Playing It Out Straight

by Andrew McQuinn

  “Indeed. You seem fascinated by my academic life,” I answered.

  “I’m interested in all facets of your life. Your bed is comfy.”

  I laughed. “It’s a pillow top,” I replied half-heartedly.

  Scotty chuckled that orchestra of tones I loved so much; it made me smile.

  “Mind if I lie down?” Scotty asked.

  “Not at all, go right ahead.”

  It appeared to me Scotty was a little nervous. His hands shook a little has he scooted closer and laid down next to me. We peered out the skylight. The sky had an eerie darkness, a shade of slate grey fitting for a storm. Slowly, water droplets pelted the glass as it rained harder. We remained quiet for a few more minutes and took in the sounds of nature. I’d been waiting days to talk to him, and now that I had the opportunity, I was nervous as heck. I think I like you. No that wouldn’t work, could it? I have something to tell you? How cliché. Probably sensing my anxiety, he was the first to speak.

  “So anyways,” he blurted out. His voice changed to a soft, embarrassed squeak. “It’s been a while. How have you been?” Scotty asked, still looking up.

  I looked at him then quickly looked back up. “Good, you?”

  “Can’t complain. What did you want to talk about?”

  My voice sounded a little shaky as I replied, “Nothing really. Haven’t seen you in a while, figured I’d see how you were doing.”

  “Mhm, I see.”

  I couldn’t answer nerves and fear had rendered me mute. Out of the corner of my eye I saw his crooked grin smiling at me. I felt his arm rest against mine, lightly brushing it. My breathing became uneven. Our fingers teased each other and just as we were about to hold hands, I moved mine. He sat and turned toward me, punching the pillow to get it puffed up. For a moment I saw the image of me climbing into bed with Scotty, as he read or did a crossword puzzle before bed, about to go to sleep next to me. I shook my head of the fantasy. I can’t do it. I don’t have it in me-hypothetical slap across the face-get a hold of yourself Kyle and get this over with… “I…” I started to say when a flash of lightning brightened up the room, followed by a boom of thunder, taking us both by surprise. My hand subsequently found his, and our fingers interlocked. I couldn’t have let go even if I tried.

  “Does what you want to talk about have anything to do with our last conversation?” Scotty asked.

  “Yes.”

  I realized we were still holding hands. He hadn’t moved his hand away. I saw Scotty look over to me again, waiting for the explanation I couldn’t give him. A sweet grin creased across his lips. I did all could not to look, but my attention was brought to his lips.

  “You okay?” he asked turning toward me.

  I took a deep breath and cleared my thoughts; ignoring the fact my hand touched his arm, or his foot was touching my leg.

  “No um… you see there’s something I need to tell you—”

  I’m interrupted by unexpected music. I recognized it as Scotty’s ring tone. I watched as he leaned over me and grabbed his phone. He smelled amazing. A mix of sweet pine and sandalwood with a scent I couldn’t identify. I looked down his body and saw our feet were intertwined. The rattle of his phone being placed on my bedside table sounded louder than my heartbeat inside my ears. I looked up at him. He looked down, smiled and bit his lower lip.

  “Sorry about that, are you okay?”

  I sighed. “No, no I’m not.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I—” I said. My cheeks warmed and out of embarrassment I closed my eyes.

  “You,” he teased, rubbing my chest.

  “I… Like… You… Not just like you. I want to be with you, date you…” The words stumbled out. I opened my eyes.

  He’s not saying anything. This isn’t good. What does this mean? Should I say something else?

  His mouth opened when his phone started ringing again. Instead of looking at his phone Scotty straddled me and placed his hands on the bed next to my shoulders. I froze in place. Not because I wanted to flee, but because I was about to experience the moment, I’d waited the last two and a half years for. In the background Prince’s “Kiss” serenaded us as it came to an end and Macy Gray’s “I Try” started. My hands got clammy. I pressed them to my side to dry them off and realized how parched my mouth had become.

  I gulped as he leaned in close.

  “Thank goodness,” he whispered into my left ear.

  His breath felt remarkable against my skin, his voice tenderly provocative.

