maybe he really did like her. Grace prayed that was the case—she didn't want to see him hurt again.
Before dinner was served, Danny gathered everyone together to give thanks. Grace leaned against Ryan's strong, firm chest, with her arm slipped around his waist. It had always been possible she would have been found guilty and sent to prison, but here she was, surrounded by all those she'd come to love and appreciate so much. She brushed back tears of gratitude. God was indeed good.
Chapter 32
Six months later, Grace opened the door to her new premises in downtown Glasgow. "Place of Hope" was where rape victims could come for counselling and support. It wasn't flashy by any means, in fact, unless anyone knew it was there, they'd probably just walk straight by. Grace wanted it that way. She wanted to make it as easy as possible for those who needed help to come, and not feel threatened.
After her court case was over, Grace had undertaken an intensive counselling course so she could offer rape victims the best help possible. Brianna had also begun studying a Diploma in Counselling and would be Grace's assistant. But Brianna brought something more than just head knowledge—she brought first-hand experience. She knew what it was like to be raped. The disgust and shame of it all. It had almost killed her, but praise God, thanks to the cleansing power of the cross, she'd come out the other side and was a new person, filled with God's love and compassion for others.
Soon after her court case finished, as part of her preparation for leaving Belfast and moving to Scotland, Grace had written a letter to Aunt Hilda confirming that Brianna was not planning on reporting the rape, and had in fact forgiven the boys. She wasn't surprised she hadn't heard back, but she prayed for them often, because they'd be carrying guilt over what they'd done, and needed God's healing touch in their lives, even if they didn't know it.
As she turned the sign on the door from "Closed" to "Open", a delivery van pulled up in front. The driver jumped out and ran around to the passenger side. He slid the door open, and pulled out a huge bunch of flowers, and then, after looking at the tag, walked straight towards her. Grace chuckled. She knew who'd they be from… Ryan had been sending her a bunch of flowers every week since the court case had ended. It must have been costing him a fortune. But he'd gone all out on this one… it was huge! She thanked the driver and took the bouquet inside. She opened the card and smiled.
Dinner tonight? Pick you up at 6. I love you, Ryan. PS All the best for today.
Her heart skipped a beat. Ryan hadn't planned on coming to Glasgow this week, in fact, she thought he was bus
y with a new intake of students. She wasn't complaining… dinner with Ryan was something she always looked forward to and didn't do often enough, even though they tried to see each other as much as they could.
The day passed in a flurry. They had four scheduled appointments and two walk-ins. All were women who needed someone to talk to, someone who'd listen without judging, and could offer them hope that one day they'd get through this.
Grace wished Ryan had told her where they were going for dinner so she'd have an idea of what to wear. Casual or formal? She guessed casual, but went smart just in case. She never knew with Ryan. He'd surprised her so often in the past months. They'd had so much fun getting to know each other, but it was hard being apart. He was still the head instructor at the Elim Community, and she'd moved to Glasgow a month after the trial ended…. almost three hours by road each way. It was almost a long distance romance, but in some ways that made the anticipation of their time together even sweeter.
She stood in front of the mirror and checked her make-up. Not that she wore much these days, in fact, she rarely wore more than a lick of mascara and lipstick. She'd even stopped colouring her hair and had returned to her natural light brown. It took her a while to get used to it, but Ryan had told her countless times he loved her regardless of how she looked, and now that Fergus had been found and charged, she had no need to disguise herself any longer.
But she did wonder where their relationship was going. Ryan had never mentioned marriage, and neither had she. She guessed, like her, he was cautious. It was a huge thing for him, especially having lived his whole adult life on his own or with other men. But she felt she was ready to commit. Now her past had been cleared and she didn't have any secrets to hide, she was ready. Or she thought she was. Maybe tonight would be the night he'd ask…
Right on the dot of six the buzzer for Grace's small apartment in a not too salubrious part of town rang. She checked the mirror one last time and then pressed the button to speak through the intercom. "I'll be right down." Grabbing her jacket and bag, she stepped out the door, closed it behind her, and then pressed the lift button. As the lift descended the five floors, she wondered again where he was taking her, and she felt giddy like a breathless girl of eighteen going on her first date.
Secrets and Sacrifice: A Christian Romance (The Shadows Series Book 4) Page 21