I walk faster, eyes cast down on the ground. Since coffee with Duke is out of the question, I plan to spend a couple of hours at the library to work on my sociology class. It’s not the easiest class for me.
I adjust my backpack on my shoulder without slowing down. I hate to be outside today. I feel like someone is looking at me, stalking me. I know I’m being paranoid, but knowing it doesn’t make the feeling disappear, nor is it easing my nerves.
“Are you not going to wish me a happy birthday?”
I stop and turn around. Maybe I wasn’t that paranoid. Sean is standing with his arms crossed over his chest; his cold blue eyes not leaving my face. I’m pretty sure I lost all my color as soon as my eyes landed on him. I glance quickly around us and sigh a little when I realize that we’re not alone. We’re right in the middle of a busy intersection between several buildings and the library. He won’t dare to touch me here.
“I don’t know why I should,” I reply calmly, proud that my voice is steady even if my hands are not. I grip the hem of my shirt and claw at it tightly.
“Maybe to apologize for the mess you made,” he replies, his words shooting me hard in my stomach. I’m so used to this tone, the tone he always used just before lashing out physically on me. “I’m on probation at my frat because you ran your slutty mouth.” He takes a step closer to me and I take one away. Then he laughs. The sound is awful, exactly what you can expect of a psychopath in a horror movie. “Afraid of me?”
I swallow and nod. I’d be an idiot to deny it. “What do you want?”
He clenches his fists. He’s shaking. The muscle in his jaw is jumping vigorously. He’s a breath away from losing it right here in the open. I can’t breathe. I think I’m going to hurl. I grit my teeth and suppress the urge to bolt.
“I’m telling you, warning you, that if you say anything else to anyone, what I did to you will be just an appetizer to what I’ll do. Don’t forget who you are. You’ve got your buddies to protect you, like that tattooed son of a bitch, but I can make you lose everything. I can make you suffer like you can’t even imagine. I’ll ruin your life before you ruin mine.”
I’m shaking from head to toe. I’ve never seen him like this, this look on his face. It’s much worse than I’ve ever seen before. He’s losing it and I’m dead scared of what he’s capable of doing to me. I don’t say a word; I can’t open my mouth. I’m just numb and lost. My mind is blank. As his retreating form disappears, I release the breath I was holding and feel dizzy. I put my hands on my thighs and inhale several times before taking in my surroundings. Tears stream down my face and I can’t keep them in.
I need to see Duke. I need him. That’s the only thing I’m able to think about. That’s the only thought that helps me to move, to walk again and not just crumble in front of everyone. I don’t care if people are looking at me crying silently, but I don’t want to break down like I feel I’m about to. I need someone able to comfort me, to understand me, and Duke is the only one I want to see right now.
I begin to run when his building appears from what seems to be too far away. I don’t care if I can’t breathe. I don’t care if my legs are so wobbly that they barely support me. I climb the three flights of stairs and knock wildly on his door, praying that he’s here.
My tears are flowing more and more and my breathing is getting louder, both from my run and my fear tearing me down. Then the door opens on Duke and his eyes widen when he sees my face, which is probably perfect for Halloween with my mascara running down my cheeks.
Grabbing my hands, he pulls me inside and against his body as soon as the door closes behind me. I’m so glad his roommate is never here because I couldn’t take it if someone witnessed me clawing at Duke’s brown shirt. In the quiet room my breathing is deafening and the more I hear my breathing, the more I’m freaking out.
“Shhh, Skye. I’m here.” His hands are brushing up and down my back but it’s not helping.
I close my eyes and snuggle my face against his firm chest where I hear his heart beating maddeningly fast. He’s freaking out, too. I want to tell him, but each time that I open my mouth a sob escapes me. I grit my teeth and will myself to stay quiet until I calm down.
“Just nod because I can’t stand not knowing what’s going on.” He clears his throat, chasing the wobble from his voice. “Did you see Sean?”
I tighten my grip on the front of his shirt and snuggle even closer. I nod once, my neck stiff. I’m beginning to breathe a little calmer. Barely, but it’s a step in the right direction. Duke’s heat is helping me. Even his smell of tobacco and clean clothes helps.
His hands stop wandering on my back and his fingers claw a little on my back. His breath catches. “Did he touch you?”
I shake my head vehemently and muster a very weak no, but he’s not relaxing. He takes a step away from me, putting both hands on my shoulders to keep me at arm’s length. I begin to hyperventilate again at the loss of his body against mine. My eyes widen and lock with his fierce ones.
“Tell me the truth, Skye.”
I put my hands on his bare forearms, covering parts of his tattoos, and shake my head again. “There were people around. He couldn’t.”
He releases a deep breath and nods before crushing me against him once more. With a hand behind my head to hold me close and the other on the small of my back, he leads me to his bed where we lie down. Slowly, I begin to match my breathing with his and my tears finally start to slow down. I don’t make a move to dry my damp face. I keep my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat going back to normal. His arms are tight around me and it comforts me.