  He stared at me, taking in every millimeter of me in as I felt his fingertips slowly trace the edge of my lips, and down my chin and neck. Thoughts melted from my brain as he dragged the back of his fingers over my collar bone. The zipper of my hoodie tugged and carefully, he unzipped it. I just watched him as he did this. He moved closer touching his lips to my neck. Slowly he moved them along my neck and collar bone and up to my right ear. His hand slid up my side, pulling my shirt with it. My heartbeat was so loud it nearly drowned the sound of his breathing. He stopped when he reached my chest before lightly running his fingertips along my waist making me shiver.

  He smiled.

  “Cause’ I like you and want to date you too,” he whispered in my right ear.

  I sighed with relief. It felt like half the weight holding me down lately was just thrown off my shoulders. The scariest thing I’d ever admitted paid off. I placed my left hand on his side and ran my fingertips over the buttons of his vest. Scotty kissed my ear lobe before he moved from my ear toward my lips; now only a fraction of an inch separated us from our first kiss. I swallowed and looked into his eyes. My breathing steadied and I took his hand. I’d waited years for this moment. Months of wonderment and craving this closeness with him.

  If only I knew what it felt like to kiss him.

  He cupped my face in his hand, tilted my chin up and carefully leaned in until our lips touched. Scotty pressed his lips into mine and like a well-choreographed dance, they worked in tandem. We parted long enough to breathe before my hand found his cheek and I went back for seconds. If only for a millisecond. I heard the front door slam, and someone’s hard steps coming up the stairs. The song changed, and Kelly Clarkson’s “Ready” started and the squeak of sneakers against the hardwood told me it was Stephen.

  “Shit” I paused. “My family is home.” I complained, pushing him off me.

  “They don’t know you’re gay yet?” Scotty asked.

  “Stephen knows even though I haven’t come out to him yet. It’ll be harder telling my parents. I don’t know what they’ll think or say or even do. For all I know they’ll—”

  I stopped mid-sentence and started panicking. I didn’t want to believe that my family would really kick me out. I knew it happened, but would my parents do it? Should I even tell them? What they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. Numerous scenarios ran through my head, Scotty’s voice brought me back to earth.

  “Hey, it’s okay,” Scotty said, rubbing my arm. “I know how you feel I’ve been there. If they really love you it shouldn’t matter.”

  “Try telling that to my dad. He’s made comments about having a gay in the family. It can be worse when he drinks.”

  Scotty moved closer to me and stole another kiss and all my worries were washed away.

  “What does he think of me?” he asked brushing his fingers against my side.

  Before I could respond I heard my door handle jiggle. I sat up as the door opened. Stephen walked in, still wearing his soccer uniform. His sports bag fell off his shoulder and made a thud when it hit the floor.

  “Hey guys,” Stephen said looking first at Scotty, and then at me, smiling. “Dinner’s downstairs. We got pizza.”

  “Sweet, how’d you guys do?” I asked curiously.

  “We won five to four! They had to cut the game short because of the storm,” Stephen replied, leaning against the door frame, he then nodded toward us. “So, what’s going on?” Stephen asked still wearing his shitty gri
n.

  I ignored his question and continued our conversation about the game. “Nice, sorry I couldn’t go I had to catch up on homework.”

  “It’s cool, coach said if you’re still interested in being on the team to let him know. He said he’d re-think the goalie spot, the guy we have now sucks.”

  “Okay, I’ll think about it.”

  “Are you staying for dinner?” Stephen asked Scotty.

  “I hadn’t planned on it, is there enough?”

  “Of course, our mom always buys too much food,” Stephen said.

  He looked at me and I nodded my head and rolled my eyes in agreement.

  “Okay,” Scotty said.

  “We’ll be down in a minute. Tell Mom Janet called today and if she’s still keeping her appointment, she has to call back tomorrow morning by eight thirty.”

  Aka, get the hell out of my room.

  “Okay, see you guys downstairs,” Stephen replied as he grabbed his bag and walked away closing the door behind him.

