by M. J. Haag
“I’ll protect him as savagely as he protects me. I promise.”
“I hoped you would say that. When are you moving out?”
“I’m not sure. I figured I would watch for an opportunity that wouldn’t make it look suspicious. I mean, I can’t imagine anyone believing I willingly left this place, having lived here themselves. The people are nice. There’s food. Shelter. Protection. I need to make sure I sell it, you know?”
She nodded. “Just don’t stay there too long. The girls are going to miss having a fourth at feight club.”
I snorted. “You could always join in.”
“No way. I’m a peacemaker, not a fighter.”
She said goodbye just before Tor came downstairs. He didn’t say anything to me as he moved to the stove and started making oatmeal.
“Should we talk about what happened upstairs?” I asked hesitantly.
“Do you want to?”
“I don’t know. Maybe, if you feel upset about any of it.”
“I am not upset.” He glanced back at me. “But I am very hungry for you.”
“I could tell.”
“Did it upset you?”
I slowly shook my head. “I think it should have, though.”
“Why?”
“That’s an excellent question. I think part of my brain is still trying to cling to things the way they were.”
“What do you mean?”
“Before I met Adam, I was going to school to get my marketing degree. My dad used to say I was learning how to convince people they needed something they didn’t want.” I gave Tor a wry smile. “In a way, he was right.
“I had a plan for myself—degree, career, then a family. I saw men as a distraction I didn’t need until I was ready. That changed a little when I met Adam. Through a thousand small acts, he won my heart and made me believe he needed me as much as I needed him.”
I looked down at my hands, trying to sort through what I was thinking and feeling.
“I’m not mad at Adam for hurting my heart. I understand why he left. He felt like he couldn’t protect me like you could, and he wanted me to be safe above all else. Even above our happiness together. But knowing his motivations doesn’t change how hurt and sad I still am.”
“Time will help with that.”
I nodded in agreement.
“I know. It already has, and that’s part of the problem. The way I’m feeling just seems like it’s changing too fast. But that’s based on how the old world worked. This new one’s different. Yesterday’s close call has me wondering so much. Am I moving too slowly for this world? Should I let go of the past more quickly? What if all I have is today?”
Tor came over and hugged me.
“You will have many, many days, my June. I will let nothing happen to you. Take all the time you need to know your head and your heart so I may know them, too.”
The guy just kept melting me in all the right ways. I returned his hug and reluctantly released him to sit at the island, letting what he said turn over in my head.
After I’d eaten breakfast, we geared up and left the house. This time, when Tor picked me up at the wall, I let my fingers explore the wall of his chest. I could feel him glancing down at me and wasn’t surprised when he stopped outside of Tenacity, set me on my feet, and hugged me to him.
“If you do not want the people here to know I crave you with every breath of my being, you will need to keep these perfect fingers to yourself,” he murmured against my hair.
“Are you asking me to stop?”
“Never. I’m only making you aware of the consequences when you choose not to.”
I didn’t miss how he’d said “when” instead of “if.”
“I’ll keep my hands to myself,” I said.
He grunted and breathed in deeply. I itched to go back to playing with his chest.
“Maybe someone else should carry me today?”
He jerked against me.
“To prevent temptation,” I clarified. “And so it won’t be so weird when I have to leave you behind at the house to go out for supplies.”
He pulled back to study me, confusion on his face.
“The fey who stays with me needs to remain hidden at all times. That means you’re stuck in the house until we’re done. I’ll still need to go on supply runs, though.”
“I will ask Scath to carry you today.”
Scath was more than willing to take on carry-duty. It didn’t matter who vaulted over the wall with me or who carried me to and from the truck when we reached the neighborhood Ryan meant for us to clear out. Tor stayed close regardless. Always. And he still entertained me with his conversation and questions. Especially about the tote filled with tiny beheaded humans.
“Those are dolls,” I explained. “A child plays with them.”
“A child removed their heads,” Tor asked, looking slightly worried.
“Seems so. Maybe she was switching heads with bodies.”
I dug out a random head and put it on a body. Noru shivered.
“That is unnatural.”
“From a guy who’s removed more heads than this tote has dolls,” I said with a laugh. “Let’s take the tote with us. If there are kids in Tenacity, they might appreciate the playthings.”
They grudgingly listened.
The day went fast like any other, and I was a little more boisterous about the haul when we were back at the trucks, loading the last of it.
“Hard work pays off,” I said, trying to give one of the Tenacity folks a high-five. He reluctantly caved when I waved my waiting hand. “You should seriously consider applying for Tolerance citizenship. You get to keep what you find. All of it. Not some stupid percentage.”
He glanced at the fey, who’d moved farther away from me.
“Not sure I could deal with the change of scenery.”
I shrugged. “Close the curtains. You can’t see anything then.”
“They’re not making you live with one of them?” he asked.
“Pft. My assigned fey has a freezer full of meat. There was no making involved. I’d fight my way to the front of the steak-for-breakfast line. Who cares if I have to house share? Tenacity’s the same way, only without the steak and a lot more stealing. My name’s June, by the way.”