I know he wants to hear everything but he’s patient, respecting my need for time. He kisses the top of my head and plays with my hair with the hand behind my head. The other one is immobile on the small of my back.
“I don’t want to talk about it right now,” I say in a whisper, afraid for some reason to talk aloud.
“I know.” He brushes some strands from my face where they stick with the dampness left by my tears. “You’ll talk when you’re ready.”
His sweetness, the depth of his voice and the concern I can hear in his tone, almost brings me back to tears. “You shouldn’t have to deal with all of this,” I mumble against his chest, suddenly ashamed to break down in front of the only guy I may want and decide to have sex with. Seeing a girl cry like that because of a nutcase of ex is not a turn on at all.
“Don’t say that.” He tightens his arms around me, forcing my hips against his side. “I wouldn’t exchange places with anyone.”
“Why?”
He doesn’t say a word right away. I want to look up at his face to see what he’s thinking but I stay put. I don’t want to risk seeing the distance back between us. “Stay here tonight. I don’t want you out of my sight after seeing you like this.”
I tense but nod. I know I should go back to my room, but I don’t want to be away from him either. I need him, need his calm and the reassurance of his heat against me. “I have to tell Kate, though.”
“I’ll text her later. Don’t worry, try to sleep a little.”
It’s early. The sun is not even down but I’m exhausted now that I’m calm again. It’s like meeting Sean sucked all of the energy out of me, leaving me empty. I close my eyes and again see his threatening gaze and hear his words echo in my head. God, I’m ashamed to have loved him. How is it even possible? Was I that blind?
Duke strokes my back and his breathing soothes me into sleep.
* * *
Waking up in a bed that is not mine and finding myself captive in strong arms is frightening at first, but as soon as the sleepiness leaves me, I find a foreign peace settling inside of me. His breath against my bare neck is soft, sweet, and gives me goose bumps all over. The strength in his arms around me makes me feel secure yet fragile in the best way possible. His chest firmly pressed against my back warms me from head to toe.
I’ve never woken up in a guy’s arms before. With Sean, we coul
d never spend a night alone together. Being in high school didn’t offer us any privacy and I wasn’t prepared to find a way to spend a whole night alone with him when in just an hour he could do awful things to me. Even sex was dreadful for quite some time. But I did it with him, too afraid of what he’d say if I refused him. Maybe that’s also why I can’t picture myself having sex anymore, even if I want to. I don’t even remember what it’s like to truly enjoy it.
Duke shifts and groans near my ear. I stiffen and I feel his body tense, too; his arms tightening their grip before releasing me slowly. His breathing is not as slow and peaceful. He’s awake and I feel a long lost feeling in my belly. Blind desire!
“Are you awake?” he asks me softly, his voice rough from sleep. His breath brushes away some of my hair, making me shiver slightly, but enough for him to feel it.
“Yes.” My voice is no better than his. His hand spasms where it rests on my flat stomach on top of my shirt.
He pulls away and sits up with a sigh. I follow suit and look at his face where the trace of sleep is slowly disappearing. He runs a hand through his goatee and stubble on his face. One side of his hair is flat, giving him a boyish look that makes me smile.
“Don’t laugh at me. Your hair is no better,” he says ruefully, tugging at some strands, his long, strong fingers vanishing through his thick black hair.
I scrunch up my nose and glare. “Always the gentleman,” I mumble before trying to discipline it without any success other than hurting my scalp.
“Your wild hair is kind of cute and a little hot. Is that better?” he says with a laugh, his dark brown eyes falling briefly on my lips before locking back on my attentive gaze.
I feel my cheeks burning shamelessly. The sun is barely up in the sky; I’m just waking up and I’m already blushing like a school girl with a crush. There’s something very wrong with me.
“That’s my cue to leave,” I say, shaking my head and standing up, avoiding Duke’s body by leaving his bed from the bottom.
“You can stay.” He stands up and puts a hand on my forearm, careful to not squeeze me so as not to frighten me with any forceful move.
Suddenly, I’m having a hard time looking up at him. My eyes stay focused on his necklace, the one that seems to haunt me more and more as questions pop into my mind without any answers. And I don’t dare ask them, afraid of pushing him too far too soon and instigating another round of arguments that we’re getting so accustomed to.
“I have a class in a couple of hours.” My voice is quiet, almost sounding shy in my ears.
He reduces the space between us, but keeps some distance. “Is that the only reason?”
Why does he have to sound so hot with his deep voice and innuendos? Most of the time I don’t know what he’s playing at and right now I’m afraid to know exactly what his game is. I glance up and my breath staggers at the look on his face. It’s the same one from the other day at his parents’ place just before the near kiss.
“Don’t do this, Duke,” I whisper, my eyes pleading. I don’t try to pull away, though. I can’t escape his heat, his attraction. I don’t want to, but fear is rising at full force within me, making me dizzy.
