by Lee Smith
But little by little since Aunt Fannie died, Selena has been worming her way into this house too. Now Uncle Junius has took to calling her the housekeeper though Liddy will not do hardly a thing Selena says and Old Bess pays her no mind at all.
I look out my cubbyhole window.
There stands Uncle Junius at the gate to the tenant house. There stands Uncle Junius bareheaded in the sun with his jacket folded over his arm. It is like he is under a spell. He stands there until Selena herself comes busting out of the open door with her black hair just washed and hanging down almost to her waist in waves like some animals shiny coat. She is bare foot wearing a loose white blouse and a red skirt, she has got a big smile on her big red mouth and her black eyes flash in the sun like the fools gold I keep in my pocket. Uncle Junius says something and Selena says something and throws back her head and laughs. Her hair falls all down her back. Then she opens the gate and goes to Uncle Junius and wraps her arms around him like a vine.
Like poison ivy, is what I think.
All I can see of Uncle Junius is the back of his head but Selena lifts her head all of a sudden and stares straight up at this chimney. I know she can not see me really but it is like she is staring right at me. And then she smiles. She knows she can do anything, or have anything she wants. They stand like this in the hot sun awhile and then keeping one arm around his waist Selena walks Uncle Junius into the tenant house through the open door. Her girls head off down toward the creek dragging Godfrey who fights them all the way. They disappear from view. Now the yard is quiet once more with no one present except for Virgils old dog that dreams a running dream in the sun and Daddy Rex who sits outside his cabin but never saw a thing since he is blind. And as for me my heart is beating very hard in my chest and I feel like I can not breathe. I know for sure that everything will be diffrent from now on.
June 5, 1872
Dear Diary,
Oh now we are having a time for Selena the housekeeper is bossing us all around, we must clean up the house to a fare thee well for the grand arrival of Uncle Junius sister Cecelia, or Sissy as he calls her. Aunt Cecelia to you, Selena says to me. Her daughters Victoria and Blanche will call her Mrs. Worthington. And now they are here too, in the house, helping to clean though they are lazy. Victoria is a big mean strapping girl like her mother, thirteen years old, but Blanche age eight is skinny with flyaway hair and knobby knees and elbows and a big grin. I like her better. They keep stopping to look at things, they touch everything. Old Bess does not like it. In any case Liddy must now boil out all the bed linens, and yesterday Washington and Spence had to carry all the bed ticks and pallets out to the yard where they beat them with sticks and allowed them to air in the sun while Selena and the rest of us scoured the bedrooms scrubbing the heart pine floors and rubbing the beds and dressers and chests with tallow to give a shine. Spence carried a whole mattress on his head with one hand. Selena was like a whirlwind with her elbows flying. Then she pulled up her skirt and got down on her hands and knees to thrust the broom under the bedsteads and sweep up piles of dust and God knows what all. Her rump stuck way up in the air but she did not care. We were in the girls bedroom.
Just look at them dust devils, she said, for some of the piles of dust and hair held together like little tornados.
Ooh, ooh, screamed her girls, dead mouse, dead mouse. They danced all around the dust devils pointing.
Selena rocked back on her heels and wiped the sweat off her face with a rag she pulled out of her bosom. She stuck out her bottom lip and blew her black hair up out of her eyes. Lord God. Its a pig sty in here, Selena said, like it pleased her.
Old Bess stood in the door with her hands on her hips.
Well what are you looking at, Selena said.
Old Bess said not a word.
Selena had me sweeping out the closet making a great big cloud of dust that stuck to my face for it was hot in there. Horses sweat, men perspire, ladies glow, my mother always said, but that was back before ladies worked.
Selena got back down under the bed to take another swipe with her broom.
Victoria pushed me aside as she ran into the closet and started pulling out drawers in the bureau. Oh look oh looky here, she said holding up a long white ruffled petticoat.
That was my mothers, I said. It goes over a hoop skirt.
