by Toni Aleo
Yeah, I’m so sleeping outside.
Reaching the bridge Mitch mentioned, I snap a picture of it as I take in the stream that leads to one hell of a lake. I assume it continues out to the ocean, and I want to go check it out. I’m in awe of it all. It’s stunning. It’s almost as if the water is crystal clear, but it’s dark. There is a boat resting on the bank, and I wonder if I can take it out without getting thrown in the dungeon.
Ha.
Holding the railing, I start toward the pub that I see up on a hill. It’s the size of the stables, and that’s being generous. When I notice there is something carved into the bridge, I pause to read it.
Mo Stór
I wonder what that means. Pulling out my phone, I google it. My dear. It’s sweet, and when I see a date underneath it with the letters D&A, I can’t help but assume it’s the prince and his wife. Taking a picture of it since I know my mom will eat that up, I head over the bridge and start up the hill, taking pictures as I go. When I reach the Céad Míle Fáilte, I notice there are no cars in the parking lot. Maybe they’re closed?
But the door opens with ease, and I find myself in one hell of an awesome pub. It’s old, that’s a given, but I love it. Everything looks original, as if it’s been the same since the dawn of time. The walls are full of pictures, and of course, I’m drawn to them. It’s like a timeline. Black-and-white photos are first, families and kids all standing on the bar, before they transition into color. Each picture is unique, and when I turn to the next wall, it’s taken up by a huge canvas of a couple under a tree. In the distance, I can see the castle, but the couple… Shit, you can feel the love coming out of the photo. She’s in a beautiful blue dress holding a bouquet, and he’s wearing a tux, his eyes trained only on her.
“That’s me cousin on her wedding day.”
I whip around to find a lady standing behind the bar with a child on her hip. Instantly, I recognize her from one of the photos. She’s pregnant in it, holding her belly with a man behind her, holding her. Though she is skinnier now, her hair is still a fiery red that I don’t think I’d ever forget, and she has very pretty blue-green eyes. The little girl matches her, fiery hair and blue-green eyes, but her skin is darker, not as pale as the woman’s. “They look happy.”
She grins. “They are. Love each other something fierce.” She moves her child to her other hip. “We’re closed, mate. Come back in about an hour, and the taps will be running.”
I shake my head, coming toward her. “Actually, I was wanting to talk to Michael?”
“Ah, he’s me da, and he’s working today. Won’t be back till tonight. Maybe I can help?”
I have to admit, I’m a little lost in her eyes. Man, she’s beautiful.
But I wish she had blond hair and blue eyes.
Pathetic.
“Um, maybe. I was wondering if I can rent a spot on your land.”
She makes a face, her brow reaching her hairline. “A spot?”
Her brogue is thick, and she is skeptical, of course. I swallow hard. “Yeah, I’m working over at the estate, and I wanted to camp for a couple days before I move into the housing there.”
“Camp? I hate camping unless I’m having lots of sex.”
“Which is a no-go with a wee lass.” Coming from out of the back, the large man who was holding her in the picture comes beside her, kissing her cheek. “Get yer ma to watch Novelly for a weekend, and I’ll take ya.”
“Kane, yer mad! When? I work all the time.”
“I tell ya all the time, hire someone. Yer ma says the same, but no, you won’t replace Amberlyn.”
“Because she was the best,” she fights back, and he just rolls his eyes.
Holding my hand up, I smile. “I’m one hell of a bartender, and I can work every night for the next three months if you let me rent a spot for a week at the most.”
Her brows rise once more. “Do I have to pay ya?”
“Not when I’m staying here.”
She nods. “Ya aren’t a rapist or a murderer, are ya?”
“Last time I checked, no.”
“He’s hired, then. Howya, mate. I’m Kane Levy.”
I take his hand in a very firm shake. “Jackson Tremblay.”
“Nice to meet ya, Jackson. This is my lady, Fiona Maclaster, yer new boss.”
“Yeah, ya heard him right. Maclaster. I birth his lass, and he won’t marry me!”
