by Vivian Arend
Anna took a bracing breath. “I’m on report. Nothing official, but only because I was lucky. The staff sergeant said if I stay clean for a while, he’ll remove all mention of my ‘indiscretion’ from the file.”
His serious expression remained. “Nothing else? Nothing about us?”
She shook her head. The staff sergeant hadn’t come out and told her not to see Mitch.
There were always going to be people who didn’t like Mitch. Who would be suspicious of him, no matter what his actions proved. The decision she’d been struggling over was suddenly crystal clear. “We’re okay,” she insisted. “I know better than to act the fool in public. I just wasn’t thinking.”
He made a rude noise. “Our brains weren’t the most active part at that particular moment, no.” Mitch paused. “How long?”
“How long am I on report?” Anna shrugged. “He didn’t say.”
Mitch stared out the front window, his body stiff beside her. “I was so damn stupid, and the consequences could have been far worse.”
“Hey, but they weren’t.” She stroked his fingers lightly. “I’ll admit it, I was worried about my job, but you’re worth it…” Confessing this much—she had to do it. “I’d risk it for you.”
The golden flecks in his dark eyes seemed to fade. Mitch’s answer came soft, nearly a whisper. “I don’t want you to.”
She stopped breathing. “Mitch?”
His entire body was so tight he looked ready to break. “Dammit, Anna, this changes everything. I like you. A lot. But I’m not worth you losing your job over, and I refuse to be the one to make that happen.”
“I’m not losing my job.” His surprising response toppled her confidence again. “We can just tone it down. Hell, it’s not as if we can’t fool around in private all we want.”
He shook his head slowly, as if considering her words. “You’re right. Contrary to how we’ve been acting, we’re not teenagers. But we need to think this through hard.”
Her soul dropped to her toes. “Mitch, you’re the one who started this relationship. You’re the one who said you wanted to be with me for more than sex. The past months have proved that I want to be with you as well. So…”
The next words stuck in her throat, though. What if she offered to take it to the next level, and he only wanted to stay at their current status?
“I did start this. And I think, and this is fucked up, but hear me out. I think we should stop seeing each other for a while.”
Ice curled around her heart. “Because of my job?”
He snorted. “Because I can’t keep my bloody hands off you in public, if you really want an excuse.”
“Mitch, I was as much to blame as you were.”’
“So if the two of us can’t control ourselves, that’s all the more reason we should take a break for a while.”
“A while?” Anna rocked back in her chair. “Stop seeing each other completely?”
Mitch shrugged. “I don’t like it, but it’s important you show your staff sergeant you’re taking things seriously. Not much you can do that’s more serious than this.”
“Screw that,” Anna snapped. “Why should we give up meeting in private? Fine if you want to take time off officially being together, but we’ve been together on the sly for months longer than anyone knew.”
“You really think we could get away with it now? They’ll be watching us like a hawk. We need a complete break.” Mitch pulled his hands free from hers and stood, pacing away. “Think about it, Anna. You’re in shit officially for the first time, but does the staff sergeant know about all the other places and times we’ve been caught. Or nearly caught?”
Anna prevaricated. “I don’t know for sure.”
Mitch stared her down. “Let the alarm die down. See how things go with work. Get that note taken off your file, and once you’re in the clear, we can start seeing each other again.”
“This is the stupidest thing.” Anna joined him on the floor, fighting the sense of powerlessness that continued to rise.
“It is, and it’s fucked up and I’m going to miss you like fucking crazy, but if it takes a few months to clear your name, I’m sure the hell not going to do anything to jeopardize your career. Don’t make me—don’t let me. I would hate myself forever.”
“So I get no choice in the matter?” Anna demanded. “That’s it? You’ve decided the best thing to do is we break up, and that’s the end of the conversation?”
“Use your brain, not your libido, babe.”
“What if I like using both?” Anna retorted. Only he had a point. She hated the circumstances intensely, but he was right. “So, what do we do? Make an announcement in the local paper? Stand on the street corner and shout it out?”
The scowl on his face was damn near frightening. “Fuck that. With all the gossips in this town, you mention at the gas station I was a jerk, and people will be all over the news like rabid cats.”
Anna froze. “I’m not blaming you for anything. That’s even stupider.”
“It’s not,” Mitch insisted. “Someone’s got to take the fall, and this time it should be me. We’ll know the truth, and that’s what’s important. No matter what it looks like to everyone else. And eventually it won’t matter shit.”
“If we call it off, we say it’s mutual, and that’s final. I still don’t like the idea in the first place.”
“But you see the logic,” Mitch noted. He stepped into her private space and caught her face in both his hands. “You worked hard to get to where you are today. If I have to stare at you from across the goddamn parking lot for a few months like some crazed stalker, then that’s fucking fine with me. What’s not fine is you doing something stupid that might screw up your career. I’m not worth that. No one is—so let’s figure out the quickest and easiest way to let Rocky know we’re done, then we move on.”
Mitch leaned in and kissed her. Tender and soft at first, his lips stopping her from protesting any further. Then with increasing passion. Anna clung tighter as the kiss slowly heated.
