Always Means Forever

by Deborah Fletcher Mello

“That’s good, because we’ve got a long day ahead of us.”

  The man nodded. “I’m ready for it, Bridget. More than you know. And you and I have a lot to talk about. I have so much I need to say to you.”

  “We can get to that later.”

  He shook his head vehemently. “No. You gave me the space I asked for and I appreciated that. I needed some time to think because there was so much happening between us so fast. I know you had to be feeling the same pressure.”

  “I think my concerns were a little different from yours, but yes, I was feeling it, too.”

  “So now I owe you an explanation and some answers. I owe you that and you deserve to know just what I’m thinking and feeling.”

  “Darwin, it’s not like—” Bridget started before they were interrupted, the waitress returning to the table with their beverages.

  “Have you decided what you want to eat?” she asked as she set the cups onto the table.

  Darwin answered first. “I’m not sure yet. How about you, baby?”

  Bridget’s nodded. “I have. I would really like two eggs over easy with an English muffin and an order of crisp bacon.”

  “And you, sir?”

  “That actually sounds pretty good. I’ll have the same thing and add a side order of your oatmeal pancakes to my order, please.”

  The woman reached for the two menus that sat unopened on the table. “I’ll bring your meals right out.”

  “Thank you,” the two said simultaneously.

  Bridget watched as the woman strode off in the other direction. Darwin watched Bridget, waiting to hear what she’d started to say before they’d been interrupted.

  Bridget smiled, took a deep breath, then continued speaking. “I understand that what I told you knocked you offside. I expected that. I was hurt that you pulled away from me, but I understand that, as well. But I don’t feel like you owe me any explanations. You have every right to feel the way you do. You want children. I don’t. And I have the right to make that choice for my life.”

  “Yes, you do. But it’s a choice that we both will be making for our life together. I wasn’t kidding when I said that I couldn’t see myself without you. What I’ve discovered is that I can see myself without children. I don’t have to donate my sperm to feel like my life is complete. But I can’t even begin to think what my life would be like if you weren’t in it. Without you, I can’t see myself whole.”

  “And you honestly believe you and I, just the two of us, can build a future together?”

  Darwin nodded and then said, “No.”

  A look of confusion crossed Bridget’s face. “No?”

  “No. I believe you and I and Biscuit can build a future together.”

  She giggled. “How could I forget Biscuit!”

  “That’s just so like you, woman!” Darwin rolled his eyes at her.

  Once again, they were interrupted by the waitress. It took less than a minute for her to deposit their breakfast order onto the table and disappear again.

  “Seriously though,” Darwin continued. “It has taken a whole lot of self-reflection and some hard questions from my shrink for me to really understand what I want and why.”

  “So you finally called the doctor?”

  “Yeah, and don’t you ever tell my Uncle Jake. You know he doesn’t believe in telling your business to strangers. He’d have a heart attack!”

  “That old adage that we’re supposed to resolve our problems around the Sunday dinner table, huh?”

  “Exactly!”

  Bridget sighed a soft sigh. “So what now, Darwin? Where do you and I go from here?”

  “Now, we enjoy our breakfast, get through all this media stuff you’ve got me scheduled for today, and then tonight—” Darwin paused, leaning forward in his seat. “Tonight, I just hold you in my arms and show you how much I love you.”

  Bridget was taken aback by the all-embracing gaze that seemed to caress her entire being. The sentiment behind Darwin’s stare was so overwhelming that she couldn’t help but be moved to tears. Her eyes misted and she gasped, an influx of air filling her lungs. With both hands she fanned her face, fighting not to let the rise of water clouding her eyes fall.

  Darwin moved from his seat to her side, sweeping her into his arms. He pulled her to his broad chest and held her close. “Just hold on,” he whispered into her ear. “When you need to let go of everything else, you just hold on to me and I’ll be right here to hold you up.”

  “Forever?”

  “Always.”