“Bram. And I meant with a fey, but I can see your point. I wouldn’t care who I had to live with to eat decently for a change. It’s a little unnerving to watch them remove heads and then sleep in the same house as one of them, though, isn’t it?”
“I’ve stabbed infected through the underside of their chins. Violently and bloody. Would you hesitate to room with me?”
He looked off thoughtfully for a moment. “I guess you have a point. Humans can be just as vicious. One of my past housemates was angry and an asshole to be around. But he didn’t rip anyone’s head off, you know? I think the idea that a fey could easily overpower me makes it harder to relax around them.”
“Try being a woman in a room full of human men. I’ve lived with that kind of worry my whole life.”
I walked away from him without another word.
Chapter Eighteen
Often when we returned to Tenacity, people would be gathered, waiting to see the supplies we brought back. Then they would wait even longer in line for it all to be divided and doled out. Matt’s rule of one box for each house kept things orderly. Everyone knew if they didn’t keep things civil, there was a chance they’d forfeit their home’s rations for that day.
However, nothing about Tenacity was orderly when the fey delivered us over the wall. Two groups of people stood outside the shed, both yelling at the other so loudly there was no possible way they could hear each other. We could hear them, though. Or at least, pieces of what was being said.
“You’re betraying your own kind.”
“We need food.”
“Your hate will kill us all.”
“Go fuck your mother.”
“What the hell is going on?” Bram, the guy I
’d high-fived, asked me as we both stared in confusion.
“No idea, but the mom threats are out, so it can’t be good,” I said.
My eyes swept over the area. I noted two young boys watching the group from a nearby house. With crayons in hand and coloring books on their laps, the pair sat on the steps. They didn’t look like they were coloring, though. They looked like they were taking notes.
Clever.
Matt emerged from within the shed.
“This is your last warning. Break it up or I’m telling the fey to keep everything they collected today.”
I could feel Bram bristle beside me. He took a step forward even as the groups started yelling at each other again. I clamped my hand over his arm.
“We don’t know what’s happening. It’s better to wait and voice your objection after the groups threatening to kill each other leave.”
“Of course you’d say that,” he said quietly. “You have a freezer full of meat waiting for you. I risked my life for that food.”
“And you’ll be risking it again by bringing attention to yourself now.” I released him. “But I get it. You worked hard for the food, and it’s not fair to have it taken away because of some assholes. I’ve been in your shoes. And my ex-boyfriend was beaten so badly because of his objections that he can’t walk now. Pick your battles carefully.”
Bram didn’t rush forward. He crossed his arms and waited next to me and the other humans who’d gone out for supplies. The fey who’d delivered us inside stood just behind us, watching and listening as well.
Matt’s flushed face swung our way, then he cupped his hands to bellow to the fey. “Anyone who doesn’t leave by the time I count to twenty, you have permission to throw over the wall!”
The guy next to me swore when Matt started counting.
Ashkii came forward and tapped my shoulder.
“Mya says it’s not safe to throw humans. She will be upset if we throw them like Matt asks, right?”
The guy next to me did a double-take at the fey.
“Probably,” I said. “But Matt’s going to be upset if these humans start fighting.” I pointed out the two boys across the street. “And it’s likely innocent bystanders would get hurt in the process.”
“These humans would hurt the children?” Noru asked.
The guy and I shared a look, and he gave me a clueless shrug like he had no idea how to answer. I faced my group of fey and answered honestly.
“Unintentionally, most likely. But yes.”
Fortunately, none of the fey needed to worry about human-tossing. The group broke up rapidly when Matt reached twelve and kept counting. By the time he hit seventeen, the opening to the shed was clear.
A group of women hesitantly walked out. One of them was holding a kid’s hand. The little girl couldn’t have been more than two or three and had a tear-streaked face.
While the woman spoke in low tones to Matt, I turned and whispered to Noru.
“Get one of the dolls for the girl. Make sure it has a head and grab some clothes for it.”
He leapt over the wall, and I strode forward.
“What’s going on?” I asked, interrupting Matt’s conversation with the woman. “Why was everyone yelling?”
“A few misaligned viewpoints. Nothing to worry about.” He looked down at the little girl. “Did you like your soup?”
The little girl sidestepped behind her mother’s leg, partially hiding instead of answering.
“She did. Thank you,” the mom said, answering for her. “I’m worried people are going to act out against those of us who chose to eat here.”
“You and Greyly have nothing to worry about, Abi. You did the right thing coming here. But, if you have any trouble, come find me.”
There was a whisper of noise behind me. When everyone’s attention shifted, I had no choice but to look too.
Noru knelt on the ground a few steps away. He was trying to put a dress on a naked doll and failing spectacularly. He looked up at the little girl.
“Something is wrong with her. I don’t know how to fix it.” He held out his hand with the Barbie and the dress in his palm.
The little girl stared at him. He stared back.