If they were going to actually do this insane thing, she was taking the memory of his lovemaking with her. She slipped her hands to his shirt, rumbling in approval as he did the same, and they stripped each other. Lingering touches, tender caresses.
Anna stored away each moment as if preparing for a drought.
MITCH HAD BEEN far too astute in his guess of how fast news would spread. She’d gone from the coffee shop to work, and in the five minutes it had taken to walk between the two locations, the welcome she got from Claire at the front desk made it clear the woman expected Anna to be upset, but wasn’t sure if she should commiserate or give Anna a high five.
Her workmates might not have approved of Mitch, but they weren’t going to cheer in her face that she’d called it off with him.
Nick said nothing. Well, not true. Nick said plenty, all about the inefficient way the station was dealing with its recycling and the lack of long-term vehicle-replacement plans. Anna tuned him out, grateful to be able to head to the high school for a couple hours in the afternoon, wandering the halls and being distracted by the angsty teenagers she’d grown surprisingly fond of.
Today she fit right in.
By the time Friday night rolled around, she couldn’t take being stuck at home alone. Traders Pub and the regular Coleman family gathering beckoned. No way would she be dancing, but at least she’d have the company of the extended clan to divert her from her frustrations.
Anna joined the family on the bar side of the building. With all the cousins in the area, anywhere she went there was bound to be at least a few of them around. She settled into a chair by the pool tables next to her oldest brother Steve and examined the crowd.
She wondered if the numbness inside her was going to stick around the entire time she and Mitch worked this damn charade.
Steve stared at his beer and picked at the label, barely acknowledging her arrival. “Hey.”
Anna was one step away from joinin
g him in his gloomy attitude. “Where’s everyone?” she asked while she waited for service.
Steve jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “Couple of the Six Pack boys are at the pool table with Trevor. I think there are more on the dance floor. The Whiskey Creek girls aren’t here. They’re having some kind of pre-baby wingding with Katy Thompson.”
Right. She’d been invited, but didn’t think hauling her pouty ass to a party for Mitch’s sister was a good idea two days after they were supposed to have broken up.
Stupid, fucked-up world.
She tried to distract herself as she waited. “Where’s Lee?” Her little brother was twenty-one and seemed determined to never miss any drinking opportunity. Between him and the youngest Coleman in the area, Rafe, Anna had been carefully turning a blind eye to their wild, but legal, antics.
Her question pulled a small shoulder shrug from Steve. “Dance floor? A group of giggling females swept in, and pulled him and Rafe over to the other side of the building.”
“I bet the boys complained the entire time.”
No answer. Steve stared into space.
“Are you even here tonight, Steve?” Anna prodded.
An enormous sigh escaped, and he finally glanced in her direction. “Sorry. Lots on my mind.”
Her brother turned to watch the pool game, his melancholy expression slipping back in place.
Anna’s discomfort grew as time passed. The lack of female cousins that night made it worse, and soon she felt as depressed as Steve looked, so she got up and wandered over to watch the pool game. The muttered comments and judgmental looks as people spotted her only added to the itch along her spine. She figured for the next few months she had this to look forward to every time she went out in public.
Damn Mitch for insisting they break up. Not only did she already miss him like crazy, she got to deal with stupid people and stupid assumptions.
The whispers going around were loud enough for her to overhear. Some said she’d dumped him. Some guessed Mitch had gotten tired of the straight-laced boring cop.
When someone suggested their relationship had all been a dare on his part, Anna gave up. She made her way back to her table to get her coat, evil fortune making her face the wrong direction at the right time to see Mitch pass through the doors from the dance-hall side of the bar.
Frustrating how her heart involuntarily sped up. How a knot formed in the back of her throat, and she was helpless to look away. She sank into the closest chair, mad at herself for wanting another glimpse.
He didn’t even glance into the room. Just laughed loudly, a noisy crowd pressing around him. Regular customers at the pub stepped back warily as the newcomers strutted in as if they owned the place, loud joking and shouts carrying them forward. An edgy energy surrounded the group that seemed dangerous and borderline out of control. Everywhere Anna looked there were tattoos and metal and leather, the entire group poster children for one of Nick’s profiling charts.
Yet when she tried looking at Mitch with critical eyes, all she saw was the man she’d come to respect, no matter how wild the trappings. A man she’d been willing to take a chance on.
They pulled tables together, the volume only rising as they settled into chairs. Mitch sprawled lazily, one arm stretched along the back of the chair next to him. The group seemed eager to give him attention.
Then the leather-clad blonde to Mitch’s right dropped her arm around his shoulders. Anna’s gut did a slow roll as the woman curled in tight, pressing close enough she could have checked his pulse without using her hands.
And that was one step farther than Anna could stomach.
Did she expect he’d spend time with others while they were taking a break? Of course. She hadn’t taken it to the logical conclusion of him having to fend off feminine advances.
Anna jerked upright, dragging on her coat. Preparing to escape. Her rapid motion must have caught Mitch’s attention, because his relaxed demeanor vanished, concern-filled eyes meeting hers. He peeled the woman off him, shot to his feet and headed for Anna’s side.