I smile as Kane lets out a roar of laughter. “Ha! Ya won’t marry me until I buy ya a pretty ring. I’m broke, ya take all my cash.”
“Make more,” she announces as she gives him the baby. “And quick, this next one will be here before ya know it.”
I hadn’t even realized she was pregnant. Looking down, though, I see her little baby bump. “Maddening woman.”
She rolls her eyes before meeting my gaze. “Fine, yer hired.”
“Awesome.”
“But we have rooms, ya know?”
“Yeah, but I want to experience the land.”
“Experience, ya say?”
I smile. “Yeah.”
“Phanny,” she mutters, and I scoff.
“That’s the second time I’ve been called that today.”
She just flashes me a wide grin. “Yeah, it’s a local word. I think Americans say hippie? I’ll have to ask Amberlyn.”
I want to say I’m Canadian, but I don’t see a point. “Anyway, where can I set up my tent?”
“Wherever ya wish. Just stay away from the B&B since ya don’t want to stay there.”
That makes sense. “There was a bridge and tree down the hill. Is that okay?”
She nods. “Fine. Yer gonna freeze yer balls off, ya know that, right? It’s cold at night.”
I laugh. “I come prepared,” I say, patting my pack. “Don’t worry.”
“Oh, I won’t until ya can’t come to work.” She holds out her hand. “Start tomorrow?”
I take her hand. “Yeah, thanks.”
“And you said for three months?”
“Yup. I’m only on holiday.”
She makes a face. “And yer working?”
I shrug. “I don’t like sitting around, and I want to fully experience this place.”
“Ah, yer crazy, then?”
“My mom would agree with you.”
She chuckles. “All right, come on in tomorrow before opening. I’ll show ya around.”
“Great, thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Jackson, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Fantastic. Now off with ya. I gotta go nap before tonight.”
I nod. “Thank you again,” I say with a wave before I turn to head for the door, but midturn, I see a massive canvas on the east wall. Stunned in place, I just stare at the family that is staring back at me. Or better yet, the blond, blue-eyed beauty whom I called a whore.
“What ya lookin’ at?” Fiona asks, coming up beside me. “Ah, that’s yer bosses over at the estate. The O’Callaghans.”
My mouth drops open.
“Our royals, ya see,” she goes on. “You got Lady Noreen, Sir Ivor, Prince Declan, and then Princess Lena. Though she’s on one helluva holiday right now. Kinda gone off the deep end, if ya know what I mean. Her brother is married to my cousin, and I hear all the gossip—”
She trails on, but I’m not listening.
I can’t breathe.
In the picture, she’s way skinnier than I remember. Dressed like a million bucks with bone-straight hair and artfully applied makeup on her sweet, round face. Her dress hugs her like I did, and she’s covered in diamonds, her eyes sparkling as much as the gems in the picture. I can’t believe my eyes.
Princess Lena.
Pressing my lips together, I can’t help it, I start laughing like a fool.
I offered the Princess of fucking Mayo money for sex.
Oh, and I called her a hooker.
Awesome.
Staring up at me family home, I exhale loudly.
I honestly didn’t think
I’d come back here.
As silly as that may seem, I really didn’t think I would. Not anytime soon, at least. I tuck my hands into my pully and try to figure out how I can get out of going inside. Declan is expecting me, the driver called him when he picked me up at the train station, so he knows I’m in Mayo. He even had security at the train station; it blows my mind how the damn media knew I was coming home. Maybe Ma’s news of being sick has gotten around.
Which meant it appeared I’d come home like the doting daughter I’m expected to be.
Since stepping off the train, my heart’s been in me throat. Even with security escorting me to the car, I still found myself looking behind me at every turn. Standing here now, knowing that no one can come on our land without clearance, and that Casey would be the last person allowed on the property, I’m still looking around. This is why I didn’t want to come back. Because I knew he was here. He has to be. Where else would he go?
When the doors open, I swallow as my brother comes out, a smile pulling at his lips. Declan hasn’t changed a bit. I thought getting married would make him a bit fat since he doesn’t have to attract anyone anymore, but he’s still fit. His eyes are still a blazing blue, but his lips, they’re turned up so high. He’s happy. I can see that, and I’m jealous of it.