Well wheres the hoop then? Victoria said, and I said, Over there, and showed her where the hoops were leaning up against the closet wall. The cloth strips that held them together had gone for bandages. Victoria threw the petticoat down and pulled out a silk camisole and held it up to herself. It had lace around the neckline. Why look it is just my size, she said, though Mamma had been real little and dainty. There in the hot dusty gloom with the camisole glowing white and Victorias dark messy curls all down in her face I suddenly saw how pretty she will be one day.
I hate Victoria.
Take it then, I said, and pushed her real hard so she scrambled backward and fell in the corner with the camisole clutched to her chest.
Girls, girls what is going on in there? Selena called.
Nothing, I said.
Molly pushed me. Victoria set up a big fake wail like I was killing her.
Molly what is going on in there? Selena asked from the door.
She is just telling a stupid lie, I said.
Well get up from there now Victoria, Selena said, but Victoria lay on her back like a junebug and bawled like she was dying, and all could see her drawers.
I said get up. Selena went over and yanked at her shoulder.
That hurt, Mama, she cried harder.
Come on now we have got a lot of work to do, Selena said. Instead Victoria scrambled up to her feet and ran out the door past both of us and straight into Bess who said, You stop right there Miss and snatched at the camisole.
But Victoria held on to it for dear life.
You are not going to have that now Miss, it belong to Alice Heart. It belong to Miss Molly now, Bess said.
I dont want it, I said.
Let go now child, Old Bess said. But she is getting little now, she has got a misery in her back too.
Oh just give it to her Victoria, for Gods sake, Selena said.
I dont want it, I said again.
Miss Fannie done save these things for you by the hardest, Bess said, and I knew this was true, for almost everything else in this house has been torn up and made into clothes even the curtains, and then patched and patched again.
I dont care, I said.
Old Bess turned to look at me hard, and in that instant Victoria gave a big tug and the camisole tore right down the middle and she stumbled back against a bed. She clutched the shiny cloth to her chest and cried harder than ever. Bess smoothed the other piece of the camisole over her arm, over and over, looking at me from the doorway.
What? I said. I hated them all.
Selena stood still in the middle of the girls bedroom with her hands on her hips and her face on fire. Her black eyes darted everywhere. Her bosom went up and down. She seemed to get bigger and bigger while I watched, like the gods and goddesses of ancent Greece in Nora Gwyns book. I felt she would fling a thunderbolt. Blanche clung to her skirt. Go outside now girls, Selena said finally. She yanked Victoria up off the floor but before you could say spit, Victoria ran back in the closet and came out with one of the hoops. Ooh! I want one, Blanche said and ran in for another.
Molly? Selena looked at me.
I dont care, I said
Go on out then girls, you go too Molly, Selena said.
You are not the boss of me, I said. I did not bat an eye.
The girls ran whooping down the stairs.
Selena looked at me and nodded slightly, just once. Then she pushed back her hair and grabbed her broom. Bess, lets get this done, she yelled from under another bed. You go on down and get them to bring me some more water up here. I want it hot too. Go on now, Selena said, and then, Bess?
The doorway frame stood empty.
Bess
was gone, and she has not come back yet to help with the big cleaning.
But Selena proceeded like a house afire.
I watched her daughters roll those hoops in the yard until I could not stand it any more. Finally I got one for myself and ran out in the yard with it. Like this, Molly! Like this, Victoria said, rolling her hoop toward me, while mine wobbled and fell over. But soon I got the hang of it, and before long I was better at it than they were.
Look, I called to Old Bess who came walking back from the garden with a mess of greens in her basket, but Bess did not speak. She set her face against me, and went into Liddys kitchen without a word.
June 8, 1872
Dear Diary,
Washington and me got to beat out the parlor carpet with sticks, it was a lot of fun. This was Fannies favorite, blue with a gold fleur-de-lee. Dust flew everywhere. You like that dont you Molly? Selena said as we whacked away and this was true but I would not give her the satisfaction of saying it.