  Once they got past the apologies, the pronouncements and all the other waves of emotion, Bridget felt as if she’d been reenergized. She barely tasted the eggs and bacon on her plate, all her senses focused on the man at her side. By the time they arrived at The Morning Show’s affiliate station for Darwin’s first public interview since news of his lawsuit hit the airwaves, Bridget felt as if she were walking on air, everything about her light and buoyant.

  Darwin’s interview was to be a face-to-face session with the entertainment correspondent, a man of some sizeable girth with two double chins. His cold demeanor when he greeted them belied the jolly manner he portrayed on camera. Bridget sensed he planned to go on the attack and when she had an opportunity she pulled Darwin aside and said so.

  “Be careful with him. Don’t let him goad you into saying anything negative. We don’t want to attack or criticize Ava. We want to build upon your credibility. Make you shine.”

  Darwin gave her a quick wink. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll do well. I promise.”

  “You’d better,” Bridget teased. “Otherwise you’re going to owe me a bigger retainer.”

  “What? You mean you’re not going to give me my other check back?”

  “Oh, heck, no!” Bridget answered.

  “But I’m your man, aren’t I?”

  “And this is business. I don’t play like that.”

  “Boy, you’re hard, woman!” he said with a deep chuckle.

  Bridget laughed with him. Minutes later she stood in the station’s green room, watching the monitor. The weather, a series of news recaps, two commercials, and then Darwin’s face filled the screen. He was breathtaking and Bridget could feel the energy he exuded spilling out over the airwaves.

  “We’re here this morning with one of Seattle’s favorite sons, Mr. Darwin Tolliver, chef extraordinaire! Darwin is the newest food network host who’s making quite a name for himself in kitchens across the western seaboard. Welcome, Darwin!”

  “Good morning, and thank you for having me.”

  “You’ve become quite a staple in some homes. To what do you owe your success?”

  “Hard work and an overall love for what I do. I love good food and I love to share good food with other people.”

  “Well, I sure do like to eat, myself and I had the pleasure of tasting one of your meals.” The man grinned into the camera. “That dessert just blew my diet to pieces!” he said with a loud laugh.

  “And it was actually low calorie,” Darwin said, laughing with him. “I guarantee it didn’t bother your diet in the least.”

  “So why did you take up cooking for a living? Some folks might think it’s an unusual job choice for a young man such as yourself.”

  “Actually, there was a time when it wasn’t unusual at all for black men to be cooking for a living. It was quite common to hear a black chef being described as an epicure. These men had skills that surpassed most French chefs. Men, and women, who had the Midas touch with whatever food they prepared.”

  “Really? Why was that?”

  “Because they could create culinary masterpieces that easily surpassed boiled collard greens and barbecued pork. There is a tradition in the black home of preparing exquisite meals served with meticulous care. In fact, the Southern kitchen was one of the few places during slavery where the creative talents of blacks could run free, and in that hotbed of experimentation they excelled.”

  “I have to ask this question, Darwin, because I know a lot
of our viewers want to hear it directly from you. You’ve had a lot of media attention on you lately. First there was the press about your rendezvous with the author and film personality Ava St. John. And now there’s the pending lawsuit you’ve filed against her and three very prominent tabloids. So, tell us the truth. Was there any truth to the rumors about you socializing with Ava St. John?”

  “Chefs don’t have time to socialize. We’re too busy making sure everyone else has a good time to have any time for ourselves.”

  The man chuckled. “Be honest, now. A good-looking man such as yourself surely has time for a personal life.”

  “Well, if I do, it would be just that—personal. Nothing I would need or want to share with the public. A man has to have some privacy and I would hope the public would respect that. I’m sure you wouldn’t want your private life splashed all over the national media, would you?”

  “Unfortunately, I don’t have beautiful women like Ava St. John chasing after me,” the man answered with another deep laugh. “But back to you. You fully maintain that there was nothing personal going on with you and Ava?”

  “Not a thing.”

  The show’s host stared back into the camera. “You heard it here, folks. Cooking with Darwin Tolliver airs on your local station Monday, Wednesday and Friday at seven o’clock Pacific time. Let Darwin Tolliver show you how it’s done!”