  “Your brother is kind of hot,” Scotty blurted out

  “Shut up.” I playfully nudged him and stole a kiss.

  “Soccer goalie sounds kinda cute.”

  “Yeah?” I question.

  “Yeah. I think you should do it. The uniforms are sexy.”

  I rolled my eyes and leaned into kiss him. In the back of my mind I thought, Maybe I’ll reconsider being the goalie.

  His kiss was soft and inviting. Warm, soft, and comfortable. The way life should be.

  Scotty rubbed my palm lightly with the tip of his thumb, tracing the lines on my hand. He smiled and leaned in, the corner of our lips brushing lightly. I leaned my head away and he followed. I can’t wait any longer. I wanted his kiss so bad I thought I might die, and his lips and breath would provide the necessary oxygen to revive me, as they once had. My hand found the back of his head, and my fingers ran through his hair. He shivered under my touch, and I heard a barely audible whimper. I nudged my forehead against his and our lips parted. I didn’t even have time to register it once I heard my door creak open. I sighed and sat back waiting for someone to walk in, no one did.

  “Kyle,” Amy said from the other side of the door.

  “You can come in Amy.”

  That’s what I liked about Amy, unlike the rest of my family she waited until I said she could come in. Everyone else just barged in. There was no such thing as privacy around here. Slowly the door opened.

  “Are you still going to watch a movie with me tonight?”

  Amy had long since finished The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, and it was now time for us to watch the movies.

  “Which one?” I asked.

  “Cloudy seems kind of lame. I guess start with The Wizard of Oz.”

  “I love that movie,” Scotty mumbled.

  He leaned against me. Just as quickly as his chin met my shoulder, he leaned away.

  “Okay, can we watch it now? Please.”

  I heard Scotty chuckle behind me.

  “After dinner,” I said, emphasizing the after-dinner part. My little sister always had a way of getting what she wanted.

  “Deal.”

  “Ready for dinner?” Scotty asked leaning against me.

  “Yeah let’s go. Ready for dinner Amy!” I asked picking her up and putting her on my shoulders.

  “Yeah!”

  We ran downstairs to the kitchen. I could smell my pizza in the mix of the rest. I sat Amy down on one of the bar stools and opened the box. I salivated at the sight of huge juicy chunks of pineapple and ham. My mouth watered even more when the scent hit me with full force. I’d been craving Hawaiian pizza for the longest time. I turned to the cabinets and grabbed a plate and glasses for the two of us. I gave Scotty a plate then grabbed a couple slices. Scotty followed me out to the sunroom.

  “Wow, it’s beautiful in here. I’m speechless,” Scotty said.

  “Yeah, it is nice.”

  I noticed my father was standing at the doorway checking in on us.

  “Hiya boys,” he said a minute later.

  “Hey Mr. McKinley, how was work today?”

  “Please, call me Jim. And it was good. Working a tough case but made some head way today. The studio reached out and said a few scenes need to be rewritten.”

  “I know how that goes,” Scotty replied.

  “I didn’t know you two were still talking,” he said.

  “It’s been a while. We needed a reunion.” Scotty smiled.

  Mom approached from behind and smiled wide.

  “Oh nice.”

  “Hey Scotty! Amy said you were here.”

  “Hey Mrs. McKinley.”

  “Are you staying the night?” Mom asked.

  “I never thought of it.”

  “The storm is picking up, and the weatherman issued a wind advisory.”

  “You could stay in my room,” I injected. Scotty just looked back at me.

  “That’s fine by me.” Mom was quick to chime in.

  I stared at my father trying to read his expression. It seemed… neutral.

  “Okay, wouldn’t want anything happening to you on your way home, it’s safer to just stay in,” my father said.

  “Thanks Mr.—” Scotty stopped, correcting himself. “Jim.”

  “No problem. We’ll leave you two alone to catch up.”

  “Okay, thank you, Dad.”

  He turned and walked away, closing the door behind himself.

  “He’s letting you call him by his first name, he must like you,” I joked.