After a moment, she unlatched from her mom’s leg and went to Noru. She took the doll from his hand, used her tiny fingers to straighten its backward head, and slipped on the dress. Holding Noru’s gaze, she set it back in his hand.
He studied the doll closely.
“You fixed her,” he said, looking up at the girl. “Now, how do I care for her?”
The girl started explaining about being gentle with the head in a childish voice. I glanced up at Abi. She was watching the pair, her expression slightly sad but not worried or filled with revulsion. None of the other women looked concerned, either. Proof that not all the humans here hated the fey and more motivation to finish what I’d started. Especially after the recent display of contention.
“Were you serious about sending away the supplies?” I asked Matt.
He lifted his gaze from the fey and child, meeting mine steadily.
“Absolutely.”
Bram overheard Matt.
“If you’re going to start pulling that shit, I’m done. I’m not going to risk my ass for food so you can get rid of it to pacify a few assholes.”
“You would have kept your share. It’s the community share I would have sent away. I won’t ever bite the hand that feeds us. That includes the brave few like you,” he said, looking at Bram and me, “and the fey.”
“Good,” Bram said, pacified.
“What set the crowd off?” I asked, needing Matt to spell it out.
“The fey recognized that some people aren’t eating enough. To help, they offered to set up a soup kitchen of sorts. Anyone who wants to eat is welcome.”
“That doesn’t explain why some of the people were angry.”
“The fey cook and serve the food,” Abi said softly. “Some people don’t like that. They would rather have the fey leave the food for Matt to split between the houses.”
“This isn’t my show. It’s Emily’s,” Matt said. “Her terms were clear. Only the fey work in the kitchen. No takeout. No food left behind.”
“So Emily found a new way to push her fey agenda,” Bram said without malice. “Only this time she’s dangling a carrot people can’t ignore.” The man shook his head and looked at Matt. “Good luck with that.”
He walked away to help unload the supplies and grab his share.
“Thank you for agreeing to this, Matt,” one of the other women said. “We know it’s not going to be easy on you, but it’s making more of a difference than you know.”
“Danielle’s right,” Abi said before looking at her kid. “Two meals a day isn’t enough for a growing child. It’s time to go, Greyly.”
The girl straightened the doll’s arm and handed the doll back to Noru.
“Will you teach me more tomorrow?” Noru asked Greyly.
The girl nodded and returned to her mom’s leg. Abi looked Noru in the eye, said thank you, and hurried away with her group. Noru slowly stood, his gaze tracking the woman and little girl. Abi probably didn’t know it yet, but she and her child had just been fey-sighted and marked.
Shaking my head, I turned away from Matt and Noru. Tor waited by the wall, watching me as closely as Noru had watched his woman. Instead of going to Tor, I went to Ashkii and asked for a ride home. Tor didn’t say anything. He understood what I was doing. Tomorrow, I’d ask a different member of our group to carry me.
As soon as we were inside Tolerance’s walls, Ashkii left me with Tor.
“That looked a lot more hostile than I’d anticipated,” I said as he walked with me. “Do you think the fey who were serving are all right?”
Tor’s laughter rumbled from him.
“They are fine, June. They spent the day watching pretty women. I saw seven women today, by the way. One met my gaze and smiled at me. How many more women do I need to see for
you to believe I only want you?”
I glanced at him and shook my head.
“You’re impossibly cute sometimes.”
“I’d rather be impossibly handsome. Should I take my shirt off?”
A laugh escaped me, and I quickly shook my head.
“No. Leave it on at least until we get into the house. I don’t care how well you’re able to deal with the cold. Seeing you shirtless now would make me cold.”
He grunted and continued walking with me.
“I’m worried,” I said, growing serious. “If they’re this angry about the soup kitchen, they’re going to be even angrier about the next part of our plan.”
“I agree. But I will keep you safe, June.”
“I meant I was worried about you.” I stopped walking and faced Tor. “They beat the last man I cared about so badly that he broke up with me and went to die.”
“Those humans cannot hurt me.” Tor gently ran his fingers along my jawline. “There is only one human who can hurt me. But, I trust her with my heart and my life. She is the smartest, bravest, most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”
He winked playfully at me and dropped his hands to his side.
“If I am ever hurt, I will do as Uan has done. I will try to heal on my own and only return to the caves if I have no other choice. But I wouldn’t break up with my female. I will ask my brothers to watch over her until I return.
“I will always come back to you, June.”
I itched to step into his arms. To grab onto all that he offered with both hands. I thought I’d been giving myself time to heal, but I didn’t think that was the case anymore. I was holding onto my heart, trying desperately not to let Tor steal it. But it was far too late for that.
“You say the best things sometimes,” I said softly.
He grunted and fell into step with me.
My pulse was hammering when we walked into the house. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I knew I wanted to do something.
“What would you do if I kissed you right now?” I asked, hanging up my jacket.
“Hold still and hope you don’t stop.”
I grinned at him and waved at the couch. “Take a seat.”
He had his boots off and was sitting where I’d indicated before I could blink. His enthusiasm did little to calm my racing heart.