  The camera panned back to Darwin as the other man continued to speak. “Darwin, thank you and I look forward to sharing a meal with you again. In fact, I’m hoping you’ll give me the recipe to that dessert.”

  Darwin beamed. “Thank you! It’s been a pleasure to be here.”

  In the green room, Bridget was thoroughly pleased. The interview had gone better than expected. The publicity would serve his case well. It was only a matter of time before Darwin’s talents would clearly outshine the public’s need for scandal.

  By the end of the day both Darwin and Bridget were past ready for some time alone. Both welcomed a few minutes of silence as they returned to Darwin’s home. Darwin had moved right into the kitchen to the stainless steel kettle to make them both a cup of hot tea. In the other room the lights were dimmed, a fire flickered hot in the fireplace and soft music played in the background.

  The temperature outside had dropped significantly and there had been a chill in the air by the time they’d left his last interview. The session had gone even better than the five before it, but Darwin had grown weary of answering the same questions over and over again, and his face actually hurt from having to smile so much. Darwin knew his signature chocolate tea would be a welcome treat to warm their bodies and their spirits and ease them into a quiet evening.

  Bridget dropped down onto the sofa, Biscuit cradled in her lap as the dog snuggled against her. Darwin stopped what he was doing to watch the woman as she cooed at the animal. Eyeing the two of them together brought a wide smile to his face and he couldn’t resist laughing out loud.

  “You’re going to spoil my dog,” he said, shaking an index finger in her direction.

  Bridget laughed with him, mirth rising from somewhere deep in her chest. “Yes, I am,” she said as she scratched his pet behind the ears and rubbed her belly. “Act right and I might spoil you, too,” she added, cutting her eyes in his direction.

  “You’d better,” he answered, moving back to the Belgian chocolate and Earl Grey tea leaves that were steeping in two cups of hot water.

  A few minutes later he moved to her side, a tray of assorted cheeses, water crackers and sliced prosciutto in his hand. He sat the tray on the table in front of her, then dropped down beside her, his body resting heavily against hers.

  “I thought you might like a snack,” he said softly, his energy level suddenly deflating. “When you’re ready, I’ll whip up something for dinner.”

  Bridget cradled her body against his, pulling his arms around her waist. Biscuit moved to the end of the sofa and settled down in the corner of the cushion, eyeing both of them curiously before closing her puppy-dog eyes. Darwin pulled Bridget against him, welcoming every inch of her softness to his body.

  An easy silence descended over them. Bridget closed her eyes, content. She felt safe and secure in Darwin’s arms, the sensation a new experience for her. As they lay together across the cushions, Darwin’s hands dancing a slow drag up and down the length of her arms, she sensed that he was as satisfied as she was, both of them having found that one place that would always be home for them. As if reading her thoughts, Darwin pressed his lips to her cheek and kissed her, allowing his mouth to linger gently against her flesh.

  Bridget suddenly yawned, every muscle in her body moving to expel the exhaustion sweeping through her. Darwin found himself yawning, as well.

  “Why’d you do that?” he teased. “Don’t you know it’s contagious?”

  “Sorry. I didn’t realize just how tired I was,” she said, yawning for a second time. “I should probably just head on home.”

  “Stay with me tonight,” Darwin said, his tone just shy of a command. “I mean, you know that you can, don’t you?”

  “I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Bridget responded, hesitancy wavering in her voice. “We still have so many things to work through, Darwin.”

  “We do, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t spend our time just enjoying each other’s company. I told you this morning that all I want to do tonight is hold you. Besides, I can’t do much of anything else, remember?”

  “I remember that the doctor gave you some pills for that problem.”

  “That he did, but…” Darwin paused.

  “What?”

  He shifted upward in the seat, turning so that they were facing each other. “But I’m not ready to take them. I need to work through some issues first and then see if things work out without medication.”

  “Anything you want to talk about?”

  “Eventually, but not tonight. We’re both tired and I need to understand them myself before I can explain it to you.”