“Ah, Lena,” he mutters before wrapping his arms around me. I inhale his scent, and my eyes fall shut as I squeeze my brother tightly. It’s been almost a year since I saw him. “How was your trip in?”
“Good,” I answer, opening my eyes as he wraps an arm around my shoulders and we start into the house. “The media was at the train station.”
He nods as he makes a face. “Ma’s condition got out, and they knew you’d be in sooner rather than later.”
My pulse speeds up. “So what is it? Cancer?”
“They found a spot on her brain.”
I feel as if someone has slapped me. I lean into him as we continue through our massive home. I’m terrified, and I want to take in the house, see if anything has changed, but I can’t get his words out of my head.
A spot on her brain.
What the hell?
Ma is an ox!
Walking through the mansion, I try to nod to each person who greets me, but I’m unable to process what Declan had just said. Before we can reach my ma’s sitting room, my beautiful sister-in-law comes through the door, holding a blue bundle in her arms. She looks just as I remember her. Gorgeous auburn hair and beautiful green eyes, with lips that are plump and red. Her face is a little pink, and she looks as if she has been crying, which, of course, scares me.
“Mo stór,” my brother coos, letting me go and going to her. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just took Ronan for a visit,” she said, her American accent so distinct. They said she’d never belong, but my brother looks at her like there is no other place for her but with him. “Just want to make sure he gets his time with her. I took a lot of pictures.”
Wait, what? Why do we need pictures? Shite, how bad is this?
“Ah, good,” he mutters, cupping the little bundle of blue with his hand before lifting him from his wife’s arms. “Lena is here.”
Amberlyn looks past him, and I don’t miss the way her eyes widen. She covers it up with a grin though, coming to me with her arms open. “Lena.”
“Amberlyn, wow, ya look like you didn’t even have a wee baby,” I gush, hugging her tightly. It’s a lie; she’s as fat as they come from having a babe, but I wouldn’t dare tell her that.
“You’re a liar, and I know it. I’m as big as a house,” she scolds, kissing my cheek. “But thanks.”
I cup her face. “I’d never lie.”
She chuckles as Declan comes to us, holding Ronan out to me. When I see his wee face, his little cherub cheeks and button nose, I cry out a bit. “Oh my, look at him,” I say, taking him and cuddling him to my chest. “He’s just perfect, yeah?”
“We think so,” Amberlyn says as my brother kisses her temple.
I’m completely in love the moment Ronan’s eyes meet mine. He’s got Declan’s eyes but Amberlyn’s round face. How was I going to miss this? I haven’t been drinking or taking anything for the last couple days since finding out the news about me ma. And in this moment of clarity, I hate myself for not wanting to come back. For not wanting to see this wee lad and love him dearly.
“I’m in stitches for him,” I gush, kissing him once more. “He’s perfect.”
Amberlyn beams at me. “And he’s glad his aunt came to see him.”
I make a face, looking to Declan. “Aunt? That’s weird.”
He laughs. “Mo stór, it’s aintín.”
Amberlyn rolls her eyes. “Ah, who cares! We’re just so damn happy you’re home.”
She leans over to me, kissing me hard on the cheek. As she pulls back, though, Ronan starts to cry. “I don’t do crying babes,” I say, handing him back over, which has them both laughing.
“It’s fine. We gotta go in and see Ma anyway.” Declan turns to Amberlyn. “The driver is out front waiting for you.”
Again, she rolls her eyes. “I can walk to the house.”
“No,” is all he says as he kisses her head, and I’m surprised she doesn’t argue with him.
“Fine. I just had a baby, it’s not that big of a deal.”
“Love you too,” he calls to her as she passes by me, sending me a grin.
“He’s insufferable.”
“He loves you.”
Her grin grows as she shrugs, heading down the hall as Declan’s face instantly changes. I’m not sure if he’s been putting on a show or what, but it freaks me out.
What in the hell am I about to walk into?