What? I pretended I could not hear.
June 14, 1872
Real Hot
Dear Diary,
Today when we got done housecleaning Selena rared back and said, Well you all have done a good job. Now why dont you go down to the river and cool off some. So Washington and me took little Junius and Victoria and Blanche and Godfrey fishing. Spence came too.
I have not yet written of Spence, though I see him nearly every day and wonder, What will happen to him? What can I say about Spence. He is still young, not yet thirty-five but looks younger still for his face is as blank and fair as the moon. He is a great big man, almost as big as Uncle Junius but not thin, for he will eat anything and he will eat until you take the plate away. In fact once you get Spence to doing anything, he will do it until you get him to stop, and sometimes this is not easy. This is why he was so good at war. And this is also why he is such a good fieldworker and why Romulus is the best sharecropper around here with Spence helping him. Spence loves Rom, they were raised together. Spence loved his older brother Lewis too beyond all measure, they went to the war together and did all things as one until Lewis was killed as they ran across that rocky field to the stone wall together, Spence made it and fought on until Petersburg where he was a hero then presumed dead until some men that knew Uncle Junius found him wandering in the countryside near Raleigh in a confused state of mind and brought him back here to Agate Hill where all had mourned and had already got over mourning his death. Yet here he came smooth-faced as a stone, and like a stone he has not hardly spoken since, though as Aunt Fannie always said, His face is benevolent, like the sun. And Spence loves to fish, he has fished in the Haw ever since he was a little boy.
So here we set off walking down the dusty road under the bright blue sky with Washington in front and Godfrey running circles all around him, then Victoria and Blanche then me holding little Junius hand, then Spence behind us all, like a tree walking. He carried the cane poles over his shoulder.
It felt like a parade.
Then we went off the road on a little path and climbed down the weedy hill with Blanche and Victoria whining. We went through joe pie weed bigger than us and blackberry bushes that scratched at our legs. The berries were not ripe yet. Watch out for snakes now, Washington said, and the girls screamed. Little Junius held tight to my hand. Finally we reached the shady, grassy bank of the river where all of a sudden it was a lot cooler.
Spread out some now, Washington said.
One by one Spence put worms on the girls hooks and then on Godfreys hook while Washington and me did our own. Ooh ooh. Godfrey yelled and hopped on one foot when his worm bled.
Hush now, Washington said. You will scare the fish.
Fish aint got ears, Godfrey said.
Sure they do, Washington said. Everybody knows that. They just real little ears. Aint that right Molly.
Yes, I said.
Not, Godfrey said.
Shut up Godfrey, Victoria said.
Little Junius did not want to fish so we sat down on a mossy log where our feet could hang in the water and I trailed my line from there, watching the sun and shade and the little fish playing in the shallows beside us. It was a real nice day. The willows made a curtain where we were. Washington caught two fish, little ones, and put them in the bucket. Victoria got a bite but lost it, and Blanche lost her worm. Godfrey put worms on everybodys hooks because he liked to see them bleed. He is built like a bullet with blond hair like Mister Vogell his daddy. The breeze ruffled the willows like curtains at a window. I saw a shiny snake on a rock in the water near the opposite bank but before I could say a thing, it was gone as suddenly as if it had never been there. Finally Junius let go of my hand and sat down in the water to play. Blanche and Victoria each caught a fish and Blanche fell in the water and then Victoria and me got in too, just splashing. We got to building a dam. Washington went up a ways and caught another fish.
Why where is Spence? I asked all of a sudden, looking around. For he was gone.
Just you wait. Washington grinned at me.
And sure enough after a while we heard a lot of splashing and here came Spence walking around the bend hip deep in the middle of the river carrying a great big fish in his arms and grinning to beat the band.
Did he get that on this line? I asked Washington, for our hooks were little, made out of pins we had best not lose.