He doesn’t listen to me. He closes the gap between us, his bare toes touching my purple Converses. His chest brushes slightly against my breasts and I think I’m going to faint if I don’t breathe now. I take a deep breath and the assault of the smell of old tobacco and clean clothes coming from him does me in. I press my body even closer to his, bringing my hips against the top of his thighs, his knees bumping into my legs and I shiver.
His breath hisses between his teeth. The hand on my forearm opens and glides up my arm against the soft fabric of my sweater and stops to cup my cheek. He’s shaking.
He bites on his lower lip, his white teeth briefly catching the light of the sun before he releases the flesh. His other hand goes to my hip, feeling wonderful there. I’m craving the feel of his hand moving from my hip to the small of my back but he doesn’t move.
“Please, Skye.” His voice is broken, defeated almost.
I bring both hands to his broad and strong shoulders. His muscles jump under my uncertain touch. I keep one hand there for support, too dizzy to have confidence in my wobbly legs, and bring the other on to his neck, playing hesitantly with the hair curling slightly at the nape and over his ears.
He closes his eyes and opens them back again, and the intensity in them draws me to him. He tilts his head on one side and looks at my lips before bringing his head down, giving me some time to pull away or say something to stop him. But I’m too far gone for that. Way too far.
I tilt my chin up, close my eyes, and wait for him to cross the rest of the way. Tentatively, almost shockingly soft, his lips brush against mine. I don’t have enough time to register the contact or the feel of his facial hair on my face.
I open my eyes, afraid I did something wrong and craving to explore the feel of his well-defined lips on mine, to taste him. His hooded eyes meet mine. My hands on his shoulder and behind his neck claw at him for a second.
He doesn’t wait any longer and comes back to my mouth. This time he doesn’t retreat. His wonderful lips brush against mine thoroughly, playing with my lower lip before entertaining my upper one. It’s almost an innocent kiss, but it leaves my imagination running wild.
When I think he’s about to end this kiss, he bites lightly on my lower lip and groans. He tightens his arms around me, one arm sneaking around my lower back and his hand dipping in my untamed hair.
I tug once on his hair and open my mouth, wanting more, always more of him and his taste and his attention. As soon as my lips part, his dexterous tongue brushes against mine and I whimper, ecstatic and completely lost in the sensation building low in my belly.
He kisses me like there’s no tomorrow, like it’s our one and only kiss. He kisses me like I have never been kissed before, almost making love with his mouth against mine. It’s consuming me.
When I think I’m about to faint from lack of oxygen, he pulls away and lets his arms fall against his body. I step away and break the last contact between us. Our eyes don’t leave each other, waiting for the other to break the heavy silence.
But what is there to say? His lips are pink and slightly swollen from our kiss, his eyes darker than usual; his breathing is loud like mine in the quiet room. How to break such an atmosphere where the sexual tension is at its peak?
“I have to go.” Of course I know what to say to ruin everything, thanks to my fear and doubts plaguing me again. I look around for my backpack and find it next to the door.
“Skye ...” His voice sounds husky and pure sex, which doesn’t help me at all to regain my composure.
“I’m not running away, believe me. I just need some time and space to think about this clearly,” I cut him off, adjusting my bag on my shoulder without looking back at him.
“So when will you be ready to talk?”
I stop with my hand on the door knob, my back to him. “Let’s have a drink tonight. Text me where to meet you.” I open the door and gaze at him. He’s still in the same place, but his arms are crossed over his chest and he’s frowning. Desire has deserted him. “And don’t worry … thanks to Kate, I have a fake ID.”
He nods but doesn’t say a word. He’s shutting me out and I can’t blame him. Payback is a bitch, or so they say. I guess it’s my turn to experience it.
Chapter Thirteen
I’m in a daze. I’m not even sure I took any notes in my classes today. My mind is miles away. I spent almost two hours brushing my finger over my tingling lips. I’m pretty sure I’ve blushed the whole time, too.
I haven’t seen Kate, but have received several texts from her making sure I’m okay after my run-in with Sean. Whenever I think about my encounter with him my breathing hitches, but it’s not what’s keeping me so distracted at the moment. Duke’s kiss has turned my world upside down and is distracting me sufficiently from Sean.
“Eight
dollars and fifty cents,” the taxi driver grumbles with barely a look back.
I open my wallet and give him a ten dollar bill, leaving the taxi without waiting for the change or even thanks. The taxi smelt bad, like old puke or something equally as disgusting. I inhale the fresh air and take in Seattle by night. It’s beautiful with the water reflecting the lights.
I spot the pub Duke texted me about this afternoon. Several people are mingling on the sidewalk outside, gazing at the water, laughing and smoking. Some people seem a little drunk already, or they are overly happy, which is something I can’t fathom yet.
I smile to myself and walk into the bar, surprised nobody carded me at the door. I feel my heart miss a beat when Duke’s shaggy hair catches my attention. He’s not sitting close to the huge windows where I spot several free tables. He’s sitting far in the back of the bar, his back to the wall where several old beer ads are displayed. He’s nursing a pint of beer, his eyes mesmerized by the amber color.
Patch Up Page 18