Without another word, Declan pushes open the door and goes in before me. “Ma, Lena’s here.”
Walking in behind him, I take in my mother’s sitting room. It is, of course, pristine as always, but I’m confused why she is in here. Shouldn’t she be in a bed? But soon it doesn’t matter when my gaze lands on her. I can’t even speak. I can’t do anything but gawk at her. I have to hold back my sob as I take in my ma. Her hair is in a tight braid, which isn’t anything new, and she’s dressed to the nines even in a house dress. She’s wearing her jewels, with her face fully made-up, but it is her face that has me gasping for breath.
One side of her face is completely droopy, her eye half closed and her mouth frozen in place, while the other side is turned up in a grin.
“Ah! Me lass.”
I see my da coming toward me, but I can’t.
“Ma.”
It isn’t even a full word as it leaves my mouth, more of a sob as I go to her, wrapping my arms around her. She hugs me tightly, kissing my temple as I squeeze her. Within seconds, I feel like utter shite. Why have I been gone? Why was I so selfish to leave without contact when my ma needed me? Ah, I’m a piece of shite. Utter shite. I wasn’t even here when Ronan was born. I was off trying to… Fuck, I don’t know. I wasn’t here or even nearby, and I wasn’t answering the phone.
Closing my eyes, I squeeze her once more, wishing like hell I hadn’t had gone on my hiatus, that I didn’t try to forget. That I wasn’t trying to hide. She doesn’t even know most of it, but what I am aware she knows is definitely not a stress she needs.
When I pull back, she takes my face in her hands, her eyes looking me over. I almost feel like she’s dissecting me, but surely not. I’ve been gone over a year. It has to be just love in her eyes.
“Lena, ya look ghastly.”
Hm. Some things don’t change.
“Nice to see ya too, Ma.”
I stand up, and she tsks at me. “Your hair, your face. Have you not been eating? When was the last time you did yer hair? Yer starting to get that ugly wave in yer hair again. Jaysus, Meredith,” she calls to her personal assistant. “Call Franco, he needs to come at once.”
I hold up my hand. “He doesn’t. I’m fine.”
“No, you are not. If you are going to be with me until I am b
etter, then ya gotta look the part and not like some gutter rat.”
I want to say I’m offended, but Ma is all about the looks. She called me worse growing up. She always wanted me to be perfect like her. I tried and did as she said, but it was always fake. Always. “Wow, gutter rat. Haven’t been called that lately.”
“Ah, dressed like ya just jumped out of the bed like a hoor.”
Ah, but I have been called that lately. I try not to let her words hurt me. Though, they sting a bit. Of course, they make me think about Jackson again. But then, like a light bulb turning on, I remember what she just said.
Making a face, I look up at her. “Wait, what?”
She just shakes her head at me, tsking me. “What the hell have you been doing? Ya look just nauseating.”
“Wow, I wish I had come home sooner.”
“Noreen, come on now.”
“Ivor! Look at her,” she says to my da. “She’s gonna step up and take me place like that? They’d laugh her off the stage if she went out like that. Meredith! Are you calling Franco?”
“Yes, madam.”
I want to stop Meredith, I don’t want anyone touching me right now, but I can’t let go of what Ma’s saying. Holding up my finger, I ask, “Yeah, that, what are you talking about?” Ma’s face scrunches up, and when I look to my da, he is looking at me the same. “What?”
Declan steps up. “I may have left out that part.”
“That part?”
“Declan, son, you said you’d take care of this. My job is yer ma, yers was Lena.”
“Why am I yer job?” I snap, looking up at my brother, but he just looks pained.
Looking at me, he shrugs. “I knew if I said you had to come back to basically be Ma, ya wouldn’t have come.”
My brows shoot to my hairline. My heart kicks up, and I can’t breathe. Are they insane? Going around to events and teas? Outside of our land?
He could get me.
But I can’t tell them that. “Be Ma? I can’t be her!”
Ma scoffs. “Well, no one can be me, but yer the best choice.”
“What the hell is going on here? I don’t understand. Why—”
But Ma cuts me off. “I’m dying, Lena.”