  It was quiet except for the muffled sounds of my family’s conversation in the next room, and the wind and rain outside. We watched as some of the palm trees swayed in the wind, then the rain picked up. Soon it became a torrential down pour, to the point where I couldn’t see the trees anymore. My attention was brought back to my surroundings. I dropped the crust of my second piece of pizza down and looked over at Scotty. He had finished eating and was turned toward me, staring. He smiled at me when our eyes met. I loved his eyes, his smile, his kiss, and now I was no longer in denial about how I truly felt about him.

  “What’s on your mind?” he asked reaching for my hand.

  “You,” I said, taking his hand in mine.

  He chuckled. I stood up and pulled him into me. My heart fluttered when his body pressed into mine. I wanted to kiss him. Our first official kisses were so short lived, and I was so nervous I didn’t even recall what it was like. Okay I lied, of course I remembered our kisses; they were magnificent and in a faraway magical and safe location called my mind. Yet, I wanted more. I walked him across the dimly lit room toward the far end and found a private alcove near the sauna. I placed my hand at his side, rubbing it under his shirt. He pulled my shirt up and slid his hands underneath rubbing my back. It felt, amazing! Amazing didn’t even describe it. I’d never felt this and couldn’t explain a feeling I never wanted to end. He leaned in and hugged me.

  I didn’t know what to do next, so I rested my head on his shoulder. I felt his other hand drift down to my lower back, tension building in it as he pulled me closer. We stumbled back until Scotty bumped into the window. Lightning flashed and illuminated us in an electric blue haze. He held me tight, as though he was afraid to let go. He rested his head on my shoulder. We stood like this for a moment before I leaned my head back and we looked at each other.

  “I want to kiss you so bad,” he said, leaning against the wall.

  “What’s stopping you?” I asked, leaning in and lightly touching my lips to his, he moaned.

  I moved down to his neck, brushing the tip of my nose against his collarbone and moved back to his lips, pressing them against his. His hands met my face and his tongue brushed against my lips before slipping inside my mouth. A tingly, bubbly, chill ran up my stomach. He pulled me closer and this time, it was my tongue that slipped passed the guard of his lips. We separated long enough to breathe, then continued. I focused on his lower lip this time, suck
ing lightly and tugging on it. I still had no idea if I was kissing him right, however I heard him moan when I lightly bit his lip, so I figured I must be doing something right.

  The energy between us bubbled to the boiling point when suddenly the act came to an end. I pulled back and stared at Scotty. He looked at me with the dopiest set of bedroom eyes. He even had a subtle pout because we had to stop kissing. I gazed at his beautiful eyes and lips and face. Everything about him was breath taking. I took a step back, still holding his hand and fantasized kissing him again. Then something to my left caught my attention.

  I looked over and saw my father standing by the French doors.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN: WASTED

  I let go of Scotty’s hand, wondering if he noticed it or not.

  “I was just coming to let you know they cancelled school for tomorrow,” he dully said, looking down at me disapprovingly.

  Oh my God, what did he see? There’s no way he saw us kissing, but he could have seen us holding hands. I had no idea what to do. I watched my dad walk away and looked at Scotty. He stared at me offering a reassuring smile. Sweat built on my palms and the back of my neck, and I thought I was going to throw up. I left Scotty behind and walked into the kitchen and saw my dad rummaging through the refrigerator. I decided the best option was to act casual.

  “Thanks for letting me know about the cancellation.”

  “Yup,” he mumbled under his breath.

  I walked over to the sink and leaned against it. The back of my throat stung, and I jumped when the fridge door slammed shut. The tension was thick. He stared me down. I think he saw something. I gulped, swallowing the lump in my throat, and realized my mouth was dry. A weight, now much heavier than it was just a few minutes ago, attached itself to me. I saw the disappointment in my father’s eyes, I also noticed the denial. I took a step toward him, and it felt like resistance bands were holding me back.

  “I don’t want Scotty to stay in your room tonight,” he said.

  Suddenly the bands snapped, and I walked up to the island.

  “Why not? Where else is he going to sleep? My bed will fit the two of us just fine.”

  “I don’t care,” he said coldly. “He can sleep on the couch, or in Jennifer’s room.”