  Bridget nodded her head but said nothing. Darwin waited and when her silence felt as if it were deafening, he asked with concern in his voice, “You’re not offended, are you?”

  “No, of course not. I just hope you don’t think you have to always pull away from me to work through things that are bothering you. I think we’ll have a serious problem if you do.”

  “No,” Darwin said, shaking his head emphatically. “I don’t feel that at all. Never again, remember? I’m not ever pulling away from you as long as you’ll have me. And I hope you’ll keep me around for a very long time.”

  Bridget shrugged, a demure look painting her expression. “I guess we’ll just have to see, won’t we?” she said, her voice dropping an octave.

  Darwin reached with both hands to tickle her abdomen. “You think you’re funny. Don’t be playing with my emotions, woman. It could get very ugly around here!”

  Bridget roared with laughter, fighting to move herself out of his grasp. The duo fell to the floor giggling, the dog rising to stare at them both. Rolling against the floor, Darwin drew the length of his body down against hers as he pinned her to the floor. He held her wrists captive above her head, his pelvis pressed into hers as he clutched both of her legs between his knees.

  Both were breathing heavily and as he stared down at her, his whole body wallowing in the thick depths of her gaze, Darwin was suddenly consumed with yearning. He dropped his face toward hers, his mouth meeting her mouth as he kissed her, his hunger radiating with intensity. The kiss deepened as he sought out her tongue, sucking the appendage gently into his mouth to savor the taste of her. The kiss lasted forever as he gently nibbled at her top lip and then her bottom one, his lips gliding with ease across hers.

  When he finally broke the connection the heat in the room had risen tenfold and perspiration beaded his brow. Darwin eased down beside her, spooning his body against the length of hers. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her taut against him. They stared
into the ripple of fire, marveling at the brilliance of the colors that appeared to be dancing in sync with the rising heat.

  Miles Davis was floating through the room, the mood of the music a beguiling transition into a memorable evening. When the sun rose the next morning, pushing its way through a cushion of lush clouds, the couple was still sleeping soundly in front of the fireplace, the gas log burning as brilliantly as when they’d drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter 17

  Ella rocked her body back and forth, her knees pulled up to her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around her. She stared at the formal letter resting on her coffee table, the television station’s logo printed in dark letters across the top of the crisp, white letterhead. The president of the company had handed it to her personally, just minutes after he announced her termination; her services were no longer required. The man had cited her problems with their new star as being an issue, the working relationship between her and her peers having eroded beyond repair.

  This was all Darwin’s fault. She’d been watching him as he’d paraded around the station, soliciting support from everyone who bothered to hear his concerns and offer an opinion about that lawsuit. He’d been confident and cocky, his innocuous disposition turning the tide in his favor. People had started to question her attitude and behavior, actually falling for his complaints that she should have done more, been more supportive, believing that she herself had caused all the commotion that had cast a shadow of doubt on his integrity.

  The man was whining, Ella thought, pouting like a big baby. She reached for the drink that rested on the floor beside her, moving the empty ice cream container out of her way to reach it. She took a big sip, swirling the bitter fluid around in her mouth before swallowing it. Maybe Ava had been right, she reflected, thinking about the initial conversations between them. Maybe she had underestimated the man. His carefree, happy-go-lucky behavior had overshadowed the man’s serious nature. His response had been totally unexpected and she hadn’t been able to work him around to her way of thinking the way her sister probably could have.

  A wave of anxiety cramped her stomach and she suddenly felt nauseous. Rolling onto her side, she curled up into a fetal position against the carpeted floor. It seemed like ages since she’d felt this awful, the trepidation consuming her reminiscent of that one time, long ago, when things had gotten so bad that her parents had sent her away for treatment. They had called it a mental care facility for young adults with emotional problems but Ella knew that it had been a hospital for crazy people. Her mother had thought her crazy because of all the time she spent trying to hurt her sister, Ava, the little girl with big, innocent eyes who was always in her way. The child had been a nuisance and all Ella had wanted was for her to be gone for good.