So much for not making a public scene. She’d known they would run into each other in public sometime, but this was too soon and so not what she wanted.
“Anna, wait…”
She ignored Mitch’s call, instead heading for the door. They couldn’t do this here. Couldn’t do anything that would make it better, because there was nothing that could make this better, not with what they’d decided. Anna shoved past chairs to get to the main aisle, not caring that she was all but fleeing the bar.
“You bastard.”
A familiar voice—Steve’s—rang out, followed by motion in her peripheral vision. Anna turned in time to see her brother grab Mitch by the shoulder, swinging him around. Steve’s fist flew out in a rapid jab that Mitch did nothing to avoid. The blow struck his jaw, his head snapped back, and Mitch stumbled, attempting to stay on his feet.
“Stay away from her,” Steve growled, moving forward with raised fists for another round. “You can’t treat Anna like that, you ass.”
“Steve, no.” Oh damn, another thing she hadn’t expected. Anna laid a hand on her brother’s arm and tugged him back. “It’s not worth it. Let it go.”
“Anna, it’s not what—” Mitch started again, but Steve rushed in, slamming his hands down on Mitch’s chest. He fisted the front of Mitch’s leather jacket, and who knows what he’d have done next except Anna shoved herself between them, facing her brother. Protecting Mitch. Awareness in every inch of her that he stood at her back, their bodies close enough if she leaned a tiny bit, she’d be in his arms.
She glared menacingly at her brother. “Drop it now, or I’ll forget I’m off duty and haul your ass down to the station.”
“But he—”
“I said drop it,” Anna barked in her best cop voice.
She twirled to face Mitch, the tightness in her chest only increasing as she stared into his beautiful eyes. Those familiar yet now haunted eyes as his gaze darted over her face.
She wanted to throw all their plans into the garbage and wrap herself around him. Show all the naysayers watching that she thought he was worth so much that she’d…
She’d what? Possibly sacrifice her career? Mitch’s words came back to her. I’d hate myself if I ruined everything you’ve worked so hard for.
It was a trap. One with no way out that didn’t leave someone hurting. So instead of doing what her heart wanted, she pulled on every bit of acting ability she had. Lifted her chin, and put her arms across her chest like a shield.
“Don’t try to explain. Don’t call me. Don’t text. We’re done, Mitch.”
Anna focused on the exit, ignoring the faces around her. Steve was still at her side, and he shoved open the door, the freezing air numbing her lungs so they matched the rest of her.
“Anna, are you okay?”
She damn near sprinted toward her car. She needed to get away. Needed to be anywhere but here. “I’m fine.”
He caught her arm and stopped her, and Anna lost it. There in the shadows of the parking lot, far enough away from the doors she couldn’t be easily spotted, she broke down. Grabbed hold of her brother, pressed her face to his chest and let the tears escape.
They weren’t a huggy family. Steve must have been thrown for a loop, but he tentatively wrapped his arms around her anyway. His awkward embrace was the only thing that kept her standing for the first minute. He patted her back and made soothing noises, and she pulled herself back together. The tear tracks on her cheeks froze when she gave him a final squeeze and stepped away.
A thick line furrowed Steve’s brow. “Say the word, and I’ll beat the shit out of him for you.”
Oh God, what a disaster. She couldn’t tell her brother the truth, but she couldn’t stop her very real anguish from showing. Anna hiccupped as she fought for control and headed to her car. “Not a good idea. I’d hate to have to arrest you.”
“Oh, Anna. I’m so sorry.” Steve patted her arm again,
his helplessness clear. “Not only for this crap, but for being an idiot myself. I should have paid more attention. Maybe I could have seen this coming.”
“Not likely.” Anna shook her head, unable to say anything more without choking up again.
“You didn’t deserve that.”
She slipped her key into her lock, needing to just go home. She kept her comment generic. “No one deserves to get dumped.”
“I did.”
Steve’s blunt confession was enough to distract Anna from her misery. “What?”
“When Megan dumped me, I deserved it. I take people for granted,” Steve admitted. “You, the folks. My ex.”
Not much Anna could say in response, too overwhelmed by her personal pain.
Her brother clued in quick enough this time. “And I’m a shit for bringing that up now, other than to say I’ll try to do better. You let me know if you need me, okay?”
Anna nodded, then escaped. A careful, deliberate escape, well under the speed limit. Instead of heading home, though, she drove in circles, not wanting to go back to a place filled with memories.
She was alone again, and this time it felt colder than before Mitch Thompson had twined his way into her life and her heart. She pulled to a stop under a tall light in the supermarket parking lot, hurting inside, and confused, and all she wanted was someone to hold her.
Not true. She wanted Mitch to hold her.
The cold air seeped in through the car doors, a fitting match for the ice in her heart. Anna rested her head back and closed her eyes.
Moving forward was her only option. She was strong, dammit. Strong enough to follow through with their plans. In the meantime maybe she could move forward into something even better than before.
This was a good thing, Mitch and her taking this break. She trusted him implicitly. Anna wiped the tears from her eyes and aimed her car home. She’d take it like a fresh start on life. Tomorrow she would begin some serious planning so that down the road she could have it all—her career and her wild man.