No, he been hand grabbing, Washington said. Thats how he always fish.
But what is it, I asked.
That is when you reach way down under a rock or a old log or a stump and grab the fish right up out of the water, Washington told me. A big old dead stump is the best. They like to hide down in there, they get real old and fat. Its like they house in there.
Spence waded over and laid his fish on the mossy bank so we could all get close and look at it. It was a huge slimy old catfish bigger than a baby with its head all bloody and smashed in though I could still see its whiskers. Its eyes were wide open.
Ooh ooh. What happened to its head? Godfrey screamed.
Well, he have to kill it some way or nother, Washington said. I reckon he kilt it with a rock, aint that right, Spence?
But Spence just grinned. He had blood on his shirt and his pants.
It was the King of the Catfish.
We all gathered round to admire it for a while.
Liddys going to want to cook this fish, I said.
But nobody moved. Nobody wanted to leave the river.
Then, Oh Lord, Mama is going to kill us, we have got to wash off some, Victoria said all of a sudden and we all set to splashing again and washing off in the river as good as we could except for Washington who had never got into the river at all.
Our pail held seven brim. We took turns carrying it, and after a while it wasn’t too heavy since most of the water splashed out on the road. Spence carried little Junius who was too tired to walk, while Washington carried the fish, walking in front of us.
Lord God! Liddy said when she saw us coming. She stood in the doorway, shading her eyes with her hand.
June 18, 1872
Dear Diary,
Yesterday I left this cubbyhole in the late afternoon during a thunderstorm. I paused at the closet door to get my bearings. The girls bedroom was dark with rain beating hard as bullets on the roof.
But there in the gloom I spied Selena standing in front of the mirror, holding that white ruffled petticoat of Mammas up to her waist. While I watched she took a little step backward and bowed her head, like a curtsy. When the lightning flashed I could see her face which looked heartbroken to my surprise, sad and not mean for once though I know she is mean, she whipped Blanche and Victoria for going in the river, and would of whipped me too if she thought she could get away with it.
I hid in the closet until she left.
June 21, 1872
Dear Diary,
At last the day of Aunt Cecelias arrival has come. Virgil took the wagon out before dawn, headed to Hillsborough, he was gone when I got up. But oh wha
t a hustle and bustle was still going on, for now all must be perfect. Uncle Junius hates an uproar. He had disappeared into the middle room where he hides from all, door closed. It was a foggy dewy morning with all the birds tuned up as I stepped out of Liddys kitchen, heading off to find Washington. But Selena grabbed me by the back of the skirt.
Not so fast there Miss, she said. I need you to go back in the house and help Victoria. Here, take this. She handed me a cloth and an Irish potato cut in half. I knew what that meant. Go on, she said giving me a boost in the direction of the house, away from my beloved woods which were calling out to me. The dewy wet grass tickled between my toes. But it was not the day to make a fuss so I went on into the passage and back to the dining room which is used almost never now since Fannie died.
This morning it was dim and gloomy as the light ventured but feebly in through the dark leaded panes to show the drop leaf table by the door and the huge old sideboard looming as big as a boat, filled with china and God knows what all, all the things ladies have which I will NEVER have, I swear it, and so much the better. For if you have things, why then you have to take care of them, I have noticed this all ready. On top of the sideboard stand the china statues of a lady and a gentleman plus the cranberry glass vase, some cut glass decanters, and the silver filigree cake basket which was buried in the garden when the Yankees came. The table itself is a huge dark mahogany thing that pulls out and out to accommodate a crowd. Victoria prissed around it placing the linen mats and the silver.
I hate Victoria. She is like some accident that has happened to me. I cant believe I have to see her all the time.
Those mats need ironing, I said, which was true. Aunt Fannie would have had a fit.
What do I care? she said. I aint going to eat here. Mama said for you to clean these — and she threw the ivory-handled table knives out on the table with a clanging noise.